35 - The Visible Woman

Giggles erupt over my tears as she says this.

"Of course you've seen Transformers."

Guinan's heading for the door, so I clip my leash back to Lyra's neck and follow her, still a bit wobbly, but stronger by the step. I feel lighter, different, not entirely sure I didn't just kill myself--

Knowledge: that was the point of its scene with me. To show me I can't even escape it by dying. It stopped me, and it can stop anything else, too. The last power I thought I had was to destroy myself. Now that's gone, I can just let it take me.

Mommy you said never let you forget your clit so I'm taking it with us.

For fuck's sake. Good cocksleeve. In my purse with it but you'll have to do it while we walk.

Right up behind you zip--oops already unzipped right slide your clit gently--wait Mommy would you like me to clean it first?

Yes. Good cocksleeve twice. Enjoy your popsicle.

Bwaha yes Mommy. Ssslurp right up your shaft unmf.


OOf! Snuggle yes Mommy slinky cuddly.

My arm possessive around Lyra, we psssh through Ten Forward's door into the little atrium outside it, Guinan glances over her shoulder, and leads us on--

"Hey, where are you going? Can I come too?"

"I feel like that's kind of an a--" Spin. Whee! "Won't you definitely already be there?"

"You're welcome as far as I'm concerned."

"I'll meet you there!"

"How do you know--" Oh. I just said--

With my free hand over my face: "I'm such a silly slut."

Guinan heads down another corridor, back into the Isht Visht's normal eldritch-piracy timber-and-crystals cozy gloom. I sigh quietly at the way Lyra fits against my curvy side as we walk.

Why would it feel good to call myself a slut?

Mommy I think you found some gender euphoria.

But slut's not--

Her gender's 'cocksleeve', and your problem is with 'slut'? 

Guinan's imagined voice rings in my ears.

So like, can you just make a gender out of anything?

If you like making stuff up yourself you can but making up your own gender is really hard work so usually people take one they see other people using. That's how I got cocksleeve. While I was studying to make your game I met some other cocksleeves and I said that's me I'm a cocksleeve.

You are so cute--hey, does that mean you have friends we should be trying to meet up with?

Mommy I didn't really make friends but I might be able to find them if you take me back to the Library.

You're a lot like me in some ways, huh?

Guinan stops in the hall, and gestures to a door, ushering us in.

What do you mean, Mommy?

"Here's my personal cabin when I'm on board here. Take a look around."

Inside is a comfy-looking space a little like the room in which I lost my spanking-flowers--hey, my flower! Game, I want my slave mark flower!

Knowledge: the game is keeping me frozen, with flower existing inside me, until its ready for me to create it. It won't let me decide how or when. It's going to make me wear it always, and never be able to hide it, just like my Mark of the Nonconsensual Pedestal. Everyone will know what I am.

Being held so tightly feels like sex over my whole body. Are you sure you're not rewarding me, game?

Knowledge: yes, I really just like it this much. It will reward me for horniness later when Guinan isn't trying to talk to me.

With a happy sigh, I actually look around Guinan's cabin. To our left as we enter is an expensive-looking and deeply-worn, inkstained writing desk, with a big orrery ticking away on it. There's a couch against the far wall draped with another of the ship's almost-black silky blankets, and in a nook to its right a small but soft-looking bed, neatly made up with another ship's blanket, tucked away behind a wallfull of cabinets.

"What do you notice?"


"It's very small and cozy! You must feel so safe here!"

"I do. Every time I lock myself in here I breathe a big sigh of relief--kind of like you just sounded, Blu'eyes. Was your game doing something to you?"

My clutch slips inexplicably as I try to answer. Game? Are you just playing with me?

Knowledge: I have to be naked and vulnerable, if I want to be able to answer. I'm trying to answer too confidently.

I unclench and let the heat flood my cheeks, stare at my feet a bit, let her see how embarrassed I feel to tell the details of how it's fucking me without the shield of bombastic sluttiness I've been making.

There's a wobble on bombastic that tells me I'm only getting away with it this time.

"It um, it squished me so I'd make a slave flower out of the horniness I felt after it broke me, and it still hasn't given it to me, and I was asking it when, and it was telling me how it was going to make me wear it always like my Mark of the Pedestal and not be allowed to hide it and not be able to choose how or when it makes it and it made me hot to feel held so tight."

By the end of it I'm breathing hard and my heart is pounding a little and I feel like I'm in one of my naked-in-public dreams.

"I can see how you like that. Now I have a proposal for you. I'll let you hang out in my cabin while I'm off playing trombone with Riker, and when I come back you can tell me what you learn from the experience. How's that sound? You can use anything in here you want until I get back."

An order fucks its way into my head gloriously: I'm saying yes to Guinan's proposal.

"Thank you, that would be awesome!"

"You're welcome--now, what am I forgetting...ah well, I'm sure I'll think of it. See you!"

She sweeps out, closing the door with an elaborate latch-clack behind her.

Like when I was walking numbly to the counter to call her, my options collapse to how fast I'll move along the--fuck it rail threaded through me like that tentacle demonstrated before. When I bring the speed up, I pivot on my heel and step to the door, and try the handle.

It's locked.

The rail continues, so when I manage to swallow my heart again I push on and it leads me to uselessly yank the with all my weight, then bend down to inspect the door, but all there is is a keyhole in the green wood below the iron handle.

The rail ends there, leaving me squatting in front of the keyhole.

"Guinan to Blu'eyes. Honey I think I forgot to leave my key with you. You didn't lock the door, did you?"

I stand again and face Lyra and take Guinan's ability to keep talking to mean the this is an episode where the writers don't think you have to tap to open a channel.

"Um...I think you did."

"Alright, you got me. Enjoy your time in your jail cell!"

"Hey! That's one of my passenger cabins! It's nothing like a jail cell! Why didn't you tell me? I would have helped capture them! I have a whole deck full of jail cells and cages we could hold them in!"

Guinan doesn't answer, and I feel strange, a weird smiley amusement at this new predicament keeping me from feeling as bitterly betrayed as I usually would.

Why do I feel like I'm in philosophy homework, the game doesn't let me say out loud.

Let me guess, game, I think with my heart (even more) in my throat, not vulnerable enough?

Knowledge: now that it's broken me, the game is making me feel it by requiring me not to protect myself--I depend on it now, for everything, especially safety. The rules that make me act silly were the start of it making me naked and now they'll be as strict as the one's that make me need Lyra to help me. I have to be nakedly honest and express my feelings unfilteredly. I can still act pretty and slutty and perform for attention, I just have to do it with honesty. The game thinks I can definitely act for attention with honesty. The game will keep pushing me until nothing is left of my dignity, and I have to rely on it totally and let myself just be vulnerable. The game has been keeping my eyes closed, metaphorically speaking, to keep me from being too scared, but now I'm beginning to feel safe enough to look at it openly. I can ask it what more of its plans are, while I'm trapped in this cabin with Lyra, or just hang out and play with her and the Isht Visht, or anything else I can do in here. It reminds me the Bones are protecting me, but they did let Guinan imprison me. Yes it can help me escape from here, but the first part of its plan for that is to wait in the room for two hours.


Knowledge: being naked and vulnerable always means I can't keep things like my feelings now private.

The game gives me one option again, how fast I'll express what it's making me.

I gulp, and push forward, and squeak out an in--spin--surprised and embarrassed horny gasp, open my mouth in surprise, then raise my foot and stamp it hard, thud on the deck!

"How am I supposed to survive like this!? I'll go crazy if I can't keep my mouth shut! Everyone will hate me! I'm already so annoying and the only thing I had left was the hope that at least I was sexy being a brat! Now I can't even have that! How am I supposed to be cute if I never stop talking? You can turn me into a girl awesome and make me act bratty and silly fine but NOT LIKE THIS! What's the point of being sexy if no-one can stand to be near me!?"

At least the game is on point with my lines. The rail pulls me into a full-blown wailing tantrum, which makes this worse but is definitely honest, and now it feels like I'll explode if I stop.

"I can't even stop talking now!?" My voice turns to a shriek as the game takes control of the throttle, puppetting me entirely. "Game this is harming me! Please! I understand what you're trying to do but I can't do it this hard! You're taking my skin off! Look at me! Is this supposed be what happens!? Do you just want me to be crying all the time? BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT WILL HAPPEN! At least please don't make Lyra hate me! I know she can already see me but she doesn't see this! She can still have a relationship with me! What's left now? She can sit and listen to me whine all the time? What kind of relationship is that!?"

Mommy it's one where I care how you're feeling.

The only way I can respond to that is with an incoherent scream and the game knows it. At some point I've ended up sitting with my knees drawn up, ass against the wall, hugging myself, and Lyra is kneeling solicitously in front of me.

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO GOOD? Why would someone like you bother with me? Don't you want to be with someone who ever listens to anything!? You think I haven't noticed how self-centered I am with all this? I GET THE SPIKING MESSAGE, GAME! I'd be trying to change but everything you keep doing to me just seems to be about making me worse! If you were created by Lyra why are so determined to ruin me for her!?"

Of course I should expect the game to actually answer a question like that, no matter who posed it, but the Knowledge: still surprises me: The game isn't trying to ruin me for Lyra, and it isn't trying to make me self centered. It's trying to make me innocent, which is painful and hard to get back after losing it like I have. Lyra will like me innocent, and she likes just fine right now too. The game just thinks she'll happier, and I'll be happier, which is what Hyperintelligent Lyra designed this game to be for. The game has to show me how innocence feels, and all of my instincts are fighting that to protect me, which why I keep having crying fits like this.

Mommy needs tissues. Find--ee Guinan has hankies! Grab hankie kneel down again hold to wipe when you tell me to.

My face is such a mess I can't even tell what came from where. Good cocksleeve. Do it.

Wipe your nose and mouth with one part now dry your tears with my tongue there. Now hold hankie to blow your nose with?

The silliness of her nuzzly face gentle tongue slurping up my tears makes me laugh and feel better, but even if I the game would let me do it I don't think I'd be able to anything but let her give me this humiliating kindness. I blow, and sniff, and mostly can breathe again.

"You said you thought of something I couldn't give myself and you thought it didn't make sense and then our seed-ghost said it did and I thought you meant enslavement because obviously, but that wasn't it, was it. Right?"

I manage to raise my head.

Yes Mommy it was innocence I said Master should have his innocence back so we can play how we used to but as grown-ups with sex and cool toys only grownups can use safely.

"Get in my arms, you."

Jump in the lap you're making snuggle look at your face then snuggle in your cleavage.

"Game please," I say out loud just in case as I hold her. "I'm scared you won't go hard enough. I'm scared you won't be able to do it because you're trying to be kind to me."

Knowledge: the game definitely is trying to be kind to me, but it can judge me very precisely, and do what it was made to do without holding back any more than exactly as much as it needs to to keep from breaking me, and it can break me in exactly the way it needs to like it did before we left Ten Forward. This game has teeth, and it can use them to break through the shell around me whenever I can't flow with it without breaking. It's breaking me now, which why I've been crying and making a scene. I can't break and keep the calm exterior I've been using to protect myself, and the game is making me stop using silence to keep my thoughts private and hide how that scares me.

The game moves my mouth, makes me talk, and I burst into tears all over again.


The game leads me into the scream, but it's the only thing that can happen anyway and it feels like my own and it's the loudest I've ever screamed in my life. I can hear it echoing in the tiny cabin, reflected and reflected sound buzzing in layers like a bad digital reverb effect.

Hug Mommy so tightly.

I'm left gasping and sobbing, lurching with all the air squeezed out of me but still pushing to make sure I get the whole scream out. Lyra just sits there squeezing me the whole time, somehow not scared or revolted by my tantrum.

It's not done with me yet. Game please, PLEASE--

"I can't believe this makes my clit hard! How can I actually be turned on by this? Is there something wrong with me, game? I definitely like to be horny but how can I possibly get hot from not being able to keep myself quiet!?"

The game gives me Knowledge:, but I have to say it out loud to receive it:

"The game says I'm wet for this because it's bringing my heart to the surface, and I am huge slut--that gender euphoria you mentioned cocksleeve is true--and it just makes me wet to be seen and listened to. I'm an exhibitionist and that's fine and the game isn't letting me hide it. I can't be reserved and be innocent, that's not how I work."

...then back to speaking my Lines:

"There isn't enough space for me to express myself this way! I barely hear anything you're thinking already! How much of you am I even getting, Lyra? Five percent? If I take any more space up you'll disappear entirely!"

Mommy you're getting all of me. Since you looked at me you know everything I think.

I'm just a quiet small cocksleeve. If you say something to me I think about it as much as I think I need to understand, but mostly Mommy I like to be quiet and let you hold me and be snuggly and feel how much you love me.

New tears explode from me as I crush her to me.

Everything you think and say and especially feel is so precious to me Mommy I like being quiet so I can be sure I always hear everything.

I can't even weep coherently in the face of this. The emotions will destroy me, but as she thinks it so simply and earnestly my clit rushes with new hardness and the warmth of her love fills me.

The game feels like it might be readying more Lines but it's going to have to wait because I have something to say:

"I feel the same way about you! The cap--Rada said that thing about taking a moment that might never come again for everything it's worth and that's every single thought you ever think! That's--fine it's one reason I'm so scared of this! I'm so scared I'll miss you!"

Crying in your breasts now I'll lick off my tears--if you tell me I will.

You really care--no I believe you I see I feel how you feel it.

As soon as I've heard her the game takes me again and I can pet her for comfort to both of us but I must speak:

"How can I possibly have any friends and what happens if we find my family? They don't want to hear about our sex life!"

The game gives me Knowledge: to say out loud again.

"This isn't going to make it so I can't be appropriate. I just have to be nakedly honest. If we do find my family, I'll be made to tell them what's true for me, but the game isn't going to make me be rude to them or insist on sharing our sexcapades--unless they ask me. My brother will surprise me, the game thinks. The younger one, who might be as old as me or older when I meet him again because of the way Earth died."

"WHAT!? GAME NO! Wait, he might be OLDER!? How does that work?"

More Knowledge:

"Earth was destroyed by its history disintegrating. If my brother left later in the timeline I came from, more time may have passed for him, even if he waited longer to wake up from Limbo than we did. The game is telling me this now so I can be ready to give up being the eldest of brothers, because that'll make what it's doing to me easier."

"Holy fuck," I say, uncontrolled but not even trying to think privately. "It...fuck. Why does that feel so good? It's all silky like letting the tentacles have me."

The game gives me Knowledge: again, before my next batch of lines.

"Having the responsibility of being older sibling taken away makes me feel sexy because I don't actually like being responsible. The power it gives me isn't anything I actually care about. I don't care very much about having power or freedom, except to be playful and have fun with Lyra. I don't even care that I'm locked in this room, as long as she's here to have fun with me. That's why the game is enslaving me. It's forcing me to give up responsibility to give me the freedom of being contained safely with Lyra in a safe little room like this, except that room can go anywhere we want to. The game will completely control our existence to make sure we always feel safe like this. There's nothing to do but have fun with it."

"Wow that makes me wet. I feel like my body just decided to always be horny no matter what's happening because why should I not be? I could have sex any moment! Lyra's right here, and she's always willing! There's nothing to stop us, and the game will keep everything right to be safe like this, and it's probably even encouraging us subtly in some sneaky way I can't see like making me think about how soft that bed looked! Game, that's encouraging me openly--I guess it's working, huh."

Lyra's switched from weepily snuggling to coiled ball of energy as I talk, and it would be nice to watch her crawling ahead of me on the softness, pussy waving me a drippy hello...

You're so lustful now Mommy it feels like you're melting me!

Top, Gain insight as to hands being for pleasure by learning how to stay horny without being teased, Coffin of Forthright Awareness

"You completed the goal your game told me about! This is your cabin now. Guinan was just making a point before. Here's the key!"

I really shouldn't be surprised or jump when it beams in--by a TNG-era Federation transporter, of course--next to me on the floor, but I do anyway.

"That was cool! You have transporters AND replicators? What else do you have? Is there a phaser range?"

"Do you want to see my transporter room? Let me ask Captain something--she says you can come see my bridge! It's just like a Galaxy-class starship! I've been working on it for ever!"

"Fuck yes! Can you wait for us to have a quickie first, though? I like, can't really think until I get to cum in Lyra."

"Why don't you come fuck in Engineering where I can watch you and you can try to match the warp core's rhythm?"

Game, harder! I'm thinking this, so there's still some of me doing something other than screaming yes to that!

Mommy I want you to put me on the main console and take me doggy style like you were just thinking about!

Top, Find the broken couch you dream of, Same kind of pillow

"Wait, huh? I didn't even do anything."

"Mommy isn't the broken couch you dream of the captain's chair on the Enterprise-D because it has like a split down the middle of it? And you found it we know where it is now and we're going to go see it and I'm going to make please-eyes at Rada if you let me to let you sit in it while I suck you off."

"Does that mean you want to skip Engineering?"

"No! We're just going to have to fuck twice, snuggly, oh well. Come on!"

I snatch up the key--no I don't but that's wonderful and finally I understand it! My body will decide it's not time to be horny if I have to do chores or things like that, but with the way the game holds me, it's like I'm as safe as in bed in the morning when I have morning wood because I'm safe enough to just be horny and ready to fuck because why not.

My hands really are just for pleasure now, just like the rest of me.

I can't even get around it using Lyra. She's a cocksleeve. I've never seen anyone embody their gender as en--slip--as hard as she does. I know she'll do anything, anything I tell her, but I'm totally going to avoid anything for her that'd be too un-cocksleevey and no snuggly you can't devoted your way out of that it's how I prefer to use you and you're stuck with it NYEAH.

I'm your cocksleeve Mommy I just play how you use me.

"This is awesome! Grab the key, cocksleeve, and put it in my purse, along with my clit if you finished cleaning it, and let's go!"

Take the key for you find your purse zzip open. Clit is still slippery yay I get to keep licking! Key in purse zzip kneel in front of you ready Mommy.

The moment the key is in my purse, the ratcheting synthesized-cogs sound of our childhood surrounds us and the cabin transforms, shifting in panels and segments that fit with mechanical dream-logic from ancient eldritch wood to the smooth curves and sloping ceilings of Galaxy-class officer's quarters.


When it finishes, the door even pssshes open for us--

"Wasn't your hall wooden before, Isht Visht?"

Outside is more Galaxy-class duranium-and-beige.

"It was! I decided it was time finish transitioning. I've been working on it for a while, and Captain finally said 'Isht Visht honey, it's okay if you want to be inter-class, but I think you're just procrastinating, so I was like fine, I'm doing it, time to be Galaxy-class I just need the right moment and then I lost sight of your cabin when you put the key in your purse and I'd been going to change it for you anyway and suddenly I couldn't without asking you and I said I still want to surprise them though and decided it was time to give myself a makeover. How do you like it? Did I get the comm panels? I know you probably can't see from where you are but when you can please tell me how I did with them? Federation holographic technology is hard to make right because it's mostly optical dream-logic with just enough math to still be sci-fi and I tend to slide into fantasy when I have to use dream-logic."

The most nakedly honest response I can give to this is to sit, watching Lyra glancing all around the room with the same expression, with my mouth open and eyes wide in a frozen laugh of surprise and delight. It's amazing--the cabin even (from what I can see sitting here--on weirdly-luxurious low-pile carpet now) has about the same layout, with the writing desk replaced by a console that could have come straight out of Data's quarters. Guinan's hot chocolate is even still steaming away on it, undisturbed.

"Sis I'm so proud of you! I can't see your commpanels yet but the rest of you looks beautiful! I have eidetic memory so I know exactly how the Enterprise-D looks and you really look like it! Are you just trying Galaxy-class or have you been like talking about it with Rada and stuff like do you think you'll be Galaxy class for a long time because it looks so good I think you should keep it."

"Aww, thank you! I've had the feeling I'm starting to be sci-fi for a while now, and if I'm going to be sci-fi, I mean what other ship class is there?"

"So does this change your pronouns and stuff? Are you keeping your name?"

"My pronouns are still she/her and I'm keeping the name Isht Visht because Captain gave that to me but as a Starfleet Vessel I get a registry number and I'm NCC-3400. Thirty-four hundred, get it?"

Oh fuck, my clutch has on settings like Lyra's, and the game can switch them as fast as I can switch Lyra's, and it can mean I have to do a thing but be the one to figure out how to do it:

"No. What's that mean?"

Normally I'd be quiet and let someone else be the first to not know, or just try to figure out what it means from context.

Isht Visht gasps dramatically, and exclaims:

"YOU LEFT BEFORE THERE WAS RULE 34 OF THE INTERNET! I HAVE TO SHOW YOU! Come to holodeck five after Engineering the bridge can wait!"

"That...doesn't sound like they managed to pass the Communications Decency Act."

This seems to be really funny because Isht Visht starts laughing before I finish talking.

"It's totally the opposite! That's all I'm saying now you have to come see it in my holodeck."

"Okay, okay. Pull me up, snugglebutt." Let's see how strong you are.

Bwhaha grin bounce out of hug reach hand down RRRRRAAAAHEAVE HAH got you up HEY Mommy are you helping me!?

"Don't drop my clit."

Never Mommy--WWWHEEEEEEE Bwahahaha silly Mommy!

As soon as her cutely-small but still mighty pull has me off the floor I bound up and swing us into a fast p--spin--hehe yes a fast spin and then yank her in close and bouncingly stumble--

"OOF! Whoah!" It comes out surprised and little squeaky and really moaning-turned-on, because just as I'm about to flounce us through the door, my feet stick to the floor like they're glued, and the game puppets me so I don't fall, then puppets me some more to push the door-closed button, and it psshes shut in front of my face--which also surprises me, because I forgot that all that black glass in TNG is actually supposed to be covered with forcefields that make the buttons touchable, and Isht Visht didn't forget that, even for the door controls.

Imagine trying to use a UI like that without forcefields! It'd be impossible! How would you know what you were pressing without looking, like I just did?

Knowledge: the game will tell Isht Visht what happened and not to be offended that I closed the door so suddenly. This is part of how I have to let the game decide to offer me, not make that decision for myself. Going outside is offering myself to anyone who might enjoy my company and putting myself on display because I'm wearing a Mark of the Nonconsensual Pedestal. To be able to go outside again, I need to rest and recover and process the things the game has been telling me, and spend time where Lyra can serve me without feeling my need to perform for other people. The game will send me out when I'm ready. It will listen if I say I need something, but I can't make requests directly, just like it works with clothing.

The game unglues my feet.

First, I stare at the door for a while, because the game is SO RIGHT. I really need to process. I don't even know why "Five Rings of Paranoid Diffusion" means other people can feel my orgasms if they're holding my clit while I cum now! My brain feels like one of my mom's desks, covered with papers so deep you can't see the top of it.

"Welcome to your passenger accomodation aboard the starship Isht Visht, NCC-3400. The voice you are hearing now is the audio computer interface. To access the interface, say Computer, followed by a Federation standard command language interface protocol query."

A weird flying feeling fills me, and something like weepiness makes my head tight even though I'm definitely not going to cry, and I think of how I love airplanes, not just RC ones or dreams of being a pilot, I like flying in jetliners because you're strapped into your little space with your toys all around you and if you're lucky a window to look out of and now this is just like that being locked in here but this cabin is way comfier than an airplane seat.

As soon as I know my heart it feels like I'll explode--if I don't express myself, the game will--

Knowledge: if I don't express myself I will anyway, because the game will take control of my face and show what I'm feeling on it, and use my voice to tell in words if it needs to. The way I feel right now is telling me that's going to happen if I don't express how I feel my own way.

No, I'll express, game, I--I want to be a good slut and play like I'm supposed to and that's scary too.

Top, Express desire to play the game compliantly: 1/25 complete, Relinquish the right to address the game noncompliantly

"AAH! Game, what do you mean?"

Knowledge: I can be sure I'll like what it does to me. The rest I will find out when it gives the reward to me.


Mommy! Hug you really super snuggly rrraah see the game won't keep you from having everything you need to be happy right now just need hugs from me I can feel it. It's just like when you were in the aftercare nook with me, Mommy, except this time nobody can see you sit and be scared with me.

Tears flood my eyes without the game helping or me trying to stay ahead of it, because she's right. I've been just as scared this whole time, it's just that what I'm scared of keeps changing.

I only half-know what I'm doing as I turn around still holding Lyra tight and try to find the bed. It's still in its same nook to the right of the couch. She trots to move with my swinging her and it's so cute I cry even harder because she always works so hard to be good all the time and I know it's from love.

Mommy bed, right? Would you like me to turn back the sheets for you?

"Yes," I weep, and she slips out from my arms.

Walk ahead leash wait ok pull covers back rraah get on bed wait for you to come beside me pat where you'll sleep to say I want you beside me smile see I'm happy you can hold me while you talk or sleep with me.

Top, Sleep with seedling until sunrise, Half your fears will be broken

Her inviting is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I run the rest of the way and throw myself into the silky! bed with her with a big bounce and cuddle up and she flips the covers back over us and I cry harder when I feel the antenn--spin--antennaS I'd been doing SO GOOD ignoring against the pillow but they won't keep me awake I just feel it touching them and then she's snuggled against me so tightly it feels like she wants to climb inside me which is exactly what I want to feel from her and I grab her tight and I suddenly feel heavy and sleepy and--