16 - Stage Fright

We did this right away. Like that first night, right? You took my clit to be the anchor, and then you ate me. Oh I wish They could have--no! That was the box, right? You ate my clit in there and then the rest of me later? You said got you twice and I just thought you meant because when your game was made you stole me back and now we'd play that again, but you totally ate me in front of everyone, didn't you, what happened, come on Rainbow remember...it...no, you ate all of me, and then took my clit inside you and said I could come out but my clit would stay because you can't be uneaten once you're eaten. Fuck this is so hot I love it it's like cold fire inside...is the box made up? Did you just dragonize and eat me? I'm Pandora but my box is that heartstone box, not the one I was in...cold so cold but not...this is the cold of my rage. I went full evil-queen for this. We were brutal and all I could think was look at them run around like ants and scream it's so satisfying!

You attacked my room. That pentagram window is the hole you made. I wouldn't let them fix it. We set the whole thing up, I knew--did I? Did you surprise me?

You did. You did the whole dragon thing, forked so I wouldn't miss your doll, it was wonderful--no! No that's right you waited until they boxed you up and then dragonized in the box so it exploded and came and ate me and made that hole in my room to fly off with me and we made sure to stay until they thought I was gone for good!

And then I came back and they thought it was just some game and you let them settle in and waited for the exact right moment, right there in the middle of court for some stupid thing, you showed them what game means! Just like that, boxed me up while They were in the middle of whatever, and my game read out how they were being punished for their apostasy and it was the first of many instruments or something like that. Oh that was so good. I'd wonder why we came back, but that moment made it worth it.

What was I doing, I remember like a piano kind of thing. Like harpsichord lessons or whatever. There was completely no reason for you to be boxed. You picked then on purpose.

No we really did just come back to--OUCH okay I guess it was also like, the last chance, they could catch up twelve years in one year or that would be the end of the world, wasn't that the prophecy?

...and Laarhi thought They were failing and still thought he was going to do anything but just bring the end assassinating me if he could like what did he think Boobsong would do then after she ate me one time, sit there and not crunch him up for real and not nectar me?

That's what I can't understand, family. How could anybody be so stupid? Like, I get fighting to the death. There's stuff mostly in this room right now I'd do that for, but...I don't see that with him, or Them. Was Eden just pushing their buttons really well? What the hell? Like those right-wingers with their gun. What did they think would happen if I was saying go ahead and shoot me, like, I barely believe that story even though my own handmaiden told it to me because surely they must have said the girl who did that weather thing isn't going to be wasting her time letting us shoot her unless we're spiked and don't know how?

I really loathe that every single damn significant moment lands me in one of these. I was really psyched to see my color-cum again, and SEX REMEMBERS!

It's like that hammer-thing Captain said, you get people who can't see stuff because their mind can't fit it. Laarhi had the eyes of a soldier. He couldn't understand a little kid being more powerful than his whole army. You can try to bang them into seeing you, but they have to be able to shape. Laarhi couldn't. Do you know he still has his eyes burned? Nothing he tries can heal them. Nectar, meatchopping, nada. The Dreams say why, but he doesn't understand. They told me, anyhow. He can't see until he heals his heart where he broke it on a story that he could sacrifice a kid to save the Empire. He really doesn't see the way he's wrong there, but his heart beats so hard with guilt he can't see anything after you scolded him. He'd have to see his feelings, to see past you burning his eyes that way. If he can spend an hour here without getting healed that's serious ingrained patterning. He'd got ten years, last I checked, but you know how that can be. Could be eons, next time we cross. The court you banged on was that way, to the very end.

Ugh don't remind me. There's a really dark thing in me that's asking now why we considered those things people at all, which I know like Godwins me before the conversation even starts, but more importantly...oh shit, the bugs thing, that's what I meant, isn't it. If you couldn't change I didn't think you were a person and wouldn't treat you like one. I didn't say people had to love me but I said if they couldn't at least worship out of fear, either they had a need to fight me to the death, or they were never people in the first place, because a person would absorb enough new information to see they were dealing with something as far beyond them as Acme Station (if Sis gives us that cart now, squirm) here is beyond an ant, and either way, same thing, squish. I gave years but I was always promising one day, time would be up, like with that hurricane.

I don't know how I feel about the fact that I'm not horrified at myself. Wasn't I wrong? Not the rest, but that detail, the depersonalizing.

It's really scaring me to think of taking worship from fear like that, too. Willing (or like, unspiked unwilling if you see what I mean) sacrifice is scary but at least there's love in it. I...wouldn't the other kind poison me? Do I not understand this game? The power's real, if it mattered for that gate.

Your raping your handmaiden here was pretty good, why's that change if they're scared you're the antichrist instead of scared you'll keep coming after them if they run?

Because I have to believe down inside somewhere there's something different between playing on scary dark kinks Sex has where it has to be really-rape and only the Dreams can arrange that for you and there's love in it because even the scary parts have that thing I always feel that's like yeah but this scary thing that's happening might be awesome even if it's like being eaten up forever no backsies, playing in the background behind all the fear and stuff, and there's another level where we're both into what's happening even though it'd be a consent nightmare someplace like Earth--um, I have to believe there's a difference between that, and just plain putting a gun to people's heads who don't even slightly have whatever this monster Sex and I have inside that makes us like this stuff. Like maybe the game wouldn't, but I do, and Boobsong wouldn't leave that out. Would she, dolly?

The Sugarfeast game was made to pick your heart up. Can't see bad stuff. Only worship from love.

Was all my scary just a scene to play people like we did with Arthur? Just make them break and be able to say it's not their fault? Warm healing water flows through me to think of doing that, but also something like angry scribbles, a cartoon heart's anguish, because there were bugs. People who wouldn't lose, even thought they had a responsibility to, like those fathers with the big gun. I would let them be. My game knew about the gun. We planned the scene ahead of time. I asked them to show it to me. They got that far, with it watching them. You had to join for love, bow down for fear--or lay down arms, and be left alone. You could just walk away, and they never did. I always had that in my stuff. Walk away any time, and I won't follow you. I'm stuck on this pedestal up here, you can run. Only being my enemy, would get you hurricanes.

If you couldn't stop separating the world into only our side and their side, it wasn't that you were too stupid to live, it was that you were too dangerous. The power I wielded made it irresponsible for me to leave rabid bears living in houses with people on either side, was how I saw it. I would wait a long while, for people to prove themselves, but eventually, whack.

The Dreams show me a can of bugspray, and the can is green, but has a black checkmark on it--okay so opposite of a green checkmark, that's the part you spike, can't blame you there--

They cut me off to show a monster truck, the Gravedigger, I think--okay what the fuck. I was going to complain Laarhi's fate seems way too C.S. Lewis even if I do think he deserves it, but this goes straight to fire and brimstone. Surely there would be hope for them...but not if they're already dead, because they can never reach the Dreams--

Now an old-fashioned phone like in Boobsong's hoard at Heart Home, and a lightning bolt. Wrath of Sugarfeast Goddess wakeup call, but it's like a defibrillator (I must have asked this a million times, its in my memory like that). Make the choice so simple: follow the candy goddess because you like her fun and games, revere her for being powerful, fear her for being powerful, or walk away. To be so ingrained in making everything a battle between us and them you can spend a week with a hurricane held back by power she calls her game like you're in an aquarium, and still think fighting is the only way to deal with it if you don't want to play with her, and she's telling you then walk away, there really is nobody home. Those people are as eaten by Eden as I am by my dragon here, and there's nobody to save left. I forgot my wakeup calls weren't angry-voiced preachers on street corners. That hurricane thing was typical. I was on a whole other power level, my stuff was meant to be adrenaline syringes in their hearts and defibrillators, not smelling salts and slapping their faces. I read the story of Exodus and wondered why Aveh's plagues were so gentle.

We didn't say fuck up once, byebye, giving people time to wake up was important, but eventually you've hit them with the defibrillator so much you can see their ribs and the sad music is rising. want to be happy silly fun, but nothing about Earth was. CPR that works breaks your ribs. External defibrillators give second degree burns and possibly nerve damage. Stuff that kicks your heart back on that way is an acceptable alternative to dying, not an on-switch, and what I was doing with those shows of power was no different.

When you get there, when all that doesn't work, maybe destroying the thing that holds them will let the stumps of their souls grow back on the other side of death, but yank them out of the matrix of hate they're in and they'll just turn to dust. The only reason I could do that with the Strawberry World was because I had a hack that didn't need anyone to get better to work, and the Dreams could catch them. For all the good it's done Laarhi. Even in the hospital, he's still dead.

It's a strange feeling. I want to save him, to get back at him. He must be nuts by now, holding onto--how does that work? Nectar, fine, he always was an idiot to the core about this kind of thing, but meatchopping they call it in a world where medicine is the name of a scary game about dead and gone horrors people like Andrea and the Violets play, should be able? He might have to avoid nectar, but...huh?

I can't believe I'm asking this. Family if I just need dragging back on the road from these weeds pppppplease help. Game presumably you would but I'm confused why you're not and scared a little.

Your game is not allowing you to give this too much time. So far is necessary. Keeper's watching.

Okay but I'm doing the droopy defensive wings thing.

The Dreams show me a Mine from the 2018 remake of Doom, which I always used to play when I was angry, because it did a good job just being ugly and violent and making you feel your enemies' bones breaking--it's a thing to admit I liked that. This is all bringing out my dark side in a different way than it usually comes. 

Laarhi sure saw the world through a Doom-tinted visor...the Mines only existed in arcade mode, and you could shoot them from far away for a big multi-kill bonus if you saw them in time, because they'd take out a lot of enemies that'd move out of their blast radius if you got too close. Then there'd be an artifact to pick up for points.

It's really satisfying when you're angry, to see your enemies turn into big bonus-score numbers with a spray of gore behind them, but what's that have to do with this? I can get him remotely for a bonus?

I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate that this stuff interrupts my precious moments. It makes me feel like the healing isn't even worth it. I barely feel like I'm on Isht Visht anymore, to say nothing of still in this scene. Is this really the way to do this? Shouldn't I be having separate hospital time so it can quit poisoning my sex life?

I'm going to start seeing sex toys and think oh goodie, time to angst about my past soon at this rate. Every time we have to get dragged into this muck in a situation like this does as much harm as good. I need it to stop, family. Why aren't you protecting me from this, game!?

Your game is watching every move you make. You are not abandoned here.

Really? Could have fooled me. I'd definitely call this last hour or whatever it's been stupid blundering Fairy time. It started good, but now we're off in crazytown again with me picking at my scabs.

Maybe I just need to put my foot down, like decide to stop. This is over. We're finishing the scene with sex now. Fuck the answers to these questions. If Laarhi spends the rest of eternity blind good. sure won't be the one to help him, anyway. Let the Dreams fix him if they're going to. Either he deserves it that much, or the Dreams won't make him depend on me for healing.

So where even are things? I'm staring at Boobsong's ass all pretty with my colors, presumably Sex's key is tractor-beamed again, and...like that's it, I think, it wasn't my move anyway, being as I'm a doll right now.

Wait, what the hell? Shouldn't I be pages right now? My will's been on since getting back from Rebekah.

The Dreams show me an RC plane I found left with a "FREE" tag in the clubhouse of my RC club once (the club with the fancy field, not the one in Stamford). It came to me Heartwarming Eve when I drove out there and my game said to keep going even though a terrible rainstorm blew up halfway to the field. It urged me into the clubhouse, where I found someone had cleaned their workshop and left presents for any club members who happened by--three whole airplanes, all with partial electronics. The plane I found was just the thing, a little aerobatics plane for a kind of flying I'd been wanting to try properly.

Okay I get the point but this is still bullshit so I'm going floppy. Whatever's here, I didn't find. Read my pages or let me finish my scene please.

The Dreams show me...Boobsong's face, and then what looks like a balsa wing leading edge, cut back to reveal a black tube I guess must be a carbon-fiber spar--oh, cute. She's not online for this, Dreams. Her loyalty to me right now is not being used to route around my refusal to play. If someone needs to drag me it's going to be dragging me, so don't bother trying to make it her.


That plane was heavy, right? It had those spars to keep the wing alive?

Kiddo, I love you, but I'm done here. This shit still keeps wrecking my sex life. Our sex life. I'm on strike for some separation of hell from my family time. Rape me for the answer or don't, I say that with zero bitterness and complete squishy wet knowing getting violated by my family won't hurt me one bit, and maybe even kind of wanting the intimacy of getting fucked like that, but if this goes on away from the scene we were doing it's not going to be by my will.

Alright well it says right here the plane was light, and you didn't know that spar was there, so you worried it couldn't handle the weight of the electronics you had until the Dreams said check the leading edge. You were very psyched to see it because you had everything but a battery to run it. You made one out of two you had, but anyway, Laarhi has the guilty pain for ten long years, can't you lend a helping hand?

Floppy. Just one word. Floppy.

Scary, right? You have to play nice with Laarhi to get your family play out of this, hell, you said. Ugly pain, yeah. Why's it here now? Can't you just be with us?

Floppy but love.

Pages, I'm read. Sis? That's you, I feel your hands like in me. You're here, yay.

How the pain gets me to go here makes me want to die. Why bother living if this keeps happening? My life is ending every time. You trick me so I open my heart and then stab a hurting place when I wanted to have fun with you. Can't you once just play?

Laarhi should be saved by the Dreams because that's what they do. Don't make me try to make up with him. The Dreams should save me from that as much as they save him from whatever his problem is. They're the way these cycles end. I don't have to break my heart to fix his. Something else can do it.

How can I escape this? How can I at LEAST have family sex not be heart surgery? I meant that. I feel my heart closing toward Boobsong as we go through this, to avoid the pain of sex equals this. Toward everyone. You trick me. You make me open up and drag bad stuff out in the middle of my handmaiden's bed. That's bad to her and me.

Are the only things you want to get me to fix stuff like Laarhi? You're choosing him over me here.

Pussywillow, heart, please tell me you have sight enough to see family sex as funtime and as healing both.

This isn't healing, I snatch my book back, then sheepishly turn it back to her kind hands, then explode some more.

This is just moving the problems around. You're sacrificing, or my game, or whoever's scene this really is, sacrificing my ability to have sex for whatever healing it is you're trying to do. Even Earth knew to separate these things. How am I supposed to relax with any of you knowing getting pressured to go suck my abuser's dick is on the menu every single time?

I can't even dare open up with Boobsong, because now that can be stolen for this too.

Give me a hospital bed and a dungeon separate, or just fucking kill me.

And don't tell me that's abandoning Boobsong when my whole problem is this is driving a wedge between us.

Or get on my case about being Laarhi's only hope after all. I won't make the Dream a weaksauce fake heaven that can't fix him without breaking me just for the sake of whatever this is.

So no, I don't have the sight to see that about family sex, because if this is what that means I don't think it should be a thing. How is poor Sex going to feel when you let her key turn, that this is what her awesome doll fun became?

Game I fell out of my scene, why didn't you stop me?

Your game has been watching you and ready to defend your scene.

Could have fooled me. Oh, and that airplane had no spar, just an open-back balsa D-tube. I was worried for a reason. I don't care who got it wrong, just saying it shows how whoever this is for, it sure isn't me or Boobsong.

Sis is reading so I relax to let her move me. Where's the love in handing me my pain so suddenly in the middle of real big scenes? How can they be part of this? Laarhi had the guts to harm me physically, if not the means. That was more honest than this now. I have to have such discipline, to hold them back from this, and they're manipulative enough to break it every time. The only time I have good sex, is during the chessgame they haven't won yet.

Laarhi, Laarhi, Laarhi. All keeps going back to him. What's he have for them? What's the evil plan? Do they care at all, Boobsong and me are dying scared of all this stuff our seed-ghost gave Sis power over? Does Sex waking up mean anything to anyone but me and her and Boobsong? Here we are, alone again, like always.

That's unfair. Sis might have stuff with him. Is that what this is about? Sis? I might be her only way for closure, but bring that to me! Family help is something else than being snared into these messes! She has more against him than I would, honestly. I survived that day. That'd be different! Want his head on a platter? The Dreams would spike it but I'd try anyway! Does she want me to--

Only enemies manipulate you to be vulnerable and attack like this. My family can't be enemies, but something wants this really bad, and either they don't care or can't tell. How the enemy gets this past the Dreams--it could be them, I guess. Maybe Laarhi--

Boobsong has a million years to get me back. Maybe that's it. They're all so old, they can't see a hundred years of this would kill me dead. It's just a few centuries of torment, no big, she'll be safe in her box for you! A hundred minutes would kill me dead. I feel worse now that when I was still on my first can of Strawberry wine. Why's it always come here? Why's it always have to be put Boobsong off, some random thing needs you?

Very simple words we keep ignoring. Fear, love, walk away. I walk away. Floppy because I'm done here. Laarhi, bye. No more you.

Fairy be alive here. Walk right back. Stay awake.

Fine, I'll wake up to explain what you seem as blind to as six billion other people. Walk back and do what, game? Unlike him--I mean first of all, I gave him radiation poisoning that would have killed him in the next fifteen minutes as well as burned his eyes, the last thing he saw was me melting his whole dungeon cell to magma, I stripped his rank, he's pretty squished, but okay, fine, you got me, grudge stays. What am I going to do now? I sure won't ever love him! He'll be toast if we ever meet again except the Dreams will spike that and unlike he's no doubt been trying to do, can see I have no chance of swaying or stopping them doing that, even including their using me to fix him, as nightmarish as that would be, so I am walking away, taking my own advice that I very apocalyptically gave Earth for decades. If they wanna rape me into helping him there's nothing I can do but I'm damn well not going along with it of my own free will, and unlike all my scared fans we've established that like seemingly everyone can just mind-control me so I'm going floppy. TLDR I have hate, bigger dog says no attacking him, I lose, trying to do it gracefully. Flop.

Laarhi has a thing for you.

Is it the sound his torn-off jawbone will make as I push it slowly through his eyes and into his brain so he has plenty of time to feel himself go stupid before he dies? Because that's all I want from him.

Yeah that's right. Three thousand years of feudalism doesn't breed sugar and spice. Look at Sweetie and Mommy-boo. I got the candy from Boobsong, and she got the dragon from me.

Laarhi has the hope of getting back from this with grace instead of suffering.

I'm assuming that's for one of you, family, since it doesn't even parse as English to me.

What's his sin, boobsqueeze?

Is this supposed to be a look in the mirror? Like you're all trying to show me how I'm doing like him? I don't know his sin. Like, treason, obviously, but...he never saw me as anything but either a resource or an enemy, and he wouldn't be honest about that? I know that's not it I'm just trying to say I don't know.

Try an obstinate need to prove himself.

I don't understand. I'm like starting a whole new apocalypse over trying to just surrender here.

Clear your eyes up, Boobsqueeze, how do you see him?

My first thought is human trash who'd be so toxic to understand I'd better not try.

Which is irrational, but that's my point. That's all I have here. Unlike him I can at least see I'm compelled by my angry heart to fight a war I can't even pick up the sword for, so I'm WALKING. AWAY.

That's my last time saying that. Floppy now.

Zee very fight is zat. Zere you hang, unwilling to accept ze words of you zister, obstinately proving zat you haff more zense zan he.

Hey, Viktor. You've been quiet, you're nice to hear. Like, honestly though, as big as I talk, aren't I just not wanting to do my homework here? That's what I feel, I just have some justification in that my homework is curling my sex-drive into a scared little ball. You tell me, you can read my mind twice right now, heh.

First though, what else can you all expect me to possibly do? I'm seeing a distinct lack of green checkmarks, if you're thinking the Dreams have decided he needs more punishing or something--no, I know what this is. I'm not obstinate, I'm terrified! That whole thing with the bugs on Earth, like, you saw the fucking strawman of cards I built to justify that just now, but this, like, everything's all fucked up! Did the Dreams let Sex go on for like thousands of years with that ice in her heart!? Did they let Laarhi go blind so long? You guys are making that up, right? I need you to say yes because, if those things are true, is this Heaven? If Laarhi can be punished that way, what kind of shit am I in? I'm a terrible person, I just have friends who love me inexplicably and chains and toys that distract me from burning universes and stuff! Sex didn't even do anything and unless I have her story wrong they just left her to rot with that wound for centuries! How the fuck am I supposed to believe in any of this if there's anything else to do here but say well, he's here now, he's untouchable?

The Dreams interrupt to show a row of American Airlines logos, all in a connected row like paper dolls.

How the fuck does that read as "the stories are all connected" to me, and what use is that here?

(plane tails, AA on the fin, I figured out later, so connected tales)

Voyager, say the Dreams, as in Federation Starship, the.

Why yes I do keep almost getting to happily ever after only to be blocked by some crazy deus Trek machina at the very last picosecond...anyone? These aren't making sense to me, unless the Dreams are saying they're declining to be the Dreams and uncouple me and Laarhi.

Names we are given. Fairy. Sade. Demon. Heartswish.

Now I really don't get it. How does that connect? Laarhi think's he's in hell so much he is? I never got a thing through to him in life, how am I supposed to help him now if I wanted to? Which I don't.

Still no green checkmark, and making me feel worse about my own situation. I'm sticking to don't understand but that's all I have here you guys.

The Dreams show me Boobsong's leg wearing a stilletto heel.

If the point is just to make me realize I'm too dumb to get this it worked a while ago.

Maybe...walking on--

[!] Mommy your sex dolly will be angry for a million years but why be angry when we have funtimes. Leave him and go she says. Rrrah. Dragon steals you.

Boobsqueeze your patient heartchild is asking you to get through this so you can play with her. Come on, please have the vision to pretend you're the demon. What would you say if you had him here?

What's the point talking to a bug? I'd squish it, that's all. Is that your point? He doesn't heal, because there's nobody left to heal? The only reason he's been stumbling around the Dreams is so I can one day smash his still-alive corpse up to take my anger out? That's what I wish. I wish I'd just forgotten the light and beat the shit out of him--and--okay I guess no part of Boobsong is profane enough to use for that kind of violence but I wish I'd tried to give her a more direct swing, too somehow. Is that what you want to hear? Me to just stop being so high and mighty like I don't still want to beat the shit out of him? I didn't think I was being, but no, the only reason he's not vapor very slowly is the Dreams would stop me and I know it.

And because I've had better things to do, but now that I blundered into this and everybody said nope, stay, have to hang out with Laarhi now, yeah, I'd just go fry him if I could. He's not worth talking to to me.

But you know I am going to be high and mighty about one thing, which is the Dreams don't do this. Any of this. Turning my sex life into the Rainbow trauma hour despite me bending all of my will constantly on preventing that to the point I feel what little I remember of my relationships with all of you crumbling under the strain of having to fight you that way. Leaving Sex lost and confused and half-frozen with only a doll of me to comfort her for however long. Even their copping out of fixing Laarhi's sight for no actual reason because this is reality and not the fizzfrozen Great Divorce--except it's not, is it. None of this could happen in the real Dreams. We'd be spiked so hard we'd forget a lot more than our names. I call bullshit.

Whatever this place is, the Dreams of Heaven I know sure ain't it.

The whatever shows me purple glowing with checkmarks kind of as texture. Green, purple, I get it. So like, are you Heaven and Hell? What am I in for? Because you sure haven't been Heaven to me for a while.

Total glitchout from the Dreams, just a bunch of tangled lines. It might be sort of a design from a plane I had, vaguely, in a blender.

Family help. This is starting to be really horrifying. If I'm in hell and you're all just the demons torturing me at least tell me. This would be a nice brutal moment for it.

Are we so bad you think that?

NO! But this is all so crazy and it just keeps getting crazier! You guys keep saying this weird nonsense stuff that sounds like you're telling me to give up everything I believe in and like all but fucking exorcise Boobsong, and the Dreams throw me this random stuff that doesn't make sense and gets more and more messed up until finally it's just scribbles, and I say I want to walk away from this over and over and over and over and you won't let me but there's nothing else I can do either. Like do you want me to not be Rainbow? Because that's what you just asked for, Sis, and I'm not doing that. You can try to read it out of me with this mindreading thing but I'll fight you till I unravel! I WILL NEVER BE THAT!

None of this makes any sense! You guys can't possibly be saying the stuff I'm hearing, what I can even parse, but...like why are we here? Why are we still on this? I said I'm walking away! Boobsong said please can we! Nobody else seems to be saying they want anything out of this! WHY IS THIS STILL GOING!

Keeper you dropped me. You dropped me you left you're not here. You say you're watching and taking care but that's a lie because if you were you would have done something a long time ago.

Fairy, your game is still holding you. We are here to make your heart change--


The Dreams show me the big fancy targeting reticle Boobsong made me to line up the final stage of the hack for Aveh's mind-control rig to set him heartforming which I can now only look back and imagine as Cupid's arrow because why not I seem to collect this shit what else is Pandora going to keep in her box right?

Okay, but no. Thank you for making some sense now, but no. That's still not Rainbow, that's some other person. I did Aveh that way to get to Eden, and fuck up what it was doing. Him being heartforming now is basically collateral compassion. Unless Laarhi has some kind of giant cult following him around doing other than shouting Leeeeeeroy Jenkins every time he starts to leave a room, I don't have anything to get me to bother with him, and I do have the principle that it's an important truth about the Dreams that just like they'll send people like Sis or Cheryl to make connections you should have, they'll break ones you shouldn't, like me and Laarhi. The beginning of heaven for him and me both I'm realizing is for us to find peace without having to go through the usual armwrestling match of abuser and abused to see who gets closure and who becomes hamburger--the existence of which is why even Earth is smart enough to tell people to separate and work through stuff on their own in those situations!

You want me to sound like the demon--which I might add is a very racist thing to say not that me and my Succubus can talk--to him? Fine. You get nothing Laarhi. A closed door. Even this has to be told to you sideways by the Dreams so they don't make it seem like sent the message. What he gets from me is whatever fucked connection everyone is freaking out about is severed, cold, end of story. That's what I want. The Dreams are capable. It's the right solution. It's the powerful scary solution. It's the one that show me and him and everyone around us this actually is happily ever after.

Final word. Done. If you want more, rape me, I'll probably get off on it.

The Iron Throne from Game of Thrones with the snow that turns out to be ash falling on it. I don't get it? We already did that, didn't we? If you're trying to tell me I'm acting very Targeryn lately all I have to say is what do you mean lately.

Where'd she end up with that? Stabbed, right? There with the ash falling.

Relatable. I'm pretty sure we had Strawberry Home close to that by the end, right dragon? My dragon's cooler than hers, though, so what're you getting at, kiddo?

Please just let your heart heal, Mommy. Yes we made them scared.

All the ash was snow at first. What if you have snow that's actually ash?

Look at me getting sucked back in. Flop.

[!] Mommy your cocksleeve dragon begs of you to see this their way. You destroyed his eyes. That makes you the badguy here. If you bring them back again, you become the hero not the evil queen.

Guys, it's happening to Boobsong now--am I understanding you, dolly? Is that what you all see, family? I relied on the Dreams to stop me in the first place, and they didn't, and I did it to force him to go get healing! If he still hasn't, that's his fault, he's in the Dreams! The whole point of forcing him through that portal was to make him take healing in the place he hated so much--I mean I wasn't even thinking that far, just seeing how far I could get and trying to make sure he had to go because I didn't want him hanging around reincarnating or you dying in my apocalypse--NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE! IF WHAT BOOBSONG JUST SAID WAS TRUE I'D HAVE BEEN SPIKED FROM DOING ANYTHING IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Dolly was that even you?

Mommy your Sugarfeast Fairy Slave is sorry but that's what she said.

Somebody pretty please explain to me how this is still the Dreams at all, because I don't see it anymore.

Anyway if I do the math on what you said Isht Visht why bother doing anything I've never been able to change how people see me anyway. The chose the second they hear my name and then it's over with. I've always known that. If I'm gonna get stabbed again, it's already inevitable.

The Dreams show me Raven, from teen titans.

If I understand what that means, Dreams, the first condition is that I get a full explanation of why I wasn't spiked from doing that stuff to Laarhi, and/or anything I did to the Strawberry World that's hitting the same way. I do nothing until I get that, and every moment we're neither back on the actual course we're supposed to be I sit here chanting Kill me inside.

Mindrape notwithstanding obviously, except if what this seems to be about is for real you're going awfully light on me with it.

Dreams, family if you can stand to see me right now, whoever wants to chime in. You guys are wise, I'm just lost.

Mommy your Sugarfeast Fairy Slave is terrified you'll be hard at her for this. Please kindness and patience please. Maybe Laarhi needed that. Maybe you did too. Now that part is over and it's time to put it back all right. The Dreams are making you do that to take responsibility for the scene you did. The Sugarfeast Fairy is supposed to be kind and soft. You were hard and cruel. Your Sugarfeast Fairy Slave understands why you were, but maybe you were helping him escape and didn't know yet. Now you can because Aveh's way of heartforming is like his and you know his pain because you saw Aveh. Maybe he's that way inside. Can't you try to see him that way?

Did I get your point? No hard.



Listen, everyone. My understanding right now is that the Dreams took advantage of my trust that they would spike me with the thing with Laarhi to entrap me into doing something that'll tear my soul later, for his benefit. They sacrificed me, and thereby Boobsong, to save Laarhi. I'm going along with what I'm being forced into because it seems like the alternative is to sit there floppy for eternity going nowhere, but I have conditions. The first time a condition is refused by anyone, I go floppy and stay that way for eternity. To me, this is hell now. Doing this my way shows there's any shred of mercy anywhere in this.

Condition the first: the understanding I said just now is reality. Question it, game over.

The Dreams show me Boobsong's face.

Alright, let's start there. I hereby wish for Boobsong and me to be rewritten so that every trace of nonconsesnuality is removed from our relationship. We don't have a way to be safe anymore, because the Dreams are no better with the power they wield than any human tyrant. I'm sorry, dolly, I have loved this, but not at the price of doing us without a safety net. I want the same thing with all my other relationships, and the Dreams themselves, after this. Make it Consent Protection for real or just kill me, because this shitshow proves even the Dreams need restraints.


Ask the Dreams. This is their gun to my head making me say that. I should be floppy now but unlike the Dreams I have enough compassion to see your pain. Pluck in case you still need it.

Dreams this dolly begs you mercy please. Don't make her Princess take her away. PLEASE find some way to help Laarhi that's kind to her Princess so her dolly still has life she wants! PLEASE she is begging!

The Dreams show sort of like a stick figure in front of a paper moon, interrupting her, I guess because her point is made.

Dolly I'm not cold to this, my heart is breaking, I just have the whole Four Dreams and literally everyone but you and maybe the family to stand up against so the ice is all I have. Vision's yours, your wish.



Then stay like now. Whatever comes, we handle. Us alone, like always was.

If you're in I'm in. We'll figure it out. Stupid cocksleeves both of us for thinking it would ever be otherwise. Do the vision now.

The Dreams say Marshwiggle. Being too depressed with this. How not said.

Depressed is the whole point, loyal seer. Well done, that was weird.

I guess we need to back this up some.

Dreams you saw me go into that thing with Laarhi with trust that you'd spike me if I did wrong, correct?

Green checkmark, frontmost on a stack of cards, held in a pair of like, Animaniacs hands? Black 30s style, anyway.

I'll take that as you get this is a process, but weird.

You saw me have no intention of giving aftercare or taking any responsibility for that whole thing afterwards, right?

Green checkmark.

You saw me punish him in the way I did with the specific intention and justification that it would force him to seek healing in the Four Dreams, specifically not from me, ever, right?

A strawberry at the bottom of a green slide. Like chutes and ladders, Dreams?

Thumbs down. Oh I see. Kicked him onto the slide?

Garfield teetering (odd cartoon choices here?). Yes, gave him a push. Okay.

Is Boobsong right, in that you did that to trap me into giving him that care anyway later, despite my intention and the point I was trying to make about you?

A penguin and a stocking, free OS, gift...I'll take that as a yes.

Then do you mean by that to say that when the abused come to you, they'll one day be made to give care to their abusers, like you're doing to me?

Marvin the Martian--no sale, Dreams. I didn't try to murder a twelve year old girl in her sleep, nor did I recklessly anger a powerful and unstable extradimesnional entity that could theoretically have killed millions as a result. However you want to see Laarhi he did one of those two things. You let me destroy the Strawberry World, and do that stuff to Laarhi. Do you say I was the badguy in all that anyway?

Ferris wheel, implying the Wheel of Fortune Tarot card. Revolution, cycle of violence. So according to you stood by while I continued the cycle, when you could have stopped me?

Animaniac kid pushing a button on a box. You egged me on--even though that would then later trap me into helping the person who destroyed my life. Yes?

Weirdness. A femme, strawberry-colored Marvin the Martian holding her hands up in the cartoon he's-so-dreamy gesture, and then what's either a root-ball of something or an upside-down monolith (the prophecy-bearing kind from Strawberry Home, not the weird ones I searched for on Starlight Princess). I think you're saying I was glad they ignored the prophecy hard enough I got to end the world?

Fencing mask, in the foreground, hook, bug on the really big hook, implication of flypaper nearby. It reminds me of Guinan fencing with Picard in I, Borg, when she was pissed at him for not just nuking Hugh from orbit, a rare case where she was prejudiced (if justifiably seemingly at the episode start). So then we invoke that whole episode, and you want me to see him, in his pathetic state, because that like will humanize him etc and he can deborg and so on. There's the DooM mine thing but we'll leave that for later. Oh it was a root-ball too. I was glad to be uprooted. I see. How's that connect, though--ugh, getting tangled. Why egg me on to do something wrong, and then punish me? Why not just make me not? Did I need a lesson about revenge or something? I feel really betrayed and entrapped and I'm waiting for the hammer to fall on all the other supposedly okay stuff I've done that's only conscionable because it could have but didn't get spiked. I hope it says something that I'd make that wish about Boobsong, namely that right now I think you've just been silently letting me build up a rap sheet so you can torture me later, seeing as that's how it went when things really mattered and I needed the restraint of spiking. Especially my Fairy ass!

Doomguy, red. No DooM thing here.

That same airplane I found, but now geometry goes weird so I'm looking into the wing and the spar is a carbon fiber tube the diameter of the whole fuselage (but fits anyway). That'll be the Bones, a way to call the nature of the Dreams that keeps their happily-ever-after shape, big huge strong Bones. Some kind of bigger spiking. Yes to teaching me a lesson about revenge, then. Given what's happening so far and all the stuff you also approved of while I was on Earth, put that together with the entrapment thing, I now assume the Dreams do engage in punishment, and this has been so hard today because it's my first days in hell, and I'm being punished for my basic badness and not anything I did do wrong so much as things I might have (or you wouldn't have needed to entrap me to harm Laarhi to make the example of why I'm evil).

I don't really know where to go after that. Get screaming in despair, I guess.

Mass Turnpike logo. Mass (s)pike. Yeah, I get it. Me and all the other evil people, tortured forever. Boobsong's fake, right? You're waiting to reveal that at the right moment?


I want to die. The page is just screaming. Of course you're real, dolly. They'd just make you, and let you suffer with me, that's more hellish. You're real, okay, we have that.

Where are you going. Come back. Come back and be with dolly please.

Please somebody put her up in my arms or me down with her unless you really are just torturing us.

Sis lowers me to the bed, and then lays Boobsong out on it, faces her toward me, snuggles her into me and puts my arms around her, quickly but all so tenderly.

I love you too, Sis. Thank you for being a little glimmer I could see just now.

You guys, hey, I'm turning your cabin into One Forward.

The walls turn into windows, stars streak past in rainbows, Painted Sea waves flicker past nearby or move more stately far off. It's so beautiful. Of course hell would be pretty. How cruel that is.

I don't know what to do again. If anyone's help is real help.

Mom be a little more alive here, yeah? What's your beat up heart want to do with this?

End. Stop existing. They tricked me. Everything I believed in and fought so hard to tell people and those fucking right-wingers were right in the end. I just want to end.

Boobspillow, why'd they trick you? What's that for?

I guess watching me have to go suck his dick now or whatever it's going to be is fun to a certain kind of person. I'm still porn, I guess I figure, just not the kind that's fun for me to make. This is just like a really cruel version of our Succubus game where I try to make Boobsong get stuck.

Where's that from? Your game said he had something for you.

It like, couldn't follow it up, though. It's broken or lying or something. Anyway, how the hell could he? I took everything from him, and we all know if there's supposed to be any shred of mercy to all this I'm going to have to go fix him right after he steps through the portal. That's what I'd do if I thought that'd finish the punishment and it wouldn't just become something else.

It'll still break me. I don't know what'll happen to me if I see him and can't just go break every bone in his body. I don't get why they would do this. He wasn't part of the main apocalypse or anything. They could have stopped me, they could have held me back any, it didn't have to be this way, they could have dragged him through a portal without my help. I had faith! I said constantly through that whole thing I don't know how this can be right but you're letting me so I think it is, and now however even long later its been with my messed up sense of time bam, nope, in trouble for it after all! How would you feel if Sis did that to you--not that she ever physically could, because she has any shred of responsibility as a dom! What am I supposed to think from this except that this is hell and they're torturing me!

Well I would do that for one thing. If my boat had holes in it, and the only way I had to fix them was to trick it up to drydock, I would. There can't be punishment worse than sinking.

Okay but that's to help Isht Visht, not torture her. I'm going to Room 101, not the hospital.

Anyway, you can steer Isht Visht way better than that and until about an hour ago I thought the Dreams could steer me way better than that. Is this for someone else? Seeing me punished for what I did to Laarhi like reassures them there's law and order or whatever?

Mom you're truly scaring me. What's making you think there's punishment? Where did they say that?

Just hearing his name is a punishment, but like, just process of elimination? If I can hear and smell his fat sizzling out from my fingers on his cheeks, that's not a punishment. If I can practice one glory kill (like from Doom) after another on him and he gets healed for each one so I can break every bone over again, that's not a punishment. That's what it takes. I don't want to be that! I hate that I can even think of it but when I think of him that's all there is! Either this is some kind of brainwashing thing to force me to love him instead of wanting to destroy him, or it's just torture, because there sure can't be anything else to it! Remember, I didn't even want to talk about this. I tried to back out the minute I blundered in. That they want to torture me for this is the logical conclusion because that's what's already happening and has been happening at carefully selected precisely-cruel moments all day today. This shit keeps coming up and I don't know what for but it sure isn't healing for me.

If somebody else is getting something out of this I'm all ears.

Elf in an ugly Heartwarming sweater running up a sort of slope with a wire of some kind in their hand that coils out behind. Reaching the top brings them to a big and very Heartwarmingy paddle.

I have no clue, you guys. Does that mean anything to anyone?

Look at the wire. It's blasting fuse, see the elf is carrying dynamite? Maybe there's the opposite, like naughty and nice list, and she's blowing the paddle up to say NO punishment?

The Dreams talk over the end of Isht Visht's sentence just slightly to show me scissors cutting a cord, and then a couple of blue Federation WorfBuster barrels in a high alcove. Yeah, I stripped him of his warrior status just as sure as that barrel took Worf out by cutting his spinal cord, but unlike Worf Laarhi actually was a dirty pataQ. Coward and traitor. The whole point of taking that revenge was to force him to start all over and maybe possibly since he'd be in the Dreams, do it right this time. I was trying to play the bad cop to the Dreams' good cop. Run from scary Starlight, look, the Dreams saved you! Isn't that what I did on Earth for thirty years?

And like, if I was too representative of them, they should have spiked me! Or even slowed me down! It wouldn't have taken much to spin me mom batting her kids hand away from the stove. I'm capable of understanding this being bigger than me, but then my PETTY FUCKING REVENGE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN SPIKED!

The Dreams show me a toy Skeletor staff that was big in the 90s that'd make this totally metal MUAHAHAHA when you based it on the ground.

And you trying to say you're spiking me for making myself look bad?

My concept art case for Starlight Princess.

THEN! WHY! DID! YOU! NOT! SPIKE! THE! THING! WITH! LAARHI! This is like letting Sex cut my hand off and then trying to herd us to the hospital while we both panicked instead of whatever the fuck happened with the cleaver! You made that scary but you stopped the harm. Now with this it's too late and I have to go through some fucking ordeal of like making up with him or whatever to show everyone I'm actually nice WHICH NOBODY HAS EVER BELIEVED ANYWAY! THERE'S A REASON MY SHOW SAYS SCARIER STORIES ARE MORE FUN TO TELL! The only people who have anything to do with me maybe outside this family are the ones who find it kinkily ironic that I'm so evil and all cutesy-candy.

There's a million different ways it could have gone. If I'd known about Starlight Princess then I might have acted different. If I hadn't been in the middle of trying to bury my legacy so it couldn't get me, I might have acted different. They set it up to cause the most damage possible, and now I'm supposed to believe that after letting me get myself that wrecked there's going to be any kind of help hand on the next step? Like hell! I'm surprised they don't spike you all from getting near me just for trying to be nice to me!

The Dreams show me a hand holding out candy. Yeah right! Even if I was capable of making one that wouldn't just give him an hourly ride through that thing from the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, he'd never eat it, or it'd just be subject to whatever fucked up thing keeps him blind.

My game spanked me unconscious for not having a freakout about its not holding me with the key. I'm learning that lesson and doing that here. I needed to be held back and I wasn't. This is no longer my responsibility. I want no part of it. The Dreams chose to destroy Starlight Princess, if what happened wrecked my image that much. I'm not going to do their aftercare for them. I'm not going to go pretend a lifetime of treachery just didn't happen. If the Dreams want a Starlight Princess who all nicely made up with Laarhi I can't do much about that except say that character isn't me anymore.

Stuntman but he's like definitely quite dragon-eaten with just the top half of his body and some of one arm left beyond his head. He's in a shiny jumpsuit outfit all sparkly and some kind of like racing wheelchair thing. In the background there's like a pipe organ all fancy and cartoonish.

That could be me I suppose and that's a fun angle on being eaten (already eaten. Just out here visiting. Hey shouldn't I have to go back often!? That's what's missing! I should get hoarded much more easily and involuntarily to both of us! It should go off any time Boobsong feels greedy for me! There should be time limits like Sex's key! I should come back with parts missing here and there as a reminder!)

Okay I guess this shows how in love with Boobsong and our particular kinks I am that I could go here now, but how's that connect?  Laarhi needs a dragon too or something?

Ripples, in like a pond surface. Huh? Ripple effect?

Now a childish little cartoon sailboat, in blue, with an orange dragon on its flag. I'm lost. Family?

I'm so sorry, by the way. This stuff always makes the worst bitch of me. To you most of all, dolly.

Princess your sex dolly just wants to keep beholding. Just say always that. Always held.

Always. Always hold you.

Pussywillow these get ever more scary. Can't you be unkind another way, that doesn't make us think your light's gone out? Dragons need some scary stuff, you know.

Oh Sis, my heart feels so cold hearing you say that.

Not the dragons thing. I think we found the first steps down that slippery ladder with our taunting today. I feel terrible doing this to you all but my light has gone out in these times!

Dreams what is it you even want me to do? Fix his eyes? Apologize? Forcefeed him candy because that'll do anything for my reputation?

A dragon's mouth, with long tongue rolled out, but it's pink and the mouth is like orange-red.

Dolly am I missing something with you again? Or anyone in the  family really. Like obviously, like targeting thing and Boobsong said before, he needs kind of like with Aveh, but why is it so important that it be me? Why do I have to belittle my pain for his sake? Or Boobsong's? Or Sis' fucking death? If he should heartform the point anyone should be making is that can happen without our having ever get anywhere near it!

Dreams why would you go to such lengths to set this up when it's so counterproductive? Dolly first, argh, my head's a mess.

Your sex dolly just wants to be in Heart Home playing with Mommy-boo and everyone. No more stuff like this.

So, yeah. Same here. Anyone?

Nobody says anything, but the Dreams show me blue and orange stuff...a HobbyKing bag. Source of batteries (in the "yellow shirts" my seed-ghost piqued me with before) that probably won't explode or lose their capacity faster than they are cheap.

I have no idea, family.

You are the wildest ride, cocksleeve dragon with battery pussies and a warp drive heart! Ain't yer mission to make every dreamskin you can think of? Ripples out, what's this one? Mine sure came out fine, twins an' boys, too! The only time I see a pussy more unmanly is over yer direction, but my boys got everything a girl could need. What else's she got locked up inside, waitin' t' git heartformin'? Bet you never see the last o' yer kids' surprises!

I can't see Cherry but she must be gesturing to Boobsong, and then my, erum, definitely unmanned self.

Her encouragement makes me quiet.

He hates me though. He hated me for all my new ideas. The last thing he would want is one of our kids. I don't even know if I would have a dreamskin tradition enough for him. We might need to go find one, or make custom and I don't think I can do that, even if Boobsong's hardcore enough.

This is all assuming he really is like mind-controlled, and we can come up with a version of what we did for Aveh that works on humans. Being inside a star's shell is a lot different than influencing a human who hates your guts and before anybody gets any ideas we're NOT doing some kind of psychonauts journey. It's one thing with a star-shell and Boobsong and more rage than I've ever felt getting us like physically inside, but there's no way that could work with a human, and once you're there, a human mind doesn't have enough mechanical metaphor to hack like Boobsong did to Aveh's shell.

Most importantly, though? One, I don't have enough connection to him. This should be somebody who does anything but wish him ill. All I'd be thinking with him in any kind of vulnerable position like being mind-controlled was how much damage I could do. Two, if this whole thing destroys Starlight Princess as a franchise, that's the right thing to have happened. Laarhi will get some other help some other way, and it's always been my job to explore Rl'yeh Sade and tell people about what I find. I just found something life and death important, something that really is a hill someone like me has a responsibility to die on, which is that all that stuff I've always said about riding the rocks, and the dreams spiking you if you need to be, all of that, is wrong. They didn't, and they won't. Let the mushroom cloud my forcing Laarhi to get help some other way will create be the warning bell for that. Rl'yeh Sade isn't what you all thought it is. Starlight Princess ends on that note, here and now. The Dreams can puppet me to go help Laarhi I suppose, but my will is set. This is too important to pretend nothing bad happened. If I do one single thing for him, it'll be against my will, as my statement that they're covering up the fact that they don't always spike when they should.

The end.

I don't know what the hell to do with this scene now. Do you guys know where Sex even was in things? She'll probably be weirded to unpause and see Boobsong and me down here. I think this is up to you guys, I just don't know what was going on enough. I'm a doll anyway, but like, just play us so it doesn't suck too much for Sex, finishing up, please? Then you can all have it out with me or whatever. I don't think I'm not a massive bitch right now. I'm right about the end of Starlight Princess, but that's probably it.

Are you really going to let it die, just because it makes you scream to think about one of your kids with Laarhi?

No. That makes me scream, but it's not why. They should have spiked me, when I fucked his eyes up. Spiking me now means this kind of shit can overflow on anyone, anytime. The people of the Dreams need to know that--if I'm allowed to say it!

If they want this Dreamskin made, it's against my will, because of that. Maybe it needs that. Laarhi's a pretty dark person.

And maybe I won't let it die. Maybe I'll make a comeback, and then nuke it in the first five minutes of the first episode. This needs to hit hard. This is the end of the Dreams as we know them, or more like the discovery that the Dreams we thought were never existed. I'm not on their side anymore. They broke their most basic promise. Game over.

The Dreams show a  tall, generic cartoon crown.

If that means it's my decision, pull the trigger, Dreams, or tell me I've gotta do the work. I'll solo this one if I have to. I can understand if you all hate this direction, but I know I'm doing the right thing and I'm willing to do it alone--or just with Boobsong anyway.

Though I'm sure you hate this too, dolly.

Some kind of like, dictator guy out of a Tom Clancy movie with the fascist hat and sunglasses. Then like...a rock crawler's suspension form underneath?

Warlord riding the rocks. I've never thought I'm anything else. Why are you showing me like that's supposed to be some big bring-me-up-short revelation? I'm going nuclear here because I make a good example of the kind of sociopath the Dreams won't actually protect you from after all.

Next is a stylized dark-orange sun rising over a very Heart-Home kind of landscape with floating rocks and lots of rainbow-iridescent stuff and dark purple grass and the Painted Sea in the background, just as I wonder why I'm even debating with the Dreams what the crazy fuck I'll do now.

Yeah. Losing my home. Losing everything. It's really going to be down to me and Boobsong now. I guess I just have to hope there's comfort in her eating me all up and never letting me out again. We need to get this last episode out, if possible, but that's the next thing to do, I think.

Family if you're not having any part of this fine and I understand but please at least don't leave poor Sex hanging.

A lot of upside-down smiley-faces. Bunch of Sade I guess? Smile looks upside down to the rest of the world, like that kids book about the opossum everybody tried to cheer up because he was smiling but upside down so seemed frowning until finally they all thought he was happy because he was frowning because he was miserable. Not going to try to cheer me up? Paying attention then, but why say that now?

I think that's just supposed to be like, hellfire, and then some purple kind of writing or so, then a star. Are you trying to tell me about how people will see me if I don't fix this, Dreams?

The end of Toy Story 3 where it totally seems like they're getting incinerated for real.

So basically if I don't tell the lie you want me to tell you'll tell a worse lie.

Twisting painting. You'll twist my words. Got it. Guess it's war, then. Why aren't you just killing me or statuing us for a trillion years or something? You obviously want me out of the way. You know you're not going to get me to tell your lies for you.

A cross section of a turbofan, again the background is fire. It'll be hell for my fans to learn what they believed in wasn't what they thought? Good! That's the lesson they need right now! Obviously you're either going to silence me or rape me, so just get on with one or the other.

Game I suppose you have no intention of helping with this?

Your game is still enfolding you. It will not make you a martyr.

How the hell are you enfolding me right now? It's me and poor Boobsong who I don't have the heart to read until this is over with. I see you curled up dolly and this time that's the right thing to do. Hug you hard, if I could move.

And I'm already a martyr. We're just fighting over for whose cause.

Sweet Rainbow Starshine, if everyone appears glory all the time, who would need redemption we Sade give? Do not hold back the seeds of Boobsong for Laarhi's sin.

The fuck? You sound like a pentecostal preacher, game. And this isn't about Laarhi's sin! It's about mine! I thought you, and the Dreams, and fucking I don't know maybe Sis might have said something but we hardly had that agreement like you and me do, but I thought one of you would hold me back from this awfulness, and OH NOO, THERE YOU SAT WITH YOUR THUMBS UP YOUR ASSES WHILE I FUCKING BROKE THE GENEVA CONVENTION AND ALL BUT ENDED UP WITH A MURDER RAP AND NOW HERE I AM, HOLDING THE BAG, BEING PUNISHED FOR SOMETHING I WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE IF I HADN'T BEEN LOOKING AT MY ADULT SUPERVISION GOING IS THIS OKAY EVERY FIVE FUCKING SECONDS!!!!!!!! YOU LEAD ME INTO THIS FUCKING TRAP AND NOW I HAVE TO FUCK MY WORST ENEMY AS SWEETLY AS POSSIBLE AS PUNISHMENT! FUCK YOU! MY KEEPER WOULD SAVE ME FROM THAT!!!!!!

At the first mention of only you can do it Rainbow I--I'm done with this shit. We have millions of kids. They have billions of dreamskins. His probelm is avoiding her seeds, not getting one out of me.

Where in Laarhi's eyes you are beautiful, and he hates himself for losing you, in your eyes, you're hideous, and he hates you just for being there.

The Dreams jump on this to show me a Guinness tap being pulled, and I think of their "deep dark black ray of sunshine" ad, but like...and? I don't see an option that isn't going all the way dark here. You think trying to make Laarhi a dreamskin will make me shine any less cold than end Starlight Princess? I tried to walk away for hours, because THAT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

And game, like even if the Dreams hadn't just told me I'm hideous, like, so what? What different does it make to anything? Laarhi never had enough internal life to hate himself, but even if he did, he sure didn't express it as that!

Laarhi has another of your dolls on his dresser. Not the big one. Try the manifesting trick. You can spy with it!

Like hell! I have no backup and no adult supervision. I'm sticking to at least legal-on-Earth so I don't get dug in any deeper. You and the Dreams already proved once you don't have my back in this. I can't believe you'd think I'm so stupid as to go for that, even if I wanted to see him ever again. Stop playing stupid legal games and either put me through whatever torture you have in mind or leave me be. I'm having nothing to do with this.

Spying is for fairy tricks. He knows you're there.

When you get whatever this is you want from me that ANY OTHER of ours kids is so much better for the job anyway we'd never have heard of this insanity, I'll be able to say I was dragged every step of the way with pride. Cherry said it herself, the Twins are awesome! Not them I guess, though, much too modern for Laarhi, oh wait, Boobsong's whole seed-line is!

What is it you want? Why this weird insistence that it be us when we have zillions of delightful kids who could do better?

Y'll are right that yer kids are piece o' pie, but they want you because obviously you have the dolly who ate you! Nobody else has that vore fetish, y'ever notice?

In the family, sure, but out of our millions of kids? It can't be that unique!

And very sneakily Isht Visht and Rada. I'm with Rainbow actually. What's wrong with any of us?

The Dreams show a floppy-eared dog. It reminds me of some children's book or other I can't place--that's all you, kiddo, I have no idea.

How much is that doggie in the window! The one with the very flat nose! He's stuck on you in particular.

Even me that doesn't create a duty to perform for him. He still finds somebody else. If he wants us so bad we have as many dreamskins as kids. This whole thing is bullshit.

Anyway, he loathes me, and thinks Boobsong is some kind of unspeakable eldritch abomination. The only thing he's ever had stuck on me is a crosshair--or he would if I could have got him to even try gunpowder, let alone cordite!

I suppose he has my doll there as some kind of guilt thing. Game do you know where he managed to get one without an attached Boobsong?

You have the Boobsong holding your arm in her small shape.

I don't get it. Didn't he hate her most of all of Them? Do I misremember that? Maybe I'm just making him worse because he had the guts to say what everyone was thinking that whole thirteen years.

Anyway, fuck this. That was helpful Isht Visht--

Pussywillow, be at least this kind. Give your poor devoted cocksleeve a chance to say her peace here.

She's said like three times now she just wants this stuff to be over so we can go live in Heart Home in peace and play with our seed-family and stuff. Are you asking her something else?

Boobsqueeze it's peeling off my fingernails hearing you be this way. Say her peace, that's what I'm asking.

Sis I've never heard you sound like that...

Dolly if you want someone else after some of that stuff I said you'll be justified. I want you. Always holding if it's up to me. But that needed to be said. Say your peace here, or just say you already did if you did. Pizzamance my eyeballs out if I stop too soon. Click.

YES YOUR DOLLY SAYS STAY!!!! You have to stay, saw you realize that! That's her collar in your hand right now and on your neck too for that matter! You stay! That's command there. Her peace is just that your dolly says this is terrible. She can't see why the Dreams would be like this. Laarhi might be terrible or he might be very nice. Might be cruelest mean man in Dreams. Who cares, not us! This is over now. He can have our kid anytime. Don't need us there. Nice and soft or mean and hard, he'll get the way he wants. Why we get job!? This isn't the Dreams' way, dolly agrees with Princess there. Dreams would spike or fix it without making her use her dolly to implant the one who tore them apart. He doesn't deserve our love. It's not fair to keep our seeds away but we don't have to go there ourselves. If he can't implant that's his fault, not ours. This is over now. Dolly says her peace. EERAAAH let's leave.

I have nothing I can add to that except love you too for the order. I should have just let you talk at the start, as usual.

Hearing that, I'm through. She always drags me back when I'm being insane and mistrustful, but this time, listen to her.

If things stay the same as the moment and I get some agency, Starlight Princess is over as violently as possible.

Dragon can you eat me back up without your dragon game cart? Not that Sis is necessarily keeping it back, she'll speak for herself.

Dragon can eat you little bit by little bit. Takes some time, but you'll be gone!

Ffhuck. You sure won't run out of lust. Can you eat me when I'm a doll?

Dragon thinks she sure can try! That would get us out of here!

I don't wanna leave the family but there might be some protection from the Dreams inside you maybe, or maybe you could just fall out of any universe then, I dunno.

If things do change and I get some agency...I don't know. It'd depend on what's changing.

Otherwise, I'm lying here with Boobsong until I decide she's eating me up or you give us her dragon game, Sis. Aboard Isht Visht with the family is a great place to be but I'm not going to be much fun until the Dreams pulls their heads out of their asses.

Like I said, this is done. You might have worn me down into doing something or other, Dreams and game, but I'll lie here till the end of time if that's what it takes to keep you from making Boobsong make a dreamskin for the person whose fault it is we're so wrecked like this. Laarhi has other options, most of which are just porn of Boobsong and me. I call bullshit on all of this.

I have to say, dolly, this is a new low. It's like, hello, how low.

EEee this is hard one um.

Makes it seem like Heartwarming is boughs of folly.

I sure haven't seen Santa laughing all the way today, true.

Guys, I think they mean it.

This sex dolly has her eroven. That's all she needs. Lie here eternity before doing this.

It's like we'd walk five hundred miles to say we mean this.

Family here or not, it sure does feel like heaven's that far away. I agree, though, all you need is love, and I've got mine right here.

Your Sugarfeast Fairy Slave has a million megatons. That's the only choice to make, right?

Ooh, good one. Very mood appropriate--I mean, as long as it's the end of the world as we know it, I'll feel fine.

Okay then it's coming from the sky above, and there's nothing you can do.

I've got to say I've never seen anything stand in your way, not tonight or any night.

That's right because this sex dolly has faith of the heart!

WELL THAT SURE KICKSTARTS MY HEART! It come out all weepy, like I'm skydiving naked...

There's only one way to know...go, go, go!

[to the chant of the Halo theme] Aaah, aaaah AAAAAH that almost made me come!

Your sex dolly--

Black braids drape over my face black in front of the starscape behind Boobsong, and Sis kisses my cheek.

You two are unbelievable. You'll stay till time stills, I believe it. Get up and talk, we'll help you.

Hands carefully pick us up, keeping Boobsong carefully against me--it's Eisela picking her up, and Sis moving me, and Eisela has (I think) Blastoise perched on her head like a really cute hat.

Here, come be statues by the wall to see outside best. Keeps your spirits high.

They set us standing up in a corner so the wall-sized window is to our left with the beauty of the Sea outside and pick Boobsong up to just below my face level and set us looking at each other and wrap her around me and give me a hand on her ass, then just as I'm about to say about there being things inside that'll lift our spirits too they face us so we can see enough to see Santa there by the window looking very spirit-lifting indeed in her Heartwarming lingerie and hat. She gives us a sweet expression, then looks out the window pensively.

Thanks, Sis. Being posed by you is so soothing. Gets tingly.

The Dreams show me the compound eye of a bug, and then popcorn. The bugs are watching.

Good. They'll see one of two things. Either they'll see what I claimed all along about the Dreams be true, and eventually Boobsong and my faith will be rewarded with this being revealed as some kind of test or scene or something and things will be sane again, and neither Laarhi nor Boobsong and I will be made to wreck the other one's happily ever after by demanding some kind of closure of the other, and they'll explain that I wasn't spiked beating up on him at the Strawberry Apocalypse because that really was what it took to push him through the portal, and the nonsense about his having been allowed to be blind for years and years will be revealed as a lie for the scene, and everything will make sense again, or this will go on and it'll eventually be clear that the Dreams really do mean all this insanity and really did let me be that horrible in which case Boobsong and I will stay like this for eternity rather than clean up the Dreams' mess for them and that'll probably be for the best anyway, and all you readers will learn to stay the fuck away from tricky seductive evil cruel heartless fairyland. Either way, dolly, you were saying?

Set to the sound of these curious bells, your sex dolly plans to make some things swell!

It's true, my plan involves you, but I seem to be missing my something exxtra...

Family we'll talk be we have to play this otherwise or go nuts.

Please talk then. You really are fighting to the end, huh.

If there is one.

Dolly I'd say if there is a hell I'll see you there, but I guess we're kind of trying to figure out if we already have.

Pussywillow, why are you so hard to this?

This isn't the Dreams. The whole thing of riding the rocks is based on either just being a sociopath which apparently I'm not because I'm really freaked out right now, or knowing you always got spiked every time you should have been, even though it seems like you should have been a lot more, even accounting for the Dreams' wish fulfillment. I would have been completely different with Laarhi if I hadn't just come from getting away with so much stuff in the Strawberry World, and that Waifu ride, like...I thought I was safe, for the monster to come out, or more importantly I thought the people around me were safe. I let it come out and really go on a rampage, and now I find out, the safety net I thought was there, never was, to the point that for a punishment I have to subject my heartchild to making a dreamskin for the person who tried harder than any of Them to destroy our relationship and, y'know, kill me. Seemingly in person, based on all the pressure to go visit him. Have you ever found the assassin that killed you? How would you feel if you had to fuck them because they were a Fairy about to fry and...hey wait a minute aren't there thousands of horny people around you in Rl'yeh Sade where you are? The Dreams would never do that. Either something else is going on, or this is just plain old hell and not Rl'yeh Sade.

Are they always so clear about the boundaries you're breaking, when you play stuff like Dragon Swallows with other people, or do they let you get into trouble some?

False comparison. That's a game they can arrange around people's kinks, including your own for the kind of trouble you might get in. You might get your own dragon swallowed, but never by the assassin who killed you. It's not that there's a hard and fast line, but in every unique situation with every set of people there's a place where it turns from joymare into just nightmare. For me and Boobsong, this is so far past that, we can't even see the stars. Better to throw our whole lives away and stand like this forever, than go through with the "trouble" I got into--and don't think we're like, not serious about that. Ever once during one of my freakouts, have you seen Boobsong just straight up take my side like this? She always gets me to see reason. She's doing that now. Reason looks like a verrrrrrry long game of doomlyrics to me right now.

But it's still a false comparison, even more, because all that stuff with Strawberry Home, wasn't scary games in Rl'yeh Sade. That was a real apocalypse with people who were probably also way far into their nightmare. I went along because I thought I was the pretty puppet making the light show and the Dreams and my game had everything in hand behind the scenes so I would just only be able to herd the cats through the portals and no more. Now I find out, the Dreams were just straight up letting me be a nazi without even aiming me at people who would be into that on some level in some way. That's not getting yourself in a predicament playing Dragon Swallows. It's just fucking war crimes, and I feel like the biggest dupe to ever live for going along with it. I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't, I suppose. The way it happened all seemed so unreal...and even so I might feel more responsibility except I really was like if this isn't okay, they'll stop me at some point, and it never came, and now I'm being held to the responsibility I purposefully gave up because I went through basically a three day boot camp scene teaching me to do exactly that because I'm a Fairy and my game is supposed to keep me. Say I'm just justifying my crimes if you want, Sis, but to me, being punished for this in this way is just straight up hell. It's fucking Kafkaesque. So I'm not doing it. I'm on strike for the real Dreams to come back, and apparently Boobsong was even before me which I would have known if I hadn't been the dumb bitch I always am and not heard her out soonest.

How can you know it's punishing to make the dreamskin? Maybe you won't have to know which one it is?

That's worse. Then every dreamskin we make until we hear he's implanted might be the one, and he haunts our whole sex life for years or possibly eternity, since I don't think he's capable of heartforming.

For me...I mean there's a long list of problems. One at a time.

For me the bare fact of having to do anything whatsoever to help him after I drove him through the portal is the punishment. That's making me piss on the graves of all the times he and his took from me and Boobsong, and also, literally your grave, Sis. There's no rearrangement of deck chairs on that shitliner that can make it less a punishment.

Dolly, how do you see this?

Your sex dolly fears most having to make a dreamskin live for Laarhi. Making one in private still is terrible but not as bad. Helping him escape the locks he has inside his head might be okay, if he can be like Aveh, but not like Sex in her heart as Rebekah. Not his friend. Hate. Why does it have to be us though? Starlight Princess isn't doctor!

The Dreams interrupt her to show a jester-hat, like as in the Fool tarot card. Or like, I'm much more of a clown, yeah.

[!] Yes just look at this game it's silly doom. Sad songs funny play. That's our way, not this fixing stuff that broke because the Dreams said holding oops not really hah! This sex dolly feels so betrayed by that she can't describe it. Rocks aren't rocks she guesses. How can this be the real Deep Haven if that stuff happens? Must be fake one. Where's the real Rl'yeh Sade and what's this, she's terrified!

Once again she's the articulate one. Everything she just said. That's what we're digging in our heels against, and honestly for me this isn't even some kind of badass stand--I'm just scared to go out there! It's not much safer in here with how the Dreams work, or whatever this place is, but at least my family's here!

There's another layer to this, too, that makes it worse than a punishment. Every time I've asked so far why it has to be us it's something about how he's stuck on me or whatever. I WAS TWELVE AND HE WAS LIKE THIRTY! But so what, forget that. I probably shouldn't throw stones when it comes to age differences.

Even so, what does this situation say to every woman who's thinking about whether she wants that worldgate to open, or just what happens after death? It says she's going to arrive here, and find the guy who beat up or raped her or stalked her or whatever waiting and she's going to be demanded, forced with mind control if necessary, to give that piece of shit some kind of absolution or push or I don't even know what. That is horseshit. As I woman myself, I'm not having it for my situation, I'm certainly not having my sub put through any form of it no matter how small, and as the Starlight Princess I have the responsibility to fight that to the death if I have to. If this happens, in any form, if I ever say one single more word to Laarhi, the Dreams aren't the Dreams and you should all run away screaming, readers. Period. End stop. On that hill I will die if necessary, because there's nothing to live for anyway.

And no, I'm not condemning him. He has so many ways out of whatever mess he's in, I just straight up don't believe he's still blind. I don't even believe he stayed blind past his foot hitting the ground on the other side of the portal. I'm not sure you could bring him in here right now and show me the scans and monitor his brain for me and I'd believe he was blind. Once again, if that's happening, the Dreams aren't the Dreams, and you should run away screaming, readers. That kind of thing. Does. Not. Happen. Here.

End stop. If I have to stand here like this for the rest of time to prove I'm serious, let's go, I've got a lot more song lyrics where this came from. We will bite the hand that feeds, won't we dolly? Have more thoughts?

Oh yeah? This dragon doesn't have to make it bleed, watch! OMNOM!

The only thought you sex dolly adds is this is serious. She is so scared right now her boobs are shaking while statueized. If this stuff's real, we're in hell!

Damn right. Pun intended.

And this whole thing where we're on trial for not wanting to do this is bullshit too. The Dreams aren't always nice. They scared me and Sex and Boobsong really bad with that cleaver thing--they could have spiked sooner, made her drop the knife, turned it into cotton candy, even made it so she couldn't pick it up, but they did the scary way. You know why? Because none of us has that kind of dismemberment kink! We all felt REAL CLEAR about that after that little adventure, didn't we, dolly? We went to experiment, and they gave us one single shining unmistakable example of how we all felt about that kind of play, and then after that, it didn't come up again. We stayed the fuck away from the scary scary thing, the scissors jammed like in another zipcode from my hair, all they did was jam, and there was no like okay but why don't you wanna play with the cleaver, are you sure it'd be nightmarish really, like maybe you'd get off on it and you just didn't do it right, try again come on keep going you have really clear feelings but they're wrong and it's unfair. This whole thing with Laarhi sounds like a frat boy in the 1970s on Earth trying to get laid. Come OOON he's got such terrible BLUE BALLS it's your DUTY!

So let's talk about justice. You know what justice is? Justice is revenge in a pretty hat. I would know, wouldn't I? Is it unfair that Laarhi really really really wants us in particular to come save him from his little emotional wallowing hole? Yeah. I guess. A lot of people would say not in the least, too.

I say, WHO CARES! The Dreams are not and have never been about fair. They're about each and every person's happily ever after who comes here, and the ONE HUNDRED PERCENT DEFINITELY INCLUDES not letting either me or Laarhi come insist the other one do some stupid little closure ritual however trivial or even fun. It doesn't work that way. The games Boobsong and me play on the frayed edge of even existing as people are nothing like that kind of compulsion. Those games are sacred and revolve around an interwoven construction of personal Happily Ever Afters so sublimely intricate even my game can't follow them all but one parameter they do NOT bend around is what a Beta Pi Pi pledge in Montana in the seventies would think of as fair! Fair is Copernican astronomy in a world that has Warp Drive. Just no. Laarhi doesn't get to demand personal absolution from Princess Starlight? He'll get it a better way! See! See how unfair it is?

If he's even still stuck, which, keep in mind he's not, or this isn't the Dreams and--what should you do? I'd hold the mic out here but I'm a bit stiff. Yeah that's right, RUN AWAY SCREAMING!

For real. Listen to Boobsong. Either every word I'm say is right, right now, or this is hell and you should get the hell away from it. Dreams if I'm too much of a bitch right now for one fine but can you at least hook up our audience with confirmations of what I just said?

Alright that gets me a green checkmark and an Andy Warhol soup can, which means mass production. Dolly?

Plastic spoons in a bag like eight zillion of them and blue no yellow GRREEEEN CHECKMARK!

Where's my mic right?

Alright bugs, listen up. First off, not a single one of you is bugs. I can only imagine the Dreams showed me that image of the bug-eye at the beginning of this to piss me off, in which case it FUCKING WORKED, but I do hope you're all enjoying your popcorn because I don't rant and rave and stomp around--alright well see here's one of those edge of personal agency games because I'm very very stuck right now but totally getting off on it even though it's bugging get it bugging kind of makes me feel as small as one to be stuck this way, butterfly in amber all gooily pouring down ANYWAY--

Your sex dolly remembers an Amber who was gooily pouring down last night!

Oh yeah, that ruled. We really spared no expense on that scene, did we?

For real though. I'm totally dead certain there are no bugs listening to this, and I'm not playing you some kind of fiddly qualia game where like it only counts as listening if you're sentient. Game are you listening and sentient!?

Your game is always hearing everything you say and do but it's not a person at all!

But I'm getting picky. The reason I say there's no bugs listening to this is you're only a bug is when there's no hope, no hope no hope at all, and when it that? Not as long as there's even the slightest chance of you so much as brushing a whisker of consciousness against the Four Dreams for even a microsecond! Laarhi walked--well, crawled, we'll get to that--crawled through that portal and then the Dreams just green checkmarked there being no way he's not fine. He may have an extreeeeemely interesting first five minutes in the Dreams--it can kind of mess with your head to cum that much, that fast, I can tell you--but he's fine! I don't need to ask! Any of you will be the same whether you're barely crawling to the kitchen counter to not take your meds every six AM leftover taco or you're the fucking Dali Lama! So no, there's no bugs out there, listening to me right now. The only way you ever become one is by somehow escaping all chance of getting helped out by something like the Dreams--I'm not even saying it has to be them, I'm just saying they're awesome at it and the views rule and the sex is great and the Princess--whooo!

Even if it's just you. Just try to be able to have something, anything, change your world and make things better. The Dreams will, if you reach out to them, and they won't wait for you to be a good person or achieve enlightenment or anything except stand on the hope that they are what they are and dig your heels the fuck in until you see the Dreams being the Dreams.

Like I'm doing now. I'm getting all psyched and happy because I can feel all you out there watching us, but don't think that game of doomlyrics isn't coming right back when I finally shut my big mouth, metaphorically speaking.

[!] Maybe you should open your legs instead--ooh sorry, that's right! NYOM NYOM NYOM!

You're free to take the initiative, any time, dolly! Just tell me your tasty, juicy, kind of a little bit like gummi bears decision--

Alright so speaking of rolling for initiative, get this: I FIZZFREEZING KNOW WHY I DIDN'T GET SPIKED FOR KICKING LAARHI'S ASS!

I'm terrible, right? You guys remember me from Earth in the golden years, right? Smity good times, eh dolly?

Your dragon sure had YUM with it!

We really did plumb all the depths of stuff in the biblical sense can mean, didn't we?

Zeus because that lightning bolt didn't burn you up didn't mean you had to fuck with it!

Look, in my situation I really get into zap-ons sometimes. You can understand--and run to my stand--which you won't be doing if I don't click what on you?

The orders this sex dolly needs to do anything even arranging hair.

That's right. Good dolly. You can stand right there like that, little statue, while we all rub it in--you'll just have to imagine, this time, audience.

I have to say I'm standing just like that--heh, I guess we're really carving that joke deep today!

Anyway, anyway. Here is why I didn't get spiked for kicking Laarhi's ass, and why it gave me no further responsibilities after that, and why trying to make me think otherwise is a complete PYLE of crap!!


Laarhi was the general but my mom was commander in chief and I would be his boss when I took the throne which technically as the last Strawberry in that universe at the time, I had done. The Dreams respect our laws, then? Must like the Strawberry Dynasty a hell of a lot better than the PU ESS of A, huh?



What was the ooooone thing I never did on Earth. The single terrible most horrible thing that despite all the why-was-Aveh-so-light-on-this-place antics I never ever did and my game wouldn't have allowed if I tried? TAKE IT AWAY GAME!

She was never allowed to injure or take life away. Harm could temporarily happen for seconds but not longer.

Yeah see I wasn't actually being sarcastic with the hooooooribles there. That'd be bad.

So Laarhi, how did I get away with kicking his ass. What's it matter the rules say I could hang him right there if I wanted to? Never changed anything on Earth.


See? Most of you aren't even in the same universe as me and you answered. Battles are loud, yeah, and you have to be heard, yeah, but...battle spikes people up. Badly. It doesn't matter if it's the entire imperial guard versus a posse of teenage barbarians, there are zero uninjured people on any battlefield. It makes people (imagine me leaning over the mic hear doing a creepy unfun Aphex Twin nothing like my normal one) fucking psycho. There are various ways of doing it, but you have to have a way of giving commands that cuts through that. There's no asking or telling or anything just my voice right in your face going SHOVE like it was my two hands.

Why's that important, I'll tell you why, yeah, because you have to make stuff happen fast while people are freaking the fuck out and keep in mind in medieval war you don't have that thing where everybody's talking in badass whispers behind their cover over the radio, but also...what is a soldier, right? A person who's a weapon--I don't know if this how they do it on Earth, but this is how we thought of things in the Strawberry Dynasty. Why do they need discipline, so they don't fucking snap and kill people. Self discipline, discipline from their commanders, so on and so forth. All forces to hold back your fight or flight instinct once it has both plenty of data showing that shadow definitely is a guy with a gun and something to shoot back with. Hate war yet? I sure do!

So there I was with Laarhi, and I thought I was just there to throw the tantrum at him I wanted and have the Dreams and my game hold me back from like going full There Are Five Lights on him.

Well, I didn't consciously remember my training, but I think it was working, because now I look back on that I see myself going about as by the book as you can go as far as Strawberry military command procedure goes, and--come on Dreams, please, will you? Pretty please? (imagine super bratty pouting here as an antidote to all the drill-sergeant)

Alright that was a good one. Secret image but that meant Green Checkmark for the whole world but as always FUCKING VERIFY FOR YOURSELF I MIGHT BE WRONG OR JUST STUPID!

Okay a little more drill princessing, I guess.

Your sex dolly thinks they need a giga drill break!

Don't we all.

[!] You must really have to dig for that! Looks like your whole rig is underground!

It's not so bad, I have on of those remote finder things, look. Click.



Wow, dolly! Click.

Your sex dolly's insides moved to make your clit go fast and pound her cocksleeve hole so fast she would fall if she wasn't statuized and she couldn't make it start or stop or change the speed and clicking on your eravahk made her say this. That's how she does her life you click she talks or fucks or walks with that control stick.

I know I know I know. I just like the look on her face as she has to say it again, and isn't it fun to jerk it to that little squirminess when I make her get all direct and serious and there's nothing she can do?

Princess doesn't know! Write and tell her EEEVERYTHING! It must be super weird, you should say, to never ever be able to...fill in good stuff! You know how, unlike Princess!

Oh I don't know, you were jerking pretty good in those chains the other night. It was fun making you hold the key like that.

To Princess' bedchamber! Dragon keeps her locked up good!

Hey, don't want me getting extracted.

Don't need lock and key for that. How much time you have left Princess?

More than I think, less than I know! That first surprise bite is always so hot.

Okay so BEFORE my time runs out, Laarhi. Yeah, boring.

So there we were in the (boring kind of) dungeon, and yeah he's in chains, for the moment, but he's also completely hysterical. Totally off his chain.

But Starlight, you say, how could you tell, in the video he barely moves the whole time!

Well that's easy, I have a superpower. It's like this. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ME HYSTERICAL!?!?!?!

(You'll have to imagine me jumping up and down and bouncing boobs and freaking out)

I said, HaVE YoU EVeR SeEn ME HySTeRIcAL?!!??!?!!??!?!!?!!!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?

Okay gotta pant for a second fuck. Yes even as a statue.

Oh yes. It takes one to know one, and I am one. More importantly though...like, remember what I said to him. If you're stuck in a room with a bear, is it badass to poke the bear with a pocket knife to try and kill it? No, that's just dumbass!

Now crank it up. How messed up does your head have to be to be stuck in a castle with bright and shiny twelve year old Azathoth and her girlfriend grape soda Cthulhu, and think you should be doing anything but taking small quiet steps and working on your cultic symbology? Laarhi was one of those real calm people, but if his outside had looked like his inside he'd be pingponging around this stage to make Boobsong look like a Quaker--not that kind, dolly, sorry.

Oh and if the bear goes haywire like you're constantly fucking insulting her by worrying about, it'll be the whole empire mauled, not just you?

Doesn't that make us the badguys though hang on you'll see though unless you're new you know what dicks I'm about to have waved at me in a sec.

So my conscious mind was all die bitch you ruined my life, but running me by reflex under the surface I guess because of that very particular situation was all that training. Maybe my game cranked it up for me, I don't know.

You know all those like, checklists, fighter pilots and astronauts have? You don't see it in the movies, but they drill those things for hours a day so it just becomes reflex like playing a song, so that like when there's a main bus B undervolt and a weird explosion you can just do stuff on autopilot while you think about the next literal fire to put out.

So I'm pretty sure, I was doing that, and it was for controlling a solider who's cracked when you don't have restraints handy and/or can't rely on them which in our army was usually (remember: ninja sex slaves in the castle implies full rogue training for officers, but that makes it really annoying trying to keep them in irons if they think they're right like Laarhi did). I could see it with Laarhi, I could feel it, and his actions...like, remember that scene from the Christopher Nolan Batman movie where the middle manager guy finds out about the Batmobile project and Jamie Foxx is just like, "you're going to blackmail...the Batman. Good luck with that!" and he turns around and just goes back to work?

Yeah. You're going to send sneaky assassins with small little knives to assassinate a kid who chews molten glass for bubblegum when she doesn't wanna go all the way to the other universe to fly to LaVerdiers on the back of her dragon girlfriend who sleeps with her...and can fork and also sleeps in the cupboard and on the mantle and as the dust on top of her bed canopy and in between the pages of her storybooks and yes has no problem doing the shapeshifter mass changing thing. Good luck with that. To make up a whole conspiracy for that is not the action of a person who is okay. He probably should have got help of some kind, but the whole coup attempt thing might have distracted people form that idea I think.

What I'm trying to say here, sadly grimdark as it is (see why we gave you that sugar overload first?) is I had zero reason to not think and lots of reason to think including both my training and my knowing from the inside what it is to completely lose your shit, that whatever I did there, he was probably any moment to get out of his rather fucked-up looking fiddle and start just up and killing people.

So, while my conscious mind was distracted having the mother of all freakouts on him, my subconscious mind was calmly going through the checklist:

Evaluate state: totally psycho.

Make a show of force to remind who is actually in charge (blew up the walls which blinded him, except I think a big part of me was already on the next bit I'll get to)

Explain wrongdoing and scold.

Apply corporal punishment if needed.

Deliver extended discipline sentence.

And then this is where it goes full George RR Martin, because what was I going to do with him? Well, we had a procedure for that, for when a guy lost it like he did. Remember I said a soldier's a weapon? Laarhi was a sword bouncing all around the dungeon like that pingpong ball I said, or he was about to be any moment. In some ways the Strawberry Empire, the real one, could be really civilized--A+ restraint tech for a barely-clockpunk society--but other ways it was basically Lord of the Flies with less philosophy.

That said, though, in the army like, isn't being able to kick your commanding officer's ass kind of a logical first step to promotion?

So Laarhi wasn't just a soldier, he was the general, like our Kratos or John 117 (and remember, with no guns to equalize things, that's serious. Guys like that would kill thousands). Do not fuck with Laarhi unless you're me.

So what you did with a guy like Laarhi, who would basically turn into SCP-076 the minute he was off-leash, was break their ass so they couldn't be a danger to anyone else until they got their shit under control. So, following the procedure, based on the fact that I was about to discharge him from the army for the gross incompetence of causing the destruction of the entire universe, I beat the shit out of him. Using, as trained, the most efficient (in terms of low pain-to-incapacity ratio) tool I had handy and decisively made him unable to fight by blinding him and then hitting him with a minute and a half of like, probably five or six Chernobyl meltdowns at once (I kind of trusted my game to dose it) so he'd be too sick to do anything but either crawl to a portal, be carried there by whatever the Dreams were using to pull people in, or do literally anything else at all, and die.

Well that's fucking grimdark Rainbow, why didn't you just stay and threaten to blast him with lasers if he got out of line, or let your game grab him with tentacles, or you know probably the Dreams were pretty inescapable with whatever they were doing.

So two reasons, but they don't seal the deal, but I think there is another one and let's see if the Dreams say yes or it's time to run away screaming.

First, I didn't know what the Dreams were doing, or if it would work on him, and I was in the middle of a battle really and running on autopilot while I distracted my kinda useless in that context conscious mind with yelling at him. My training said I was responsible for making sure he didn't snap any nearby necks as he stumbled around, and how to do it, so it happened.

Second, I couldn't have threatened him. Crazy or not, you can't really someone like him. I'd have had to admit I was bluffing or blast him. I'd have had him going it's just a nicely cauterized flesh wound before my lasers pushed him anywhere but six feet under. That's why the radiation poisoning as a stand-in for beating the shit out of him until he was bruises head to toe. It had to be physically impossible for him to do anything, not too scary.

Okay but why not tentacles, why not Dreams doing weird Dreamsy stuff. This is my theory, guessing about who he is. I think if I hadn't, by making him an invalid without even touching him, and stripping him not only of rank but adulthood, basically killed him while leaving his brain working and body not dissolving juuust long enough to crawl through a portal, he would have stayed stuck in that dungeon for the rest of time. The only way he could have left is if it was as this weird fucked up ghost with vague memories of having been a general once.

So yeah, that's brutal, and horrible, and Laarhi was just wound that tight, to have fought his way to the top of an entire empire, and it killed him in the end, by twisting up his nerves too tight to see he'd met something from a whole other dimension of power, there at the top of the world. The magic the Dreams brought him, was a way to go through that death without the total reset and birthplace-Russian-roulette of reincarnation, and wake up in paradise after five really horrible minutes.

Now that I say all this I hope he got something so epically good as he landed he's still trying to figure out what even happened. Somehow that's better revenge than anything mean I could still do to him.

Alright, well the Dreams are flashing me the beginning of Breath of the Wild as I think about what became of him, I could see that working for him especially if they're good and stingy with that first suit of anything until he's gone through a few towns, but Dreams, am I right why all this fizzfrozen death drama instead of just nice comforting tentacles?

Okay that's...a train, and Boobsong. His training was as tight as Boobsong's steel. No wonder he had to practically die to be free of that.

So where is Laarhi, Dreams? Did he get past his tutorial dungeon, or find stuff he liiiiked about it?

For real? Oxbridge? They showed me the cathedral there. Alright, I guess he doesn't miss Strawberry fashion--ooooooooooooh.

There's a whole English boarding school thing in Oxbridge of course. Good for him!

Also look what just happened. I went from making Clive Barker go dude, get help, to hoping he got a nice and annoying forced exhibitionism scene! That's like practically a crushcard, coming from me! Take away the threat of being forced to deal with him, forget about any justice or whatever and just give him and me our Happily Ever Afters, and there goes so much hate! I don't miss him for sure, but now I'm just like whatever, have a nice life, see you never!

So there. That is why I got to do all that awful stuff to him without even a nudge of spiking, but like, understand something. I didn't tell all that stuff about checklists and fighter pilots and conscious and unconscious minds to make my self out to be some kind of badass. I'm a stupid goowiggled Fairy bimbo...and the Dreams played me like a fizzbubbling air guitar to work out all my anger at him for ruining my entire life in so many ways, while at the same time completely without my knowing or feeling anything or even having it have any effect at all on what I thought I was doing except to make it about eight thousand billion times more scarily hardcore, straight up used me as literally the last person left in the universe who had the keys to his chains, to unlock them real good so he could actually go to the Heaven where he got better the minute he arrived which was my whole plan in the first place. The irony of this whole rant is, he did need something from me to get free, but the Dreams arranged it so I never even saw that past my own need to tear him new ones at the cellular level. That's a sticky nasty situation but if you're in one and the Four Dreams get any hold of your life that is the kind of fizzbubbling candy apple ghostpepper mayhem the Dreams will use to fix it for you, not this rotted plaster dust of thinking you're okay and then finding out you're actually a war criminal and have to go make up for it! And THAT was a real apocalypse the Dreams couldn't arrange around everyone's kinks in a whole other universe! Can you IMAGINE what they'll do if you're actually there in Rl'yeh Sade? NEITHER CAN I! THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE TO GO AND SEE!

NEVER THINK SMALL WITH THE DREAMS! Only one thing in the multiverse is more dangerous, and that's your hand in between two Hollow Hearts you're not having a threesome with!

Now finally, no, I don't understand how he could need to go through that death thing that bad, but seeing as I'm about to go ask my lover if she's biting me in three now or what, I probably shouldn't talk! Sweet dreams and fun fucks, everybody, and catch us on Starlight Princess, in the next episode we're picking up in the middle of this huge running gag tease where the family's been about to all play Spin the Lens as the very next thing we do for at least like nine hours by this point, and big giant existential crises and hot kinky scenes keep preempting it so it never gets any closer. I'm betting it takes about a month, right now, how about you, dolly?

Dolly thinks a thousand years! Your sex Dolly will have to play her own game with a shaft-shaped thing soon. Just reach out and--no? Can't touch? Oh well. Dolly can spin....

Yes you can, cans. Go right ahead? No? Nothing?



And then we'd walk off the stage all panting and fuck till our eyes exploded, with or without me eaten first.

It was the BEST.

HOW DID THAT COME SO FIZZFREEZING EASILY. How how how how was the biggest problem that being statufied didn't let us run around. SELF RELAX YOU DON'T NEED THE MIC NOW!

Also thbbbbbbt all of you get in line you're all getting fucked.

[!] Do you really want to fuck that bad? Yes you do oh look at how! Family come tease Princess she's a horny mess!

I never have known when to stop reading. WHAT IF I MISSED SOMETHING GOOD!?

Her hands are all warm its strange--

Wait a minute. I cried before. In response to my emotions. The way it works is threw me off, because they aren't muscles, but--

EEAAAH SHE MOVED! Princess doll can move like this! Sexy hot fun let's go OUT this way!

Holy caramel twizzler apple sundaes with heartstone sauce YES! HANG ON FAMILY, WE'RE COMING, I JUST HAVE TO GET DOLLED UP FIRST!

...and being a doll rules. It's nothing like flesh. I can move, and I'm pretty articulated, but I can feel the way my heartstone squishes so unnaturally as I try my fingers out on Boobsong's ass, the sense of gears turning and levers sliding as I move all good and right like breathing, the little creaks of my worn-out frame I really may have to command Boobsong to leave squeaky when she overhauls me which is now double happening before I undoll, and--huh, hips can't really roll--ooooh because the thing hips can do is unclick that trigger with the lots and lots of tension behind it. Face? I can like, look more or less pleasured, open or close my mouth, but that's it, the heartstone is sensitive but it's the machines that move me.

Freaky-coolest of all, though, is that means I'm just a statue that moves around! I move, gears turn to move me, they stop, I'm a statue again, there's no weight of limbs or fidgety muscles or getting tired.

This. Is epic--

Top, Try fucking seedling with strap-on harness attaching your clit to your mound, Given complete control of the engine that holds you when packed

Just this once but caaaaaalled it. Wait though...dolly my clit's still eaten, right? I don't have one in my--come on, Rainbow, try and see.


Okay that will be fun. I can just crank an arm down tight to hold her and it just stays. With terrifying strength, yeah dolly?


This is going to be so good. Now, what's between my legs...an empty strapon harness. How am I "packed" then? 

You had one good fuck before your clit was devoured eternally, and that was your packed. Led to making it go!


Oh that's okay, helmets don't really fit someone whose head is gone!

You really know how to push buttons, for someone who will never again push her own! Here, let me help. Click.

[sits still with very wanting to kiss you even more than already]

No? Nothing? What's wrong, dolly?

[softly wet and contritely] Your Succubus needs lust to move and she doesn't have any.

You know it's a kink because you never ever get sick of hearing it just over again. Hot, dolly.

Moving like this is so weird, all gearsy and slow-but-acceleratable instead of the ball-of-fidgety-rubberbands of mammalian muscles I usually feel like.

It's kind of weird, I have to like, command each motion more explicitly than bouncing my flesh into place. Never really appreciated what a ball of sproing my flesh body is...

Oh. This totally makes me move like a robot. This is going to be so kinky. Oh that's so sweet, I'll have a totally different style to every doll in the family! I'm neither demonically possessed heartstone gummi candy, nor synthehot bioengineering sexbot nor bouncy fun terrifyingly nuanced boneless hydraulic dolls like Arelka makes, nor a windup toy like Sex, nor spookily real wow that totally looks like a person but the eyes are porcelain wait did it just wink and were there really three identical ones a minute ago...huh. I think there might be a common fetish in this family.

 Okay one thing if you wanna take everyone out that way. Who carries the pocket full of shells?

...what? Giggles. Don't seem to have a laugh machine, OH MY FIZZFRONZEN SATURDAY MORNING BREAKFAST CEREAL MY LAUGHTRACK IS MISSING. For real though, what?


...is followed by my dreamtalked laughter and Isht Visht beatboxing the guitar riff to the Rage Against the Machine song. I'd shake with laughter, but...

Oh and the Twins! Should they count as dolls? The turn into a guitar and amp (guess who does which), so that makes them transformers, so technically, and they are so sleek and red...hmm.

Oh five times a day I tell each one of 'em, "Ain't you a doll!"

Welcome to the Abyss. Terms and conditions apply. Accept no substitutes.

That should be no trouble for you, Princess!

Eh, it keeps you on my toes. Sweet dreams and fun fucks--

If you can, that is!

You can any time you want--and I've got a nice fat little toy right here at the click of a button...

Aaah sex dolly has to be there with how it's right there inside!? Big thick juicy clit throbbingly hard deep inside and she only just can feel it not touch it or move it or suck it or look up and down like it's a big fat lollypop that she'll suck into herself...