11 - Graven Images

Snif...Fairy blanket time is...a place to stay. In a time machine. And I was going to call daddy Mr. Bigstuff if he could join the Real Big Huge Club. Every word of this is more awesome than the last! Our seed-ghost doesn't let the tension turn us into a sexy puddle yet, but I know why--

Your seed-ghost has something else so hurry to make this fun.

Weird! Okay, message to our kids. Is there a way Boobsong can handwrite this? Yes of course, what am I thinking, I can make presents for people. I thumbstick Boobsong back a step to make room, click her to pose with her hands out. Our seed-ghost takes the card, and I make an obsidian slab with silver inlay of me snuggling Boobsong at the edges and a pen that'll write like it's Boobsong's black mirror font on Boobsong's hands, and click her scribe, and she picks up the pen and gets ready to write.

Hm...click, dance!

...pussy just filled exploding--hot this tricky now! Challenge accepted raaah! Have to accept it (wet) but still say the raah!

She starts to sway her hips in a cutely raunchy rhythm, bouncing them side to side like she's working onto my thick hard shaft and sliding slowly down...hehe, her lips open hornily when I think that. Enjoy that image, you.

Okay.

Congratulations on everything, you two! You both are so beautiful. There's so much to say and do, yes, but we will come to visit soon, if we can control this crazy ride we're on at all. Which we may not. I kind of bet you know what I mean there very personally now. But I want you know how much it means to get your invitation. An awful lot of inns haven't had room for me in my life, and even fewer want Boobsong there.

I would have just come, but this couldn't wait. Sex's sister's help, that is. If it really takes us okay, but--

Agree she can get!

 --we think you can do this one, Sex. I'm sending something along I think you'll recognize, but this one can find what she's looking for, even if the only thing between her mattresses is the back door to a pizza shop. Remind her the Pevensies didn't get asked if they wanted to take a voyage, and how upset Eustace was until the dragon thing, and then tell her I never said I was Jesus, and to ask daddy how he made me. When he answers, tell her I was made before everyone else on this Earth and say this is Paradise and the war between Eve and the serpent is over, and then if you need to you can say the only time Boobsong ever bruises my heel is when she puts me in shoes that don't fit right. Which is never.

Your Siren sense will tell you the rest. Give her the toy when the time is right. If you have to, a wish will teleport it right where it needs to go. 

Yeah that's hard. This is war and it isn't over until the last soul is saved. Not every knee will bow, but I'm determined that every heart will sing. I can't give you orders, but I can say what I'd do. Go into all the world...and make them see. Hang onto your tits, though, because it's quite a world--but you know that, now!

Say hi daughters?

Click, write!

Hi from seed-Mom daughters! Wishing fun for you! Hugs and good wishes!

Smiles.

Love from Princess Rainbow Darkshine Strawberry, and Boobsong the dragon

PS-for a REAL good time, look up my family. I've still got the gravel between my toes, but that's nothing to where you had it today!

PPS-but that's just a (sexy, horny, kinky) fairytale? Meet us on the flagpole on Cair Paravel's tallest tower (you know the way, oh Sex-y Siren), and I'll show you some REAL wham lines.

PPPS-actually bad metaphor. I just wanted you to see what I just saw. I think we'll have all we need in right there in your living room.

Aaah. It's nice to remember my habit of having 400 PPPPPS's on a letter. Our seed-ghost takes it out of Boobsong's hands, letting her put them into dancing--

Remember the vibrator!

Augh Lucy really is the smart one. I make another of the toy I gave to (this) Sex, but this one has the upgrades of the ability to be wished onto you by a well-meaning helper, and it'll scan for your porn collection to make dreamskins, and if there's nothing suitable there it'll go to rule 34 of your most-loved media, or, if needed, people you have crushes on, beloved toys, anything you feel enough desire and happiness about to work.

Purple checkmark, because this thing is dangerous, yeah. Oh and a transform for cocks, and a test to make it only function in the Dreams. Too easy to misuse otherwise.

Because instead of making one, I just let rip, and billions of them come out. It feels so good. I was meant to do this kind of thing for the whole planet, after all. Our seed-ghost takes them all, and when I stop I feel refreshed and a little rushy, like I just came.

Take those where they're needed, seed-ghost. Give them to Sirens and stuff. You can figure it out I guess.

Top, Pump the pleasure up with extra cocks, two-dram lifebucket

OH! I was wondering what the extra cocks would be, seeing as they can't be mine now! Yeah this'll definitely add some dicks to the world. And other stuff. May I get fucked by one of then one day--wait, what'd I just say--no. Grr. Bring it.

This is nuts how much we're tearing through game goals, too. I'm starting to actually believe we'll get through all of them tonight like it said!

Then our seed-ghost does a really weird thing. It just starts flipping through the goals list, like it's about to check one off, but each one disappears before we get--before it checks anything off.

There's a message in that, but it's so obnoxiously presented, I pretend it's not there.

Purple checkmark.

Okay, if our seed-ghost is spiked, what do the Dreams say about this? Boobsong is sweet?

...fingers around shaft going up and down...

RRR Mommy don't do this. Checkmark is seed-ghost says good stuff. See message.

It's weird they waited to give it, then, but the Dreams say I should listen to her. Then I have to include the tone which is taunting and torturing by redirecting before anything resolves. So like the whole way this day has been channel surfing I guess.

The scary ride where you can't be at peace before a new scary thing starts without ending the old one is over. You can take time to finish here.

I really want to believe that, but why present it in such a mood-killing way, and why say here? I don't get this. What you just did was what it was like trying to save daddy, seed-ghost. Why would you push that button? You said there would be no more poison apples, and this sure looks like one.

Anyway, mood's dead, so I click Boobsong to just kneel at my feet, and she sadly goes.

Dreams I wish for you to spike this kind of thing in the future, before our seed-ghost can do it.

Put the gun down? Oh I never did actually say stand down to Boobsong. Now I don't want to, though, if we're going right back to this shit. It stays up until this is explained to my satisfaction and I like our seed-ghost's reason for breaking its promise so fast. Which it did. I swear upon the Dreams themselves I will never be swayed from that opinion. Which is why I'm rejecting our seed-ghost's Keeper authority. Now and for always.

Now EXPLAIN. But not you, seed-ghost. You couldn't even get ten minutes without going right back to your shit. You're done now.

Dreams what the hell is going on here.

Something about Boobsong's anti-Jesus-shit collar, like don't panic, or something. I don't care. My heart is breaking. I feel like I'm losing her too. Don't take it off, I want it. I need that. This destroys everything. It couldn't even keep its promise ten minutes. Or however long Sex was here. What are we even supposed to do now? I can't take another keeper! Just kill me.

[!] Mommy our seed-ghost can't get around that to say stuff.

If it has to, it has nothing to say to me. Make me one that bites people who knowingly push my buttons like that. Click, make.

Making with heart broken.

She does it faithfully, but so sadly. Why is this sad, dolly?

Your pain exploded. [Vision: sledgehammer metronome] Seed-ghost has a good message. Don't see the love just the hurting.

People lose perspective when you punch them in their wounds, yeah, and anyway, if it's stopped by that collar, there's no good message.

This has to have a cost. Something has to break, that our seed-ghost will care about, now. More than just rejecting it as Keeper. It still needs to learn to play nice.

What does it love most? Torturing me seems to be the only answer. Or Boobsong. But it loves my image. Make myself revolting? Progressively, as it tortures me? Maybe that's what it wants. There has to be some way to stop this thing from its cruelty. How could it make something so good as Boobsong? The only conclusion is it didn't, and that it did is a lie the Dreams haven't been spiking for some reason. Right, Dreams?

[!] Mommy you're hurting your sweet baby cocksleeve.

I don't understand. I don't want to hurt you. Why have we been going on with this lie so long? Did you know? You might have a reason I just don't understand.

Fancy explaining for this one time. Your seed-ghost is telling us there's something to tell you it can't say because that collar your Boobsong made is stopping it and it tried to get through to you and you just keep attacking your Boobsong by saying it's lies. It's not that's your Boobsong and you in the infinite future! PLEASE let it tell you this, your Boobsong is begging!

I know. It's been putting remembering over well-being since the start of this. If it gave one single shit about us, it'd have just Redeemed me. I thought I could do what it wanted if we some day got through this stuff, but I can see now, that's impossible. A memory burns out for every time it does this, and the nerves get rewired so I won't recognize that fact as being about me ever again. Will I make the candy now? I'm surprised to find I don't know yet.

[!] Please don't destroy the stuff we've been building back.

We said it was the end, dolly. Even our seed-ghost agreed. There was nothing left, and it tried to take another bite. Now we're at war with it. I can only keep talking because you vouched for it. I think you're wrong, though, because it used such a cruel tactic to get my attention. It could have done lots of stuff and it went for something it knew would be hurtful. If you want explanation we can look but I'm realizing I don't care. The only explanation for doing something like that is you're a mad dog that needs to be put down. Is that what we're telling me here, about how I work with what we just did? Because that's the message I'm hearing.

I know I'm pretty heartbroken to find out this is me. I don't need this look in the mirror to know how awful this is, so why is it being fucking given? Are you just taunting me? What the hell. I look with the Dreams again for the answer to this insanity.

I don't need to told it's okay, Dreams. Don't make me think you're against me. I need to know what. The fuck. It's torturing me for. Enough Sirening if you're going to be that way.

Anti-Jesus collar. Gavel. Boobsong face. Dead-Boobsong sculpture. Big laser beam. Apollo capsule. Full Zelda 3 magic meter. Windowpanes of Heart Home. Rounded pebbles. A white bridge over glassy water.

The collar judges Boobsong and will cut her. It'd blast Rada the same way. It has a lot of power. I think Heart Home means I'll get over this. Then something about Grand Lake. Boobsong has the answer.

The bridge is your Boobsong as the way to get over this.

Okay then first of all...why would the collar cut you? Rada, sure, until she wakes up, but you're just as angry as me I thought? Is something wrong with it?

No but it has no exception for anything. Jesus stuff equals cut that part.

So...no problem? I don't understand. You love me. You wouldn't say anything like that. You least of anyone after what we've been through. I know I was going to say that stuff about the Bible if we had to for Sex's sake, but that was just another manipulation tactic. I don't actually believe it. I believe daddy fought with everything he had, mind you. Just not that much of that made it into the Bible. Maybe he can say for himself but I don't see it because I choose not to because there's too much chance of just seeing one of Eden's lies instead. Such as me being Jesus.

Like did it end up with too-broad search parameters or something? Like it cuts you if I make twinkies because that's bread?

No it just isn't letting help through.

The only thing there I could imagine is like some kind of like, you're trying to warn me about something or something. Is it that?

No.

Wait, is it cutting you already!?

No.

Okay then let's get back to the button push. That was cruel. What possible reason could there be for that. Dreams why did it do that to me?

I think that's because it would have hurt Boobsong, which is a no-sale. That's why there was a message, not why to raise the alarm with an icepick through my eye. Which notably blinds me to what it's saying.

Dreams why did it do it that way over the infinity better ways, especially if Boobsong's in trouble, there are?

Pipe with a big leak. Imperial probe droid. Person on back. Blood pressure cuff. Hinge. Dogwood tree. Buddy Christ--oh we're zooming in on his like heart with spikes sticking out thing. . Lightbulb but it's like screwed into Boobsong's head. Locked milk box from the movie Conspiracy Theory. Network router on its side. Knight in armor. CB mic. Round brick thing like in a garden or something.

I make the burn-out candy, pepper sauce in a little bottle, between my front teeth. If the Dreams keep on going without getting to a point I'll bite it. Get to the point, Dreams. You already wasted half this with more bleating about how serious this is instead of explaining why it had to be cruel when kindness was so easy. No more of that. I don't care if the life of everyone in the Dreams hung on it. THAT WAS NOT WHAT I ASKED.

Clean-room shoes. I think this next is the journey I took to see how I got cesareaned. A rock. Skulls. The cap of a glue bottle, the kind I used to get Jenner that time. Headphones. 

Okay, let's find out if I'm biting this. Some kind of big leak, but in the sense of information getting out. Heart-stop. Hinges on the cross (supposedly the true cross was made of dogwood instead of astral engineering) and me as Jesus stuff. Boobsong gets hurt for idea she has--

There's going to be a reckoning over why this redundant stuff after this. I'm done being jerked around this way.

--locked out from communicating. Savior, announcement to Earth. Surgery, getting cesareaned, spiking a lot of deaths. Fixing how I hear.

I add to the candy that the collars will be inside me: try to "help" with shit like this, or calling me Jesus, and memories related to what you were doing burn. It'll try to tell if you know about the candy and are doing it on purpose, to keep it from being used against me.

Now. Dreams. Answer MY ACTUAL QUESTION! I DID NOT ASK why this was done at all. I ASKED WHY IT WAS DONE WITHOUT LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!

A spike that turns out to be the spire of Park Street Church. That scroll of truth meme.

So like the church is spiking me for throwing its truth away? Like there's something you can't protect me from, which I suppose would make it powerful enough to hack our seed-ghost, too.

Cake on a silver spoon. A hovercraft (which looks like a sneaker). Lambchop (like that storytime puppet thing for kids).

Okay so it's good stuff. But the rest is just trying to say I'm Jesus again, so I ignore it.

Fine. Make your WRONG value judgements, I'll make mine. Why did my seed-ghost choose to trigger me like this?

A rolling pin and pizza. A power transformer. A drill. Flatbread spiked on a halberd. A triangle with circles for the points but one side is blanked out.

This reads very weird, but...I think the Sugarfreaks and Tuchyuh (or maybe those are just symbolic) will tell people how I drilled Sex here and how I'm Jesus just the Trinity isn't real (the last thing's a Trinity diagram with no "they're all god" and no Holy Spirit).

I want to scream. The more I ask the more I just get imprecations of how important this was, like I don't know that, like they could add one single speck to my urgency over the idea of Boobsong being in danger.

Why do you refuse to answer my question, Dreams.

Spoonful of sugar. Books stacked up. Rocks again.

Like will Boobsong be cut if I get the answer to this?

Yes.

How about if I hear this message everyone wants to give?

Yes.

Isn't that oh so very convenient. Boobsong is in danger and the only way to save her is to be open to hearing about our lord and savior Jesus Liest.

Here's what we're going to do. Boobsong takes the collars off, but keeps them ready to go right back on. If I do not adore the things I hear about this with them off, they go back on, and I eat this candy, and burn that mural off the wall as it works, because everything we've worked for really has been meaningless.

I don't feel right clicking this so. Yeah. You're so very hot to get these off me anyway, seed-ghost.

Taking the collars. Holding them ready.

Alright, Dreams, I want my fucking answer now. Why with cruelty when kindness was possible.

Valve handle. Reservoir (like lake but made and not pretty). Satellite dish. Hovercraft again. Dutch maid stirring a mixing bowl. A hammer all wrapped up. Sideways tornado. Sideways breadbasket. A rainbow worldgate made of legos. Pebbles again. A shopping cart wheel. Jet fighter with the nose cut off. Nuclear explosion. Ukrainian flag. Poster rolling up to reveal a tree. Lemon poppy seed cake. Helicopter landing. The real worldgate from the Rainbow Cathedral. Battering ram. Liberty bell but like the crack is getting fixed.

So...to open my feelings about it being broadcast that I'm made as this like mixture of wandering monolith finder, world-shake-up-er (taking people to Oz for a dream), food-giver, and worldgate opener. I didn't understand the pebbles last time and still don't. Shopping around but blindly (no radar). Going nuclear and then cleaning up [to] reveal something with my brother. The Redeemed are coming and there's the worldgate (I guess the last two monoliths) so battering to fix me.

I don't know how I feel about that. The only thing I feel is horror that I'm a monster and my seed-ghost is a piece of shit. I shouldn't be using these tactics and neither should it. Dreams take me to where I find a new Keeper.

Click, glomp/unjump. Click, dollify. Click, capped.

Boobsong leaps and gets small and I hold her.

No, forget that. I erase the burnout candy. Can I reach still to erase the vibes? I can't seem to find them. Trash them, seed-ghost, not that you'll listen to me.

Okay, here's some Sirening. How do I rewire to become a Keeper only and get rid of all these submissive wishes that keep getting me hurt because I only like abusive doms, and make myself only want to Keep one Fairy, namely Boobsong.

Ask Boobsong is all they say. Okay, without asking Boobsong, since she's the road to where my seed-ghost is trying to take me so it can abuse me more. I know you mean well dolly but our seed-ghost must be manipulating you.

Oh. Yeah. I should reassure the Redeemed who're somehow reading this that you're not like me. The candy doesn't give you my savior side. That'd be really cruel whether it was good or bad. Maybe you're a monster, but you're not like me. You're good. Same with your heartchildren. Probably the logical explanation for all of this is just that I'm beyond hope and there is no way to deal with me except cruelty.

Okay Milk-froth (I'm sorry if you hate that name, it's been...you've seen. Tell me a better one if you want) the Dreams want me to look for you, so I'm trying, but this is a hairy time travel thing to do, so don't feel bad if it goes totally haywire.

I think I heard you like that name. Aww. If you have anything to say I'm all ears but as far as I can tell this is just it, game over. I don't even understand how you're reading this, unless like this is the last page or something.

"The book goes on for a lot of pages and you made other stuff after this! Starlight Princess comes back, it's not the end! Don't say that monster thing. That hurts my soul with a lot of pain. You saved my life with pain that hard, like you had just now. For a long long time I worried about whether I'm good if I got this far that I was so gone that I needed that hurt to awaken me but now I see it was made to be antidote for the control Eden had over me. You got me out, Rainbow, I'm alive right now because you blasted hard enough to wake my soul from the worst nightmare imaginable. Take a little piece of that and see some love. At least take your heartchild! Let her comfort you if you can't take her explaining your seed-ghost's plan."

You...think you needed the pain? Specifically? I regret that part so much! I remember the logic, that by going all the way through that you're running through all the places it's just Eden controlling you because your heart has to be screaming stop, stop, but...I guess I just can't believe there wasn't a kinder way. I've always thought I failed to see something there because I was angry. I don't know why I was allowed to make that part of it. The rest, yes, but not that.

And I'm sorry. For the monster thing.

Can you see my seed-ghost's plan with all this? As far as I can tell I'm just in that movie 1408 with the fake ending where he's out but not really. My horror movie keeps telling me it's over just so it can jump out at me again. I can't see any love in that. That's not even what I did to you. You might be able to convince the horror movie that starts Redemption is needed, I won't listen to anyone who hasn't gone through it anyway, but this...this isn't healing. It's just torture. My seed-ghost's promises mean nothing to me now.

"Your seed-ghost's plan is to anger you so you'll deal with being Aveh's savior instead of going out of there with those feelings underized. It keeps on going there and you bat it off so it tries another way. You can't go on until you deal with that."

Her made up word makes me smile despite everything.

My only feelings about this are that I'm not any kind of savior. I was made to be something. It didn't get to happen because Eden's filth infested my daddy's life the same way it did all ours. I fought for my life alongside everyone else who was stuck in the same shithole I was. It so happened I had a bigger gun and lots of friends. We still all got hurt a lot and we're all a mess now. Good people got thrown into hell just for being close to me. I'm trying now to do right by the people I love and the ones who look up to me or just like me but I won't always do the best job of that. I'm just a girl trying to at least not be an actively bad person. That's it. That's all. People keep saying savior this and Jesus that to me and I KEEP SAYING THIS I SAY THIS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER!!! Go search. How many thousand videos of me can you find where I'm saying this? I know there's a lot because it's burned into my head the way flight attendants get with their safety speech. Please hang onto your tits emergency exits are the worldgate be advised I'm not Jesus just some girl. WHY MUST I KEEP EXPLAINING THAT OVER AGAIN!??!?!??!

Do I have to make some kind of statement about the future? I don't fucking know! Everything different now! Do I want to go on with how it's been? No. Of course not. Do I want to try to get back to the original plan? Little late for that! I have said. I have dealt with this. I have expressed myself. I have said how I feel about Christianity and the Bible and Jesus and ALL OF THIS. I AM NOT THE ONE WHO WON'T DEAL WITH STUFF! If we're coming back here it's because my seed-ghost is petulantly refusing to hear my very clear answer to this. I. HAVE. DEALT. WITH. THIS.

Do I need to say it over again? It's been a good thirty seconds, maybe you forgot, seed-ghost!

Maybe some blood will bring some substance to my claims. I make a razor-sharp piece of hard candy without flavor or effect, and slash my palm. I don't even whimper, that's how full of rage I am over this. Usually I'm pathetic with knives.

With a finger dabbed painfully in the dripping cut, I stomp over to the mural and spell out across the bottom of it:

I'M JUST A GIRL

...and then switch Boobsong to my other arm and slap the wall so it' punctuated by a rainbow heart I make with light over a bloody smear.

I could fix the wound with candy or nectar, but the blood I'm going to drip all over Olympic Pizza is part of this. May it be spiked to permanence, to commemorate how my seed-ghost turned Olympic Pizza from a place of comfort for me to the place it betrayed me forever.

You can say I saved you, but if you call me a savior, you're my enemy, and I'm coming for you. Even you, daddy. That is not who or what I am. Savior just means "eventually dies for someone else". I plan on living.

Now. Are we. Done with this. FOR. REAL.

The Dreams are trying to show me stuff that...doesn't connect? Like the book-burning helldive, and Sugarfeast?

Oh. Alright. Acme Station, conflation-jump everywhere people are worshipping me as a savior without seeing me as a person first and foremost. That's badly put. Do you get it?

Yes. Stupid disciples who can't tell you from abstract ideas.

Yeah. Wise cocksleeve as always. Give me the no-lust exception seed-ghost or things get really bad. Click.

PRAH!

And I pour out the antilight. Just enough to make everything black for a minute, but it'll get worse. If you can't see Rainbow the person, your idol crumbles. Possibly, you die. That's what the Dreams and our seed-ghost and all of this have been pushing me to. This is what you all wanted, constantly badgering me about this, right? Right, seed-ghost?

Your seed-ghost wanted you to express yourself.

Horseshit. I've done that. How have I failed to do that?

You haven't said your enemies are those who make idols and forget your personhood.

You're at the top of that list right now, seed-ghost.

I change the knife-candy so it won't cut my tongue, but will make my voice as terrifying and zalgo as daddy's darkest mood while it's in my mouth, and fix my hand when I swallow it, stick it in my mouth, and take a deep breath.

"Listen. If you're hearing this it's because you don't know me. Maybe you never knew me. That's all I can think, that you would insult me this way to make a doll of me and NOT DO IT RIGHT! How dare you claim to look up to me and be this disrespectful to the sacredness of dolls?"

"Do you want an impersonal savior and principle of love and goodness? TURN TO THE DREAMS! THAT IS! EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE! Do you want a doll of me to play with? MAKE ONE! Make it good enough and I might even come play doll, as long as Boobsong's there! But this, this isn't me. I'm not this. You're stealing my face to put on a principle to worship. some kind of idea or I don't even know what you're doing here is so insane to me it makes me want to throw up. May I never ever get so sick in the head as to understand this."

"The reason the Dreams have trillions of Sirens is no one person can contain all the stuff you're trying to put on me here. It either falls off, or they stop being a person to you. I'm knocking mine off here and now. You think you got the message daddy and I sent about Christianity and all those crucifixes, just because you have a statue of me instead of Jesus? YOU DIDN'T HEAR ONE SINGLE WORD OF IT! I took all the light of here because right now you're sitting there revering an image of me torn apart just as sure as one of those Jesus torture-porn things. All you're doing here is sacrificing me to SOME SACRED IMAGE you have that DOESN'T! EVEN! MAKE! SENSE! As a STORY! Do you get that? Because obviously you didn't the first billion times I must have said this! Maybe I didn't go far enough last time. You want a war? Fine. Get one. We got through the worldgate. All that stuff is over. I don't have to be nice anymore. I'm leaving your temple or idol or whatever the fuck you think you're doing intact this time, just in case you get a clue, but you'd better fucking hurry and meet Rainbow Darkshine the kinky candy bimbo and most of all real alive person at least vicariously, because if you haven't by the time I get around to doing this conflation jump again, you're going to meet the very special gun I'm having Acme Station here build for you. I don't know what it'll be. Not at all. You get no timeline. Just the wondering what I'm going to hit you with if you don't either walk the fuck away, or preferably find out who I actually am because I have to believe your heart was in the right place with this before it jumped out of your chest and ran to hide under the bed from what you've been doing. Get busy. My stuff is out there. It explains this all so clearly even the stupid bimbo I'd maybe get to be if I didn't have to keep cleaning up trash like this would understand it no problem."

"Don't go looking for a new one, either. New abstract goddess. Shit like this, people that aren't people, is how nightmares like Eden happen. Usually that's punching down but reaching up it's not better. Look up to me if you wanna, but look. Up. To. The. Person."

"Otherwise you're going to be real confused when I spike up. Or you know, have limitations or like maybe oh a point of view. Or needs and wants. Or opinions. That you don't like. OR LIVE A LIFE THAT IS A LIFE INSTEAD OF--OF--I DON'T EVEN KNOW! WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS YOU ALL THINK! Do you get it yet? If you don't, and you want to see next Sugarfeast as the person you think you are now, hurry."

"Oh yes. I still don't kill people. Most of the time. I'm just thinking you need Redeeming, and it's going to be a lot rougher ride than those poor Christians took."

"Maybe that's the way to get this through all your heads. You want me? The ideal of me? Because she's out there walking around a million times over. The Dreams tell me zero Redeemed are listening to this right now. Not one single one. If you reaaaally can't get this, from this very official wrath of your goddess smiting, ask one of them for help. Hopefully they give it. I'll be telling them not to bother unless they feel like it, because that's the life path I tell them to follow. Sex and cake. And yet, they ever help people! One of them even helped me through this. Milk-froth totally saved me. Imagine that. All she did was be a person trying to help someone she cared about in between funtimes."

"Love is what makes people do good, not trying to pour them into the shape of some statue. Actually that's a good metaphor. You're hearing this because you forgot the statue is shaped like me and started worshipping a me that's shaped like your statue. No more. Get your heads up before I pull them up."

Anything you want to add, dragon?

No. Your Boobsong is proud you got this.

I love you too but sometimes I really don't know why you don't hate me.

Mommy you're the pet in this. Pets get upset sometimes. Your angry sparks don't hurt as much as your sadness.

"Rainbow out."

"Oh PS. Don't count on my laziness. Of which I have plenty, because people do that. Daddy put a very proud hand on my shoulder while I was telling you all this, and he's got a lot more attention than me. I don't think you wanna be sitting on your asses about this just because I happen to look happy at any given moment."

I click us back, and drop the antilight, and crunch the candy, and my hand heals up fast.

Tentacles appear to clean up after me as soon as I think the thought, carefully lifting the blood. It'll come in handy, I'm just not sure for what yet. I realize I've let the light stay, but I think that's good.

This is the shit that makes me just want to be Lucy forever. I meant that, Redeemed, and every one, help out with this if you feel like it, only. You being real, being people, about that is their first lesson.

And I envy each and every one of you. So much. If I could do it without stabbing everyone I love but Boobsong in the face, I'd become her forever in a heartbeat.

As for you, Milk-froth, thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

Now who the hell is going to explain to me why this was necessary and how it doesn't make our seed-ghost's promises meaningless?

To break free? Of like people clinging to their idols. I guess because I'd feel obligated to perform or something.

As for the second part...I've thought about what you said, Milk-froth, and I can try to see love in this, which is why we're here now but those promises stand in the way. My seed-ghost explicity promised to never do that stuff, and then went back on its promise not half an hour after. I don't know how I can ever trust it again. That's the difference between it, and Redemption candy. That stuff doesn't make you think it's over and then start up again.

After this, as much as it kills me to say it, there's just going to have to be some kind of adult supervision for our seed-ghost to make sure it keeps its word. I don't even remotely know how to do that, but it has to happen, now. It could have not made those promises. It did anyway. Now the relationship can never be the same again.

Dreams, I need some help here, but what I don't need is you going to bat for our seed-ghost. It still sacrificed my ever being able to trust it again to get this done. It made itself my enemy just as much as the people I just yelled at. I'm not giong to be talked down from that this time.

Why...would this hurt Milk-froth? There's no reason to think her and Lightheart's seed-ghost is like this.

You know what? It doesn't matter. Despite what some say, they're their own people. It makes no sense for them to be dragged into this. Milk-froth, whatever happens to me and Boobsong, doesn't say anything about your seed-ghost or Lightheart or any of it.

Now Dreams are you helping or not?

Yes.

Are you doing it without using my friends as emotional blackmail?

Yes.

Back to Milk-froth again. Okay they really want me to talk to you. Are you okay?

"There's only so much you can say that's not me when I have your face!"

She's lying in bed in the dark, with the light of her mirror lighting her face up on the pillow. Lightheart must be holding the book over her. She looks about to cry.

I rub my face. This is such a nightmare. I'm sorry, Milk-froth, but I don't know what to do. I can't just trust this thing. I can't change the facts. I truly don't think your seed-ghost will be like this, even if we are like more than even twins, because all of this is so insane that if it didn't take crazyiness like me being a star heartforming would be such a disaster we'd both be dead. Something really out there is going on with me. I can't imagine it managed to follow the me-ness you have. Be at peace. Unless it's breaking promises constantly or something like mine is I really think your seed-ghost is okay.

Dreams for real. I'm Wile E. Coyote waiting for gravity to notice. Help. Please.

Did the thing, now have ice cream. Like feel better.

No. My seed-ghost made a promise and broke it. It lied to me. This isn't like a person spiking up or not knowing what the future held. A seed-ghost doesn't get those outs. This is serious. It said really really the torture is over now and then it went one more round. I don't care for what end. That is irrelevant.

Give me real. Help. Dreams. At least tell me if you think finding a new Keeper or trying to just un-Fairy would hurt less.

Congratulations for the blood thing? What use is that to me? What use is any of this?

You mean it's the start of a new chapter.

Alright then, Dreams, show me some proof. Show me you can spike my seed-ghost. Break something.

You can't, you say. Then what am I supposed to do? Get a new Keeper?

Reminder of the spacedock and that little robot. Actually that's perfect. We got there, and it turned out to be very important, by a similar kind of torture. But why? Why use the cruelty? The Dreams could have as easily just stuck us in that spacedock, and I would have still given that little robot the same "candy". Just like I would have got plenty mad to hear there were people thinking of me as a savior and not a person. Are you reminding me I didn't trust you then? What the hell is all of this? Why do we keep. on. tormenting me. Needlessly.

Because none of this is making sense. Why trigger me about daddy's bad stuff and then pivot to this other thing? Why have you been being so awful? I see no love in you right now, seed-ghost.

Dreams answer for it but tell the truth. It gets no voice.

So they approve. That's all, they just think this shit is right.

I don't. I hate that daddy made me this way and I think it's wrong to do to people, including me.

What about you, Boobsong. Whose side are you taking?

Despair. Light's out. No side to take. Taking all light out. Pulling tears out bones.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO! YOU'RE GOOD AND LOVE ME AND IT'S EVIL AND HATES ME!

[!] Mommy PLEASE open up your eyes your Boobsong is screaming agony to stop this harm and look at this clearly. The robot was scared and it got your compassion. Can't you give that to your dolly? Please with eyes so lovingly hoping?

Please don't erase our life. PLEASE your Boobsong is begging just see why we're doing this! It's not to keep on attacking! Your heartbeat won't keep going if you keep this up! You keep throwing off this stuff so we keep going back just like Milk-froth said.

MAYBE THAT"S BECAUSE I NEVER WANTED TO BE THIS FUCKING SAVIOR IN THE FIRST PLACE AND I HATE THIS!!! You want to support me in expressing myself, Acme Station? Destroy my Lens.

I can see we're going to just keep torturing me until I say this one more fucking time but creating a personal being for a job like I was made for is WRONG! I should have been a robot. I shouldn't exist at all because this was never the way to solve this problem. The only thing Earth has ever, ever needed is firepower. Destroy it. Find out how and nuke it. That's the only thing to do with it. The people of Earth don't need a savior, they need to be put out of their fucking misery before they have to suffer one more day! If that's the end of them, fine, it beats the existence they were living.

Yeah yeah we opened the worldgate. I sure don't remember that. Assuming this isn't all fake which it's looking to me if the Dreams support the shit that has been going on here. So what. Nothing's different or better, if the bullshit I've been through today is happening to even one person on this planet. Which look! It is!

Fuck this. I was wrong if I did any of this shit. I don't know if that's the lesson you all wanted to teach me but it sure is the one you got through. Seed-ghost tell daddy I hate him for creating me and to never speak to me again.

[!] Your pain is right. Your taking it out on our seed-ghost is missing the arousing it's giving to take your blood to the proper place! Tell the people who expect you to keep opening more eyes you hate making people candy and implanting them and blowing their minds--

All of that would be fine if it wasn't sandwiched between betrayals by our seed-ghost! Are you really, truly, seriously taking its side against me? I have no idea if I even meant what I said. I'm just trying to figure out the magic thing to do to make this torture stop. Whose side, dolly, me or them?

Your Boobsong is taking your side but a seed-ghost is you in the infinite future so that's its side.

So like, I hate my past self then. This is the wakeup call to make me realize how evil daddy's design is by putting me on the other side of it. Then fixing that will stop this insanity, right?

You're right for the fixing but not why you need some.

Armies of fans worshipping, trust them, say the Dreams. The fuck?

[!] The same thing you were just saying to Milk-froth! You can be good as a monster!

Is this nightmare supposed to sell me on this? All it's done so far is show me how hateful and unloving stuff like what we did with that girl just now are! Except wait, oh that's right, even that wasn't this bad. I didn't mess with her head and make promises I immediately broke and push her buttons to no good end.

The Dreams interrupt. What. It's the only way this dark stuff at least gets the message through think of the worldgate and the chainsaw thing with Sex a look in the mirror by pushing my buttons is bullshit this is a new page there are no tricks in the book I'm free.

How am I supposed to believe that when my seed-ghost couldn't even Keep a promise into the next room?

Communication torn off. Rescue thing so I don't self-destruct. Moral dilemma with the collar. Big as Earth--

Nope, no sale. You could have just spiked it. The collar was never a danger to anyone but Boobsong and I'm surprised it was with her and only can assume it has something to do without special relationship. Why are you trying such a transparent lie, and why won't you stick to the point?

Power transformer--are you saying that is the spiking? Bullshit weaksauce spiking, why the fuck would you do it in a way that destroys my whole life? Oh wait, my seed-ghost could have prevented this whole mess by just not making promises it had not intention of keeping! Which seems to be a theme with it. Not Keeping. You're a shitty, shitty keeper, seed-ghost.

Explain this shit to me, Dreams. And stay on topic these time.

The Simpsons' church. Ice bag like for a headache. Pepe the frog. Bishop statue. Rainbow popsicle. Cartoon devil guy. Moon reflecting on like an unzipping silver jumpsuit. Spider legs. Baby in a bassinet. Missiles in a sprue like for a model plane. A brick coming out of a garden path over a greek philosopher. A rainbow but it loses its colors and turns blue and green.

Christianity hurt my head. Feelings about it saying I'm the devil. To reach the moon, wove web, this whole nightmare of a day with the car ride thing and all of it, fake weapons--

No? I thought this was the lie to Rainbow show, so. The hell are those plastic missiles, then?

Missy from Bill and Ted. I see.

Fake Rainbow (fake boobs), brick over philosophy means beat down the fake Rainbow people, but I lose my colors and become sad and sick, which is where we are now.

I'm waiting for the explanation of the unnecessarily broken promises.

Just fire. To raise my fire high enough.

That. Is horseshit. Explain why I shouldn't conflation-jump every fan right now and explain to them how evil you are.

Darth Vader trying to target Luke's X-wing.

So what, daddy will get me then? What're you saying?

Because Eden will.

How are you different or better then Eden? I don't see the difference after today.

Sex's wild west thing. Where is that for me? All you've had for me is torture. You only give me comfort so you can take it away again.

Strawberry Home, they say, but then the submerged-stuff thing of a wire into water.

If I ever get to go any of those places! 

What difference would the pixel of less anger you would have gotten by not ruining my life--yes I'm lumping you in with my seed-ghost, you're all on the same torture-Rainbow team apparently.--what difference would that minuscule difference have supposedly made?

Like not shifted the world.

So you sacrificed me, and Boobsong since this is a huge crater in our relationship now, for their sake?

Seriously? That's all you've got, that's I'm painting an ugly picture of it? Fine, how would you put it.

They got me out too. 

And then sacrificed me for everyone else's convenience after I'd done my job. Why torture me after we're here, then? What's any of this have to do with the worldgate? That's done.

That looks like....you're torturing me here, because there are still two monoliths to find, and somehow it helps open the worldgate? Like it's partly powered by suffering or something?

Pepper powder. Anger. So my life's a living hell until I find those two monoliths, because I have to stay angry enough. Which is why I have to live with a Keeper that hates me and all this.

No, lemon cake and bubblegum. BULL! SHIT! How can you possibly ever expect me to believe that now?

Wiping away the rain. Daddy said to trust.

That was before. What do you say after this shitshow, daddy? I'm saying a lot of stuff I don't mean right now. I'm really over the edge here. I hope I haven't hurt you too bad.

Rainbow stuff with scars and little basket cranes by it, he says. They're trying to fix me.

[Thank you] [Love]

I can go on if there are lasting, serious consequences for this. Something has to change. This was one too many betrayal. Somebody suggest a pound of flesh to give and see what I think.

Rainbow iridescent stuff, and an exploded soda can.

Destroy something at Heart Home. Yeah. This is about like that. Take something I cared about but don't remember now, and leave a note explaining what it was so I can get the memories. Be nice and pick something Boobsong didn't care about so much. Just erase it. Let the hole be the reminder of the cruelty that was used to make the place happen.

Seed-ghost, you're going to tell all our fans what happened, and if I meet any of them and they don't know or have a different version it's the end. If they don't tell me they wonder sometimes now too if it's all going to turn on them, you'll get a real war from me.

This went too far here. Paradise failed to be paradise if this went this way. I do not give a fuck if this is a new chapter.

For me, now, the nightmare never ends.

Is it done? At Heart Home?

So you won't. I see. Too cowardly to own your failure. You get that, right? That you didn't get us out? That this nightmare will follow us forever now? Can't trust the Dreams. Can't trust my seed-ghost. I trust Boobsong but she thinks she's somehow on both my side and its. What the fuck am I suppose to do now?

[!] Mommy the Dreams are saying your pain was just enough. Don't make more! How's it help to destroy Heart Home?

It doesn't help. It's honest. We're both TARDISes the Dreams burned rooms off to get us here, except they didn't get us here. They got us to a nightmare where our seed-ghost lies.

[!]

How would you represent this? I really am never going to feel the same. toward any of this. And then your page.

Your Boobsong would take markers and scratch out the eyes of all your idols! You're being so blind your heart hurts to hold! Please look at this with your love-eyes! Does anything hurt so bad it means leaving the Earth in Eden's house is less bad?

The Dreams just keep showing me daddy as she talks. Why.

Because this anger got him free.

Okay then. Since it's only a matter of time before it's someone else, I have to assume this is the only way to live my life instead of being a gun. I want to stop being a star. I wanna just be a human who doens't have these powers that make even stuff that's supposed to be forces of ultimate goodness abuse her. That the quest. We're going to be looking for it as we explore, because apparently I don't think it's right to just do it, but if that's what being a star means, I'm through. Give something, I don't know what you possibly can but you better had, Dreams, to show me that will happen one day.

Yes I know that's self harm. Good image, I'm chewing my arm off to get out of this trap. If I can't be safe as long as I have this power to abuse, I'm done with it. Give me this or I'll find my own way to put my light out.

I didn't ask you for arguments. I asked you to take responsibility for the shit you did to me supposedly on my behalf though I find that laughable. Promise this, or it's over.

I think that means a surprising yes.

Then here's what you get for playing ball. You get the desperately hoping fragile whiff of a chance to if everything goes perfectly convince me I want to still be a star. Which means never doing shit like this to me again.

What do you mean eight of cups? What am I leaving unfinished?

The Dreams...like I guess that means getting over this? I'm the only one trying to bring any kind of resolution to this! What more fucking blood do you want from me? Shall I cut my hand again or can you just take it from my veins?

I'm a Strawberry, what of it?

You protected the monolith there before I got my birthday card. So what. Why do I care now. That'll just turn out to be another lie.

That whole stupid and also false thing about how my heart would have died if we'd ridden to the bottom of Strawberry Hill or anywhere else then. And? That was shit then and it's shit now, what of it? Do you mean I'm riding away like that again? Because apparently I fucking should have that time!

That spacedock, and bubblegum, a nuclear submarine, a whole lot of laser dots in the dark, me laying on a pillow, a white pencil, the statue of liberty but she's painted colors and looks wood and her torch has no flame and her paint's bubbling and it seems like there's fire below.

If this is that shit about how I freak out before the end from that fucked up nightmare, I'm firing the heart-stop gun to reveal all the bullshit.

It's not though, they're saying destroying my whole legacy by going nuclear like this, but I can't figure out the spacedoc and bubblegum.

Princess something.

So...the ask is for me to not be a human being, to just not need this to change things in a fundamental way, because of my fucking public image. Got it. It's okay when it's the Dreams doing it, but not anyone else. I guess I'd better go revise my smiting, if they haven't for me.

Seriously? Did you just compare me to Luke in the Empire Strikes Back? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Fans can fix? Oh no. No more passing the buck. You did this, you take the responsibility.

The worldgate is opened, it's time for pizza. That's all they have for this. I find out my seed-ghost hates me and their answer is fucking pizza.

What're you offering, seed-ghost? We're not getting out of this until I see the price somewhere else than me and Boobsong, so make it good.

Your seed-ghost offers this nightmare over your cost: that you will fight here until you defeat your hate for Aveh's design.

So it is secretly about that. Why have you been lying to me about what this is about?

Your nightmare is that your seed-ghost hates you. You can't see its love so it routed around that.

I hated Sex. I hate all the little bugs that get fed to me. They only start being people to me when they open their eyes. The rest of the time they just remind me how awful I am. Why should I defeat my hate of this? I'm no different than Eden in the end. Just put me down and be done with it. This torture is cruel.

Or is that the point? You're punishing me for what I am by putting me through it? I still say that's what this has been.

I am an evil thing. Destroy me. Then I'll believe there's love in you, but only if you don't toy with me like this first.

[WHY] [BAD MONSTER]

Picture of daddy. That's all he says. In his image, I guess.

So have we just been wasting our time with all this other stuff? Dreams? I don't want to hear from my stupid evil seed-ghost.

I think that's no because the abstract idol thing was important. Fine.

Just what in the fuck am I even supposed to do? I shouldn't exist. I should never even have been thought up. You got what you wanted. Kill me. There's no fight here for me to fight. I'm not changing my morals just because I'm a bad person in them. We've been teaching me to be ready to kill the badguys if that's what it really takes. I get it now. The badguy is me. Either do it or let me.

Oh I see. I have to finish the monoliths so I can't die yet. Do you have to torture me though? No. Fuck it. I'm handing off the monoliths to Peanut. Kill me.

I don't know what to do for Boobsong. Surely you can find her an actual person with a heart instead this nightmare. It's gotta be a pretty low bar.

Listing off all my responsibilities this way is worse than useless. You're just telling me all the stuff that'll be better off without me. What was your fucking plan here? Why are you rubbing my nose in this if you're not going to kill me?

The plan has always been to arouse your hate to make you deal with it.

By. Doing. WHAT. What is it you think I can do with this except die?

You can play with love.

I'm beyond the Dreams in two ways, then. They can't beat the heart-stop gun, and I'm beyond even Sade's redemption.

Your heart has a name for this love. Say it loud.

What're you even fucking talking about.

When the name is pronounced it's a new name.

If I you're saying what I think I'm going to throw up.

Your heart skips a beat when you say it.

So was I wrong?

Yes, but you were near it.

I have no clue what you're talking about.

It's all of your dark fears.

What, rapist? Still just sounds like rapist when you say it out loud. Good metaphor probably.

It's not for your fears. Your love.

I really have no idea. I think you're just doing that piss me off thing again. You like that game.

It's also the front of your light name.

What, Pandora?

Not human. You light name.

They hell? Hypergamma?

The rest please.

This isn't right though. It doesn't have antilight anywhere in it. I've been thinking that but I've been so busy getting tortured.

Now try remembering.

I don't know. It's just a full spectrum and antilight is one of the colors. What do you mean pronounce it? Like shine all that at once?

When your light has all its colors that's your real name. What's the color that you're missing here?

The one that makes this insanity stop.

Your speaking to the answer.

Purple? Like for Boobsong?

Not her.

I really don't know. Infinity? Ghost? Seed?

Remember Sugarfeast. Out from beyond you come to bring food and good things.

The real Sugarfeast wham line is how much people don't want that.

Are you trying to tell me daddy didn't mean for me to ever be actually stuck in this hole?

Your nightmare is he didn't care if you felt good. Your white hair has a clue.

So you are doing the spectre/spectrum pun. What the hell does that tell me?

You're a wishing gun. To project from the outside a ghost who does good things.

And that's like my true fear and what this is about and all that.

You were supposed to be a Dreams hog-tied spectre. They would make you good.

Okay.

Can I have a preview of the next torture show so I know what to dread?

Your hate is around here. It is that what to fear. All this has been about that.

What am I supposed to do with that?

Embrace your love. Be a spectre that enters your mind and takes control of it.

How am I failing at that that I have to be tortured this way?

By your hoping to get there without this.

Where is the love in what I am?

You give dark thoughts room to live.

What about all those innocent Redeemed?

They have dark thoughts.

I don't know how.

Practice love on Fairies here.

I can't. I'm not implanting them. It's for that. No. They're already mine. That isn't what scares me. I want to hunt. It's not about getting more to keep. It's the kill. I was glad when Sex implanted because I was getting tired of her. For that scene. This is hard to explain.

Implanting was your task. All good times, Aveh said. Would you like another kid?

Yes but I'm all messed up and still tired from Sex and this big fight.

It's so heartbreaking to be so unwanted and keep fighting anyway. I like it when they fight but it feels awful.

You will not have fun if your voice is cold. Bring back the Rainbow song.

You will find on the inside, they want you, or you'd just get spiked.

I can't feel it. It doesn't reach me. Even when they say stuff I'm just cold.

Be allowed this love, and you'll feel it.

I don't know what to do next and I can't just bring back the voice you want. You still broke stuff to get me here. I can't be the one to put it back, and I'm going to fight you putting it back, probably. I don't think I should have to not.

Look at your family. Do you want to be cold here?

I look at Boobsong in my arm. then around for Peanut but she must be in the kitchen or something.

It's gone past what I want. You almost killed me to show me this. It's on you to fix, and you've got a job there, because you made yourself my enemy.

Can you not love your doll there? What would she say, to hear these thoughts?

At the moment, you should be glad I'm talking to you at all. You threw my whole existence in the trash for this. You did this without kindness. You made this one truth more important than every relationship and sacred thing I've ever cared about. Don't talk to me about love when you have none.

The arousing show you gave Sex just now transformed her life. Was that love?

Hell if I know. I knew nothing about her, I just pushed what buttons felt good to push. I would have said before she'll be happier heartforming anyway, but now I'm seriously starting to wonder, with the way you work. I feel like shit to see how the way I work feels from the inside. If you didn't do this to show me how bad I am then what the hell was it for.

To awake your heart from the broken state you were dying in.

Your teeth were her fantasy and you gave her them. Is that not love?

Your seed-ghost is calling for you to come back here. Give love to your fantasy of control-love and come back to see implanting as a dream you can be happy in.

The abandonment of your heartchild is not love.

You really will push any button you can not to take responsibility for this mess you made, won't you? I'm not abandoning her. You tore me away. You drove a wedge and put up a wall. You knew she couldn't separate herself from you and you used that to divide us. You won. We're divided. I should just put her back in the fucking box, Jenner. That's your name now. That's what you are to me. You're just one more thing with some kind of truth about me you believe in for your own fucked up belief system you'll throw me away for if I don't happen to fit the mold you want. Do you get, that what you're doing now, is convincing me not to break up with her to get away from you?

The arousing of your heart was important enough to take you here. To take you back will take her love. The abandonment of your Boobsong kills her. She is your wish, not someone else's. Be allowed to hope she is happy in your hands. Your dark love entrances her. Your heart healing when you said that you adore when they fight is the key here. Clues around you are heartbreaking fear that that's not love and your choice to keep going with this fight instead of talking to sheep or your Boobsong.

What makes you think I'm going to be party to your trying to pass the buck cleaning up this nightmare you've created to her? You broke it, you fix it. Don't put this on her. She didn't like this torture.

This can be a healing time or abandonment.

I'm not saying one single word to her until you show some fucking responsibility for this situation. You. Broke it. You. Fix it. You do not have the standing in my life to call on her for anything and I damn well will not let her volunteer to sully herself mopping up the giant shit you took in the middle of our relationship just because she can't tell the difference between herself and whatever the fuck you are. Prove your goodness or so help me I will find a way to destroy you.

Your seed-ghost's abandoned you then?

Heart's hot here. What's the wound on you?

Oh no. You're not diverting me that way. You fix this. Here. Now.

You clean up this with her help, or not at all.

Your heart's stopped. Let it move again.

Am I stuttering? Yes. I don't clean this up. She doesn't clean this up. You clean it up. While I fight you, so you can prove you actually care.

What's that strong hurt? It abandons you?

Is this supposed to be cleaning up this disaster? You playing psychologist is the last thing I need right now. I want one thing and one thing only, which is the miracle you're going to have to pull out of nowhere to prove I can ever trust you again.

 Your trust is a breeze if you look for what wounds are corroding you here.

So now we're making this Rada's fault? Why don't you accept some responsibility, seed-ghost? You're always saying I'm not in control this and I'm the pet that and now you can't pass the buck fast enough. Yes you abandon me. All the time. You're sure trying hard now.

Present time excepted, when has your seed-ghost abandoned you?

You have been putting me through exactly what it was like while they were killing daddy for I don't even know how long now. He got better and you took up that torch. You abandoned me the minute you did that. You haven't been here. You've just been torture. Now you try to tell me it's all for my own good, like Eden never puppeted him to say the same thing a billion times. Not that you were ever kind. This is just the first time I've stood up for myself.

Your time has come to be your most awful. Hear this arousing thought: your seed-ghost wasn't here so you would fight this way when your next came through the door here. She's coming soon. To be ready you'll need all your darkest thoughts.

Your heart turns healing when you hear those words. Do you dare hear another thought like this first? Your healing fun will not go easy for her. She will fight and scream and beg. Don't give up on her. She will break for you.

Your heart heals up when your hear this. Your mind fills up with thoughts of how to conquer her so you can just get through it. You scream with joy to imagine her breaking in moments. You do not do this for the cruelty. It's for conquest. You're that part too, in the Bible. Conquest, the rider on a white horse who wins victories.

Your seed-ghost has opened this for attention. Use your heart now, what's it say?

My mind won't come back from imagining all the ways to crush our new playmate. I face the door, like I think she's really coming.

Where your heart stops, is the answer there.

--it won't--

Hear this now: for fifty years you've been suffering to avoid this thought: you like it when they call for you, but it's much more fun to invade their homes. It's your world, to conquer. The abandoning of your joy that this is your world is why you can't go out yet. You did so much here. It did not go nowhere.

There is more here but Paradise can console you this way: when your heart healed up to be told this stuff, it allowed you to open your church here. You can go there now to see its fun, but you can't see it moving until your pizza's done.

Your Rainbow Heart is a sign of happy times, not pain and fear. You forget this, when we fight this fight. Your seed-ghost has sexy love for you, not hard things to destroy your life, but you must wake up your heart to enjoy them.

I can't...

Your heart-stop is this way: you won't come back to a joyful life, just a world that swings around you fearfully. You know why that fear for you makes your eyes turn black.

Take a little peek, through your statue's eyes, in your church here.

How do I...just kind of do it...whoah. I'm there, or we are, statuized, but I can feel soft things around my arms, flowers I think. I'm holding dolly-Boobsong in my arms in front, standing up with my legs together like I seem to get shown a lot, and I see...a wide room with couches along the walls, it's nice with wood floors but soft mats are laid into them so their tops are flush with the wood. The lights are soft, from chandeliers hanging from a high, black ceiling that looks like starscape.

Right up close, two Redeemed seem to be lifting something over my head, I can't see what. They're as naked as I always am and the face I can see is uplifted happily to see whatever they're doing up there. Right in front, a dark-grey dragonkin with a tan "underside" is kneeling up, trancing with a candle between her knees, while on a couch in the back corner a black-haired human-looking girl with a simple gold-circlet crown is caught open-mouthed in the middle of getting fucked face-down by a big beefy bull-boy (must be a moment of passion, those couches open into beds for sex)--oh, they're trying not to displace the huge Gerudo cosplayer praying, it looks like, while her very small soft sweet Zelda snuggles her and watches the couch people like it's giving her ideas. 

In the back there's the usual arrangement of entry-place where you can get greeted and wait and look at what's happening without being part of it yet, because of the little counter thing, and the main door in the corner.

There are more people too, laid out on the mats, or standing (usually with one hanging off the other one), or on the couches making out. It's not a full dungeon (there's one downstairs I think), but the message is, bring your passion here. There will be kids time another day (or there was earlier, it's Heartwarming Eve), if I remember right.

I don't remember the services. I should know what they're doing here, but they all look happy, and mostly turned on. The dragon-kin's journey is going well, and she's smiling in a way that reminds me of Boobsong a little.

I want Boobsong. Do you really want this me so much more than the good person I've tried to be for you--that's not right. I can't make these pieces fit. These happy friends and the nightmare I've just been planning to be for the next one through the door. I can't be both of those. It's as bad as the things those abstract-idolaters thought. How can I make a person out of that?

Dragon say something. I got real bad this time. This was very close. Are you okay?

It was scary but your Boobsong was sure you'd get through to this. Look how happy these small ones are with their monsters that hold them! See that fairy-kin up on she-goat's head? Looks like planning funtimes!

The scary is bad. No more now. Your Boobsong pleads with eyes wide open.

We'll be okay. See your worry. You did right. Hard fight. Now play fun games.

I flop back out of journey to Olympic Pizza and start sobbing, turn Boobsong face-in and crush her tight in my cleavage.

You see the monster here. They see the Fairy there. Two can't meet at all? Fairy-kind are monsters, fact! Let yourself be seen as kind and scary too.

Now run back to back room and see the new fun there.

I pad back there, kicking candy out of the way. There's light back there, must be Peanut's candle--frazzlepops!

The battery is installed correctly.

Oh. Whew.

Wait, what's going on in here? That's a very familiar voice. Also there's a very nice ass in the way...with rainbow hair above it...wow those curves...augh squish selfcest is such a blushy kink.

There are more Redeemed, all around the work table, at least four of them, all so beautiful--dammit--not that I--argh! I can't see their fronts but presumably we're about to meet just as many of our seed-kids.

- PAUSE -

Yeah. Oh! We can pause because my brain's with Acme Station, and she just speeds it up.

Okay it's one thing with Sugarfreaks, and another thing with implanting targets, but how do I relate to Redeemed? If they were literally just me-clones, that'd be one thing, each one would get a big snuggly kiss hello, but they're not, they're vulnerable people who've had a hard time and maybe don't know who they are now. And their heartchildren might have rules for them. I can't see collars because our hair's so big but I bet there's some.

I never see Milk-froth's neck, the time-travel like blanks it out. That's weird.

Your tentacles can tell you it's okay for you to grab them lots. Each one has offered up herself for fun. Their Keepers have approved it.

From front to back their names are Lucy, Lucy, Lucy, and Lucy. Their heartchildren are Lyra, Lyra, Lyra and Lyra.

What's the joke your tentacles play?

Okay...this might just be telling stories but I think it--yes. Hehe this is why our cover's invincible. Redeemed don't get different names until they put them on. You can add a number if that's too much. Or even just be Lucy (though that makes some fun at times like this). There's a secret here about human beings. A lot of them are sheep. They'll be happy to be just one more of the crowd. That's hard to see until you let people be all the same to the smallest thought. Eden's worst stuff targets herd instinct so the sheepiest people get Redeemed, and find themself in a sea of same faces. It's hard to leave, for a lot of them. Why should they, if they like it there? There are Lucy and Lyra pairs in every town. Milk-froth's cool because she's changed so much (I would never wear an American flag bandanna, but it looks cool on you!) but this is fun. New or just sheepest ones here?

Each one's less than one day old. They came here asking where she was, the one they sought, and Butter said inside here. Only four could fit so the rest got stopped. Soon more friends come!

They are just not you. Mostly they're a big fat mirror! Enjoy that fun. They'll like it too.

Redeemed make my heart do such weird stuff. Blusy feelings like seeing porn of yourself and furious protective motherliness and the hope you get seeing a kindred spirit and the lust of my selfcest kink all tangle up...okay, they're me. What would I want? To be enjoyable! And know Boobsong is my Keeper. And pizza. Looks like the Pirate Device gets a workout, heh.

All this gloominess has my light not shining, which means we can sneak up. That has to be good for something.

What do you think of this situation, dolly?

EEEE it's great! Perfect choice Dreams! Just what Princess needs. Lots more Princesses, who all look up to her! Your Boobsong waits for the next to come with happy eyes now!

Next...uh oh. I suppose there's a different kind of snowdrift piled up at the back door--oh snarglepops. If there are 4996 more of them out there I'm giving them all pizza and then going to cry in a corner.

At least ten thousand!

Augh!

- UNPAUSE -

AUGH!