38 - The Care and Feeding of Magical Creatures
Before I can cry too much, the game puppets me to turn pages to a new passage now.
"When I came home to my hiding-place after my capture, and the door locked behind me and my seedling crawled onto the bed and looked back at me hopefully, it was like heaven to realize my keeper had already given me a full stock of toys to play with, safe space to play in, and plenty of soft comfy bedding to wrap up in. My seedling showed me a toychest with dildos and butt plugs and rope to tie him up in and I felt this huge sense of relief. Everything had already been picked for me, and all I had to decide was how we would play with it. I understood then why I like this. I'm happy to dominate and order my seedling to please me, and stamp around like I own this place, but my heart wants my life to be simple, and I feel taken and kept when my choices are held by my keeper like this. I'm silly like all Fairies, but it's hard for me sometimes to feel safe to make choices that might make my seedling look down on me (though of course he says he'll respect me and love through anything), and when all I can use are the toys with pink hearts on them I just don't have to think about whether my seedling's impressed by them--and if I actually like how they look in my hands, that doesn't make me less powerful, because I couldn't pick them out anyway. That's one example of something that shapes my whole lifestyle."
The game lets my mind free and my heart pounds and I breathe hard because it's so scary how much I relate to the Fairy who wrote this. I think of the corset on the bed beside us, how I would never in a billion years, even now that I'm a giant slut and a hot girl and yes have gotten the message game though maybe you'd better make sure that I'm not going to be dignified ever again, pick out something like that to wear. It's gorgeous and stupidly over the top I'll feel completely ridiculous in it and WHY DOES THAT MAKE ME EVEN MORE ANXIOUS TO BE ABLE TO TRY IT ON!?
Knowledge: the more things the game picks for me, the more it's not my responsibility how I act and present myself, the more I can just be free to express how I feel without having to make myself act like it's possible for me to impress people. If the game picks my clothing and toys for me and makes me look silly, it gives me permission to just be a slut without trying to make people respect me.
Wanting to give up so many choices makes me feel a weird, woozy falling feeling. I'm SO HUNGRY for it even having our toys picked for us like the book just described but I'm afraid I'm throwing away part of myself and I'm afraid it just makes me horny and I won't be able to stand it when it's actually real.
My hands turn pages and the game puts my eyes on a new passage:
"Fairies feel best when they know they can't escape or make choices that would give freedom beyond what a pet has. That can be scary even to Fairies who like having everything controlled and picked out for them because being so horny to lose choices feels kind of like cliff-diving. You let something happen and hope for adventure but might find yourself hitting rocks and not water. The best kind of cliff-diving is dangerous, and Fairies like to give choice over that feels like the same kind of scary adventure. It makes them feel scared that they might be taking their heart out for you, and you have to be very watchful, because they very quite possibly might be--Fairies aren't made to decide what they safely can give you, so they truly can not be responsible for deciding things. You have to be careful here to check on them regularly, and see if they seem catatonic when you aren't making them do things--all Fairies like to be lazy, but they usually have all kinds of things they do in their hiding-place that involve only them and their seedling. If they haven't done anything but sleep for a while it means they're heartsick and can't find the will to express themself. If that happens, and you probably will have it happen eventually, try to find out if they have something they miss, see if they can tell you when they stopped wanting to play in their hiding-place, and call a healer if you can't find what they need to have choice in to feel whole again."
The game picks up my hands and closes the book and sets it aside again, then turns my head to Lyra, and then focuses my mind to see inside Lyra's.
It shows me how quiet and calm she is. Her mind lies still, feeling how much she loves being held, waiting to see if I'll read again, but unlike a Fairy that's gone catatonic, her heart shines with bright purple light like a fountain of energon, and her mind is a coiled mass of interest waiting to snap over the next thing I say to her.
Knowledge: Fairies like I am are nothing like demons like Lyra. She can let me decide everything down to her thought-stream without losing herself in depression, or being turned into a doll empty of consciousness.
Mommy I know that sounds like you'd be making me stop being alive but I can just be like it always I promise.
"How could you be a person if I just picked your thoughts all the time like the game does to me? I like it, but I like it because being a puppet is hot!"
When the game picks thoughts for you it still makes you think things that you might think Mommy. It wasn't your decision to think them but they were you. Remember when Rada was spanking you you were so scared the game would stop making you think how it chose for you because you felt like you wouldn't be you as much? I'm not scared of not being me if you don't pick my thoughts for me but I know I still can be myself because it only works to make me think things you want me to if you make them be stuff I might think if I went that way. If you do something else it turns into fucking my head like your game does to you where you have a decision or knowledge and know it's the game and not yours. If you make me just Knowledge and Orders I'll miss being alive for you but it won't harm me and I'll be right back alive when you let me think thoughts that are me again even if they're ones you pick out for me. Yes I can be okay like that Mommy and I think it would be romantic I'd always be doing just what you want and still get to feel how it feels to be doing it!
"It's such a rush not to even be able to touch myself," I breathe, then blush at what I just blurted.
"If you can really do it, that does sound really hot, but--ooh! How do I work this, seed-ghost?"
I have a really good idea for what to do with this...after I have some fun with it.
Vision: pastry bag
Reflexes I didn't know about but that our seed-ghost must have trained me in sneakily kick in and I'm holding her mentally, ready to aim and squeeze.
This...is HOT it feels so sexy hehe squisssh I'm thinking! Mommy really likes it too...
Just like she said, I stop being able to squeeze when I run into a direction her mind wouldn't go. It feels like I might be able to force her, but it wouldn't be her stream of consciousness anymore, it'd just be me putting words in her mouth. Let's try something else.
It's soooo hot unf my nipples feel like fire....touching them would feel....oh Mommy please please please let me please may I? Oooh what if you say I have to pick between them and my pussy I can't decide that! My pussy is soaked from this I feel it dripping out onto my legs and squishing around inside having my fingers or tail...I could just masturbate wait hey you didn't make any rules against grinding!
"Oh my god this is awesome!"
Even in this totally controlled state she's alive. The outburst of begging blurts out surprisingly like a blob from a bag of frosting (and just as tasty-sweet, it's adorable), the pitiful little wail of indecision is the only way to go after making her consider the choice, and the surprising creative leap of grinding on me is a fork off the road I was taking towards just going for it and touching herself that I can take or not, and even feel like the pressure of her body against me her desire to choose it over the other.
And then I squeeze up to the end of that and am surprised when she doesn't get up and start grinding until I realize that she can't, because I'd have to shift to squeezing her into action.
Every moment I'm not actively squeezing her, but have her held, she's perfectly still, as passive as a bag of frosting.
What's mindblowing though is how close this feels. It's like sex.
I feel it too Mommy it feels like you have your whole hand inside me squishing my thinking! I love you SO MUCH MOMMY SO MUCH I feel very very close to you right now.
"I love you too."
Grinding fuck it you didn't tell me not to and I'm HORNY--
I stop her just as she starts moving and squish for the knowledge of being controlled and redirected.
NOOO PLEASE MOMMY? NOW I'M EVEN HORNIER!
Knowledge: Lyra can be squeezed and controlled--if I want to keep driving so actively--or she can wait like a command prompt and act in response to my orders to her, then stop when her task is completed. I can also make objects into 'transmitters' for her by making symbols on them like buttons, and telling her what each control means. She'll make it as involuntary as her tail, which is already one example of this.
It's a good thing I'm a fairy, because I'd never be able to enjoy this properly if I had to take myself seriously.
--the game forces my eyes closed and gives me a vision of an electric guitar with its cable coiling into the foreground and the plug gleaming suggestively close-up.
There are no words, and I can't figure out how to smile epically enough as I realize I'm going to actually do what every rockstar since guitars had cables has been thinking.
The game lets my eyes open again, to see Lyra's face shining excitedly up at me.
HHaaahh YUS MOMMY PLEASE PLEASE TRY IT!
I want the cable to actually plug into me though WAIT NO WAY MOMMY MY TAIL!!! You can plug a guitar into my tail if I can speak Replicator Download Protocol I can definitely figure out analog guitar signals!
"Bwahahaha I bet you can! Hey seed-ghost, can we give her a guitar port somewhere sexier than just the end of her tail when the time comes?"
Vision: schematic view of seedling, all holes highlighted
I'm going to do what every rockstar has been thinking, this literally. Like I said about being a Fairy--
Intention implemented: connector grip for and sexual pleasure from electrical-type interface cables. Requires seedling to obey commands as if via Transmitter.
Before either of us can react to this even more epic development, the game moves my hands to open the book again, and focuses my mind onto a new passage it pages to:
"How you care for a Fairy's creativity varies a lot by the Fairy. They like to be visible at some level to feel like their creative works have meaning, but they may hide in their hiding place to write and share only pieces that are finished, stand on a pedestal and make a performance out of their work, or anything in between the extremes. Some Fairies work in permanent media while others just like to make their performances into an art form. What carries through all of them, is that it's vital to Fairies' wellbeing to have people to share their creative work and display for inside and outside their keeper's household. That might seem surprising if your Fairy is very in love with you, but remember section 2.5 about Fairies and having a sense of stability and safety-net. If your Fairy can feel valued by people outside your family, the terror of losing their keeper for any reason feels that much more manageable. Of course they are still Fairies, and need you in control of this like so many other things. Try to involve them in workshops or practice-clubs, and find ways to make them part of an artistic community that fits with the impulses they show to you. This may make Fairies with secret process very embarrassed! Take care to match the kind of involvement to their personality and be careful of letting secretive Fairies flounder because they don't have the willpower to ask for help, and gregarious Fairies become shallow by never reflecting privately. Some of this takes courage on the Fairy's part, and some yours--it's one thing to trap your pet into playing on a pedestal using toys you gave them, but sending them to a workshop they're afraid of is much higher stakes than just playtime."
The game moves my hands to flip to a later page about halfway through the book.
"Having to draw their excitement from powerless experiences leaves Fairies craving control of things. Expect your Fairy to show signs of this in idiosyncratic behavior that may even feel ridiculous to your Fairy, and be ready to support and encourage very unusual requests for things to help them take care of this need. Almost all seedlings of Fairies have adaptations for this that give their Fairy an outlet, but their seedling alone is rarely sufficient, and may be designed by their seed-ghost to make sure the Fairy has reasons to make their seedling part of a larger world of experiences to help their heartformer meet this need. Some Fairies even ask for their seedlings to become like involunt mechanical dolls that need their Fairy to drive them by puppetry (these might seem like the seedling is gone at first, with their mind blank, but usually the truth is the opposite, as you'll see if you watch while they're played like this). If your Fairy has a seedling that's like this, it probably means they have the drive to feel in control of things that usually makes humans dominant to an extreme degree (see Fairy Princess, in the next chapter) and may feel like being a Fairy makes it hard to be satisfied without having to be in charge of things they don't want to be. You'll need to work with them closely to make sure they can work out their need for this in ways that can work for a Fairy."
"Thank you so much book for making me figure out a word from it's Latin roots and know having to talk this way isn't making me dumber!"
This paragraph makes enough for me to realize it's been making me read the introductions of sections, I guess to give me an idea of what's in the book--
Knowledge: I'm reading paragraphs that help me realize how I'm a perfectly typical Fairy and even the weirdest things about Lyra and I aren't anything wrong with me. It's okay to read the book in my own time, and it can help me see how to be a Fairy, but most of its text is practical advice on how to keep Fairies, which the game doesn't need me to understand to take care of me. It might be part of my kinks to be ignorant of that, and I should think about it before reading this book on my own time. I might even want to be held to make my mind not able to think about it. The game will decide that for me. I won't be able to ask any more than I need to feel safe or understand what it means to need a keeper to care for me, or think or act on intentions that would lead to my not keeping my innocence about how I need to be kept now.
Now the game makes me flip the book back to the beginning, and read the passage that starts chapter 1:
"Welcome to the Care and Feeding of Magical Creatures. This book is intended to introduce and guide those curious about the topic of Fairy-keeping to the practice, and give you enough practical advice to make it possible to take care of Fairies if you're willing to seek out a mentor. Don't use it without one! Fairies might seem like they're simple creatures that just want to be kept like average submissive pet-players, but their self-designed nature as heartforming partners over everything else in life leads to some very tricky to take care of heart design. The beauty they use to make this feel worthwhile for everyone will startle you, if you have what it takes to take care of them, and the love they have toward you will make your heart pound in you, as long as you're ready to make their life magical--that's why this book calls them Magical Creatures. Are you ready to learn how to care for them? The first lesson is that Fairies you capture will fight to death to get free of you, and you have to be able to break them by proving they can't use the Dreams or their hearts to escape, even by taking their souls apart. If that hasn't scared you too much to keep reading, go through this next section on making a cage for your Fairies to live in, ask a mentor to guide you through your first capture, and get ready to start your adventure--it's going to be just as scary and fun for you, as your Fairy!"
The game puppets my whole body now, puts aside the book, turns me left and gets me out of bed so I'm standing, and then leaves me standing there, able to move again.
Knowledge: it's time to get up and explore now. I can get back in bed, but that would be boring.
It's just so...perfect. I turn around see Lyra and pull her up to snuggle me--
Hey, where snuggles--ooh, game has Mommy. Exploring! Mommy I saw when I thought this was Guinan's place there are things in all the cabinets I didn't see what because I wasn't going to be nosy but you can't be nosy to your own cabinets and I'm curious please can we look inside--leash pull coming! That means yes right Mommy?
I smile down and nod at her, but feel...dammit.
Like I want to be fucked. Emotionally. This whole thing with the book was like foreplay--gah!
"No, game! If I'm this silly or ditzy or stupid or whatever that you even have to tell me when it's time to stop lying in bed and check out my cabin put me in my place! I heard what the book said but I want! To feel it!"
Recognizing the same squeezing I was just doing to Lyra and the real-ness of the feelings squeezed out of me and the powerlessness to do anything about it makes me feel weirdly weepy and pathetic and horny all at once.
A nice fat headfuck! It's making me...gulp...breathe in to talk and clench up to sound intense...
"I'm a domesticated species of human designed to be pets to people who like taking care of needy difficult creatures for the challenge. I'm designed not to be able to take care of myself and I need someone to do it for me and I like it it feels good because when I'm left to my own devices I can tell I can't do it right! You have to take care of me game! Please, I need you to manage me I'm a Fairy tell me when to wake up how to get ready where to go to display when to come back to my hiding place and how long to stay when I should sleep and pick out my clothing and toys for me! I'm not wild I can't DO that stuff it just makes my head hurt! Even thinking about it sucks! Take it away, game, hold me, take care of me!"
The game makes me stamp my feet and humph and cry like a bratty kid and it's an order but the real tears start to come out when I feel how much acting the feelings out is breaking them out of where they're hiding in my heart.
Crying for real, hands to my face (careful not to hide my mark) to hide the burning humiliation.
"This place is so wonderful and there's infinite stuff we could do probably just in here alone between the computer and replicator and that should be amazing and IT JUST FEELS LIKE A DUSTY DESERT HAVING TO CHOOSE THIS IS SUCH A RELIEF!"
"Mommy are the cabinets and what might be in them too many decisions?"
With a deep breath, I peep out of my fingers at Lyra looking up at me tenderly.
"That's not even slightly a rh--" Slip. "You just mean that literally."
Yes nod my head.
Do they? I'm still breathing hard from crying but start gasping all over again because AAAAH THE ANSWER ISN'T OBVIOUS!
"I WANT TO EXIST! THIS IS--"
"Mommy you're scared if the game makes too many choices you won't be yourself I see but you can't make it do that I was selfish and made sure you couldn't leave like that. Even if you could though Mommy I was still me while you were squeezing me right?"
I swallow, still looking at her through the tears in my eyes.
"Yeah. That's you though, you're magic."
I'm being a silly panicky butterfly. See how when the game squeezes me like it is now by picking these thoughts for me, I feel more like myself than ever? Remember Rada spanking me.
"Fuck. Is this just how I'm going to be now? The sex is amazing BUT I'D REALLY LIKE TO GET ACROSS A ROOM WITHOUT A PANIC ATTACK!"
Knowledge: my emotions will feel much more intense forever, but I have so many tantrums and breakdowns right now because I'm very full of feelings about finding out I'm heartforming a succubus, Earth coming to an end, leaving my parents and family, learning I'm not made to take care of myself, finding out I'm a woman, being raped and realizing I liked it, discovering my deep-seated exhibitionism, and all the other things the game isn't listing because I can't take hearing them all at once.
"I think you're already pushing it, game."
Also there's what I just so passionately said...and...between all of it I feel shredded inside.
Knowledge: I'm about to hear Isht Visht talking. She isn't talking directly, the game is relaying a message from her.
Sure enough, her voice sounds in my head like an auditory hallucination, sound piped into my nerves just after my ears.
"Happy sftersleep Miss Blu'eyes and sister! Your game said you needed some encouragement because you're kind of freaking out about just like everything so here you go. You and your seedling RULE and I'm so glad Captain decided to answer your hail, sis! Did you know she begged super pathetically, Lucy? PLEASE would you PLEASE take us to a place where I can doorjump us to the Gates of Deep Images Home? It was the cutest EVER and I so of COURSE knew my sister when I saw who was sending the hail. Anyway the game doesn't want me to talk too long it just thought you'd feel better knowing you completely made Captain and my voyage by being stranded like that and needing us to capture you. I hope you can stay and hang out while we travel. The game asked me to give you that cabin indefinitely and Captain said I am so you're home there as long as you want. Try out the replicator, I made one embedded in a tabletop! Okay, byebye until your game lets you out! Enjoy my amenities and REMEMBER ITS THE FUTURE YOU HAVE FANDOM TO CATCH UP ON and your sister-in-anarchy will be super disappointed if you don't let her catch up on it with you at least slightly."
Knowledge: the game has the ability to take messages and play them when it decides I can hear them, or just act on what people say to it. It will make social plans for me and make me make friends with people it picks out, or that I show desire to be friends with. All I have to think about is nothing--the game isn't giving me one single choice in my social life.
"Is this what it's like for you, squishy? Every little piece of control just makes you--wetter?"
Yes it's so hot right Mommy?
"Holy fuck yes I just never thought this would turn me on."
Every little loss of control adds to a teetering pile of fear inside me, ready to fall on me and squish me the second the constant background of please game please please please see me and take good care of me and be nice to me gets responded to with something other than the kind and terrifyingly accurate foresight the game's been giving so far.
Knowledge: the game can take care of me well enough that I'll always be happy with how it chooses for me--Hyperintelligent Lyra made very very very very sure it would be able to follow my needs and desires even more closely than I can. It can tell right now that I'm wondering who Lyra had for a mentor in making this game for me, and that an example of how it can take care of me would help me feel safer, which it can give by telling me she had my seed-ghost which is the most perfect mentor any Fairy-keeper can have.
"Okay you and my seed-ghost making something together is a really scary idea. I didn't think about that when you told me the first...time...fuck I didn't because I couldn't! Could I? I can't remember if the game was controlling my thoughts right then--"
The game suddenly puppets me to sit down on the bed.
Sit by Mommy raah snuggly Mommy tastes kind of heart-fried...
I try to sort the blur of the past hours. It's all there, but I feel...yeah good one cocksleeve.
It's not that I can't decide what part of the room to explore first. I just still can't process anything else.
My brain is full doesn't even begin to cover it.
I look at my hands in my has-to-be naked lap, past the swells of my new breasts and at the pixels of the eravahk I guess I'll just hold forever now. Lyra's beautiful silvery skin and hair shine, cuddled tight beside me, and her alien-gorgeous face looks up at me full of kindness and concern, ready to spring into action. Everything is awesome, and that's kind of the trouble.
At least I don't have to figure out if I'm getting up or what--I don't have permission to move right now which is both really weirdly comforting and adds to the pile.
Mommy what if you build with Legos like Guinan said? I can help now I can sort pieces and hold things and find parts that are missing--
My arms are around her and she's in my lap before I realize that means I needed and got an exception from being held still to hold her.
"I love you! We don't have any Legos though, just--"
We have a replicator Mommy! Send me over I can replicate anything you want--Mommy would you like me to see if I can make up a set? My tail should be able to send the pattern again!
She bounces up excitedly, ready to spring into action, as if she didn't just spend half an hour c--slip--holding thousand-degree gold in her arms.
And then there's that. I feel so dumb. Why is that good? How can I like the fact that I'm already learning not to even try for a bigger word than dumb?
And I know what I need, though I feel silly for it. If I have to be a kid (and I still don't get how all of this isn't making me into one, though it feels like if my brain could work I'd understand something in the poetry of the idea of restoring innocence) I can at least try for teenager.
Knowledge: if I look in the cabinet by the bedside table I'll find what I need. The game put it there while I was sleeping. The game knows what I need before I do and takes care of me.
"Go check it out, snuggly."
I pat her on her beautiful bare hips in what seems to be turning into my 'up' gesture.
Sweet! Going bound slink past Mommy cabinet above how open aha forcefield button PUSH pssssh--
No. Way. Four THOUSAND eight hundred and thirty--bwahaha Mommy remember beforesleep when you were like 'probability that this is Lyra's sister 4,830%' except actually the game picked that number for you?
There's a Lego set in the cabinet, sure enough, and i can see Tec-- hidden behind her curious head, but it'd have to be huge.
"Yeah--wait, is that how may pieces it has?"
Everything here is weird and over the top, even the Legos--but somehow that's good now? No, obviously: something five times the size of the biggest set ever in 1995 might keep me building for more than 20 minutes, even with whatever weird impossible delightful heartbreakingly sweet superpower she'll turn out to have for helping me with Legos.
And I want to feel smart but will break if I try something like failing at writing a 3D system yet again but I've never met a Lego set I couldn't build in my sleep with half the instructions missing and the other half being a manual for the wrong set.
It's perfect...game did you really plan this all the way back in the room with the table?
Knowledge: yes, I am so predictable to the game it knew what I would ask for from the replicator, what I actually needed in the request I was making, and how to make sure I would know the game actually had this plan already when it made me think of the number by using the set Lyra's head is blocking me from seeing right now which Isht Visht will recognize when I show her it built which I should because she'll like it and tell me a story about how they got the license to make Lego sets out of Massey-Ferguson stuff.
...out of what?
Massey-Ferguson Mommy see? RRAAAAAH HEAVY OOOF FWUMP on the bed right beside you.
"OH MY GOD, CAN'T THERE BE SOMETHING HERE THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME CRY!?"