5 - Call For Backup

This is it, then, the home stretch. That's what Boobsong in my arms, the cake in front of us, the Sugarfreaks eating it so happily, Olympic Pizza around us and the snowy streets and Heartwarming Eve Earth here in Rl'yeh Sade all mean.

I feel a weird rush thinking it. Two monoliths left. Just have fun now, that's where to find them.

Then I have to ask this question, and ask it seriously, because of what this cake means, that whole thing with helping Backroom here save her daddy, and her and Doorway girl helping Boobsong and me hit that monolith just now: was that just passing the torch?

If I understand all this, the answer is, it could be, if I want that. All that could be over. Even Starlight Princess. For twenty-one seasons we searched for those monoliths and fought to get Earth united behind us opening the worldgate. That shaped our life, all of it. That was hard. It was exhausting. I had fun, but it was so thankless a lot, like all I saw was the people who wouldn't listen. I hate that our fans and the love of these Sugarfreaks and the rest of them even didn't center stage to me, but there it is. I'm not perfect.

For all my power, it wore me down. Does that just need to be over now. Do we need to be finished, and play with our fans, and that's all it is? No more monoliths, no more anything, can I not remember how this world got here because it did the last part without us?

The monoliths are the last of it, that I can see, the only unfinished business that has to be. Can I know that, with Dreams-help? Yes, and they are. And if I want right now a thing we can do is just go to the Arlington House and curl up in the bed there and be cuddled by fans or handmaidens or no one but each other, because they don't have to be finished by us.

So, do I want to find them, or say this is over now? I've tried to say that, so many times, but I couldn't see everything, couldn't make that decision. The irony might be that I had to get here to be able to decide that because sometimes, you don't make it. You can't finish what you started, and my task as Siren now is to show everyone Paradise has mercy for that. It won't make you finish something just because you started it, when it's too much, when you just weren't enough because you're not a god or a symbol or anything but a person, and people have limits, and those limits don't always fit with cosmic plans or make everyone happy.

Somebody has to be the one who shows there can still be a Happily Ever After when the Chosen One can't complete her quest. I can't breathe around the knot in my throat realizing how that so could be me.

What do you have to say about this, dolly?

This is the hardest choice your Boobsong has heard yet. She doesn't feel like it's too much, but a lot of her pain today has been holding you as you fight the thought there's more to do. Maybe that says it's more than you can do, after all this bad stuff. Maybe that's right to give Backroom and Doorway Girl this job. Maybe she's Doorway Girl because we walk through her to our new life.

As she talks, my dragon who can get me out of anything, it all seems so obvious. I look up at the Sugarfreaks, and the Dreams give me a green checkmark.

This is one, because what I'm about to say, is one of those things so big there's no consent, really. The gravity of it bends your will. I'll take no, if they say no, and not argue them, but I don't think they can. If it's not us, though, it has to be Sugarfreaks.

"Hey, so what are your names, anyway?"

Doorway Girl finishes feeding Backroom a piece of cake, and they look. Doorway Girl answers.

"I'm Peanut, and my candy-hog only gets names when she can't say Peanut's pet."

I smile at them, happy for their happiness--Peanut's pet looks adorably blushy as her Captain says this. I think it's sweet how they mix the metaphors that way.

"Peanut, I want to offer you and your pet something, but if you take it from a sense of duty or obligation, it'll break, because the last two monoliths are the opposite direction from those things. Can you promise me you'll do you best to hear this as an offer of a game you might wanna play, and not even me fucking your hearts with scary candy?"

They look at each other, then Peanut answers.

"Are you saying what I think you are!? You can't give us Boobsong if you wanted to--"

"The Dreams find a way. They always will. That kind of limitation won't even slow them down. Boobsong and me are the ones for this because it's right, but now...it might not be. I don't know. I've hit two monoliths, today, and it's been good, I've felt like I'm back more than ever, both times, but...that mindrape thing, I don't need to tell you I guess but, I mean maybe it was this bad for you too which case think really hard about this but...I feel like I've been fighting back from it killing me for those seven years, and it doesn't feel like a long slow climb, it feels like seven years of bullshit and three days of scary bad stuff that's still so much better than the rest I thought I was already done when it started. I...want to keep going, I think, but I need backup--like obviously Boobsong and you guys and my handmaidens and the other Sugarfreaks but...I keep freaking out. I keep thinking today there can't be one more thing, I can't handle that. That's why this cake is here, I said this is it, or there won't be cake, and here it is. I still almost lost my shit when I found all that stuff about the Christian Heaven thing. I need...to be able to just call a name, and know this is in good hands, if I hit one of those again. Those freakouts. I don't know if it's going to get better of this is just too much and I need to be done now. That Siren thing I said about there's no duty was a message to myself as much as anyone, but it's for you now, especially, because there's no duty for you, either, not even as Sugarfreaks. If you two don't take this, the Dreams will find a way for me to have what I need here--and if you say yes, it's not forever. You can find backup, like I am."

"Will you be my backup, and take over the search for the monoliths, if I can't do it anymore, or even don't want to? Take your time. Don't answer till you're really sure and ask the Dreams to guide you, directly."

They look at each other again, then Peanut steps forward and kneels, puts her head down.

"Yes."

That's all she says. I put my hand on her head. Her hair is silky-straight, so nice and soft.

"Thank you. I'll probably be doing bad if I take you up on this, so expect to hear from my game, not me. It'll get the details, like always."

A weird thing is happening. Weight is lifting. I expected to melt down in tears and grief, I guess because I felt sure I'd take her up on this one day, but there more we go through with this the lighter and freer and more me-again I feel and the more likely to not take her up on it I feel.

I take my hand off her head, and make a little silver Boobsong-hammer, with the same kind of grippiness as her pet's medal but it'll stay however it's Put, on skin--there's a small psychic interface that just watches for that intention and makes it stick or not.

"Stand."

She gets up and looks up at me and I stick the hammer on the top of her left breast.

"Peanut, I name you Official Backup Monolith Finder. Wear it with pride, and tell people what the Dreams showed me here about having limits with this cake if they ask."

Do I remember these two? Their names were Peanut and Butter, but then their dynamic changed, and Butter became just Peanut's pet. This--we've done this. Right?

Keep getting it, Princess, what else was here?

The library. We need to go to the library--no, we can't, until I remember. Do...they run this place. They wanted to. The owners fucked off to Cancun or something when we stopped capitalism, like a normal human would, but what Sugarfreak is normal? They're here because they hadn't left. My game taught them to make pizza exactly like the owners did, and they take it so seriously, even I get scared, and you know how I am about pizza and fast food.

They're capricious and random about when it's open, just like they should be, because this is for fun for them. They don't always feel like playing pizza shop. They were just here to make supper--they live in the building here? Or one of these houses? No...my game brings them here when they want it. They live...up in Maine, on Grand Lake? Heart-healing floods to think this stuff. I think they keep the Camp for me, or its their house maybe. Sugarfreaks will invite me home, oh yes they will. Then...Cowans abandoned it? So many people lived not where they wanted to, but they could come back if they wanted, just like Peanut and her pet. They loved that place, but my game and the Pirate Device and me making candy and toys for everyone rearranged the world so hard, I guess the Cowans found something better, or my game found it for them.

Or maybe the rewrite did something else here. Maybe the Camp was always theirs. I decide not to care. These are my Sugarfreaks Peanut and her pet and they live up there and make pizza here and that's the real world.

"So do you have two now?"

"This is the first time I've hit a monolith, but I am your backup for a long time. Since ninety-seven."

Heart healing floods so burningly, and now the tears come. I was seventeen the first time I felt this way. It's always been hard.

Yet I feel strength, to have her here. It doesn't feel so impossible. I don't feel as tired. I can try one more journey, do one more show. It's hard to find, in all of this, what made me tired. I like journeying and performing and touring and everything. I think it's just, that feeling of being the only tape holding a broken world together--I am tape, not glue or epoxy. I'm fiddly and get stuck on myself and I'm not reliable. Knowing I don't have to be otherwise, or save enough strength to reach the end of this, lets me do what I'm supposed to do, and just charge in unthinkingly.

"You have saved my life every minute of every day since then. Make your candy request. It's not the last one."

"I want some more of that stuff on the order slip!"

"You got it. Hang onto your tits though, I made this out of being super pent up about shipping people, especially you two, and the conscious intention's wide open."

Stuck in my cleavage, I make her a rainbow-swirly-glowing stick of the lip gloss, with the label:

S.Y.R.U.P.

Support Your Relationship, Ultra Powerful

Heart-healing burns warmly wet to make this so naughtily-silly. She reaches in, hand very snuggly pushing up from the bottom to come up between my breasts and pull it out the front, lifting my right one with her other hand to let her pull it out the front, I smile the pleasure and pride of seeing her know to take advantage of my stupid little trick so much.

I keep seeing Mars Hill Maine when I look at her. Is that their hometown? I think so, yes. Like where they're from. Peanut, anyway. I think she met her pet as a Sugarfreak?

Peanut reads the label of the lip gloss, laughs, uncaps it and smells it--

"I don't promise at all there's not a smell effect. In fact there probably is. I was pretty much just cumming everywhere when I made it."

Peanut puts it extra close to her nose and inhales extra deep, and I'm inspired--purple smoke wafts off the shining tip, goes up her nose, but she doesn't seem to notice. Her pet is behind her, so she doesn't see. I just grin.

"You're such an inspiration! Okay enough being scared of this. Seed-ghost for my next trap reward I want you to control our fucks."

There. Completely open-ended. Hope you're not too scared, dolly.

Not from our seed-ghost! Back to the fuck that talks to you, this Boobsong bets!

"Making a judgement call: this isn't your real wish. Ask anew."

"Dammit. Okay, here goes gulp. Seed-ghost I want you to decide how we depend on that button game or whatever to fuck, for the next while."

"Have faith in Chyajjoh."

The Strawberries will--but that ties us to Strawberry Home and I want to--oh. Because somewhere in this with all the drama and pain and fear I've decided I don't have it in me anymore to start for myself. To be in a horny situation and just take her, or do stuff like think "hmm, forgot to give this candy ANY INTENTION AT ALL SLURP" and end up fucking. My eaten-ness is supposed to make that so easy we never stop.

Have faith I'm a horny Strawberry, it's saying--double meaning. There's a strawberry, lowercase two ways, here right now.

A flash of purple as I reach out to what still feels so shaky but I know is the reflexes and training for just having the Dreams as another sense and an extra memory store like I've added a network share to the harddrive and RAM of my long and short term memory--NOW WAIT JUST A NONCONSENSUALLY STRAWBERRY SNARLYGRAPE FIREBALL POPS MINUTE THE FIZZBUBBLING CHECKMARKS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PURPLE!

Purple checkmark.

Oh my sex that's so much better. Also that's a real one. I just can't get this part of them. If I was Peanut I'd explode but I guess it's not like that for her but it extra messes with my head that I'm the one it's not like that for her about.

"Okay, then, um...so Peanut's pet I have a trap reward where I get to ask our seed-ghost to decide stuff for me. It seems to think you should pick, so, what's our seed-ghost deciding for us this time?"

"Ooh! Like--eep! Oh mindrape. Stupid sweet potato candy trinity pockets. Oh I know! Big dirt machines get Rainbow hot."

Huh? Heart-healing!? I mean she's not wrong, especially if the exhaust hits hard--

"Seed-ghost understands. Family friends and note-ized: so much help around you here, seed-ghost says you're okay. Acme Station off. Hard shapeshift off (horns teeth nails exception). Big shapeshift limited to dragon. Small shapeshift to doll-sized. Fork off. Light contained in heartstone matrix except stage shows and candy (toys exception for gifting). Hard candy can't make sharp things or toy parts. Reaction time: human (fast enough to hustle games). Healing only with sexual fluids. Cold feeling: human. Heat: fireproof, arbitrary temperature (current max not representable numerically). Rainbow can't use her own possessions unless at Heart Home or Strawberry Tower (Waifu section will come soon. Tour bus section will come soon). Rainbow can't keep things except Boobsong. Rainbow has home rules: sleep outside or in fans' beds (Heart Home and Strawberry Tower exception). Rainbow lives on the road. Can't stay in one place two sleeps. Rainbow has a top speed of 90 miles per hour on Earth unless in aircraft (tour bus is aircraft when flying), then her top speed is 750 miles per hour. Sleeps on the road count for new beds if no accommodation is near enough to find before Boobsong rips Rainbow new holes. Neighbor reactions hearing sex are part of the tour game. No being quiet in others' houses. No hiding out when you need to have sex. Do it right there where your fans are. Use people's houses for stage shows, coffee shops and churches (Rainbow and Christian-formerly). This is the chance to do what you never could, and be yourself without having to be so big you can't see the fans' eyes."

"Trap reward 2/5 used."

Heart-healing and worship flood me and when I blink enough tears away to see at all Peanut and her pet are standing there looking so kind and making heart-signs, ready for anything.

I couldn't see all through that, what it was doing, just stood there enjoying the kinkiness all hornily, but now I'm a sloppy blubbery wreck.

It didn't tell me. Nobody told me. Have I forgotten or did we never know?

They all waited. They made us huge right away and they waited because it would have broken us, but now I can see them, fans watching interested from their couch or the seats of some little church. I wouldn't perform in them the way we did at stage shows--but we must have done something. In twenty-one years of touring we must have discovered this.

Maybe I was the one who couldn't tell me. We had to open the worldgate. So many questions stopped there.

Now it just seems so wonderful. I could tell Boobsong to high five them while we fuck. Maybe I'll even learn to call dance without being so tense and shaky I can't have fun with it.

[!] Let's put our feet on the floor and just be there with them. Talk in the middle like your dad always did. Remember him in the Rainbow Cathedral on family nights?

I--he--OUCH--wait--he had shaggy hair. AUGH this one makes my head hurt!

Something is wrong with this but I just can't figure it out. Would he do that Zardoz thing Strawberry men often did, is that messing my head up? (got to keep the family jewels safe doing hard jobs, we called them "changepurses" if I'm remembering right).

I...think he didn't stay. I told myself stories, but they don't feel as real as the other stuff. He went through the worldgate with Mother and us at the end of things...feels right...by my humans dad's a wanderer, in his heart. The rewrite made him stay put and administrate, but he was sad and depressed, even though he was good at it.

Did I ever see him preach? It wasn't an often thing. He'd come back for Mother-fun enough to see me grow but he wasn't there all the time. I'm not upset. Having seen the alternative I think I had more of him in his wandering. I think I got his wandering, too. Stars kind of stay one place, because they are the place. Same thing with Queens, really, when they aren't going on Travels, which Mother hated the way I hate Them.

The show in Washington--cute. Arranged ahead of time. We're making our splash, then, don't need to plan that part...oh fuck this.

"I love you guys so much."

And I point my eravahk toward the kitchen and click Pizza, and follow them as they join hands and skip to the door (holy sillystring shampoo these two are so cute), single file through, and Peanut's pet gets back to her pizza making while Peanut gets dough out of the fridge to start my pepperoni insanity.

The kitchen is all old red tiles and messed up embossed tin wall coverings. It lacks chairs, but there's a steel beer keg by the oven, so I march over and park there. The oven's nice and warm, so I lay my head on it--or not? My muscles won't go that way?

That's too greasy! You'll make your hair a mess. Can't get shampooed until fans' house now!

I guess that tells us where we stand, game.

Yes. Only when the deepest need comes will your game step in for this.

"I can't believe I'm this happy to--you guys have your work cut out for you. I have nothing. Not even game toys."

"Nothing the game does is available except for emergencies. Rainbow is held but you have to do everything else. The Dreams are here to take care of you. The game can stop."

"Aaaand the Dreams are sure I'm wondering where my rocket launcher and fusion gun are. This is intense. How can this make me hot."

"Now I can give you a medal! Found the scene that makes Rainbow Starshine Strawberry ask how this can make her horny,"

quips Peanut. Giggles.

"I'd make it, but..."

"You okay with that? That's heavy. Starshine is your name for a reason!"

"I have a stage show planned--Acme Station--er--snarlygrapes."

Siren powers, if they included knowing when we are, sure don't now. Am I unSirened!?

No. Okay. But I'm playing this touring game.

"What...when is this?"

Though I guess with time travel--but I want my handmaidens! I start to pet Boobsong just idly, riffling my fingers bumpily-boobily over her nipples.

[heavy] HOT...

Not as much as our next sex.

Which will happen soon. I'm letting the lust build slow. We'll talk to the Sugarfreaks and fuck because I get horny and just start doing it, or pizza will get there first.

"Snugglebomb, where's the calendar?"

Smile. Peanut's pet is definitely a snugglebomb, yes, hehe. She answers her Captain without looking up from the pizza she's picking up on a pizza peel and carrying to the oven.

Maybe I want my handmaidens? I'm real confused. Each new part of this feels like such a change from the last one, it seems centuries since we were on my tower-top in Strawberry Home--

"The Dreams took it while you were out there with Rainbow. They showed me a strawberry, so I think it means Rainbow has to go all the way trusting us--okay or that she can't see that one."

Count on the sub to think that up. It was my first thought, too.

A new calendar, hanging up by the door, appears, with a snowman for the picture. It seems to be Heartwarming Eve (December 20th, Heartwarming is the winter solstice).

"Stupid memory."

I huff. Snugglebomb--Peanut's pet, I mean--is close, pizza held out. I reach up to--no I don't, and that and the thought of what she guessed the calendar disappeared for fill me with heart healing. Before, I would never ever try to help with something like that. I know my game's rules. I was a lot more comfortably helpless, raised as a Princess. It's time to get back to that, finally. Leaves my hands for futzing with Boobsong, besides.

"I think I'm okay, to answer your question? I need to get on stage soon but that's happening tomorrow but maybe I'll freak out before then, but I have lots of stuff I want to do tonight, starting with the both of you unless my feelings get weird which they might it's been a day--um, what do you know, anything? Like about me between the reset and now?"

The oven door squeaks and Peanut's pet puts her pizza in. She's right here and her hands are free. I thumbstick her in front of me right close, then grab her ass and lean down and stick my face in the soft fold of her thigh and hip and liiiiick her little strawberry tattoo and she gasps so adorable and okay her pussy smells awesome and her mound's nice and soft smooth clean and I did this because take what I want she's a Sugarfreak you need to wake up Rainbow so I shift over and give her a deep hard lick with my long tongue.

"AAAAH!"

She squeaks very sweetly--oooh that's the good stuff. Yay I love pussy. She just tastes of nice fresh human girl-goo but it's so good I almost take her for oral right there--well if you're going to taste this good your strawberry needs help. I bubble some candy off my tongue just for her that'll make her strawberry tattoo taste strawberry--

[!] What if it feels good like a clit if licked?

Ooh good one, SuccubusAdded, but only if licked by her loved ones, with a nice big hole of open intention for her fun. Not lifechanging necessarily, but nice and weird, I tinge it.

I let her go so I can look up hornily and say breathily to her open-mouthed face, "Send your Captain over for me."

"Okay..."

Her voice is squeaky-cute, and she looks a bit dazed, but she goes. I'll never get used to how my body just doesn't care about being folded in half. I could stay this way for days. I sit back anyway.

"But I'm making your pizza--what smells good--she gave you candy!"

Peanut is looking her pet up and down. Wait, is she attached to making my pizza? I was just going to make her pet do it--that--dammit you guys I just finished crying!

"She just licked--ooh--what's it do can you see anything,"

Her pet cries, trying the relatably-hopeless project of pushing her boobs out of the way to see the rest of her front.

"Finish the pizza first," I laugh to Peanut, and add, "and then you'll just have to explore everything--after you come give me a lick!"

It's good to just be stupid and horny. I grope Boobsong more gropily, enjoying her curves and the way my hand can cover her little belly button and still reach her pussy in this form (though I teasingly don't push her legs apart because I want to enjoy the triangle of her thighs and mound), as I check out the Sugarfreaks, with Peanut now cutely torn between checking out her pet and making my pizza.

"To answer your question, um, just that we're back from that history changing thing and our memories have holes in them but we remember each other and the monoliths and your tour bus coming into Bar Harbor that first time."

Her pet picks up where she leaves off:

"And you're a Strawberry from Atlantis--the name's wrong--I can't get the real one, I've been trying all day but I can't."

Why does that fizzfrozen Atlantis thing tweak? Meh. Yawn. Sugarfreak in trouble Mommy mode. I pinch Boobsong's nipple hard and do force my finger between her legs to rub her little (but oh so very stretchable) pussy after all.

EAAAA "AAAAAAH YOUR BOOBSONG IS MOVING EEP!"

"Nothing like giving a good squeak for Mother, is there? So whaddaya think dolly, can we find a way power her Brain up a bit?"

"There must be some way to make sure she can't missle what she's losing here. Could we give her the screw--"

"Good attack, but I think you need to morph--"

"Chozo? CHYAJJOH! Chyajjoh's a Strawberry! Strawberry Empire, Lucy of Strawberries, biggest porn of the otherworld and you showed up you're the real Lucy. That's insane. You're already this god-queen, and you're the Strawberry Princess from porn-land? I feel like a handmaid to Cleopatra!"

"There we go! Hey Acme Station--argh--oh, game, can we--"

I take a deep breath.

"If you two have a black mirror I can borrow--actually wait. Okay, will you even do this stuff, game? Because there's going to a big show, special just for Sugarfreaks in DC later, and I want them all there, but you two might have to help get that going."

Be a shame to wham line them with Strawberry Home pictures when they can get the good wham line!

I just always think like this. It's fun. I like it.

There's something hungry with sex, especially now that I'm working Boobsong this way, still playing between her legs oh so teasily, but I can't figure it. I want to...feel her take bites off my clit one by one eating it like a hot dog so lovingly and burst my balls with her teeth and slurp up the strawberry goo and cum with some kind of mindfucky thing where it feels like my clits gone but I also still fuck with it...but that just reveals I really need to have her eat me head to to slowly and sensually later, starting with squish my whole body so I pop into a big gooey mess and she has to lick me up everywhere, and it's warm and good to have that kink wake up so hard (hehe it's got morning wood!) but like...that's not the thing I'm hungry for.

- PAUSE -

This must be big. Alright I can't say I'm mad.

I was trying to get it before with that first request to our seed-ghost, all tangled up in the small tour (Starlight Princess Unplugged? Nah. The Little Rainbow Tour? Ehh...). Something that isn't having our seed-ghost decide when we fuck, or even how I think, because I'm starting to have faith in Chyajjoh if I just did that to Peanut's pet and soon will to Peanut, but--

Taking your will for doll-time, being hypnotized, and book have the same thing inside. Your wish is not them.

Umm...those are all ways of being there but my will's off. Which is the same as I keep getting stuck in. It's like that kink is so huge I can't see the binary star next to it, and keep ending up in the next big scaring one which is devouring and smashing and stuff.

A nudge from the Dreams...I want to see myself, see the candy hog in the mirror?  Closer, yes. Is it just hunger for dickless jokes? No...

I wanna feel the hoard around me, the inescapability, but I want that through sex and still wanna be the Princess calling our dance but only in my pet way but...in my head I just see Boobsong's helplessly fucked face as we screw and she straddles me but it's all inside--

Inside out of reach. Inside out of control. Inside as a metaphor for being eat or trapped in her hoard. Our Mommy controls this. Pet-keeper dragon has some kind of way to decide feedings and my only choice is how to enjoy feeding.

That one is closest. Like it's a damaged version of what I am looking for. Am I just feeling the hole where my own will should go, and pining for someone to fill it, because I can't (or couldn't or whatever)?

Fairy-ness is warring with Princess-ness. How can I feel Kept here, if giving control away isn't the answer? That's what Fairies live for! It still makes me scared but I can at least tell the hunger now--

Okay if Boobsong's my Keeper for real she can take this. I'm all messed up, Keeper, help?

Fairy that feels good just does whatever they feel. Keeper restrains them.

I miss my fae out of control-ness! I shouldn't be able to have this question, I should just be either straining to fuck or doing it! It should just be this sea that controls me, my feelings. That was a start with Backroom--I'm like weird though.

[!] You're a Fairy that has to have hard thoughts too. Fairies are wet that's it but you're Princess.

Yeah...and I'm wet oh yes which is why I want you to bite me one little bit at a time...but hard, too, and I keep thinking up wet stuff.

Wait, a Fairy that feels good just sits there waiting for instructions or Keeper's mind control! It's too wet to do anything of its own!

[!] That's where the problem is. You need to be wet here but then you won't be hard even if Keeper controls you.

Yeah but the answer isn't just "Eet Mor Prinsess" plus fuck when I feel like it. Because I'm happily letting fooling around make me feel like it, and there's still the itch. Is this why Verana's training program to teach us to get set off without will, just by horniness? What I should do is not even take you when I feel like it--

[!] [ Vision: Jabba's Palace ]

Heh. Chained up amusing pet. You're much sexier than Jabba! Your dragon form's so sleek and good. I want you to crush me in your tail so I splat out all over you and you have to lick me off all thoroughly. I'd say we should get me a Slave Leia outfit if I could have clothes right now, heh.

Remember the stage shows!

Yeah but I need like a hundred years of those in my Starlight Princess outfit first.

Oh. Oh fuck. That's what was out of reach. That's why in that memory it was so out of reach but so satisfying but...gulp.

Keeper this is so scary. You just didn't let me, did you. There was no way to click fuck. I had to make us start by teasing and playing and dirty-talking and dramatically eating other people's cum like just drive us nuts till we went off...no! How does this work? I could ask for it? To be able to? You can't decide, though. I didn't have it all the time but there were times. It wasn't some like special never treat. And Verana was teaching us to play the other side well! So it could be a--toy I could beg for and not have without our exploding.

Holy fuck I'm such a pet how do we make any sense at all.

Keeper doesn't have to choose, just feel the feelings. Seed-ghost will pick.

Feelings are not saying give you this. Say goodbye to fuck click! No thrusting either until you set off fuck by passion.

This should scare me so much I just go out, but there's...safety??? It feels like a nice heavy collar. I feel so pet now. I guess this game wasn't a painful thing before.

Heart-healing. This isn't the only thing. I'm a pet. I don't think this is just sub frenzy I think I remember I'm pretty pet when we're home. Did I wear chains there? I think no but it felt like it anyway.

[ Vision: Cubbyholes ]

I had to beg to go out of course. Oh, out of my like, even if you didn't eat me up even when we were between that you like keeping me all locked up. You don't always lay enough of me to really do anything, and I think there's like a frame kind of thing that'll hold me up but you leave me in pieces for that so you can look at me but I'd just fall apart if I did get free and you take care of me so nicely and there's layers to like how much you can let me out I can be untied but I'm stuck in my box or our bedroom or a few rooms of your hoard or stuff like that.

And I had to beg. I had to beg and plead and make hopeful eyes and you maybe would if it felt good and we always fucked because that passion thing but there were a lot of times you just wouldn't let me out of anything even if I cried and that was so good.

What'd we do if you dollified? Oh but you'd still eat me soon then. The more in pieces the hungrier! I always wanted to be like pitchers of goo or whatever but it makes you too hungry, you just eat me up. That really gave the Succubus game spice, though, becuase we'd just be stuck until you ate me.

I mean I could talk it up. Tell you about how drippy my bitten places feel and how I want to feel your teeth push into me and stuff...

Keeper I don't know what to do that sounds incredible I wanna go and never be let out ever again but this is here and I need it and it's awesome.

So much heart healing.

EEEEEE OUR GAME!!! Yes that's the dragon game. Dragon keeps Princess imprisoned, everyone knows that!

Yeah. Did you...dress me up somehow? I guess my game could undress me so you could eat me, but I'm convinced there was like, kind of Slave Leia stuff? That was hot but pretty humiliating? I guess our seed-ghost could do the same as the other stuff...maybe I just really need to get on stage soon. I don't think there was dressup but it keeps twanging hard.

One of the ways you held me was just to wrap me up in your tail in dragon form. Eventually I'd beg out or you'd get hungry and squish me.

Keeper why aren't I just your pet like with Rarity and Sweetie? I feel like a toy with you but...am I just one of those dogs that doesn't know its small? With my domming? I guess there'd be no Sugarfreaks or handmaidens...or do I not understand them, either?

Rarity and Sweetie are family but they're not like us. Your domming isn't fake. It's just like pet eagles still need meat food. Don't give that, or give it fake, heart dies.

Rarity makes clothes. Seed-mom gave no clothes stuff to you keeper? HAH!

THERE IS STUFF!

My Starlight Princess outfit is you. That's your design. No wonder I'm attached to it.

You made that and it's awesome and it's like the only thing I'll wear but it's...not the only?

You make clothes! Very very slutty clothes--oh Slave Leia threw me off because your stuff is so much more elegant. Sometimes it's more decorations than clothes really like lingerie oh because this is how you like, sushi me, like I guess I'm raw still and can be fishy teehee but you do me up nice with tasty metal and gems.

You make me feel so gorgeous with that stuff.

The thought just whispers.

Keep getting it chya this is awesome!

Okay chya the tack thing at Rarity's wigged me out. Pony tack? Strawberry. Naked but jewelry so much yes.

At one point in those nightmares you got a sewing kit for a Heartwarming present and it felt weird. You work metal, not sew. I mean you're great with crafts but you make me metal stuff. It's good garnish and right for a Strawberry except sometimes you "break the rules" and do superskimpy cloth stuff like my Starlight Princess outfit.

Except that's not cloth, huh, it's tiny mail. It looks like cloth, but no. They don't pinch somehow but even the stockings are spring-mail. That's why the top looks mesh. It's bigger rings than the skirt.

I said it's not battle armor, and didn't put it on for those helldives because it didn't feel right, but it is, because this has been such an awful war.

Am I right? I wanna be wrong.

Dragon my heart hurts. Eat me up and leave it behind so it'll stop.

Princess your Boobsong screams with rage at all this war. She hates to see your heart hurt but she can't leave that, YOU live there.

I know, dragon, I just...

I wore it everywhere, could I really...Earth is war, I said. Armor stays on till the battle ends.

This can't be right. I love that outfit it can't be this.

STOP HEALING HEART THIS IS THE WRONG PIECE!

[!] Mommy you know right stuff. Your heart heals then.

For a long time I just scream inside. It doesn't even sound like AAAAH, it's just screaming.

Only a feeling like I was not less terrible than the situation demanded keeps my heart from dying. That's haunted me this whole time, like we should have hit harder, I should have scared more faster, but somehow, if this is that, we did. I knew what was happening, if I wore that armor, that whole time.

It looked so cute. It was the nineties, I could have just been an especially gay slutty teenager.

Now I don't know what's right. The story's confusing. We're after the end but not done but we're after the end because the end is after the end. Do I wear the armor?

Can't decide now. Have at least until tomorrow. Keeper, dragon...if I wanted...you hate cloth I know but could there be an exception for a cloth version? Maybe? If that's right? Or I guess seed-ghost I don't know how this works we haven't been here yet.

All the pretty stuff you make is just in your hoard in Heart Home because of this.

Let's see what new tour brings. If no war there, then cloth yes. Strawberry Home has your rules, metal and rocks only!

Okay--wait, how did you just decide that? It's fine, and thank you, but what?

This is all we said. Armor until war stops. War's inside now. Maybe you can't stop while armor weighs your heart down. Maybe armor stays on you till you get cloth.

...

Everything flashes together so hard and fast I'm just paralyzed for a moment. I know how we're doing this do. The real way to play this game.

No plans. They don't know we're coming. They don't know how long we stay--I can couchsurf a town if there's a reason--or where the show is till a few days before. Day of. Hours. I don't know. We don't know until then. I'll pick names off a map or something. There's no official information and we're going to get Tuchyuh to spread all kind of crazy lies so the fans can't just organize and track me down. Is Starlight back? WHO KNOWS, SHE SURE DOESN'T! We just told all the Sugarfreaks by taking them to Strawberry Home so they can help but I'm pretty sure a Washington Mall of Sugarfreaks is about what I have and that's not that much for a whole planet let alone all of Rl'yeh Sade which brings me to the next part because we are not fizzfreezing being stuck on this planet for all those years only to apparently achieve what we thought was lost forever, and still be stuck here, so that snarlygrape speed limit is growing a warp drive clause or something or we can just go right back to Heart Home and stay there for good.

Warp drive clause is unnecessary. Fans have ships. Not on Earth, no speed limit.

Oh. Duh. WELL GOOD THEN.

This tour has no name. Did you hear Starlight's Touring? That's it. Rumors and secrets.

Oooh let's send the Illuminati offworld. Their new job is finding places that need me. They'll like that.

Whaddaya wanna bet that's why they're on the Titan. They would so infiltrate Gorean Starfleet just because it's there. I bet that was the future aboard the Titan and we already said this. Yes Strawberry Home is in the past or something I guess. They made my sled into a time machine that could carry that whole crowd, they've got time travel down.

"Infiltrate Gorean Starfleet" gets a purple checkmark. Alright, if they need orders to make them, go infiltrate Gorean Starfleet, Illuminati.

Have you got this game? I wanna tell Tuchyuh myself I think but the rest?

Your game will arrange everything. DC show is all by them.

Oh, sweet. Reader if you're ever doing stuff like this, be sure to get yourself a secret society and a really good conspiracy. So useful.

Oh and they can prepare the way if it needs a push. Judgement call. Nothing obvious. Pieces fall into place, all mindfucky, no WELCOME CHOSEN ONE stuff, if they're going to do that kind of thing, the Illuminati.

And you get trophies. If you find these shows.

Oh and here's the real doozy. This tour works like this pizza shop. It starts and stops. We might go years between shows. We might do a new city every night for ten years. Who knows! It works just like Olympic Pizza here. We tour when we feel like it.

I'm sure we have some big something or other at the end of all this. Dunno! Not thinking that far ahead! I am coming back though. I want to see the fans eyes but I guess I'm realizing too how much I liked the really big stuff. And being epic. And having cities spawncamp us like a new, well, Starlight Princess game.

Crazy how much even the thought of a vacation will heal tiredness from a job you love.

This is me, huh. I'm like that little robot in that spacedock happily keeping those fiddly-ass ships ready to fly for eons. No more fighting, but this is in my bones--oh my fizzfrozen snarlygrape all-checkmarks alphabits that is so classically Dreams.

All my blackmailing and fighting and being the hugest bitch who ever was and in the end they gave me the biggest baddest gun to hold anyway and it's a chocolate cake and a Portal reference. If that cake turns out to be a lie, if just one thing I said about this tour gets spiked, what does any of this mean anyway? If they want to be taken seriously now, they have to stand by the promise of that cake. Otherwise, reader, it's not the Dreams and you should [fill in the blank].

So all that said, this monoliths thing matters, and it needs to get done right. If I give up or get lazy it's better Peanut or whoever takes over than let me mess it up because I demanded my vacation time. Can you promise that, Dreams?

Purple checkmark.

Alright.

Then the first stop on this tour is a bunch of weirdass sightings around Boston on Heartwarming Eve where Rainbow's all over the map emo and and happy crying one minute and laughing the next. Should be able to manage that. Dolly can you Disguise still with your Acme Station stuff off?

RRRRAAAAH just you wait they'll be so confused their eyes turn inside out!

Hell yes. Alright. We're playing Bigfoot--no, no, Tramp-Woman. Disguise goes on except since I'm figuring you can still do the who's-watching thing too, except when only one person is watching, and only as they turn toward or away from us. Fully unverifable. Can you do that, and can we like set you up to click it on and off, for people like Peanut and her pet who should know it's us?

Worship flows from her, because MUAHAHAH, I'm guessing.

Princess your Boobsong is facedown with awe. This is the coolest plan. Just say the word, Starlight Tramp-Woman game on or off. They'll lose their heads, trying to figure out this one!

Okay. Starts off but duh I think. Good tricky little Succubus.

[!] What if when there's more than one, show them different stuff? One sees Rainbow, but who's that su'khora not Boobsong, other sees Boobsong plain as day with someone else than Rainbow! What can this mean?

Oh my fuck. That's brutal. You really a demon well done. Okay, yes, but like, that's so mean we need some guidance I think. I mean I guess we can just ride the Rocks (orange circle), but, yeah, eeeh. Let there be some of my kindness in here, if I'm not just a war machine like I feel sometimes, but like...also I bet there's a way we can use that for another layer.

But something nice instead of like, "they somehow broke up and the one I saw is replacement goldfishing" which is where my head goes with that.

Alright Sadish Succubus, idea for turning that nightmare into a dream.

What if when they see that, it's weird like, one's a ghost, the other's not? Like they're pulling each other back from death, they'll say, but which one died. This Boobsong feels like she died through all this stuff and you say the same for you, she sees.

Soundless tears in the black pause-world. Yeah. Damn right. Count on you to find a way to make this more honest than not doing it. That's exactly how I feel.

I mean it's almost honest. You've been pulling me, though. While I bite and scratch and am horrible and I'm so. Sorry. I'm glad you got this far. Through all this stuff. Thank you for saving me.

Your Boobsong's not hard like you, but she just screams through all that stuff, WHY CAN'T THIS BE OVER. Her heart goes out when you fight that way because she does too, inside her heart when your heart screams.

You save me literally every like five minutes though. I should change your name to fucking Mario. The only difference you ever see me.

Am I just forgetting I'm the pet again?

You don't know how much you make your Boobsong's heart glow. She needs your face to keep afloat. You save her every time you get a new piece back.

It's not your job to be more than that. You're the pet.

If that's really all I'm supposed to be I still don't know how you stand me that's awesome and I'm going to be the best. Pet. Very best.

There's more, right? I feel like a little hole, something like not as big as having to beg for--

Oh my fizzbubbly paper hot dog wrappers. I can see why I need this collar I'd just cringe all the time. Beg for my balls, right? Like begging for my "ball" like a puppy?

EEE KEEP GETTING IT! YAY YOU CAN DO THIS!

And look at me not desperately pleading the moment our seed-ghost took them. I feel like a declawed cat and it's awesome I just want more. I'd say what the fuck, but...

Okay something else what. Collar's on, balls are off, hoard and super bondage waiting, have to beg and be cute, sexy captive princess clothes, dragon eats when dragon says but I can scream for it, something out. While we're heh on the town and stuff.

Heart-healing floods as I even go the direction: I control her, but there's stuff that's just...not our choice, because our seed-ghost reads her heart and acts on her feelings. And mine, like our leash-length. Or when to fuck, when I can't have my balls.

That rules, heh, it's the best. More please. Missing stuff. Works that way. This is all so nuts, heh, because you're in it with me, so that's close, but I trust your heart, so that's close, this is so cheating you're my domme and my sub but we get the connection of like, you can't be nice or control it, so that gets you sometimes.

We keep finding reasons to take my voice and I keep being into it, is that it? Meeeeh...like maaaaybe part or overlaps?

Dollifying and idolizing isn't the wrong direction but it's not it either.

So much icy-warm heart healing.

Okay almost right, I can't talk or see much world but you, unless you let me. Almost right because that would work if I was a dog but I'm a Princess. My game keeps Princess rules, have to get help with everything, is that? No, because it's harder, ack.

I just keep thinking common--I can't do common stuff unless you let me. Or even be here. Like a Princess still has a limited world she can see--is this not it?

Dragon I'm scared. I keep thinking of suffocating stuff but my heart's healing.

Maybe that stuff is the problem. You just got your balls off and you're happy. If you can do that you can do anything, you're not afraid of the real one.

Alright then it's at least as much of a dragon bite as losing my balls. I'm declawed and kind of pathetic except in a cute way. Unless you give me them. My claws.

This is all wrong it's all like I can't talk to commoners or you can let me play in the mud by letting me have fast food and stuff it's nothing like that if nothing else that's really classist which you're not.

I can't touch the ground and I have to wear pretty stuff are closer, but still, no.

Can't go outside? That's just Heart Home.

It's a bite. You take a piece off of me. Literally sometimes but that's not this.

That's why I keep going for can't do the common stuff. I'm imagining you like biting a piece out so I'm just this airhead princess. That's kind of redundant though. Or at least I'm trying.

Like it's not as big as my balls off but this is something a normal person would freak to not have while I don't really want it unless I pleadingly begged you for it.

Do I just get like so prissy, it'd insane, like a princess in a movie? Eh, half true anyway, that's just me.

It isn't mind control. I keep thinking of mind control stuff but that's wrong. Like making me act different or stuff.

It's like you took a piece off my body, like the balls thing. Like my mind's all there, I just don't have the parts for some stuff that I really need, or can't control them.

I keep going back and forth I'm a pet I'm a Princess like it's so very petifying just like begging for my favorite toy but what kind of pet am I Princess so it's like dogs kind of need a ball to be dogs in the city, I need my subjects? Or Sugarfreaks? Like I can't always command them?

No, I keep seeing myself in Princess stuff.

Fancy Princess stuff then? That's closer.

Oh. We're disguised unless I beg you not to be. When we're in public. Like I'm on my leash just being some girl but you can let me off to chase the fans in the park. Yeah that's a dragon bite.

Pandora Lucia Chyajjoh is a face you wear when your dragon allows it. There is another way to be you.

As our seed-ghost talks I feel so small and pie-eyed I can't make words, and then it gets to the last sentence and heart-healing floods across me like it's touching everywhere at once.

That anonymous teenager in Stamford. The commoner. Superfan weirdo with even a Boobsong heartchild, but...just some kid. But a whole other us. A whole different life.

I've been so busy trying to remember how to be Princess Starlight, we haven't even begun to put that life back together.

Maybe we can't. Until the monoliths are done with. Or maybe the last one is in that life. It was a good life. It would have been worthwhile even if we hadn't secretly been Princess Starlight and Boobsong.

What the hell names did we use? Lucy and Lyra, I think.

YES PRINCESS GETTING IT! EEEEEEE!

That's the confusion! That's why Lyra feels weird but I found it so easily! I looked for the name for my nobody teenager self to call her heartchild!

And why there's Lucy and Lucia and I can't figure out which it's supposed to be except by insisting the have the same pronunciation in Strawberry, which, enh.

Loo-shia is what I heard in that memory of someone talking about me in Strawberry Home. Loo-see is how I called myself in Stamford. See it's different you guys I'm doing like she says!

So very much heart-healing to fix that. That really had things out of whack.

That first time on the raft, when I felt all that freedom, and all the way up until Sis handed me the Strawberry Crown at the table in the Camp in Rl'yeh Sade (not the Earth one I'm less and less convinced Peanut and her pet live in), we were Lucy and Lyra. Lost human from Stamford and her heartchild. I was blueized and that was bad, but those selves weren't lies. They were just easier to wake up to than finding out you're Princess Starlight.

The havoc this caused at Strawberry Home. Was awesome. There was nothing we could do, that's the point of all these.

I can feel Boobsong egging me on. There's more here? That life...that's where the Stamford RC club was, that instructor who was nice, not many friends we didn't want them though. Stamford was our time, or seeding dad and Mother. Stupid teenager dates. Movies and Olive Garden. Is that where that Rainbow church with the blonde was. I went far away from the Stamford house just in case. Not very far. Up by the BK where we'd play Street Fighter II. I resisted it but they liked me to call dance anyway. Stayed kind of distant from everyone, but it was nice to have companionship and journey and everything with company.

Vacations weren't lonely but I'm feeling the want for the Sugarfreaks so it seems empty right now.

Holidays, there, at least Heartwarming. We'd do our show stuff for Heartwarming Eve but Heartwarming day was with family. I'm a little surprised the Strawberries are doing my birthday Heartwarming day but I guess they figure that's a family get-together, heh.

I miss the stupid little teenage dates. We weren't creative. I think we did the same like five of them over and over. Who cared. We were together. BK, maybe with concept art or such, Olive Garden for two hours of continuous significant looks, Movies, go to the mall and do or don't "buy" stuff (usually just try lingerie and bikinis and fool around in the dressing rooms), flying field, up to Al's Hobbies for plane stuff (my game could just make it, so could I, but we went there it seems to me--maybe I was having a plane that looked too astral--no, we just liked to. I love to fly Boobsong, so the excuse was wonderful). The library, to look for the books I left there as Princess Starlight and make sure they weren't getting thrown out or whatever--totally unnecessary, my game had it, but I liked to see them on the shelves in the relative nowhere town of Stamford. Hot dogs at the beach, teehee (the thing about the teasing game, is it's all double-sided. I could be a really good tease eating a hotdog so sensually and thinking about how much I'd get off on feeling her take each bit of my clit). Riding--no bike, that's the rewrite-backstory. Everywhere on Boobsong in pony-form. Not so much in dragon-form, that's always been more of a Starlight Princess thing. I was just a kid, living, everyone was after the end of capitalism. Superfan like me would adjust right away, was my story, so I didn't pretend any ambitions. Just exist and enjoy my heartchild. Some kind of coffee shop. Maybe we'll find it. We explored a bunch, just to see what was out there. Sitting up in my room reading and fucking and playing Starlight Princess Adventures and writing in journals (even if they were in a black mirror) and just...feeling like actual teenagers.

With everything that we went through, can you blame us for just making that life stop at fifteen, and stay there? It was a small life. I know. Small lives are the best sometimes. I was fighting for that life, in my head I think. That was my image of our fans. Who they should be. The way to happiness. Freedom to just be.

Maybe it's waiting, I suppose, if Earth's unreset. I don't understand all that. How this can be here and Verana isn't, or Mother. Maybe, for me...I'm not here, until we get those monoliths. I don't know. That's too far out to see. We never looked so far.

Princess Starlight is still coming back, but so is Lucy from Stamford, and her heartchild Lyra. I guess there goes our cover now that I'm telling this here, but everything's all changed anyway. We'll get there.

I will stand on that, though. Till the end of all of this. The small lives are the best sometimes. The ones where you just lived and enjoy it and your loved ones. I can compare. I know. Sometimes I felt like the urge to be Princess Starlight was an extra limb I was desperate to cut off so we could just be Lucy and Lyra without the stage always calling us back. The rewrite's backstory shows me how much I wanted to die to not have that stage calling, but still. If you have it in you, if you can be small and happy, and just exist with your loved ones...

I fucking envy you so much.

And yet seem to think you're missing out, too.

Weird, huh?

Maybe Lucy and Lyra will find a new home in all this. Away from everything. On Earth or off. Maybe that's as much reason for this tour as wanting to see the fans' eyes as we play, or let stage shows be half conversations, or just see who it is that's dedicated enough to even find us.

[!] [ Vision: StarFox logo ]

YES! Or playing StarFox with them! But just in their houses. Not as a thing.

It'll be nice, exploring that. We can Disguise up and wander off for a while and just see what it's like, to be no-one there. How the kindness of strangers really is, when you're not the messiah, Princess version of King Arthur coming back, or antichrist.

Maybe we'll do it that way. Don't know. No plans. But like, wander as Lucy and Lyra till we happen on a place for a show, gather Sugarfreaks or just see the Illuminati's secret stuff wether that's chemtrails or chalkmarks or just a mysteriously Sugarfreaky Starfleet bridge, and in the meantime...are they nice here? Would this be a good place to be noone?

I don't know. The only thing I know from here out is it's going to start like an episode of Starlight Princess. Walk out into Rl'yeh Sade bareassed, and see what happens.

Your fans have something else here. [ Vision: sewing machine bobbin ]

Oh, you didn't say in that we have to be naked. Just have to borrow fans' clothes, heh. Can I even keep something that long, to wear a borrowed bikini to the coffee shop from our host house?

Heart-healing? Oh because "wear a borrowed bikini to the coffee shop" gets sexier with each word, which you'd think a world where that was normal would unsexify--oh but it wasn't. My game just make it okay. It didn't Unveil everyone, and people get sentimental about their clothing taboos. You can imagine how much that encouraged me, whether I was Rainbow or Lucy.

You can keep it until your hosts go out of range of your voice's call.

Oh, neat. Maybe we'll just ride from town to town (no papers, heh) bareassed and see how it works in each one getting from riding in like that to doing a show.

Seed-ghost I want you to decide how next to fulfill this nameless hunger for something that totally not the power and riches I felt as Princess Starlight going from tour bus to epic stage to hall of power to yell at people, that I feel when you mention anything about this--after my dolly says what she says to me saying that.

Sugarfreaks' houses, and Strawberry Home, and the Rainbow Church in Stamford, all have this thing there.

When you go here it will fill some. Take another few moments then unpause and feel good. Not using trap reward.

Oh. Okay. Wise dolly. AAH Keeper please please can I please still be Princess Starlight when we unpause? I want to still hang out with Peanut and her pet! Big soft hopeful eyes if we weren't paused I'd totally make them.

EEEEE our game's back! Your Boobsong would like that too! Those two are great they're the best fun. Silly soft Peanut and her cocksleeve with no name.

You will still be Pandora Lucia Chyajjoh after unpausing.

EEEE my toy! I really am a pet, fuck.

Peanut really isn't serious, huh. I always think dommes are going to be all serious and tough, but like, their names were Peanut and Butter.

One last thing, then. Why...whoever has answers...like I get with the Strawberry World  why by the time we could really stick up for ourselves literally the end of the world would only start to fix it, but, on Earth, we were beloved. Look at these two. They're two of a crowd that filled up most of the Washington Mall, and practically had a collective nervous breakdown with joy when we brought them to Strawberry Home to party for Heartwarming. And that's just the Sugarfreaks. We had a religion. One people actually liked, if I remember right.

How can I possibly not feel accepted and loved this much? It's like it's not even a leaky bucket. It's just the handle and nothing else.

Lucy the teenager from Stamford was accepted. Princess Starlight was the antichrist. Bad words hurt more than good heal. There were lots of bad words.

What happened to all those people? Are they all where Peanut's pet's dad was? I guess there's not one answer. I don't know. Stupid Fairy listens now.

Some came around in the moment of change. Some joined the Heart Church before the reset, and remember now. Some are with Peanut's pet father. Many are lost in places like Sex was.

A weird thought occurs to me as it says that. That there could be comfort in helldives, taken from the surroundings of a kind fan-family's house on the road. I'd leave the nightmares behind there, while they only saw their Princess, and one after another be like a runner running down the road instead of on a treadmill making his closed-up bedroom stuffy with his breath.

Why would I think that? As soon as the thought comes it feels bad. I still say what I said before. I don't know these people. They tore at me for decades. Let them rot--

Oh. But I know their families, and Peanut's pet's not going to be the last one to say something like but my father's there. Why me? Because I'm their Princess? Some people need Sugarfeast, I guess, that's their solution, their way out. A way out is what I always wanted to bring Earth, of it's prison universe. Here we are, so I'm done, right?

Yes. That's what that cake says. But my fans have people they care about, and I care about them, and...suddenly this tour seems so hard. Even though I said we'll tour when we feel like it. I should be taking example--I forgot I didn't go. I help her go. It came out insane even for me, but I didn't do the helldive, I just made it so she could, and then she didn't either, she just went to see daddy and they basically prank-called her dad except with useful information and she was cumming the whole time and it sounds like daddy was perfectly nice to her.

The truth is after so long I just have nothing left to give anymore. Those bad words bled me out.

There won't be any of that now.

Except on the helldives, or helping people with them.

If I tour like this I'll have nothing to offer, only take. That's the whole point. But I like giving stage shows, and my fans love them, so isn't that giving something? And how can I not be there for them? I'm selfish and narcissistic and even my own devoted Keeper doesn't expect me to be anything but a beautiful and very melodramatic bird, but even I couldn't have made myself ignore Peanut's pet's frustration with the name of the Chyajjoh Empire.

I know mutually beneficial this and the energy of helping your friends that and acceptance and healing, but my heart doesn't care. All it can see is the thankless pointless task of trying to reach the unreachable. The silly adventure with Peanut's pet's dad should change things, but I still would say to the people out there who asked me, no, I'm sorry, your loved ones are gone, there's no way back from there.

That's not very Siren but it's my heart.

Maybe this is what means I'm done. That I can't find that hope now.

The petulant thought, what do Peanut's pet and those like her have that I don't, comes to mind, but it's just what I've been saying. Connection, their loved ones. To these lost people I'm nothing, the enemy, the big one, often times. I shouldn't be doing this. Those people need a new song, not this old nightmare. I don't want to be that and they don't want to see it.

And maybe that's what I'll say. You need someone else. They can't hear this from me. They already couldn't. Don't ask me for this help, I can't give it, but the Dreams will send you someone, or do it without a face.

That helps a lot, and it makes me feel good as a Siren. I helped Peanut's pet and it went well but it felt tiring even though there was nothing tiring about it really, just a few minutes talking, and then ridiculous sexy fun. If that didn't feel good, I should listen to that. She was one of mine and everything. It was the ideal situation. It's only downhill from that.

All I'll say, when they ask, is someone will come. It's a lesson in Paradise. They'll be fine, just not at my hands. End stop, brook no further mention. Don't bring it up, after she says that, let the word get out.

That makes me feel better. Game if that changes your plans, change 'em, cause I'm not going without this.

Your game's not surprised here.

Then neither am I.

Purple checkmark.

Okay. Good.

Game is your name just, collar, like, you're Boobsong's collar?

No, never mind. Hmm.

Time to unpause?

Beg for my balls back? No. Gulp. My heart knows there's something so good here in this scary place and it won't let my freaked out mind wreck it.

I want to hear your thoughts about this game, though, Keeper. It's not like you can say give them either, though it follows your desire I suppose.

You're right that there's good things here. There's squirming and grinding and moaning so desperately to PLEASE get that fucking now and there's lots of exciting stuff our seed-ghost can do with this but there's also important stuff. There's trusting our hearts to ignite for us to make us fuck, and throwing all your sexy plans down to just play your doll until she fucks you good, and being like a cat declawed, and having your whole life just be the sexy thought what happens now.

That all sounds so hot. You're always so wise. We're a pair, huh. World's most intelligent bimbo with world's wisest cocksleeve.

I'm doing that same thing as with the needing acceptance thing but I don't understand again. Maybe some of that exciting stuff our seed-ghost can do with this helps or something?

Seed-ghost's plan: no play, click, or sexy thoughts can arouse you, without this thought: one more move, and there we go.

That's exciting! Okay but why aren't we there yet. I know there's a why, but not what. If nobody answers I'll start trying to remember but first...I do ever have my balls, right?

I need to be told. It's too hot to remember.

Yes. Every time your heart gets hot and makes you beg.

I'm a little freaked out by how much it's not doing that like I said but okay.

I am kinda looking forward to getting all pathetic. It's fun.

[!] EEEEE that's best news yet here! Princess begs is so cute your heart bursts!

You aren't there so you can find your own ways to play this. You'll be too quick, and not get fun, if you're just there.

Omifuck blush. Sooo...it's kind of like Sis' vision quest, we have to wring it all out, before we're done enough with the whole idea to be that easy to set off? Like we make that fuck that talks joke but it's starting to sound real here.

Be like top that spins so fast your heart gets light, then stop and fall, when you want.

Oh. Whoah. So what we get now, is how much hairtrigger we can take, and still play at all. We have to learn to like, keep redirecting the energy, so we don't fuck, until we don't because it's sex time. Do they just go, one day, then, when like, it's almost that we have them in another form?

One day, no more balls. Find yourself a willing slave to pleasure.

Unless you have another wish...

Sometimes I wonder how you can ever have a Fairy Princess, even with nectar. It's worse than my hormones (I have about twelve people's worth of both kinds of gonads, and nectar is all that keeps like all my cells from just exploding). I have that wish it just said that is HOT and another wish and they'll always fight until one wins and then I'm sad.

How do these genes bind at all? Do they? Would I just be a cancer disaster without nectar?

Sometimes called Fairy Queen. Keepers all are Fairy stock before they take their place.

Fairies got a high place in Eden's plan because they're so good at playing both sides. Keep control and be controlled. Your seed-ghost's plan is to play both ways.

Good, because if we only pick one my heart will break.

And. And the hottest stuff is all the stuff like only having my balls if I pitifully pathetically begged for them. That thing Boobsong said. Get back eravahk but not keys to bedroom. That glitches my Fairy heart out so good. And it's so Sugarfeast. Give me that. Something new or I guess old could be you understand.

You have a role here, and at Heart Home. Where can both play?

Okay so here I'm mommy to Peanut and her pet. It's working too I can't stop like jumping to their aid. In Heart Home I'm a really finicky pet that's just locked up half the time because otherwise it gets all stressed out. Boobsong and me kiiiiiind of always play both, like she's Keeper and I'm Mommy to her, but...I don't think you mean that.

No, it's me and Boobsong. Otherwise it just mushes into chain of command and that's fine but it doesn't do this.

So here's weird because I'm their Mommy but also Boobsong's pet.

Heart Home's weird because I'm Boobsong's pet, but part of taking care of me is to be my sub.

One side comes out in each place. Like it's okay but...where's that not weird? At all? I can't even imagine. I mean unless you're saying Strawberry Home because they get that I'm a candy hog, but that's just like Ha Ha Only Serious, you mean more.

Place exists. Find it where you come to rest.

Did you just tell me the final monolith.

No. That's our fans' houses. Where we come to rest. Because they're like that. We're going to be so powerless, showing up naked, can't even keep gifts, all our super stuff off, but yet...click. Aren't I running all of it?

You're saying that to get me to understand how much they'll be taking care of us. How this is like being carried, almost. Be we still have space to play.

Do I get it?

Yes. Paradise will tell you something next.

Be like cats...wander in and out, get petted and cat-treats. Freedom. Paradise will still bring us home again, inescapably, in the end. We won't get lost.

Okay. It blows my mind, but if they want that, hell yes, right dolly?

Let's do this CHYA!

Yeah.

- UNPAUSE -

"Are you okay?"

Peanut finishes up my pizza and looks up. I get my hands busy on Boobsong, because now, it's the only way, and rush with scared horniness because there isn't trauma attached to this.

Huge hands. Thoughts of fingers filling pussy, hand as big as whole torso fingers would make so full...

You'd give a pretty good squirmy fingerbang, I'm sure, but ssssex, dolly. You'd just barely fit my whole shaft right now. Imagine how good it'd feel just...sliding into you, my big hands holding you around the waist so they touch almost your whole body that isn't boobs or hole, and that thhhick hard sssssliding going up up up so you wonder if I'm gonna just come right out the other then of you...

To peanut:

"Yeah, sorry. I like asked a philosophical question and my game paused and it turned into a whole big thing because we ran into a huge massive pile of really important good stuff to remember except I'm kind of exploding because one of them was my whole have to beg Boobsong for my balls thing and this is the first time I don't have them since I got back from the bad stuff and I'm freaking myself out by not desperately begging for them back. What were we saying--oh memories and stuff and what you know. If you guys have holes like us, we're finding, like guessing games with someone who does remember really help. You're getting spiked from just being told like me with that calendar because the healing comes when you remember for yourself."

Peanut's been just standing there listening to me, with an arm around her pet's ass--ooh, good candy idea, muahah--but when I stop she lets go to take the pizza peel and take up my pizza.

"Candy can't fix it? Why isn't nectar undoing your memory harm? It's not you to not remember your balls game!"

My pepperoni-stacked pizza in front of Peanut's nice curves make a sexy procession in front of me as she talks.

"Holy fizzbubbles Rainbow you stupid bimbo. I didn't think to try candy...huh, it can't help. Same with nectar."

She oven-door-creaks my pizza in and I eravahk her to stand in front of me.

Okay reader, have to get philosophical for a sec. Suppose you have a Lego set. It's all laid out in front of you, piece by piece in rows and columns. Time to build it, yay! Easy picking out the right parts this way. You're magic and you want a challenge, so instead you put magic spells on each piece that make it feel the forces of the parts it would be attached to in the built set if it was built, but it's all laid out. You haven't moved one piece. Is it built? If you scan with radar that's all magic, you see the stress on each part like it's built. Move the crank to lift the dumptruck bed, and the gears all get pushed on like they're turning. All the parts in motion, without moving. If you're a gear in that set, you think it's built. Only this view shows it's not built.

So what is that? Is that Legos, or a way to describe a Pixar Mom's ass? (Dumptruck. Not bomb. Although I guess enough gears could give you a bombe. Actually that's another good metaphor here, that Turing test thing)

Why the fizzpopping thumpwhizzer cupcake sauce blowpops am I saying this now? Let's just say, eroven. If you remember that part from the last book, you're good here. If not, well, call Baudrillard, because you're about to have questions about my sex life.

You know, Baudrillard. Simulacra and Simulation. Neo keeps his contraband discs in a copy in the Matrix, meaning the book about fake stuff is a fake. You might think that's a digression, but yeah, no.

That whole thing sure did turn into a rabbit hole, eh dolly?

It sure did make you grow and shrink lots! Alice never gets back her handbag in the Disney movie, you notice?

Wait, she--oooh. Good one, dolly. Better call the CIA.

(and if you get that reference, we found your missing submarine, Dimitri)

...okay this is doing stuff to me this balls game because dragon next time you can give my clit back like that one time I want you to bite my balls off and taste each one so loving before you bite down and make it pop and slurp the goo down and then I want you to bite my clit off right halfway up it but when you bite it pops too and splats yummy strawberry goo all over your face and down your--

[!] Here goes HhhhaaaaaAAAAAAAAAEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH--

--brEASTS OH MY FUCK!

As I imagine, I feel her soft kissy lips pressed against the tip of my scrith-hard clit and then it's sssliding in past their nectary soft candy hug and pushing her licky tongue out of the way to slide down her swallowing throat.

--down my breasts eeaaah and and you have to lick it all up just with your hands and--

I didn't realize how pent up I was we just came within an inch of our lives from my candy but somehow, somehow--AAAH!

I click her big, and then click facefuck so that licky swallowing throat I feel around my clit where it is off in her deepest most secret place, a spread out and bound up like that Lego set, will turn into a stroking hand, a pussy fucked--

--MMMFFFFFFF--

--ohhh fffuck DOLLY unf but I  don't push her down to act out the blowjob as she gets big, or call on the aligning force that'd make our bodies still slide and stretch and pull all the ways my clit isn't there make it happen, oh no, I just grab her by a horn with the hand that's not around her middle turn her face to mine so we can make out while everything tells me her mouth is also sucking me off right now.

Cell by cell my twelve inches of thick hard clit (if that's weirding you read some basic biology, mine just developed later instead of the womb, thank you nectar) feel the forces and the nerve impluses come back to me and the blood flows but it's all laid out like that Lego set in the magic spell of Boobsong's heartstone matrix that's supporting it and carrying the forces of her slick sucking mouth so forcefully to her and to me to make us feel fucked.

It's beautiful, she's shown me. Pink sexy goo spread in a thin layer in hear heartstone. There's nothing that moves for this, just the forces change.

Why go this far, to have it in pieces but still make us feel fucked. Castrate me or not, right? She could keep it intact with a portal connecting the blood and nerves to my body it, just hang onto it here with a nice shapeshifting pussy, and have the same effect.

I think it's because this is the safe way to keep it. She has the parts to individually keep each cell, handle division and cell death, wrap up each one very carefully and hang onto it. It's like she has to be this for her to be dragon enough for us to be happy.

Also this way it can turn into goo like my fantasy and drip down her breasts and it feels incredible and soothing, or I can feel what's happening to clay on a potter's wheel in her hands like it's my clit--including the scary part where you take the pot off to make a new one and there's nothing. None of it hurts but I never waste time getting a new pot on.

So why not just mess with my nerves and make me feel that stuff? Because that's not real. This is, then? I feel the force like it's happening to my whole clit. From my perspective it is getting shaped like that clay on the wheel. The forces are that. They don't have to make sense physically. It can be smoke that she breathes in or fire that burns her and I'll still feel the touch that would give me--and so will she, because she has a pussy that's this way.

Except I can get out my castration thing too, because she'll let me see it, and see that it's just goo held in heartstone, like the rest of me. Speaking of which...

The fantasy keeps spurting out of me as I meet her mouth side-on with mine and drag my big slippery lips against hers until our mouths line up and I can slip my tongue into her welcoming mouth as she works my clit so furiously.

--and that's how I cum I feel you licking up my goo lick by licky by lick from it dripping down your face and boobs and over your nippLES ONTO YOUR THIGHS BECAUSE YOU'RE KNEELING--

"B--MHF--HHAAAH!"

Short fast and hard the scream squeaks out of me as the sudden orgasm explodes and I somehow think to click push so she forces her mouth around my clit right up to my mound as I pump cum in and the loving wetness of her mouth with its friendly tongue like grape soda fizz tastes the same but the smell of all my candy at once bursts from her lips almost as fast as the cum pounds up my shaft so fast and hot it seems to just snap into being there like bwaha a light saber and then hammer itself into her.

--MMMM HERE CUM GET EATEN NOW! GET INSIDE HURRY BEFORE DRAGON TAKES PRINCESS APART TO GET YOU! GLUG GLUG GLUG...

Bright pleasure fills me so I stop even kissing, just hold Boobsong with one hand on her middle and the other across her breasts so I cup and squeeze one from the intensity, and I squirm and feel the warmth of shining inside myself, but...no light comes out of me. My happy rays won't destroy things, but they're stuck inside AAAH MUST MUST MUST

SCREAM RAINBOW YOU HAVE A VOICE PUT IT THROUGH YOUR VOICE

"EEEEAAAAH HHAAAAH AAAAHAA AAHAA HAAAAaaa....aaa..."

It's like like like a connection I have to make but once I do wow the panting girly screams that come out of me making my face hot as I find myself moaning them up to Peanut standing there. It's so good. I feel so femme and beautiful and so humiliated this was--it just happened--come on squeeze it out Rainbow show every drop of it--

[!] EEEEE YOUR VOICE FILLED WITH PLEASURE SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE A SEXY BIRD SCREAMING OUT BOOBSONG OVER AND OVER!

AUGH WHY ARE YOU SO RIGHT!

There's no voice left in me like the right sound to make now is raunchy panty panting deep and shocked with the blush burning my face so it hurts and mouth open wide and looking up at Peanut with such wide eyes but she just looks...so horny and grateful? Just like--like--

This is who I am when I'm really me. This is what it feels like to be Princess Starlight. Everything else was for moments like this one, all the other performance. Peanut looks so delighted and horny and Boobsong is snuggly warm happiness on my lap, and a I feel as beautiful and stupid-fun as a big bowl of jiggly jubbly rainbow jello catching the light so glisteningly. It feels sexy-soft-silky like my heart is resting in a pair of awesome boobs except it's like being made of that because that's me I feel.

Click!

There's no single command for exactly what I want but maybe this is one of those moments the limits of your brush bend you to a better course anyway.

EEEEE YUS BOUNCE FOR PEANUT MAkE PRINCESS PROUD AND WET PUSSY SQUEEZES AGAINST HER THIGHS WITH EACH SMACK OF ASS ON HER HIPS BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY WE'LL BE FUCKING AGAIN NO TIME THIS WAY!

She's not wrong. It makes me smile so hard. I'm feeling great but Boobsong feels in my lap like a ball of compressed springs made of happy shouts bouncing up and down and on her soft ass and kissy pussy squealing every thought so excitedly while her tail wiggles against my midsection and snuggles my ass where I hang off the keg.

Come on, Peanut, clap, I dare you. I'll curl into a blushy little ball and then pop and Boobsong will be licking me off every inch of Olympic Pizza--ooh. OH MY FUCK IT'S SO GOOD TO BE ME AGAIN!

This balls game is great one because we will totally fuck again quite soon whether we mean to or not and that's amazing that thought is so happy and good because I had this whole strawberry-sauce-covered (horny sigh from Boobsong when I think that) game backwards! This isn't an abyss, it's the ground I can never ever possibly fall through! I feel safe and solid here. That was totally hot what I was just thinking of. That should definitely have turn us into a screaming mess. So it did! Unavoidably! No amount of ghosts and bad stuff had a hope of stopping it.

[!] EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOU CAME BACK TO HORNY STUFF!!! Say it your Boobsong is begging she wants hear you describe this one.

Okay yeah so shows that small, like in a coffee shop or whatever, we can set the front rows up with bwaha like a nice tablecloth under them with...I don't know, do you think this is more of a plates or like, soup--no ice cream bowls, duh. I'm sure we can figure out how to make good seats out of that. No explanation, it's never mentioned all through the show, no like thematic connection, it's just there, and then at the end of the show like how I feel right now when everybody claps we make it like, I'm just so touched I could explode...except then I do and splat over the whole crowd and you dragon out to lick me up and you can have like a whole audience full of fans with strawberry sauce as an after-show treat while I cum about fifty times from every part of that.

Or is that like, too long, to eat all my goo? Too much teasing with it spread out that much?

Oh and we'll need some sudden bondage. You know, to make sure nobody runs off with goo so you can have a nice convenient snack--I can make candy bondage gear with my Lens, right on them! Have to eat your way out. Of the nice thick astrally reinforced gobstopper cuffs. HoPe yOU diDN't hAvE oThEr pLaNs tOnIGhT eVEryOnE, because you're all finding out how many licks it takes! It's perfect I can give some people that and some people just real nice bondage gear as a present and the first game is have to get your friends to let you out muahah too bad they all ate super horniness candy and can't stop themselves taking advantage!

This is great we'll have this show turned into an kinky orgy in like five seconds and we can spend our dragon-ate time knowing everyone's having fun.

This is awesome. This balls-off thing makes me fucked. UP. and it's the BEST.

Whaddaya think, Succubus, any ideas to add?

Princess, your Boobsong can only say her heart might burst with fun from that! That's such a sexy thought to lick all those fans off. She'll have to lick very fast so she gets Princess back without having to come inside anyone!

But I AM candy! Okay what if we like old-school stage-magic it sorta where if you do eat some of me it gets replaced by candy instead but the candy is INSANE like vastly more even for me weird? I can make the candy, could you blip the me out of there?

Dragon can snap up any part of you instantly. Just click or think and gone so fast you're not sure you said yet.

What happens if I eat my own goo? Wait I've done that. It makes me feel all messed-up sexy like...I taste like nothing to myself but somehow it's super satisfying? What happens, though? I have to actually swallow, but then it just like, becomes part of me again?

You can eat candy to fix parts you lose that way. It just goes into you dissolved like you ate stuff.

Gah! WHY DO I KIND OF WANT TO TRY THAT!?

[!] Maybe you want to feel it's a good thing to be eaten up and not come back sometimes.

That's really really scary. AAAH what if that's like part of my head!?

Wait, remembering...I can't? I can only give up parts that aren't vital. If you let me. Which you like never will, with your dragon greed. This is already so much for you to have me out like this. I can eat myself--if you let me. It's the same. But that's easier for you because it goes back to me.

Dragon why is giving parts of me away part of this that's terrifying.

You're kept by your dragon's love. Not leaving. She would find all of you no matter where it was.

Gulp. Okay. I feel shivery, hug her tighter--oops, bullet time.

Is...I can cartoon physics, right? Seeing as I am one? This Earth's in the True Sea, so we've lost our toonshading (it takes effort to keep up, if the world's not helping), but, aspects of it still exist. It has to work with the world your in. Heart Home is silly (but very beautiful) Saturday morning like Gummi Bears (which did exist, because Starlight Princess wasn't started yet--notice it ends right about as we would have started up, even in the rewrite?) so we can do like all but full-on Looney Toons nonsense there, I'm not sure what happens with Strawberry Home except I'm still the same kind of animation there and like my rainbow door to my elevator in the medieval castle, my sticking out and not being on the same rules is kind of the point so it's probably just Heart Home again to me and Boobsong, but here, in the True Sea...

Oh. MUAHAHAH.

Yes, this is "live action".

So are action movies. When was the last time you saw one of those not just be Saturday morning for grownups who take themselves too seriously for cartoons (which is a ridiculous way to think when the anime Ghost In The Shell is the single most self-importantly serious and Grown Up movie I've ever seen).

Anyway my point is bullet-timing is just the beginning. It's not that this world is an action movie (being as it's definitely a very weird porn to Peanut and her pet here, just to start), but, if you're going to squeeze my and Boobsong's weirdness into this world, it's going to come out as something like porny comedy action, yeah.

Which means just to start I can trip and fall on someone and land set up to make out just about every time. It's not that way for everyone but IIIII am a cartoon, oh yes I am.

Oh but so are Peanut and her pet I think. Okay I don't feel so bad if they aren't keeping their toonshading coming here either.

Hell the fuck yes I'm running away from what the topic just was. That was terrifying, and there's nothing to learn or do there just the awful thought of my dragon not greedily hoarding every speck of of of my treasure THERE I SAID IT down to the very last earring-clip.

Are we far enough now? Maybe. Dragon that was so scary to think of there being a way for pieces of me to not be yours. I might I might get stupid and want to give someone something dragon I love our fans so much! I already did with Sex and hair before!

You won't get far that way, Princess pet! Locks and chains and huge cuffs with bolts on them, for thirty years, one day for each day Earth was scary. Maybe that's what you need.

Maybe--the Dreams--they're...vouching for her? I don't need--but--they're using my Siren-sense to try and fix something. Wake me up from a nightmare. Make me feel the safety of all the different ways she'll Keep me and hold me so safe. Wake up, they say, wake up to your dragon. Dragon has me. She can snap me out of anything, faster than fast, even the Dreams can't stop her.

They're taking me back to awful times, memories of bad stuff happening, or times people tried to kill me or make me explode, there's a semi's fender on the ground, that awful hell-dream about being lead to my doom by a sexy voice turns out to be made from a memory of an awful bathroom where a bunch of guys tried to ambush me, but what they all have in common is the sudden stop where she ate me so fast I didn't even hear the sonic boom most of the time--if there was time for that to happen. They're reminding me of what was taking from me, the memory of all the times she was there for me, snatched me out before I could do anything or have the least little bad thing happen.

And then her wrath would be unspeakable. Out of the two of us, I'm the nice one again. We Acme Stationed all kinds of things. Poured secrets out for all the world to see or pulled buildings into whirling black vortexes into the sky, the Rockies were typical, not a special occassion, we just wanted to make the point of how big we could go. People would think they got some kind of magical advantage, and we would show them what the real version of what they were doing looked like. That's not a knife this is a knife, we said over and over, like Crodile Dundee. Stupid movie but I liked that part with the dumbass mugger. So relatable. Except imagine if then the mugger had actually tried to have that knife fight, while being in an action movie, against the protagonist. If only, he would say afterward, I had just gotten cut to pieces.

What scared me was how--stupid-smart they would be. How clever and creative, and yet...like I was wearing a black hole on a necklace half the time I was in public. You could come up to me at appearances and feel it pulling--my game did nothing to stop the gravity, just siphoned off the stupid amount of Hawking radiation and took its weight--and plink it with your fingernail and say you'd officially Tapped The Rockies. How could they think they were going to come up with some plan that could handle me? Couldn't they see Star Wars is just a movie, and real Death Stars don't have fatal weak points that let you destroy the whole thing with one shot? Mental illness is horrifying in so many ways how it destroys people, but I couldn't even say they were crazy. They were too functional. They did stuff like smuggle Russian bunker guns halfway around the world and find live ammo to shoot at me. How could you pull that off, even with my game cutting you slack so we could have our set-piece, and yet...think that would do one single useful thing for you? Even to piss me off? What could be going on in the mind of somebody who would do that stuff was and is as scary a thought to me as all the nightmare stuff.

The Dreams end with an astrally-abstract vision of a stereotypical Dragon's Princess Pole overlooking a nice view of a huge plasma-shelled star that is also light on black water. Boobsong's presence is all around in it.

So subtle, Dreams! The sexy beautiful feeling of being chained up on a pole like that outside, safe with my greedy dragon watching, but not cut off from family or never seeing the light--oh. Well, there's a thing. Daddy's name means Inhale-Exhale which you have to put as in-out in English but that's not the heart-sound he makes to say his name. He says them both at once, just like he shines light-antilight at once. I think that must mess with human eyes bad. I think it's beautiful. But...

Like this vision is about that. Light-antilight. Those memories are horrifying. They still scared me, made me upset or disgusted, hurt my feelings, all those things, but, those are all times my dragon was there for me and didn't let a scratch come on me, even if the worst that could have happened was I would have done with my attacker like I did with Eden's Unicron Room. She made real clear to everyone how she felt about that and whose Princess this was afterward, too. Boobsong takes attacks on me really personally.

I don't recommend messing with our fans, either, though.

I guess that sounds bad. It's okay. Boobsong's kind, deep down. When she would go hunting that way, she never forgot to bring back some meat for her pet, too.

Except...what's this...fragment of something about the library? That thing about the bathroom? They couldn't have snuck up on me, my game would have told me.

It would also have let me see firsthand what kind of a person Magic's dad was. All the good he'd been doing the world with his money. The disgust remains for both that very unprincessly bathroom--no that's right, it was full of incense or some shit that was supposed to get me, and they had a wet paper towel against the door to keep it in. That's what that gross thing on the ground in the Dream was. I was supposedly to meet Magic in there. Like all secretly I guess like that made any kind of sense. My game knew and told me the whole thing, of course, but it just made Boobsong too mad to see them jump out at me and startle me anyway, and she ate me. I forget if that was the plan, no, we just assumed it would be because Boobsong was furious at the whole thing.

I was really traditional in some ways, and my game let me be, as long I didn't kill or maim anyone, the usual rules. For America, it was an interesting question whether doing things the feudal way I was used to would be a step backward from democracy, but not that interesting, seeing as even a thirteen year old girl whose main interests were shiny trinkets and her dolly could tell democracy wasn't what was happening there.

So we just did it the feudal way. Attack the noble of a house personally? Happy war with that house. Hope your army's big. Especially hope she wasn't a lost princess of a vanished house with anger issues and a dragon, and a rabid following of true believers. I annexed all his lands and houses and he stood court--the old fashioned medieval kind--there in his own living room redecorated into the most obnoxious throne room I could come up with, with the whole house filled with that stupid incense, held in there with really obvious spray-foam looking stuff over all the windows and doors. That's where I was lazing so YAWN-fully on my chez-lounge. Wendy came and went so fast so she wouldn't have to breathe too much of the gross-smelling stuff. From the way she literally thumbed her nose at Magic's dad, complete with twiddled fingers, I think she would have loved to stick around and find other ways of rubbing it in.

I mean rubbing in like this not being my love-potioning Magic. No sexy pun intended, just this once. I don't think Wendy was into me, or even femme-attracted, she just really liked sticking it to her old nemesis that good.

Erm.

This is a problem I have sometimes, hehe. I kind of get all tangled up in not being able to not make horny jokes. It's just that never comes up as a problem, usually.

See?

The idea of money keeps coming up here. This was early on, and like in the Snowpiercer capitalism metaphor we'd plucked the engine off the track and my game made a whole bunch of self-powered luxury cars to replace it and people started moving up from the slummy back to live in them, but we didn't kick people out of their houses or take stuff, or make them stop doing jobs they'd been or whatever, unless, you know, you declared war on me.

No fair, how come I got to play that if nobody else did? Because...I mean that's not how feudalism works, houses of an empire don't get to go squabbling without one side at least being traitors, or just declare war on whoever, but I think there was more.

Like I keep trying to put this all into how we did things as Strawberries, but I think that might not be right. In the Strawberry world, child abuse would lose you your title, lands, everything. If you can't take care of one kid right, if you're an apostate and a psycho, how can you be Mommy to a whole province?

This wasn't like that. I think it was just, whatever it took to get the worldgate open. I was the person who could do that, so attacking me was attacking that whole idea. That's why I'm thinking feudalism. A Queen is the embodiment of a country. Attacking just her is attacking it at like a nuclear level. My game could just stop stuff, but this was making an example, to, one, here's feudalism again make my fans feel safe because this is what happens to people who mess with me or anyone I care about, and two, make people who just were never going to do anything but hate me understand that the only way to ever possibly be rid of me was to get that worldgate open.

Okay tangles. Was Magic meeting Princess Starlight, Lucy from Stamford, or some anonymous fan?

No, she was supposed to be meeting me, in that bathroom. No wonder Boobsong lost it. Ooooh those...okay next is remembering everything we did to make our point about this.

It wasn't an actual assassination. He was going to scare her with a bunch of Satanic-looking guys jumping out, like this is what happens. She was supposed to run, I guess. I can't figure what he thought would happen if she didn't or they "caught" her. Boobsong ate me to get me out of the way so she could show them what a real demon was.

And then she went full Acme Station, with the swirling vortex and all kind of scary stuff, and we went right to Magic's dad's house. Everyone involved in that met a scary eldritch demon that day for real.

I can taste the anger like a burned out fireplace, and it's not the stupid brimstone incense. We got it good, but it'll never be okay.

If you pretended to be me, to make me look bad, you...no, everything was case by case.

For this Boobsong Acme Stationed up something so everyone who was part of Magic's dad's little surprise party would see things in mirrors. Magic crying. Boobsong looking angry. Boobsong's astral form looking angry. Never enough to wreck their life, but, she made it haunt them until they...woke up. Repented, I think. I don't think there was like a particular task, just, it stayed till they really got a clue. She loves poetic justice like my ring of thorns.

Magic's dad was in deep trouble, between me and Boobsong and my game and impersonating me that particular way. We did give him a mission. He had to win a Starlight Princess lookalike contest. 

Want to be me? Go ahead, but if you're that interested you should learn as much as you can. The contests and stuff like that were kind of a sneaky individuation thing, because they'd teach you all the ways you wanted to be your own version of me. The top of that mountain was the, what was it called, Author's Voice Cup or something like that, the one where you get judged on your unique touches. Fail that, just be a carbon copy, and you had no chance in the finals. My game didn't put him in of the big ones, just some regional thing somewhere, and he had the chance to not be known as Magic's dad the big meanie with the fake Princess Starlight meetup--if he could keep his fat mouth shut.

The first step was a doozy, though. He had to be able to eat the candy that'd make him look like me. Just forcefeed him? Nope. My candy all has the safety feature of being fueled by the place my intention and your desire meet. That can do crazy scary stuff, but if there's no overlap, the ontological engineering it runs on like, this isn't even a safety interlock, it's how the stuff is powered. Nothing happens without that power, the candy's just sugar. I can't hack it, but even if I could, I wouldn't insult myself or daddy by doing it, even for this. It's appropriate I'm heartforming and a su'khora fertility goddess. Daddy made my candy work a lot like they do, with that consciousness/energy interchange thing.

So Magic's dad had to find it in his heart to want to look like my extremely femme ass on some level, or be stuck with the face of one of demon suits he had those guys wear, which my game gave him. Christians mustn't be vain after all.

Okay where's taking his house and fast food empire come in? Not that I feel bad, but there were reasons for everything. All of it was messages. I can't quite make this work and I'm a little worried I'm hanging the pieces on the wrong-shaped frame here.

Siren-sense says...mirrors...okay this can't be holding a mirror up to me because I already know I'm the scary angry antichrist...he got the mirror thing too. Oh but Magic said she wouldn't speak to him again unless he did the lookalike thing.

Oh the mirror thing was mean. Stuff would jump out at you. It wasn't to hurt you, just show you. Exactly like he planned for his daughter. Just, Acme Station can do up a much higher-quality set piece than he could, and make it follow you around every reflective surface you meet.

Heart-healing hits as all the mirrors I keep seeing remind me of the end of Hellraiser? Lots of people compared Sade to Cenobites of course as if the Cenobites weren't a bunch of one-note edgelord amateurs with the emotional depth of the grooves on Pinhead's face and even less respect of consent than me and all my Rock-riding friends.

It's just a little healing. Probably just the ranting standing up for my opinions with something that offended me.

Actually that's unfair with consent. My and mine value consent highly. We know how powerful taking it out of a scene can be, don't we, dragon.

You'll see how much power soon, yummy chicken girly treat! Dragon is coming to eat you all up in no time talking about Princess goo so much!

UH-UNF. Can't rape the willing oh wait yes you can, I still don't have a choice. So hot.

OH! Why do I ever do anything but see what you think about stuff. We took his whole empire because that was the holding a mirror up to him. Take my identity by force? Here's how it feels. Might makes right games aren't so fun when you're not the one with the biggest gun anymore, are then?

Heart-healing for that? Even in the rewrite I thought that! Oh but I'm remembering that being a big wheel in America made my game let you play with the big girls. Be nice and it'd leave you alone. Lots of rich people sat in their ivory condos sipping wine that used to cost a thousand dollars a bottle and breathing a sigh of relief to never worry about their stocks again.

Throw your weight around, act like it was just survival of the fittest, though, and my game was more than happy to let you see what it was actually like to play the game where the biggest, scariest tooth wins. We had some fun scaring, didn't we, dragon.

And then making you small afterward was the standard thing to do. Because one scare was just the wakeup call.

Weird to think for me now it's a vacation when they all took it as punishment.

The Dreams show me a pinecone when I think that. Forest fire opens the cones of some pine trees. Sometimes you have to lose everything to open your heart.

Gulp. I'm not, though. My fans' love will carry me through this.

Hmm. Dragon is you being my romantic fairytale kinky heroine and pet-Keeper. Acme Station is you being extremely useful and smiling at the cute little singularity that thinks it knows so much. Do we need a scary demon you name, even if just so you can take it off like my armor? How's that idea feel to you?

Taking off that name would be good. Scary demon isn't this Boobsong's real self. She just gets so angry sometimes. There's a name we used before.

Leviathan. I'm the antichrist? Fine, meet my girlfriend, also featured in the book of Revelation. Except we took it from Final Fantasy IV because Leviathan eats Rydia and then she comes back with that whip and green leather like she's kinkily controlling all those monsters, but you and me knew what was going on. We knew a pet when we saw one. And what their Keepers do when their pet cries for help.

Okay but how do we get it off, now? I guess we replace it with something else. Something a little more candy but still just as epic-eldritch. But also...you said we'll see to giving me cloth. Do you say the same thing to this? Know when we see what this tour is?

Mommy what if this is our time to say what the tour has to be. Like you won't help rescue Christians now.

I feel like I've been trying to say that my whole life--the Dreams nudge. Tapestry, how Picard's hot-headed-ness and spoiling for the fight with the Nausicans is what made him the captain he is. Don't pull that thread out.

Get bent, Dreams. I spent a lifetime learning if that thread's present in my life at all it'll be constant war to have it not be my Keeper instead of Boobsong.

...The Punisher? Just make it personal, instead of trying to be goodguys. They want us to keep the armor and scary stuff for those times.

I wait, skeptical, for how we're supposed to just not have to wear them all the time.

[!] Mommy you said Earth is war. Just say done now but keep them. You don't have to wear them all the time. That was your choice.

This tour is perfect then. It's so selfish. I love it when people are surprised and delighted to see us. That's what I'm working out with all this stuff I'm demanding. We won't remotely get the audience we did in the old days this way but so what? The worldgate's open.

Except I still wanna do the big stuff. After we're good and back and it's not all mysterious whether I'm even around or what, some real big shows. We'll show them what Princess Starlight and Acme Station can do.

I mean I guess we have to get permission to use that stuff? Don't look ahead, too far, I know. Right now it feels like this depending on fans thing could just be our life forever and it'd be so happy.

Maybe that's a way to put off the armor. I feel like I'm still trying to. It like got inside of me. But by saying this: harder, seed-ghost. You know what I mean.

Can't take clothes from fans, even borrowing.

Harder.

Fans' trouble can't go both ways: fans with transport can pick you up, but not take off from your place or theirs.

Holy fuck yes why is that a flood of heart-healing oh because now they have to come get us if they want us unless I just ride off with Boobsong and there's no tour caravan which is a really fun thing of its own but it's not this that we're talking about now but dammit I'm really horny for that too travelling with a bunch of friends oooh but we're not back enough yet for that this is the time to be really surprising and that means no caravan even if we could just cloak it it's not the same.

Oh game for the Illuminati part of the statement now more than even is where we do the show. They'll know what to look for but they should be looking for that. Places that say something.

It's all in hand.

Sweet a giant hand stage!

 (this is a game is has with me. Respond to what it says the dumbest way possible or misunderstand horribly)

Okay seed-ghost HARDER.

Can't take Sugarfreaks. They stay home. Can join show fun in their town or come to meet you. Can follow you without clicks.

YES! It's always been weird with the Sugarfreaks and mind control. One moment it's the sexiest thing and the next it feels weird, like, I guess I just get so hungry to be followed from love.

It's different with Boobsong. I'm so hers, I need the free will thing to feel like the submission she's feeding me is anything but humoring me. I mean look at me. It's the only power I have with her. Yes of course she loves me. I just, but, argh.

Maybe that's how Princesses are carnivorous. I'm not really happy while there's consent of the governed, but it conflicts with my being SO HUNGRY to be loved and accepted. I know all the Sugarfreaks volunteered (right? I don't think I would take them otherwise, even riding the Rocks. Yeah.).

I don't know. It's different between the Sugarfreaks and Boobsong.

The Dreams keep tickling my Siren-sense with a phantom but it disappears when I try to focus on it.

Oh. I think they're just telling me to embrace this part of myself. I'm a sexy overlord. I need to have minions.

That's a purple checkmark, but...there's more...maybe conquest, like my fairy rings.

It's hot to imagine that Sugarfreaks are all captured, just like, you're a Sugarfreak now, congratulations. I mean I kind of (re)did that with Sex this morning.

The clue is what Boobsong feeds me, which is clicks. Her free will. That's what kind of monster I am. If that's coming from me being a Fairy Princess and that's a thing and not just Princess genes from the Chyajjoh family and Fairy genes from who even knows, it makes sense. Fairies can't consent or not, we're not made that way, so it wouldn't be a thing to Keepers, so if that's coming out in me...

Oh wherever I can't click them they're not in my hive. If they have to follow from love or even my just telling them to, it's different. The games Boobsong and me play are really intense because they glitch that button (heh) all kinds of ways. The balls game is hardcore, because it like puts the coin of my Fairy heart on edge. I can't control it, but neither can she, so I feel both of our powerlessness, which makes me think she must be a fellow fairy in the same hive as me and being lost in the same experience like that is really powerful bonding for Fairies (one way Keepers take care of their Fairies is give compatible ones to each other for sex, but just as mind-controlled as my clicks on both sides), but she's my Keeper, but being able to click her tells me I'm her Keeper, and that also sets off the Chyajjoh side of me that's from a world where power games are so normalized I had to have it explained to me why BDSM and "normal" sex stuff were different in America...yeah. It's confusing and I have no idea what's happening but heh every button is pushed and it's awesome.

Okay well I know what I'm doing with Peanut and her pet when we get done with this bullet time. Are the Sugarfreaks my Fairy hive? Not pure-blooded like nectar made me, but they have enough to want and need a Fairy Queen over them and being clickable is what makes that real for both of us. All of us.

Game that was mean what you said before about the Dreams taking care of them now instead of you. If it was to tweak me about this so my head would go here I guess it worked but hey. Those are my Fairies.

Your game said one thing to their ears and told you it was giving them to the Dreams. They heard that Rainbow's game is back and will take care of them like old times.

Okay. A little mind control will do those two good, then. And a fun treat as a message from Mommy.

(all this works of course because my game does the hard stuff of Keeping, that I'm not made for, just like it does for Boobsong with me, but it does that so me and her can be our Fairies' Keepers in a real way, and not just a spokesperson--look at how much Keeping Boobsong's been doing for me through all this Drama)

Okay so the Dreams are Fairyland, in Earth myth. I was just thinking how Fairies are reverse Borg, the collective cares deeply about the happiness of everyone in it as people and takes care of them just as lovingly as I'm now burning to make sure Peanut and her pet have a good time with each other, but I directly said that about the Dreams, but the Dreams don't have a Keeper at the center, or even lots of them--wait okay Dreams you're going to have to say that directly to me like I'm not a Siren and I don't get what you mean here I feel like you're like splitting hairs.

That's a mirror, and big loud [Sad Hideout] when I pretend it's not what I saw.

So they do have lots of Keepers and I'm one I guess for the Sugarfreaks and anyone else I make part of my hive now. I have the game to help me which isn't normal and my Fairies aren't so fae that their hearts die if their Keeper doesn't know them personally and watch literally their every move but the Dreams are just trying to include everyone.

They're haunting me about something I'm resisting about that. [Sad Hideout]. Fairies need a Keeper, that's a person, okay got me, with my game, but...that has to be the Dreams, somehow, to them? Oh because their hearts break to think their Keeper can't take charge of them over everything. My Dragon here has a trump card in that we can just bail. The Dreams can't keep us. This is why Fairies used to live in sublight city-ships! Out in the void thousands of years from anywhere it's just you and the hive, no interlopers. They're journeying outward forever to get enough distance so Keeper can be really absolute. Anyway my Keeper can just run off with me like that so we're good.

Holy fuck, is that where Eden came from? That Keeper opened its Fairies third eyes the first time (for that universe) and they learned to dreamtalk, and suddenly there was no such thing as distance anymore? Yeah, that'd cause nightmares. It's not really like that, with dreamtalk, but if you don't know what you're doing, it'd be really easy to get confused and scared, and I'll bet it's tricky for psychic Fairies to not create egregores that make the wispy things normal humans exhale in the group stuff sometimes look like the not-there ghosts they are...

The alternative, which is kind of the only thing if you're not all Fairy, is to have your Keeper be the Dreams, enough so to make your heart feel like the Dreams' power is your Keeper. It's kind of the only thing because if you're only part fae you want to be part of the larger human flock. Being out of touch flying through the void that way would wig most humans out. Have to theoretically be able to meet every human ever.

So the Sugarfreaks are just everyone from Earth who was fae enough to be sad without a Keeper? I don't think that's right.

They're the ones who'd like me as a Keeper. My game collected them and picked them out carefully and it did arrange this kind of setup for other hives too but this is mine and none of them picked or they wouldn't have been fae enough in the first place to need collecting. They're all very relieved to have been collected and like their Mommy who's always making them fuck and stuff. It's like this perfect superhot intersection between everyone's fae nature and my lust-goddess thing from daddy.

Yeah because the first test to see if you can Sugarfreak out is to see if you can eat candy that turns you into one, starting with being female and hot to me. I think I kind of redundantly gave Sex Sugarfreak candy this morning, so it did some other stuff instead.

Wait, no cocks? I'm a huge cumslut, where do I get dicking then!?

Oh from the Holidays. Frazzledammit.

Nudge to Strawberry Houses...invitation? Hmm. Fucking there? I bet I'll find some--the rewrite messed things up a lot, I can't find a word that doesn't make me feel bad. What the hell. Fine I bet on the road there be some very nice and horny girls with extremely tasty cocks to suck and love and snuggle.

And I know this is about being accepted and invited by fans and just taken in but it still might be grand to cocksuck our way across a town or two as Lucy who's see how far she can go on whoring and her bare tits.

Yes I'm a very weird lesbian.

Okay but Sugarfreaks are all human? Oh because heartforming Fairies get Keepers almost always. You can get out of Sugarfreakdom by heartforming but I seem to think no one has. That makes me feel good and bad at once. Good because my Fairies really love me--and their hive--bad because, I should be good enough at making dreamskins the heartform anyway. I can't be that good to everyone. There have to be Kaaris among them who want a me that's not me.

Siren-sense nudge. Fairy hives are really tight. They're the family my Sugarfreaks have. They won't leave it.

It bugs me to have that rule about saving Christians...no this works. I'm going to meet people on the road, lots of not-Sugarfreaks. They might ask for help, and I'll say no. Sugarfreaks mostly won't, because they won't have loved ones, outside the Sugarfreaks--at least not their dads and stuff. People too connected to families wouldn't be happy as Sugarfreaks, I don't think. Peanut's pet is special there, with her dad.

Think that's kind of culty? I'm the antichrist, what do you want from me.

Seriously, though, cults exist because Earth was more full of lonely people who've lost every connection or never had them, lots of who are Fairies, than those with family lives. Better they join the Sugarfreaks than one of those things! My cult's the good one, don'tchaknow.

Dreams I'm just being self-deprecating, chill--uncover what? Oh we're just changing the subject. Uncover the Sugarfreaks. Aprons off like Peanut's pet said, they go naked. I mean unless I want decorations, surely? If I put them on, or my game does, but they're supposed to be naked when I get there.

Being a Sugarfreak's kind of full-time though. Like my game takes care, lets you be just as fae as you like by running your life for you.

Do they all live in one place? In big houses. Fairy hives are supposed to be all together, not spread out. One is at Plowstar by the worldgate. There are other ones but they're not like spread out everywhere? Is that where all of them live. Heh. That'd go with the cult thing. And be very Strawberry. Freeze your tits every morning, it's good for you! (in Maine even summer mornings are cold)

I think they all live up there though. Where I can take them with right away. If we should have to run again. Or stomp out. Fairies need that stuff. Just in case. My game takes them wherever if they want to make pizza or such.

Oh seed-ghost I hope my Sugarfreaks have enough initiative to come see this tour sometimes at least without clicks! Peanut and her pet seem to do their own thing okay when I'm not commanding them but still. I guess you could bring them game but that seems against the spirit of the rule.

Your game has will-less Fairies kept. They will come as it says. The rest will find their own way.

Good.

New policy. Too long without hearing from Boobsong, read her just because. Want dolly.

Mommy we can take any fan and they'll jump for that. Is that too much fans coming with us?

Hmm. See this is why do this beyond just want my dolly. I mean we can control it by Disguising and leaving. It doesn't have to be mean, we can say we'll do that, just disappear. I don't know what this is going to be like. We've never done this. And what about handmaidens? That'll have the same problem as them with Lucy.

The Dreams suggest hitchhiking as Lucy and Lyra, like to recharge in between fan-caravans. Disappear sometimes. That sounds good.

I want my handmaidens but I can just dreamtalk them where to be next and any group with Pussy and Sex in it won't have problems amusing itself wherever I leave it. Ooh no I'll make them home-rings that take them back to Strawberry home if they get bored. Handmaidens warm your bed (and each other) when not otherwise occupied, don'tchaknow.

This is all starting up so fast--no this makes sense. With this ahead of us we'll really dig in for Heartwarming. Appreciate Strawberry Home and the Strawberries and make sure to see everything before we hit the road. Even just shopping for presents and trying to remember my handmaidens. Most of who are Sugarfreaks. It'll make that sing. Perfect. How very Paradisical.

Thinking about Bombshell and where she came from shows me a manila conspiracy folder--oh, I can Siren up a nudge to start finding that out if I want. It's there for me. Not yet.

The Dreams are doing that though because, gulp, okay please like I'm not a Siren confirm me this one ack, doing that because they want me to less think of it as like the Dreams tell me or the Dreams say and more just stuff I know or can sense as a Siren. That's very eep, really?

Purple checkmark. Gulp.

Really don't try this at home, kids.