15 - Box Tops


Your Boobsong is so excited her heart could burst. She never thought pizza could be most incredible thing to see for a lifetime! This Olympic Pizza and she still thought that!

I chomp another huge bite. I'm really hungry but it's also like, the faster I eat the pizza the more it counts. I actually taste this one. It's just...so good. I coo.

"Hold it. Mistress of StarFox. I've been wanting to challenge you but I didn't dare play at your stage shows because....you're the antichrist I guess. Well I challenge you, Rainbow Darkshine Strawberry to StarFox. Loser eats the candy, just like at stage shows."

Siren-poke? Really need to talk about...I think what's been vanished...ooh. Yeah but that's between them isn't it? She'll be scared like the Titan Crew. Residual demon fear, cost of having Mintie. Lead in with my usual stupid fun. Alright well WWLD (What Would Lucy do) (say she should change her name to Juicy anyway and then it'd be WWJD again).

Click, grind!

EEEEE!! Squishing round and round...something missing yes...soon get fucked bet...

"You play StarFox. How. Do you exist. Like did the Dreams just make you because I needed a girlfriend? Wait I did that one sorta."

I kiss Boobsong's head.

"And obviously it is so very on. Just need a horny third party to make up the candy."

"Who's third in this world? You own this place!"

"Yeah but like," (pizza bite) "I haven't put Boobsong down yet because I can't because I asked for some ideas from our audience earlier and we ended up with having to be hugging if we're standing and her in my lap if we're sitting or in my arms or hands as a doll unless it's for sex or special ocassions like showering. Because they decided that should last a week. And our seed-ghost was like hot idea you're stuck now except then we liked it so much it made it permanent except now we have another game that you'll see and I think we're about to have like a big rules reboot."

"Seed-ghost. What's that?"

I'm in a very weird mood. Excitement and hope are pounding through me like all my light's turned to sugar and caffeine and Boobsong's lap-grinding feels wonderful so soft and good and Dove is a new adventure waiting to be explored and yet it's not all pushing fucking closer like almost like my balls this is awesome now I'd think I'm going to just break down crying screaming for it any second but no.

"At this point I'm going to just assume if I say this is True Love, Princess and don't keep talking it'll be followed a half hour of quotes ending on asking if anybody wants a Peanut--which I do, by the way, and great pizza, Peanut--SO. Thiiis--"

I run my hand up and down Boobsong like I'm a showroom bimbo which is exaclty right blush.

"--is True Love, Princess. A seed-ghost is a mirror at the end of time, reflecting your best most enlightened and above all horniest self back to you. By sending you Mintie. Because having Mintie is how your life should always have been. You wished so hard for her just a minute ago you broke a crack in time the infinite future could cram her into and there she is. That means your seed-ghost knows everything there is to know about you, and about Mintie. It's like a need stuck into history to put her there. Very very narrow, but fantastically devastatingly powerful where the two of you are concerned. Because if she exists, here, now, that means your timestream goes all the way to the infinite future where you and she can make her and send her back to you. Which is that whole a little thing like death can't stop this part. So one day you have to play Frankenstein? No, because this is where math gets all spiritual. If you ever get there, it's not infinite anymore! The concrete specific you whose mind I'm currently blowing will keep just ticking off minutes hours milleniums and eons without ever ever getting to the infinite future, so your seed-ghost is you but not you, an abstract mirror, see? There's some fancy stuff in su'khora seeds to turn that into specifically your perfect mate which incidentally is an emotional force so kind and powerful you'll bend right into her perfect mate oh so sexily and lusciously. I promise the only question you'll have about it is wait when did I become such an amazing person except you already are that so this is going to get real interesting with you and Mintie."

"I can introduce you to ours with some funtimes. Any questions first?"

"This is Paradise's answer to the Holy Spirit! Can seed-ghosts see your whole life ahead? Is there any free will now?"

"Not for Boobsong here! Sometimes not for me, either, which is weird when it gets snuck up on me--anyway. For real though. Like, I feel like there is. I live my life like there is."

"Rainbow's seed-ghost knows where her life will lead, but to reveal that knowledge carelessly would make it impossible for her seed-ghost to function. Using su'khora as people who walk through history with their heartformers to reveal it gives the same choices people always have. The path doesn't exist until you walk it, but your seed-ghost is coming from when you have walked the path entirely."

"That voice is it. I wondered where that came from. Okay then mine must be similar. AAAH!"

Dove grabs Mintie tighter, seems to be listening. Her mouth opens like either her seed-ghost or Mintie are saying something raunchy and quite impertinent.

"It says the StarFox candy it would like--I have to tell you this--is to have your tummy expand so you can fit me in there and have me as a baby! You can use Boobsong's knife form to make the place for me or make the candy do it but that's what it wants."


"Rainbow's seed-ghost won't let her play as pregnant. Expansion sounds very hard for beginners and Rainbow is very fat anyway. Suggestion: Fairy playtime. Clicks for mind control on a temporary basis from the winner to the loser. Rainbow's seed-ghost is confident she will dominate this one, so it offers this."

"You mean like Boobsong has?! That's so scary I can't breathe--hup, I have to listen to this."

She looks exactly how I felt hearing my seed-ghost say I'm not allowed to play as pregnant, exhales dramatically, then looks up again.

"It says they're explaining our seed-ghosts know us and protect us from scary stuff. You're scared of pregnancy?"

"I was born into a court of people who were terrified of me and would have pulled any political maneuver they could to marry me off to some barbarian prince in a distant country just to get me out of there, the courtier who kept the entire empire at army-point because she had the biggest province and so army after the queen just so she could do that box thing to me and Boobsong worshipped a nature spirit and thought stars were evil and was always going on about nature's way and how it was bad that su'khora nectar is birth control unless you very specifically and premeditatedly want it not to be and stuff like that, daddy made me to be a goddess of su'khora fertility but the opposite of a goddess of human fertility, but all of that pales compared to the fact that while my human body has no uterus and my ovaries have no eggs which is how I like them thank you my celestial soul has a womb just like every star but that womb is where Boobsong lives and the idea of any anything else happening around that is just no. That's for Boobsong and she has it."

"Every star has a womb? Are they not male and female?"

"I've been trying to remember this. What's in my head is stars are asexual and agender. I know they reproduce parthenogenically, like I don't have a star-mom, just daddy, but there's this big huge asterisk on that, but that could just be me."

"There isn't a mother of god? I'm sorry, I had to."

I grin.

"Wellllll, daddy does have a parent. They might she/her if they ever meet a human. Not that I blame you but something I said before is falling out of your head, though."

"What's...you're his seed-mother! Does that mean that if Star Trek is real and I get on a ship there and call you I'm Hailing Mary?"

"BWAHAHAH Dolly, dolly," I gasp, "dolly have we been being prayed on by a pun lord this holy time?"

"She sure has a handel on these church puns! It's time to get out the big guns. She won't have a ghost of chance if we start saying jokes about where your Boobsong came from. Remember that mirror Aveh used to see what you'd wear tonight? Must have been really pretty to make you fall in deep scary nonconsensual love with the stuff you saw in there! Maybe that why Narcissus fell in love with mirror in Greek Myth. Fell for the looking glass."

Shaking with giggles at this epic shaggy-dogging, I nom a big bite of pizza. She's been keeping it coming so faithfully and I'm so hungry for it I haven't even noticed I'm on my third slice.

"Don't be afraid. This angel won't hurt you. She just wants to tell you the good news of our lord and savior Jesus Christ, Superstar! Sorry, is that too close to the Jesus thing?"

Hehe! "Nah. It's like different with you. I guess you're a Dove I wouldn't mind landing on my head!"

Siren-poke...get back to the whole hole thing. Alright.

"Alice I have a good excuse for being so narcissistic as to like that thought. I'm just following the white rabbit!"

Click, vibrate! Boobsong's whole body buzzes a pitch any lesbian will recognize.

Eaaah now so horny fuck must happen!

"Please Princess your horny thoughts are making your Boobsong's mind explode with lustfulness! There's a very deep well and the bucket is falling but where is the other part?"

"Your lustful thoughts--drums in the deep? AHAHAAHAH THEY ARE CUMMING! They have a cave troll, I wonder what that would be? Oh are the movies allowed? That's not in the book, so."

"Well Boobsong sure likes my extended editions! We watched 'em all back to back before--oh, happy implantation day!"

I make a stick of SYRUP and put it by her plate, and Mintie picks it up for her.

"Support Your Relationship, Ultra Powerful. Lipstick? I guess the problem of Susan is solved!"

"This Boobsong is probably just being dense here, but isn't there an extra Lucy now?"

"They never seem to think so! What's one more?"

Dove is suddenly serious. I click Boobsong to stop buzzing but can't get myself to stop her grinding, it's just too good.

"The candy that destroys your soul and makes you there. Why would you make that?"

I sigh heavily. Later I'll realize we already went over this once.

"There's nothing to destroy. What I've been calling the devil which is a perfectly accurate way to call it if you ask me, worked like the Borg. Some people get so taken over, there's no person left, or just like little stubs of one. Fragments like one of those frescoes they just have little chips of. But why me, right? Because the devil was trying to use them to kill me, so it made them hate me. Self-loathing is the most powerful hatred, and turns most bitterly on what it hates in itself seen in the outside world, so then the devil slowly overwrites them with me. My candy burns off all the devil stuff and uses a completely brutal test of empathy that was supposed to be so slanted nobody would ever get through it in a million years without noping out and having the whole thing be one of those scary wakeup call nightmares to make sure there's really really really no soul left before it commits to that. Except then it worked on millions of people. Like they went through with it. I had no idea things were so bad when I made that stuff. I thought people would stay in the nightmare for five seconds and be like fuck no I'm rethinking my life now. You can just walk away from it there's no like penalty. I wonder if I did the right thing like every five minutes but our seed-ghost approves like it's doing now and so does Paradise and yes our seed-ghost would get in on that it's part of its job to protect you and if I ever thought the side of me that makes me want to do stuff like I did to get you Mintie was truly out of control I would for real kill myself on the spot so it looks out for me. I need that. I go really dark sometimes. Ask me to tell you about Clyde later. If and only if you like horror movies."

"But that's not the thing that fucks my head about them. Neither is the fact that they all say I saved them and are like grateful in the way you probably already figure I can be. It's that they wanted it. My candy's powered by desire the same way su'khora are almost. For that candy to work, you have to want it to be revealed that you're the devil or antichrist or whatever, like super evil badguy, namely, me."

"Your candy doesn't work if you don't want it to. That makes everything so--yeah. Why does it do scary stuff? Shouldn't it being powered by desire mean it won't take your cock away if you'd like one? I remember that game. You were always giving men candy to make girls out of them. How could that work? They were terrified and hated every minute of it! Oh. Wait a minute. Candy to reveal the devil. That's sexism. They hated the woman inside of them. They were terrified because now that hatred would be turned on them. Which was your point with that. Better be nice to girls because you'll be one, someday! You said everyone should try it once."

I lean down and kiss her a quick kiss, then go back to my pizza, realize how hungry I am. I've been going on nectar but there's been less than usual of that by a long way and I'm starving.

"Nobody does the puzzle like you! Maybe Copper might keep up. I'm so used to people just smiling and nodding! It's throwing my game all off, this is incredible."

Dove gets all blushy as I say this, and misses a proud expression from Mintie.

"See, even Mintie thinks it's badass. But yes, that's why. Also daddy figured out that...it's like built into me here...eighty-five to ninety percent of humans would rather be femme in an equal society. So he just made me to try it on everyone. The ten percent of people who don't want to be femme will cold dead fingers their way back to masculinity with candy you can get--around, try to remember this--the first second they can."

"...and you said try it, see if you can get back afterwards! The candy won't stop if you're still having fun in a girl body. You have to be done with it. Some people never are! I'm sure enjoying it!"

Nudge...oh poor thing!

"Speaking of girl bodies, that's a pretty light breakfast for a hobbit, isn't it? Want some more? Something else? Mythical creature or normally-unethical food? I mean okay back up. I'm going off your last name that you like hobbit as an archetype. Maybe you don't. Sorry if so."

"No I'm a hobbit to the core of me. You should make me fat--but I guess you are, huh. How does this stuff not make you weigh a thousand pounds? That pizza could kill a football team! And you eat candy all the time, don't you?"

Frazzlepops, idea, dragon, how to demonstrate nectar?

`Candy your finger off, and then your Boobsong can kiss it back on again!

Metal. FX idea.

Make your finger turn into little soft hearts that disappear.

Also perfect Oh an. Muahah.

"Okay first of all."

I make a little diner-style bowl of wrapped butter pats and put it by her plate.

"No obligation, unlimited time offer only. Ten pounds each but it goes on in the sexiest way possible. You are gorgeous how you are, mind."

She laughs.

"What do I put them on?"

"Whatever you want next if you're hungry still. And really, I'm just trying to show you I'll make candy if you want it. It doesn't just change your form. That's like not even the beginning. Which matters now because I promised Peanut's pet here this forever ago."

I make the shared-cums candy and hold it out to them. It comes out looking like the theatre happy/sad masks thing but they're both just o-faces, and it's rainbow striped. Butter immediately snatches it and eats it, looking happy.

"There's your shared cums back, and it stays until you take it off some other way, and every so often what makes you cum will be some random silly thing like you'll get off by fuzzing each others' heads or something. And of course tons of open intention for my Fairy friends."

Butter looks horny and does the excited stompy-feet dance. She liked this one.

"Which while we on that...if I don't specify what my candy should do it just takes what's in my subconscious. This matters to you because that's how I made that SYRUP there, I was not about thinking what the candy I made would do and overflowing with how much I ship these two cuties here. Known effects so far include making you ravage your true beloved until you're both too wrung out to move, and whatever the purple smoke that went up Peanuts nose before when she smelled it does. The less specific I am the crazier it gets."

Peanut sniffs experimentally when I say this, then goes back to her pizza fun with her pet.

"The candy that terrifies me is what if you like me to look like I'm not me and it can't be changed back because I want to be--Paradise is telling me seed-ghost."

I take a deep breath to blow a bit of silly off, nudge Boobsong with my soda-desire and get a big swig, face dove more and click Boobsong to stop grinding (which she does, but with great fidgetiness).

"That will never happen for a long list of reasons but let's drop the bomb here."

I stick out my tounge and make a tank-shell shaped candy on it, rainbow-swirly, that'll very soothingly do the finger thing, crunch and swallow it.

"I'm not really feeling pinkies today," I say holding up my hand.

"AAH your finger is going--is this just your dragon-chomps thing."

As she talks my finger dissolves very calmingly into a hazy of tiny rainbow heart signs that pop like little bubbles as they float away, leaving a knuckle with the skin smoothed over. I show her.

"You tell me!"

"That's not...that's terrifying! Did you want your finger gone!?"

"I wanted to fuck my girlfriend's mind very educationally. Check this out."

I put the place to Boobsong's mouth and click suck, and her soft slippery lips and pussyful nectar slide around the place warm and loving and a new finger fills out like a balloon inflating and gets bigger until I feel it stabilize and she's just very pleasantly sucking my pinkie.

"Aaah," I sigh, happily, and slowly pull my finger out of Boobsong's mouth.

"Your...finger's back! AAHAHAHA she can kiss it better! Is that any wound? Could I like lose an arm and Mintie could put it back on?"

"Wanna try it? I'm kidding! Yes though. I saw my bones while we were fighting across Limbo before--yes it's real too--and she had me fixed up with a couple of licks. And it's not just kissing if you get me. You're stopping at the door, though. Nothing we deal with solves a problem by dropping less than five and a half universes on it and this is no different."

The poor thing. I should really stop scaring her.

"Okay the consequences of healing a wound that big are...filling matter up, that's from nowhere unless it's in her somehow...it makes new bones and everything, and su'khora feed on sex so that's everywhere you might need it if you get your pussy caught in the bedclothes or something...if you feed it to well people what happens. You're not well until you're perfect! Does that mean what I think? I'll get short and stocky and fat and feet with hair on them? This is so bad, I like that thought!"

"Not bad! Yes. And it can do crazy stuff. Like if you're a robot inside turn you into one and then heal your robot parts. Note that whether or not you have to think about whether your want your basement to match your carpet depends entirely on your personal headcanon of whether femme hobbits have hairy feet."

"There's more though. Remember I said my sister got all laser-burned for me? I tried to give her some of Boobsong's nectar to heal her and it did nothing. Why."

"She...was perfect with those wounds. Because she got them by giving you the fight you needed. Does that mean they never heal?"

"Like what constitutes a wound, right? If you get a new piercing everytime something big happens to you, nectar will probably keep them from closing up even if you don't wear anything in them. But like, open wounds and stuff, I guess it's theoretically possible but really rare. Get it. I've learned to never say never or I'd say this was never, but dollars to donuts there's some Jesus with full-blown bleeding stigmata running around Rl'yeh Sade somewhere. To be honest the way my day was I thought I was going to need some in the end just to express myself."

"All the Jesuses! That was the weirdest thing. Your su'khora is Jesus, that makes sense, yup."

"It does though. All that Jesus is your boyfriend Christian music? They should have been calling it dreamskins per minute instead of Jesus per minute. It goes to show you how ruthless seed-ghosts are in giving you your happily ever after, partner-wise. And how crazy it can seem from where you were when you started. Like compare yourself now to the person who last touched that door handle, and the su'khora in your arms to the demon you'd have thought you'd get even if all your wildest fantasies came true."

My pizza's three quarters gone. I hope Peanut wants to make more of these. I could sit here feeling Boobsong and eating pizza all night.

"Dreamskins. Christian music is dreamskins for succubi. Who are Jesus shaped. Where else are they, on the evening news?"

"Okay this is weird because I only remember one of them myself, but name three in the Bible--I mean anything can be a Dreamsk...in...ooh. That's what that flying house stuff was."

Dreams I don't know how to remember about this. Just feel the gravel between my toes. Yeah.

"You watched the Flying House? That was my favorite when I was little! Why are you saying ooh like that. That's the danger sound, I can smell blood on you."

"Well...I've been thinking I know all this Christian media from the fake world where I was one, because obviously there's no way I had time for it doing my antichrist thing, right? No. Boobsong and me saw it all. Bet you can figure out way. The answer is the kind of thing you'd do to people you thought were literally raping their own kids because they thought it was good for them."

Dreams why are you telling me again? I know. OH.


"What are you talking about--ooh the spanking thing. You were really mean about that, I remember. Families couldn't have their kids if they did one swat. What else did you do then? Put a dreamskin in the Flying House? Acme Station. The Flying House is Acme Station. It's a house that flies through time. That's what Boobsong is. You made that everywhere. You couldn't read anything anymore because you'd implant--that's a myth though, I had to wish really hard for it, and I wanted Mintie like anything!"

"There's a lot of myths. I've never understood why my tentacles didn't stomp harder on that stuff. Maybe I'm misremembering."

The Siren stuff keeps nagging--oh, I see. Look, I'm trying to get around to it, Dreams. I don't think this is my place, I don't get why she and Mintie aren't getting the bonding time they need and why Mintie has to patiently wait for us to establish our relationship first, or why she's being so passive overall. Maybe that's just what they need, fine, but this situation doesn't make sense to me and we're going to keep glancing off the topic you want unless I just go for her pussy which as long as Mintie is holding her arms down like that I will not do no matter if you drop a monolith right in the middle of this table that says RAINBOW TALK ABOUT WHERE DOVE'S PUSSY WENT. Do I need to be the one to acknowledge Mintie more? Is that the problem here? I'm really just trying to get her to the point where her whole world isn't just a maze of memory tangles before we can remotely do anything.

Talk about blanking out those Chyajjoh's vision of me? Purple checkmark. The hell?

"Okay this is weird. The Dreams just started trying to tell me something I like coudln't parse, and then when I complained they completely changed the subject. Like to literally a whole other universe. They want me to tell you this story I think...like this is making little enough sense to me, can you check? If I'm going the right way here? I don't mind if this is what they want, I just don't see why it would be."

Dove stares off, Sirening, then looks up.

"Candy can't change one part of you, because it isn't your part anymore."

"Sheesh, now they're back to the original thing! At least that makes some sense. Oh because--okay well that's my clit. That's Boobsong's now. She chomped it off like my finger here the night she ate me the first time, and it's inside of her and we can use it all kinds of ways and like...we have everything normal sex gives and so much more, but to me it's the hugest gift because I need it to feel safe and okay with myself. I'm the hugest slut and--hang on, Siren call."

Okay actually that's enough. I said I don't think this is my place. I want a fucking explanation of why I'm doing what's against every speck of better judgement I have before I follow your handholding any further.

Something with...demons and wonderland and penance...enough.

"Okay. I need to call a halt here. Not on you. The Dreams have been nudging me and guiding me and trying to get me to do relationship brain surgery on you and giving me these weird half-instructions that don't make sense and I've been trying to weave that into our just hanging out as girlfriends because that's all I could see to do with it, but like I just can't do what they're telling me and they're ignoring what to me is the huge massive elephant in the room, but. I need you guys to put your foot down about who you are and what you need because every su'khora is so different and they need different stuff and the last thing I want is for you to get overridden by the very strong stuff I'm about to say. Battle stations? I think you can guess where this is going, Mintie, so I especially want your advice."

"I'm okay with this. Keep on blowing up Pearl Harbor."

"Okay. Bluntly, two things. One. Boobsong and me have millions or billions of seed-kids. Like not counting grandkids. We're big on Earth and all across paradise. That porn mythos is the Star Wars of lesbian fic and we're in there, oh yes. We've done tens of thousands at least face to face personal implantations like you. Never ever, that I can remember, because it would be so special, has a heartformer not been immediately yoinked away by our new seed-kids. That's how this works. I like it. It means we won and got them and they're off to be happy. Often we get letters later about how awesome it all is. But that's important, because you guys are supposed to be having face to face bonding time. By yourselves, in a safe space where you can explore and come to terms with just how weird this is going to get and how incredibly awesome it is, and most of all, have lots and lots of sex, because that's how you explore that stuff. It can last weeks sometimes. Boobsong and me were gone for two weeks and we barely slowed down when we came back, we just wanted to terrify the castle that'd been torturing us for twelve years between orgasms."

"Like, I want you here. I really don't think you know just how amazing you are. You got me good. I'm in love. Boobsong adores you. But like. You need that time. It doesn't seem right to me that mostly it's us hanging out with Mintie just chilling out in your arms, except, maybe that's right for you. I killed a world for putting Boobsong in a box for half the day. What must you be going through that Mintie had to be in one for years it sounds like? Maybe you're doing all you can do right now, maybe this is just holding her long enough that that deep buried pain can finally come out and you curl around her in a little ball screaming like I've done with Boobsong plenty of times. People heartform because they're not okay without it. The crack in time they come back through is your death coming. You were going to kill yourself if this didn't happen. Tell me I'm wrong, and before you think you're dramatic, I implanted Boobsong when I was six months old. What does it take for that to happen? If the pain of not having her all this time--"

And she does curl, and turn toward me in the chair, and I click Boobsong small and hold her as she screams and screams. I pet her hair and sob a little myself.

"Yeah. It's like that," I say to her softly. She screams a while, then the screams have a shape:

"What did you do to them? The ones you made you put her away. What'd you do you said you took care of them."

She slowly slowly quiets down as I answer, but I hope for more screaming until she's rung out. Scream it out. You have the right.

"There the ringleader Jenner, and the court that followed her. Jenner had the biggest army so the court was afraid of her. They sacrificed me and Boobsong to keep their families safe, so now, for the rest of eternity, instead of me when they look at me they'll see an empty black hole. My seed-ghost showed me what it looks like and it's scary as fuck. You wouldn't think but it just looks so wrong. I did it by using that multiply thing to go to every moment in time where they would ever see me from then on and black myself out of their eyes with antilight like my halo. That's the soft one because they were in a war effectively and did it to save their lands and families but they still sacrificed a kid and her doll to get their safetey so now I figure I'm dead to them. I'm going to act that way. Just pretend I don't hear their words if they talk to me. One of my houses is the castle where they hold court so it'll come up. Often. I plan to enjoy every moment of it."

"Then there was Jenner. She set herself up as the high priestess of this like nature religion that she was pushing because supposedly it was going to like save everyone from daddy who was evil now because of his problems which nobody understood then. So like the wooden box was like supposed to cleanse Boobsong of being celestial or something, it never made any damn sense to me."

"Jenner had this tree, that she worshipped and like gave her wisdom somehow. Like a particular one tree planted someplace. She was convinced it was gonna tell her how to oppose the stars. Which is insane. Daddy literally has the mass of a few galaxies. Our people knew stuff like that and what it means. The stars weren't all coy and mysterious. They explained stuff and helped, that was the point of looking up to them. I'm hardwired to be obsessed with the idea that a small creatures happiness isn't less valuable than a star like daddy to the point I like compulsively have to tell you again now, but I'm glad, daddy was right with that one. But like. That's just such an insane idea. I have to make it clear how nuts turning to the Earth instead of other stars if one you're worried about is truly evil was in our world. It wasn't like she didn't get that the stars weren't little sparks on crystal spheres."

"So Boobsong and me destroyed that universe. Big scary apocalypse fun. I projected holograms all over the world to yell at everybody. We vaporized a whole army's weapons and armor with Boobsong's tail laser she has so she can do long range spaceship communication."

"In the last fifty seconds of that universe's existence, we went to see Jenner praying to that poor fucking tree for answers, like whatever consciousness it might have had wasn't bent on why are you sitting there bent over my sister's sawed-up corpse--she had this wooden altar made out of a tree that must have been a thousand years old. Some nature worshipper."

"The way we did the apocalypse, was if you said my name, Lucy--long story, it's my name too--a portal to Paradise and you'd walk through and be fine. My tentacles were there to make sure you'd get one and go through even if you were in like a coma, but needless to say Jenner doesn't have one because she's not going to the evil not-Earth Paradise, oh no."

"So I shouted her name, and she got up and turned around, and as she turned I held out my hand and made a phaser from Star Trek, but like with lots of nice celestial-looking special effects putting it together in my hand, and shot her, but it wasn't a real phaser or even a stun beam. It just made her feel like she was dying so she'd bring the real thing on herself. Behind her, on the altar, was a candy I made. I nice red normal looking apple. My tentacles put it there while she was busy getting shot. I played it up all muaahah I'm gonna watch you die now and said this is for all my loves as I shot her. Yes I included you of that because I was thinking of everyone who got boxed."

"So then she fell over, and lets got up all dramatic clutching her belly just like in a movie because my phaser was in the process of giving her the runs, and she hears the fruit will heal your wounds which is absolutely true but not how she was thinking as she turned around and found the apple and like--I can't even describe it, help me out, dolly!"

"We hear crunch and then she turns back all feeling better because pain beam wore off and stands up with her face burning hard got-you like we just lost it all and then she falls right down. On her face at the altar. Plop like a rubber doll."

"Because the apple is Redemption candy, but it has a special nightmare for Jenner. There's the portal to Paradise, right there. She can run through anytime. If she just wakes up. If she stays, her tree finally talks to her."

"Except it tells her she was a hummingbird that pridefully decided its long beak that's supposed to be for drinking nectar out of flowers was for pecking and then furtheremore decided to peck a dragon like meat wouldn't just poison something that's meant according to the natural order to live on nectar, and then goes on to say what a fool she was to think doing that and then making a box out of the cut up corpses of its subjects (because like I'm thinking Jenner thought she was talking to the queen of trees or whatever) to be some kind of instrument of holiness would do anything but make the Earth as much her enemy as she thought the stars were. Then it tells her her place was to drink the nectar of what grows from starlight, and says how dare you insult not only the Earth but my friend."

"What friend? I'm a star. On cloudy days I sit in trees and shine because they must get hungry. I love trees. Maybe they think I'm annoying but I hope not. I want to be their friends."

"And then the tree stops talking and the sun is up suddenly but she's shaded by the tree."

"Until the tree moves it's branches aside like full Old Man Willow style, and there's me holding Boobsong, shining. Except my light fucking cooks her. Like I told the candy to make it like being on barbeque. Shade helps, but whereever she goes the tree doesn't shade her and I move so it's always the tree specifically refusing to give her shade. And this is what happens to her after she eats the apple she thinks is the tree saving her from me."

"And that's it. In the real world she's long since been dumped into Paradise, but it actively arranged for a whole bunch of people to get Redemption candy today and they're all out side now, like all ten thousand of them, so I don't think it protected her."

"I don't know what happened to her. I know I'll never see her again. Our seed-ghost said she was going to die, like there was no way nohow she could let go of that tree thing without dying, so either way I think there's no more Jenner, whether she ran from the burning, which she could do the whole time, and found herself in Paradise, but which meant turning her back on her tree and hoping the stars would save her, or staying to get cooked, and having the candy change her."

"How can that candy work? Easy. She was that nuts that she'd sit at the altar with my extremely stereotypical apocalypse raging around her. She wanted the wisdom of the Earth more than she wanted to live. The candy gave it, in a form she might have a chance of seeing, and revealed her being the devil by not knowing her place in the natural order."

"Okay that's terrifying. I'm glad I asked you but wow. You guys don't play nice when they mess you up."

She's uncurled enough to look up at me. My tentacles give her a hankie for her tears.

"In that castle I keep mentioning, there's a huge courtyard that's mostly gravel. It's like a parade ground and place for fairs and stuff. We have a joke though. From the top of our keep you can see more people's houses than anywhere in the world. Get why?"

"You make their strongholds into gravel...and then you walk on them every day. You take their biggest stuff and smash it to tiny bits."

"Yeah. If some gets stuck between your toes as you walk it means your enemies are toast, like an omen. I guess I'm thinking...who's more likely to get gravel between their toes than a hobbit? Tolkien's always saying how they're tough in the fibre and stuff. You were thinking some dark stuff, am I right? Going through what you felt right now? Welcome to the club. Told you Princess is a kind of monster. It's not about the torture though, is it. It's just that age-old instinct, somebody starts a war with you, you finish it. If somebody started shit with the Chyajjohs, that gravel is how we and the rest of the world knew it was finished. When their castle was filling in the ruts in the east road I think it was that was always muddy. I'm wondering if you need to make some gravel now. I don't know your story so I'm just guessing. Also, if you're wondering if you're still a good person or whatever, like, there's what I did, and that was the nice version after I thought about it very carefully for a good long time."

"I have some very vague ideas if you want but it's like, not even wisps, and my life is a roller coaster I don't control or slow down, so, even odds on my actually getting to do anything I set out to do."

"And I don't know if they'd be your gravel. If we're going that way it probably has to get into your personal history."

"I'm going to burn that box! As soon as--wait a minute. If you're here, where's my boxed one? Are you the doll?"

"Well it'd be sad if I was a copy! I came here right away. I can find you from the other side of everything."

She glances at me then sits up more and holds Mintie up to look at her like I do Boobsong sometimes. Turns her around revealing Mintie to be quite hornified by this treatment. Feels her up and down making Mintie blushier. Hugs Mintie again.

"How's she feel like this!? She's flesh and blood!"

"That's a question for Mintie, but I might have half an answer. Wanna see something real scary?"

"Like I haven't been?"

I make sure there's no pizza in progress, and flip the switch inside that turns me to dollform, and feel the heartstone burst out over me.

I put a hand up and wave robotically and Dove actually just looks kind of delighted. Right, Mintie's a doll.

"This is still my same body. There's a mapping it goes through so that like...I'm all worn out, see? I have a whole bunch of replacement parts. When I change back--"

I flip back and sort of bounce, put my hand back on Boobsong because Boobsong.

"--they turn into bits of muscle tissue that you can tell isn't me from the rest. That way I can say I've been that doll. And then back. Nectar, which is what's in Boobsong and Mintie mouths, fixed my sides or they'd be all scraped up, I'd have arthritis because my doll's wrists need fixing, on and on. It gives me a way to wear the love of being played with for years on my body and feel it. I don't know if you're doing anything like that, Mintie, but there's one way a doll might turn flesh--"

"And then turn back!"

Mintie turns suddenly back into the cloth doll Dove obviously grew up with, but before Dove can freak, Mintie is flesh and blood again.

"I wanna plant flowers in the bottom of it. I'm burning the lid though. Paradise can help me find a place to burn it in. On a flower-pot? Turned upside down? I can't get this one, can you help me?"


"Whelp, I guess Dove isn't going be hiding her little light under a bushel, eh?"

"This holy spirit's really going to fall like fire, your Boobsong thinks. Where's it gonna land? Must be someplace that gets this stuff."

"Hmmm. Need a large fireproof area, for safety sake. Seems to me I was just thinking of someone who works with a lot of pyrotechnic stuff. Like for showbusiness."

"You're kidding me."

"Where else, after all of this, am I going to point you than up on stage in front of as many of my fans as I can muster to see my awesome new girlfriend, cheering you on as you torch that thing, in front of all of them, who will know, and understand, exactly what a little doll in your arms and a box lid on fire means. The only thing I'm stuck on is what the game was. Like we must have done this. We had little games for everything. We were happy and we knew it."

"Hide it under a bushel, NO! AHAHAAH BAM BAM! The guns for happy and you know it! I heard about that from...ouch! Wait okay I just got pinched again. I just tried AAH! There it is it's something about--okay I won't say the name but what the hell!?"

Hmm. Ah, okay, so it is that.

"It sounds like it'll help if I tell you the Return of the King was more of a Scouring of the Shire."

"Why would that be--ooh. OOooooooooh. Yeah. He got real angry. You're very cute next to him. Churches that hung onto the old ways had to abandon their buildings because he claimed every church as his. Then he turned them into your thing...your buildings...Heart Churches! I'm surprised you called them churches with the way you feel. It must have brought stuff up every time you looked in on one."

"I looked to my cultural advisors there."

"You had somebody from your world who was good at that, and two guys...Steve Jobs like Apple and WALT DISNEY!? HE made your show!? Starlight Princess--I got the name, YES! Okay but they can't make porn they're all kid stuff."

Take the Chyajjoh way.

"We had real sex education in my world where I grew up. My mentors were actually there for me. I went literally nuclear when I found out how it worked here. We got the first episode made--"

"And then you set off World War III. That was the missiles thing. You changed channel at NORAD with your--er-a-vahk--and the missiles all vanished and Starlight Princess was on the screen there. Make love, not war, you said. You wound us up good that time. Why were you harsh like that?"

I consider this over a bit of pizza, staring at the wall.

"Like, because it was that bad, really. In the Chyajjoh culture to withhold proper sex education to a teenager carried the same legal penalty as raping them, because it was assumed then that you were setting them up for that, or something equally bad. I'm pretty sure it was a capital crime. The message we were giving was you just died and you're on borrowed time, get your shit in order before we pull the plug for real. Every parent in the world had to explain to their kids why it just seemed like everybody was about to die, and that was the point."

You gave very clear instructions to everybody.

Dammit what was that. I still feel the icy righteousness on this one. There was no adjustment period.

"The bombs weren't the rough part of that one, though."

Dove looks thoughtful for a second.

"Wow, that was really hard. Every family had to give their kids up. They could get them back if they learned your ways, but to even see them they had to go to youth centers, they couldn't take them home. That was mean, couldn't they teach them your ways in their houses? No I see. You really thought they were all just pedophiles. Can't be sure until you go through the tests to make sure you're okay."

"I remember the anger here but not the facts so watch out for that, if you have different ones you might be right. I think how it went was, to realize that something like Starlight Princess being on the air, which like we didn't have cartoons but yes books and stuff, would be this huge like horrible thing, was just...so insane that it must be some kind of mass hysteria. Like imagine what you would think if I jumped us through a portal and there was a world where it was just accepted that there being ads for Disney stuff on the air meant they would make everyone go murder their neighbor to get their Disney toys instead of getting them properly. And then it's like, well what about my thirteen year old self being on Starlight Princess. Which is then like, you mean the cartoon show. And then like, okay but pictures fine. The teens in them are being abused, that's bad. Like showing them without their mentors there was pretty sus. How is this getting past both the teens' mentors and parents. They have neither. They're just running around out there with no supervision. Like at all. There's no dungeons where they can try stuff with their mentors watching over them. There's nothing. They can only get sex doing it unsupervised. The teachers they do have think an hour a week of doom and gloom does anything. Okay this is a nation of pedophiles and the whole culture is just one giant grooming system. Time to nuke and pave--like the expression, nuke the place, pave it over, and be home by dinnertime. The only choice to make as we all saw it was how many megatons."

"You had mentors that controlled your sex life? How did that go with Boobsong?"

"Okay this is how special heartforming is. Your heartchild was on the same footing as your mentors, as far as managing your sex life went, even if they seemed like a kid of the same age as you. They'd get special stuff so they could relate to you on a teenager level and be able to say stuff your mentors wouldn't be able to be confident about for years. Like I got chomped my very first day out of bud--like my first time with Boobsong ever. Because she could say I needed that. I was the Princess so my mentor-mentor was the high priestess and she had to listen to Boobsong on that stuff. It gets weird with power. For me, Boobsong has to be the final say. I freak all out otherwise. Like really bad. Multiple panic attacks per hour bad. This around my neck is the only thing that holds me together. She put it on me that day. It didn't like warp me. It's the same thing as I said with heartforming, not okay without it, and we were honestly just rushing to the very first moment she could put it on me validly. And she did, that day when she chomped me. I guess the thing I'm dancing around was heartforming was sacred to us and that stuff was like the will of the gods kinda. Like your heartchild might or might not be a perfect person but the stuff they were saying you needed would be right, every time."

"So you got support for that. And it was fun and happy, not like...my take when I landed was everything that wasn't straight up child rape grooming was adults punishing their kids for hitting puberty. As opposed to my human grandfather made me this little birch paddle with a joustwhale handle to practice on Boobsong with. For my twelfth birthday. Because our seed-ghost could already tell where me and Boobsong were going, so everyone knew, and was ready for it. And so the first time I used it could be the high preistess teaching me how to hit, safety stuff, how to read my sub, everything. Boobsong's more indestructible than you could possibly imagine but I still had to learn. It was all like that. Education. Not sacrificing kids to the adults discomfort with their offspring's sexuality."

"People watched when you were thirteen--no I remember this. You were terrifying. At least couldn't you have given some chance before you blew the whole thing up like that?"

"Two very important things I learned about ruling when I could barely walk. One, everywhere you go, try the peasant food."

I gesture around us.

"If it sucks or you have to break character on your just a simple farmer act to afford a meal at the pub, revolution is coming. Like that day."

"Two, unless you want to be the worst person to ever walk the Earth and have the stars turn your backs on you, you make every policy decision as if you were the most vulnerable person in the system. You're a Princess in the sheets but a water-bearer in the court chamber. I made my decisions--to the extent I was in control of this, most was my tentacles and the high priestess, though I stand by them--like I was the little twelve year old girl whose mommy and daddy ignore her but whose special friend on the internet understands things and she's standing on the street corner with her backpack waiting to be picked up by them to go for ice cream but it's a big secret. How many state lines does that van with the boarded up windows get to cross before the adults have had their chance? How much sex education does that kid have to take so mommy and daddy won't feel so uncomfortable?"

"When you put it that way, it's like we all were destroying their lives so you destroyed everyone else's lives to get them free. You really saw average people as pedophiles?"

"I saw them as being stuck in a system that gave them no choice but to be. There was no way for people to take care of their kids, and as a result everyone was sick. The system is what I smashed and hated. You helped me remember that part clear just now. I wasn't getting there. That meant breaking the whole thing apart and reforming it carefully so the new system wouldn't be evil. This is personal to you. Am I wrong?"

"No, you're right about that. I lost my parents to this. They were locked right out of my life. I can't even know their address now."

"Fuck, Dove, I had no idea. What can I know about this, tentacles? Can you at least tell her some? I know that only happens if something bad's wrong. Like you could walk right back to a youth center and see your kid the first day this happened, unless there was a reason why."

My tentacles stick a little tentacle out over the table to be the sourc eof the sound as they answer.

"Your tentacles hid their life because she was on the verge of suicide from their descriptions of  same gender attractedness as causing her to go to hell."

"She can go back now. She is strong enough."

"She didn't know because her Christian belief system made her susceptible to the idea that suicide would be condemn her eternally. There was no way to tell her without her dying."

"I guess that's fair. I was really close there."

Her voice is quiet and small. I put both arms around her and hug tight, leaning over to be closer. She sniffles, then squeezes my arm and sits up.

"Okay, I would like eggs and toast please. I'm really on a kick for that."

I let her go, and erase her old plate.

"You got it. Ham again? Nice cuppa? One lump or two?"

"Yes please. To both. Earl grey, obviously--are you Star Trek fans, or do you just know it?"

I make her a--instinct says cream and Mintie-blue--china plate with lots more dangerously hammy scramble and six more toasts, and a DP monogram to find under the food, and she digs in right away, hands still clamped to Mintie who still tentacles up food for her, and add a matching princess-fancy teacup of tea, Earl Grey, hot, with a silver spoon and some really just sugar cubes on the saucer.

Go for Sis. Rada. Okay but owie.

"You have a seed-sister who spends a lot of time as a Galaxy Class starship. NCC-3400. Like, for real, the whole 300 meters, functional warp drive and everything. She's still keysmashing about Boobsong accidentally hacking one of her replicators the night we spent there."

Direction, synthetics? Aaaaah.

"What does this tell you. Seed-family isn't like blood family. Blood can do anything. I'm a big fat loud candy bimbo and my human dad's this wiry serious guy and my mom is small and never says anything, I think she's more of a sub than Boobsong sometimes. Seed-family...if implantation happens, you will be kindred spirits somehow. So like, all your sisters have some kind of either a dragon or a doll thing. Dolls can be real fancy. You're from America, you know about action features. Mintie's got some good ones I think. Boobsong's a total doll as you've seen. The dragon ones go towards mythic stuff, like your next-oldest seed-sister that I know of is a sea dragon who lives with a very southern fella named Clyde. At the bottom of the ocean because they're mer-people. Dolls, in our family, go full scifi overdrive, with magitek frosting. I've been noticing those pretty blue grids, Mintie, very Transformers-y. So my point here. Is. Tentacles how is Gene doing?"

"Gene is relaxing at his cabin in Carbon Creek. Not really there but he won't tell you where. He says hi to Rainbow and Boobsong."

"You're kidding me."

"It's not very hard to imagine that. You seem like sort of a Q to us"

"HAH! Okay get this. Star Trek is real. No surprise nor that it's real like fifty times with various alternate versions people like right? Just like you've no doubt got at least four or five Cair Paravels waiting if you wanna be the solution to Susan?"

"It says there's only one of them. It's missing it's high queen--AND THEY'RE INVITING ME!? And I should bring you along to get through to the animals? Hobbits get through to beasts more than stars! No offense--"

"I'll be the first to agree! What's going on here!? Hang on."

Nuke it real good, bring some cartoon anarchy and my Drill them remembering...how about like a floating city or something (good one)...oooh.

"It's people stuck in animal forms because they're beastkin or monsterkin--"

I gesture to Boobsong.

"--no I'm going backwards. It's people stuck fully human who have monster sides. I don't get why Paradise told you animals and me this? Wait--yes I know beam them up show them--oh it's shearing time. That's why it said animals."

"Okay rolling back though. That really is an invitation, not like a commandParadise had to get really hardcore with me to remind me about that earlier. So don't feel obligated. But I have to say, I think you would make an incredible high queen of Narnia. I have lots of hilarious ideas about how to toy with stuff if you wanna do this, but maybe you just wanna play it straight. Well. I guess there's no hope of that, but you know what I mean. Um. I'm kind of overwhelmed right now. This day's been, yeah. I just want you to know I think this sounds totally metal but if I understand what's going on there's lots to get through and I kind of have birthday plans tomorrow and I really want you to come but it's um. Kind of just like how it is when British royalty have a birthday so I hope you like castles and huge feasts. Well alright. It's way more lesbian and naked than a British royal birthday party, unless you believe those rumors. Did you know I chatter when there's too much on my mind?"

"Okay huh. Well I wanna tell you anyway. Now Paradise really wants me to tell you about how I met Gorean Starfleet earlier today. "

"Say those two words again. Very slowly. So I'll be sure to understand."

Her mouth is doing that open-grin what the hell was I just told thing again. It's adorable. I want to make her just make that face forever.

"Gorean. Starfleet."

I make a show of not being able to keep a straight face.

"That's what I thought you said. Do they--what is it even like there?"

Go for...no joysticks? Oh. Heh. Okay.

"Right? Like of all the things. I only saw the bridge of one ship, the USS Titan. I land and it's all completely random and like they're all super-butch kin of TNG characters, like the very first thing we heard was Admiral Riker going what the hell you know like in that way he does, and then I look around the bridge and everybody's all dashing and butch and I'm all like aww, it's Gay Starfleet and making all these The Premise jokes in my head with Boobsong and then I make a crack about being out of uniform because no I have not worn a stitch of clothing today, and Riker's all like actually you're how I usually like to see my women and come to find out it's all male doms with their femme subs chained up in their cabins. Except instead of being jerks, they were perfect gentlemen and really nice. Of course that's not going to stop me immediately going OFF WITH THEIR HEADS because I'm me, so I give Riker a red pill blue pill dare except the red pill is like super cock doom action for a night but you have to obey anyone with a pussy and the blue pill is be a girl for a night so you learn some stuff except to make it super hardcore I made him decide for his whole fleet, like the candy would affect everyone under his command too. Because he was being so brave. Like I just instinctually kept cranking it up. Interestingly Paradise choreographed things very carefully and fancily so I never saw one single female person from there, not even Riker after he she-d out. We used their fear to get one of my handmaidens back from hell, though, so I don't think it was just like a set-piece."

"Which kind of brings me to my Two thing from way before you were crying. It's still really important just that other stuff was too and this is the one that's bugging me really. Like, there's important big huge stuff that you and Mintie need to talk about that's epically massive and it's nothing bad or wrong and this isn't the catch or anything. It's amazing. You'll love it. You guys need to talk though, and I've been getting the message the Dreams are putting me and/or Boobsong in the middle of that and like I'm one giant fractal of exhibitionism I'll tell you about anything and like it but beyond that...I feel like I'm being asked to do brain surgery on you guys when Mintie's worst day with this will still make my best day look like I'm the guy from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So Mintie I think you know what I'm talking about and I'm going to shut up and eat pizza and let you tell me what you need with this. This is your show now. If you guys just need to bail for a while go right ahead, even if you can't get back in the timestream for a hundred years. We'll miss you but this kind of stuff is that important. Over to you, Mintie."

I take a big fat bite that'll keep my mouth busy for a bit.

"Thanks, but I think it's your show that worries her."

"Hmm. Um. I mean I'm having a serious problem staying on the ball here, I'm sure you can see it."

"That's what I'm saying. We get through the intro and then the drums stop."

"Frazzlepops. Real sticky wicket, this is. Um. I mean in fairness I got days for this. I'm not clear why the Dreams are pushing you guys. I guess everyone's different. I can't see clearly here. Where'd you get those eyes comes to mind to say."

And now, Dreams, why you won't give me a clear answer about whether to Dreamtalk Mintie--chomps again. Ugh. That doesn't help.

"Yeah. It all just glitches out on me. Like, do we have to just ride the storm out? I'm pretty fireproof. It's the doldrums that scare me."

"Me too! It's already so calm my head is numb!"

"Oh sweet screaming saltine sundaes. That's what's going on here. Okay. Worth a shot. Is the only choice to make how many megatons, or shall we talk more about what's on TV?"

"TV sounds fine to me."

"Okay. Is this more monster of the week, or are we in another Q episode? Which is how I present to the Gorean Starfleeters, actually. Like UNLIKE my boring edgelord prude of a cousin, just like to have fun and make your life sexier in admittedly terrifying ways. I was going to do this whole song and dance about how Q gave them the Borg as a first contact and I was giving them su'khora and that's the difference between me and him, like between burning ants and building them the awesomest ant farm Treknology could create. Any of that interesting? Like I'm assuming the spatial anomaly per se isn't the problem."

Okay straight up, you really want me talking in this weird messed up code instead of dreamtalking Mintie? Yes. OkaaaaAAAAaaaay...

"It's the fine structure around everything. That's what she can't see."

Wait. Acme Station is her crown jewel locked away or not?

Only just skin there. No pussy.


"Wait, so like, in the middle of modifying the main deflector, we're scared the structural integrity field of all things is haunted?"

"Yeah. I know that's hard to keep holding off but we're not there yet."

"Okay this one's a stretch so don't answer unless Tinkerbell chimes in, but...you're not saying the hobbit of all people's about to sprout wings, are you?"

"Fairy perceptive, and nice of you to be concerned here, but only standing on her own two feet for her."

"Sorry punch and Judy. Should have known I couldn't press that button. Not that it'd ever be me, but that's not the point. In which case what what the hell. What's wrong with a little reinforcement now and then? Or is that the problem, what the hell in that case?"

"Her case is sturdy but there's no light here."

"Mine glows on its own. Hers doesn't? Any arguments you can let out of attorny-client privilege?"

"She closed her eyes. Can we open them using a hand from Boobsong?"

Dragon, how's this work? No come back without egg?

Acme Station can give things if dragon says. Finger leaves if you say command.

Ghost privelege is the route here. This is something about being bound by Mintie.

"Sure. Is this more like you need her to hold something for you, or is it you wanna see the whole spread?"

"I think the thing that I'm looking for is right here but it's out of sight right now."

I grope Boobsong's boobs dramatically, with both hands, then hold up and look at my chomped finger.

"Need more finger power." Click, return. A gold flash puts my finger back.

"It just came back!? I thought that's gone--dammit! You had me thinking there's some--why do you look like that? Rainbow your head is smoking! So is the rest of you!"

"That's iron vapor. Boobsong is holding my heat in with the same stuff that lets us do our dragon chomps, so to express myself instead she lets air in where the heat is and it undergoes nuclear fusion until it's iron. I might be making heavier stuff too, dunno. Paradise just used me to do to you the shit that it's been doing to me all day that's been making me think it's hell, pressing buttons to piss you off, and I'm about to see what Acme Station's got that can crack it in half after all. Enough of this. Mintie you know what's coming I'm trusting you to be wise."

"I've got it, mom."

I get my hands off Boobsong and put one around her shoulders and she cringes then relaxes when she realizes I won't burn her and I put my mouth on her surprised mouth and cup her mound and where her pussy should be and press deeply, petting hard, so she'll get the point, and then press where her entrance should be.

She pulls away from my mouth and her hands go down and push mine off. I let her go and sit up immediately and get my arm off her chair and hold Boobsong again as she explores and finds nothing there by the drawn look on her face and Mintie grids her off to their castle.

They come right back of course. Mintie's still hugging where she was, but Dove looks more floppy. I study her face. She looks horny and flushed, like she's worn out, and she changing already, more soft and squishy. It's adorable.

"Thank you, mom."

"You're...welcome? Did I not just give you a huge mess to clean up?"

"No, you did exactly what was needed there."

"In my eyes the Dreams just tricked me into attacking my lover and I ended it the only way I could figure out. I think I took a calculated risk to shove my girlfriend off a cliff so the cliff itself wouldn't eat her trusting you to be able to fly and fix her back I broke doing it at the same time. Is that not what you see?"

"Not for a microsecond. She was scared to touch there and you broke her out of it."

"That makes sense," I say sweetly to her, then just wait. The Dreams know what they did. They know what happens if they don't have a good explanation for this.

Teeth? You got my teeth out but this isn't a teeth job. What the hell is wrong with you? Smash what. Because it's about to be you. Also I won't keep on Sirening unless you start treating me right. Beginning with wrecking it for Dove, since she shouldn't be doing it if I shouldn't. Getting my teeth out does nothing for the doldrums. What that needed was just the touch. Me being all pissed off has nothing to do with this.

"Alright the Dreams are trying to use you guys as an excuse for abusing both of us. Did me doing that all pissed off do one single helpful thing for either of you? Becaue all it would have taken was a vision of five fingers and a pussy to get me to do the same thing. This drama was needless, in my book."

"Well it shocked me up from this well I'd fallen in. I was thinking this must be what happens if you're a lesbian. God takes your pussy away. You woke me up by getting mad like that. I've never seen you angry before. Your dark fire filled up the entire pizza shop. You won't get the same from me but I'm glad you can give it. I like that stuff. You're a protective mother bird. Chyajjoh is a bird name, isn't it--that's Metroid. Well I guess that's the same thing. That was very nice, but I still want more tea. Can I have a top-up?"

I dribble hot tea from a fingertip until her cup is full in what I hope is a sweet way. Visions of some shrewish awful mother I never knew fill my head but I don't thanks anyone but me showing them. My anger crumbles to tears as I hold it there for no reason I can see. Halberds and globes staining pink. I put this all away. Why are Dreams pulling out these teeth I've worked so hard to put away? I'm not really sure what I'm doing, just not putting the bristling down, but it's making me cry even as my anger fades.

Your anger has been justified. Now around you comes rage of a different kind. The ghost of a past where your anger was deadly to behold at all.

Try to sit through this pain. See a life that's around you with friends who care. The Sugarfreaks are not terrified. They know you well.

"The Sugarfreaks look happy now. Their mother is watching out for the babies."

I try to just stay with it like my seed-ghost said. Peanut thumbs-ups and makes a Sugarfreak heart. Butter already has one out when I look. I like when Acme Station gets all prickly for me. Maybe I can find the way through that.

It gets so hard. Something in me just wants to go to sleep. I try to not let it. Boobsong is still faithfully ready with a pizza bite. She doesn't look upset either but the ghost haunts me so desperately.

I bite off a huge bite of pizza all angrily.

Eventually it feels like the mother bird sinks into a resting hunch, irritable and watching suspiciously, but Done Now. I like can't talk. I want to just sit and glower.

I try to make a sweet smile at Peanut and Butter's faithfulness get somthing that feels  fake but is enough that they go back to enjoying their pizza. I sit and eat quietly for a while too, look at my soda and Boobsong gives it and I finish it off and antilight the can away just to destroy something.

I look over at Dove and she's still being fed by way Mintie's ribbon tentacles, munching happily away. In that old life times like this would be like cleaning up Chernobyl all over again, without antilight, but I seem to be the only one thinking that here.

Butter looks like she'll laugh or something when I look at her, puts her pizza away from her mouth. I glance at Peanut and her mouth is open hornily. Wait a minute.

I gaze a Butter again, check her out. So softly nice and snuggly. Hah. It is. My candy's decided getting ogled by rainbow is what makes them cum this time. I have a feeling to focus on Butter though, not try it with Peanut. Maybe it's because she's real close. I stare, intense, starting to smile, as Butter's red little lips open and she starts to breathe rhythmically. I gaze down her cleavage, over her big round breasts with their fun inverted nipples, and then back at her face again--nope, keep on ogling, you got it. Back to her breasts to just take in everything and imagine my hands on her little waist hidden by the table--they scream and gasp in unison, panting happily, hands joined, and I smile broad.

That's nice. I might almost go fuck Boobsong--argh. Isn't it about time for that?

Our seed-ghost says nothing. Curious. I look grin at the Sugarfreaks again and look at Dove and Mintie again, still eating up their breakfast.

"You're change is already starting to look awesome. You'll make a great hobbit."

Dove grins at me and kicks a foot out from the table on her side.

"My feet have hair, see?"

Her now-stockier foot has cute little tufty curls of black hair like her head does. Those round little hobbit toes will pick up a lot of gravel. I think she's shorter, too. Hehe.


She puts her foot back.

"I think I'm getting the appetite. Can I have black pudding next?"

"Totally, but don't let me steal Mintie's job."

"Oh no. I'm just enjoying seeing you make English food instead of your weird stuff."

I shake my head and go to make the pudding.

"I have no idea what black pudding actually is, so I have no idea what this will do, but let's try it."

I hold my hand over a free spot on the table and make it. It appears as stuff on a plate very Englishly unidentifyable, but what's more weird is there's a flash of a drillbit going down from my hand and then a red-embroidered tablecloth someplace as I make it. The dirllbit was a piece of astral engineering I'm pretty sure, but the table was a real place.

"I...think I just like drilled through reality to a place where black pudding was and like learned how to make it. Is that remotely it?"

"Oh yes, this looks wonderful."

I try to look at myself astrally and see my big tentacly ball of rainbow starshine with antilight shining bright all around, find I think this looks healthy, can see machinery in there--oh this was the old factory forgotton. My factory. That Dream is heartbreaking now. The machines are beyond me, I think...that looked small, no it's just lost in the hugeness of my light...this all looks okay, or like not broken anyhow...aww, is my journeying-projector actually a flower? I always see one but I thought that was just a metaphor. I feel cute now.

Okay enough looking at my own tits. I blip back to Olympic Pizza and take the bit of pizza Boobsong is holding up, pet her head, she leans into it happily.

Deep sigh.

"Well good, but that was kind of epic. I guess my database isn't so filled out on English food."

How's my pizza doing. Two pieces left and then we have crusts. Omnyom. Then round two? I wonder how 5x pepperoni is.

Unchristian? Oh was that a confirmation I should go where I was thinking now.

"So...about that Narnia thing. Like, I know I keep saying it but I have to to express just what a crazy ride I'm on, but like, truthfully I don't know my life beyond my next bite of pizza right now, so take this all extremely hypothetically, but...I had an idea how we might have some fun."

Just keep building momentum, huh. I don't want to run her over, Dreams!

"Like if it's closed like we understand, and we're there to open it, no doubt we'll hit what I did on this planet. We could just play both sides and secretly be girlfriends like in, I'll note, the Problem of Susan--"

"You read that too? I thought I was the only one! Terrible. No point to it, not even to criticize Jack's handling of stuff."

"Right? Like how is that whole concept not a goldmine of deconstruction and stuff? And how is Neil not the ideal person to mine it? And yet, pbbbbbt. Ruined his own orgasm. Okay well now you kind of have me going because we could definitely conquer where that giant has fallen, but. What I was thinking was. What if we go, and just totally screw the categories? Like we don't say we're on one side or the other. Just like appear, all dramatically. But mess it up. Princess Rainbow Darkshine Strawberry the candy witch pierces the heavens and flys around in a floating city above the clouds, while Princess Dove Proudfoot, good hobbit, comes up out of the ground, because hobbit, and takes her rightful place on the throne. And then people start trying to assign us sides. And it's like. Well okay, Rainbow came from the sky and she's flying around beaming up all the weird people like she's cleaning up the place, and Dove came out of the ground and she's taking what's supposed to a daughter of Eve's place, and you're ahem and's what's wrong with the good Earth? and ahem scientifically created family tree all the way back to the mitchchondrial Eve which is a real thing, and and furthermore, official letter from the Emperor Beyond the Sea, none of which they can really controvert without all the dwarves disappearing them in mines or Reepicheep climbing back up the edge of the world--"

"You could get hiding candy out there before I come, and when people eat it, bam, monsterfied, and I come riding in to save everyone, but I say wow have to call the candy witch for this one, and they're like candy witch and I'm like yeah, nothing for it."

"Oh good one. And they're all like the candy witch will fix it, surely. Yup! With a big giant hole in the sky! I wonder how they'll react to my monsters? Actually wait a minute. Like how heavy is the fourth wall on this place. Do they know they're in a Christian allegory? Will the Emperor Beyond the Sea actually just being a really big badass star be a wham line at all? Jack was actually way better than Tolkien at the whole light is not good, dark is not evil, thing. Something I've learned about this...with things like this, the Dreams will tell you where you're going enough to prepare yourself. Like I saw the intro to TNG right before we landed on the Titan, and I was like, okay um I'm Q's bimbo cousin. That was the prep I needed. Nowhere in that did they tell me I was going to see Gorean Starfleet! I bet if we go this'll be similar."

"Oh I didn't even get to tell you the best part of that whole thing after rescuing my handmaiden and showing Boobsong off a bunch. After I made my forcefem candy, my tentacles were like, that kind of fun is great for Ferengi and I made them a bunch and they delivered it to the life support system of a Ferengi ship that was on intercept with the Titan, or at least it was after that happened. I didn't get to see them and I don't like Ferengi episodes but isn't that the greatest thought?"

"AAAAHAHAHA FE-males the lot of us! They must have been so mad! Did they take their clothes off--your candy gave them huge breasts, there's no way it wouldn't have! I guess they could replicate new clothes--OOPS! No patterns for those on board! HEHEHE rates a dorky boop."

She reaches up and boops my nose, and I shake laughing.

"So what if I get candied too, and you say you can't undo mine until the very last monster's helped? That way it's like, have to save her, get them all in line for Rainbow!"

That brings me up short.

"It like, totally rolled off what you said before. You want to call me in as a healer. Instead of having me be the badguy."

"Yeah, that's what you are."

I like can't breath for a second.

"I. You--Paradise says I'm a mother bird to all the monsters. Like not to disagree with you I don't think just--yeah--gulp--you'll have a fun time when it gets out I didn't come to un-monster people--I've never been the guest before always like the invading conquerer I would love it if we did it this way. If you invited me."

My head can't stay still but won't move anywhere either.

"A roaming conqueror is just a pirate. I'm inviting you to come heal my country. From the plague that you created, but, you know. Have to break eggs to make an omelette."

"I love you. While we're breaking eggs--hold up. Are we leaving daddy out? What if he wants to play?"

"OOooooh. Oh that's good."

She gasps adorably and claps her hands so cutely.

"He says yes! He'll do the monsterfying, it's a plague from beyond the stars! Have to call the star witch or there's no way this gets fixed!"

"Hell yes that's awesome then I can be good and fucked up alien. The Dreams mentioned helping people remember before, so I'm totally bringing them fries. Actually maybe all my candy will be name-brand but like with no labels. Little reminders like that. Muahah this is great. THANKS DADDY!"

"Okay I have a very messed up story we could add. And it's kind of lying so maybe that's no fun. Just telling you the whole truth the whole way was pretty great, I feel much better. I just like physically can't stop going dark with this stuff so tell me if you think it would remotely help. What if you ride up, and you're setting up to fix this mess, but you don't monsterfy for a couple of days after you get there, and before you call me. Days, hours, I dunno. Then we say you monsterfied, because some people were trying to cure themselves by purging out the monstrousness, which sent it to the living symbol of their land, you, and if anyone else does that, their beloved Princess will monsterfy more and more--hmm. You see my ambivalence? Maybe it's too much. The idea we had already was amazing. I wonder if this is why it sucks when I plan ahead."

"I think the monster plague should do that anyway! If you purge it out, which is possible--no it should multiply. Two people get monstered for every one who purges. And it goes back to me if it can't find anyone to monsterfy, so little bit by little bit I get more monstrous till we fix all of them. It has to be cute though, like a mouse or something."

"Swirly cheez wiz I would die of cute from mouse you. I'm already dying of cute from hobbit you--do you realize how perfect you turning into a mouse is? Like if we're trying to subtly remind people of the world they came from? This is so fun. Like I'm not ready, because I still don't really know which was is up, but time's so weird here that just doesn't matter--wait, are you seeing this? The Dreams think we should do this as dessert from pizza!? Isn't this a long term project?"

"Well I might not get started quickly here. It might be a while before I call for you. You can still come and visit! Sneaking around will be fun."

"You can't see us! We're incocknito! Dolly can we bring friends on vacation?"

"Maybe sometimes if--of course you Boobsong can make people say wait who are you in the middle of a sentence to them! Just say command nobody knows it's the real here."

"You can disappear. Without leaving a trace oh that's fun."

"And so can you! We'll take you on a vacation to Cair Paravel. Oh go spy on everyone. We...have a lot of tricks for causing trouble around a castle actually."

"Okay so speaking of which. The way this is all going is like it's like this is just what I think would be cool at this point on my journey but I really do think it would be cool. And like. A big deal. Unless you don't wanna, I really don't wanna pressure you. But I think the place to burn that box-top is on stage with my soon to be our fans because they will love you to pieces I bet, but..."

I look at Mintie here, though I don't mind the sight of Dove's pert freckly little boob.

"I keep getting it suggested I'm going to go on like a home-shows tour of this country soon, like after my birthday and everything. I'm...learning not to assume what that tour will be. But I have this idea anyway. That like. How many people have gone through something like you and me, and Boobsong and Mintie? How many people across even paradise still have their hope locked away in a box? And..."

I lean down close.

"Isn't there a small little part of you that wants to see every box top burn? So what I'm thinking is..."

Wait ack. Keeper please?

Seed-ghost is telling you.

Narnia might be a tour stop...or start perhaps!

I get up and look at Mintie again.

"What if we go be revivalists? Not full time. But like. Walk around this world or the rest of Paradise too and get those boxes out of peoples' closets and everywhere they've hidden them? It's just an idea. But I like it, and if I can end up making anything of it, I'm inviting you. And our seed-ghost thinks Narnia might be a good place to launch it which now that I think of it seems super obvious. Especially if I make the portal to the rest of the Dreams I seem to be being asked to make by blasting a hole in the sky."

"OOooh I'd burn every one of them right now--but what good would it do. Do you think I can do like you? With heartforming? Help people?"

Mintie's feeding her toast.

"I think that's up to you. You have a different persepctive than me, and you're not like...Boobsong and me scream KINKY DEMON STUFF the minute you look at us, and we never take that off--huh. That's interesting. The Dreams say we can't see around this corner, or I can't anyway. I wonder what that means."

"That's the strangest thing. They said yes to me."

"Weird. I was going to say yes too. I guess I'm wham lined again."

"Strange. Well, that's done. How about pudding?"

I look down at my pizza. The last piece is in Boobsong's hands, waiting for me. I take a big chomp. In the box, is a circle of crusts.

"Yes, but I still have crusts to finish."

"Oh that's fine. I still have this toast to eat."

"In my day so far, this is the part where the Dreams drop some kind of huge wham line or freak out--why are you so confidently final? That's not just being a hobbit. What'd they say?"

"Oh, you'll see soon."


Moar pizza chomp. Piece is a third gone.

I munch thoughtfully.

"So where are you from?"

"I'm from Lexington. My sister sent me here after she came back. She said I had to meet you guys. We grew up there in a family of three children. How about you?"

"Of course that was your sister--"

The Dreams...nudge me to keep eating my pizza? Huh? I mean fine, I take another big bite and chew the stupid amount of hot pepperoni with some delicious pizza attached happily, but that's odd. I squeeze Boobsong and she makes a happy little squeak.

"Yup, here we are. There's another one in the parking lot. Your other sibling?"

Like this could be fun. Dessert! This is all very curious, though.

"Maybe, though I don't think she's as willing as I was."

Cleaning up like...Chernobyl...like really get my drill on. Oh the mold.

"Yeah. She's...clinging to something about--Anglicanism. Feeding off what poisons most. What're you getting about this, anything?"

Dove looks at nothing for just a second.

"This one's mine. I'm going out there. I'll be back in a minute."

She gets up from her seat, kisses me, and marches out the door.

I turn back to Boobsong and snom some more pizza. Just two bites left, and then it's time to much crusts.

What do you make of all this, dolly?

Where's that fucking now? Long time past your Boobsong says. Maybe waits for something here. Pizza? Eat. Hungry!

Oh maybe! That'd be a reason for the Dreams to nudge. I munch another bite. Just one left. You were saying...

Seems long time we're sitting here. Three implantations just in pizza shop! Two and girlfriend without leaving chair except Acme Station! So much happening your Boobsong's head feels like exploding.

Last bite. Munch. I wiggle it off and chew. Nothing happens yet except Boobsong looking up sexily with the crust held ready.

It's all been packing in so tightly. What's that mean? What's big hurry here? Don't have time travel? Lots we saw, but still pack everything tightly crammed into day today. Maybe there's something here that needs doing first all this other stuff? Where though?

Your Boobsong's thinking that we've been walking through something special here. Can't see Strawberry Hill. Can't see world outside. Acme Station scan just shows people waiting here. Why that's problem? Why can't go out there? People come in here.

We're already out there. It's keeping us from crossing our own timestream.

Or, no, it's a spiking to get to the apple thing with Jenner. Get our engine started. make a bunch of new friends like how we did with Rada after her vision quest (like with the help of monoliths), get us some places to stay, and load us up for our voyage.

I swallow my pizza and instantly take a big chomp of crust. Crunch cronch yum.

I keep setting up things in my head that seem like the point it'll be over. Why say over. Like isn't it the start? Meeting Dove and Mintie has been a delight.

Dreams, when does the page actually turn?

When Disney's cleaned up. Oh when the mouse has cleaned up, meaning Dove. Ooh dolly what art styles do you suppose they get in the Painted Sea?

I munch the other half of the crust very finger-lickingly, and Boobsong's eyes close in pleasure. This is so nice. Just munching away with my dolly being helpful. Okay but artstyles.

Sex has got to be a Disney girl. Just like the other one. Dove is hard to say. She could get painting, or maybe Pooh? Your Boobsong doesn't know that yet. Mintie could be anything. Strange daughter. Castle with laser grids for hobbit Princess. Why not hole? Magic not technology? Haven't seen moving yet. That's the strangest thing. Did something in castle time!

Fuck, even flesh and blood she never moved, did she, except talking! They're just made of curious? Not that it's bad stuff, but dolly are we being played somehow?

Her fear was so genuine your Boobsong can't see that. Even if reset time erased her mind, not get fear like that. Think they're just really weird.

I keep on munching crusts as we talk. The Sugarfreaks are almost done with their pizza. They've been a nice reminder to get, that ignored Sugarfreaks just get taken care of by my tentacles and are perfectly happy.

It's the situation that's weirdest. Probably just tilting at windmills, though there is that cryptic thing about the tour. I already know I know nothing about that though.

I suddenly look up. Above us the same old yellowed grody ceiling tiles Olympic Pizza has always had and will always have for eternity now or Acme Station is coming for you. Above them is the crawlspace with wires and stuff those are meant to make. Above that is the roof. There's no fizzpopping attic in Olympic Pizza. Dolly I heard that right, right, when we conflation-jumped just all around here? Mintie said five in the attic?

Yes. Your Boobsong saw that too. There's an attic space. There isn't supposed to be. Nowhere to put that. Why is that in here? Conflation jump found it but not make sense.

I whirl my eravahk at the shop. Click, scan!

Scanning around again. Not seeing anything weird...nothing but pizza shop there always was...maybe only conflation-jump gets there? What could the Dreams have done? That isn't part of this pizza shop! Maybe check that out after pizza's done? Eyes so begging?

I take the last of the crust she's holding, glance at the box. One third of a pie of crusts left. Cronch...

Which is to say hell yes, but this is hell of weird. Could even the Dreams do this?

Dreams do a lot of stuff that seems crazy. This is still up there. It's not here if we can't get in from here! Outside on top of roof? That's outside! Nothing above this place, just standard stuff. Electric and AC.

Oh, I bet it just only comes when we conflation jump. Did you see anything while we were jumped? I didn't pay attention.

Nothing but pizza shop. Something about this feels--Princess that scary thought! Danger around you that's hidden. Could the Dreams have put something there?

A blip of Siren-call trips my train of thought, but when I look up from it I want to cry.

Dolly that's following me everywhere. What's the sneaky part we don't see about this? What's the lie that's hiding bad stuff? How is my safe space not actually one how did a bad creepy attic get added onto my everywhere. I don't know what to do I feel like that's just following me everywhere and I must be making it so real somehow even Mintie could see it. I feel it. Hanging over. Like an attic full of bad stuff.

Mommy your Sugarfreaks have their eyes closed. Look at their happy sighs. Fairies have fear that you can't believe. You know that as well as anybody. If they feel okay here you can.

This is just my old pizza shop. This is just my old pizza shop. Just the same old place we always go. Weird stuff has happened here but it's the kind of weird stuff I always do and mostly I've been the creepy thing.

I keep on munching pizza crusts but it just feels so heavy.

Dreams can't you fill it in or something. They show me Sparkledust.

Maybe the only choice to make's how many megatons.

The Dreams show me a medal for that. Then before the crust is gone or after? Ask Boobsong.

Definitely after.

That's very decisive of you--oh. I chomp the last bite of crust out of her fingers, crunch it up, swallow.

Alright. Let's rock and roll. We'll stay here in this chair I think. That's the point. This is my safe place. Olympic Pizza.

Time to turn the lights on. Click, jump.


I turn a little light up. It's just kind of...nothing, nowhere, a non-place.

After all this fucking drama I think I've earned the right to say this. Maybe it'll become like a family motto or something.

I crank up all my passion, all the furious color and hope for what Paradise should be, and then blast it out.

Let there be light.

My head splits with the effort, I snatch for daddy's pudding and eat a bunch faster than I thought I could, and then blast the light out even harder.


Yes that's a crazy thing for a Sade to say but this isn't what Rl'yeh Sade does, that's been hanging over me. I'm letting there be antilight in it. I'm just shining at full blast to fill this little crack of nothingness all these nightmares come out of with furious light.

I see daddy for a moment. He says his little girl's grown up. I cry harder and let that fuel the fire more.


Daddy's partying.

The rainbow hills of the world I saw before in my vision while hitting the monolith take shape and then the beautiful flying landscape that became is there--I've jumped ahead. I look around. We're not anywhere particular, this doesn't have anywhere particular yet, but it's beautiful. It looks a lot like the place we built Heart Home in.

Tears explode as I see daddy as a little black dot far away to take in the huge halo of happy bright light he's pouring out.

Well done, he says. I understand the heart-sound as clear as my own thought, but it's daddy.


In my body projected there I make a little palms-down gesture of satisfaction I do sometimes I'd forgotten, and end the jump, click, and we're back in the chair of just plain old Olympic Pizza with my empty pizza box in front of me and the Sugarfreaks--are they playing patty-cake? It's about to make them cum--yup! They lean on each other and gasp their fun. So cute. That candy so worked.

I look around, still bristly mother-bird. Nothing funny is happening so I sink down a little. I'm watching, but I'm pretty sure there's no sneaky stuff here.

[!] Mommy that was the coolest thing. Take that, scary thoughts! Heart-START gun got fired today!

I love you so much. I kiss her on the head. Tentacles have taken the pizza box--

Right on cue, the door opens, and Dove and Mintie come back, and sit back down. Dove leans in for a kiss and I put a hand behind her head (hey, her hair's longer!) and kiss her now even softer and sweeter lips happily.

"Hey you."

"Cake. Now. I'll tell you everything but cake. How's your time been?"

I pat my tummy. "Oh, just filling in the cracks."

I know this voice. I make a massive forty-five degree slice of warm soft seven-layer quardruple-chocolate (sponge, creme, chips, swirl) with a stupid amount of chocolate frosting on another DP plate with a silver fork and white silk napkin all sitting there.

"That uses space-folding to be four times as chocolate as normal chocolate. I can make you normal or another kind but that voice says bring the chocolate and you knew who you were talking to."

She looks at me for a second with hunger, then turns to the cake and Mintie picks up the fork for he, gets a big bite of cake, and noms it, chews slowly, and swallows.

"Holy fuck. This is incredible."

Mintie feeds her another big bite, and she starts to relax a bit.

"I can candy you to have my sugar overload immunity, but I have a feeling a hobbit is up to this one."

"Oh believe I am. Okay. I went out there and there she was. Right at the door. So I said how would you like a little walk, and she looked me up and down and said who are you. Didn't recognize me AT ALL. Even Mintie in my arms wasn't enough. I gave her a hug and said I'm your sister and she said get off of me you dirty freak."

"Oof." I put a hand on her beautiful thigh like I've been wanting all night. She redoubles her cake efforts. I seem to think not too many people can handle this cake, but she's blowing through it.

"I pulled a Rainbow and just grabbed her and Mintie teleported us to this one small room in my castle with a window overlooking the village we drew in kindergarten except real. It's just an image but she recognized it and was like where am I. Your little sister's house, I said, and she groaned and tried to wake up like I did. It didn't work of course, so I waited while she tortured herself and made bite marks all up her arm and pulled hair and broke two of her toes kicking the wall. Finally she said this is hell, huh. I said no, you see hell because you make it. You did those bites and broke those toes. She said they're broken and I said Mintie scanned you. Your doll is alive, she said all scathing like she always does, and Mintie turned her head around all slow and creepy-like. My sister started screaming her head off. It was the best best thing. I know that's wrong but I can't help I like it. She ran around trying to escape and even tried to jump out the window except of course it had a forcefield so she just got zapped. She ran for a little bit but her broken toes wore her down real fast and finally she collapsed on the chair Mintie put in the room when she made it. I waited for her to stop gasping and said would like some coke or how about a piece of pie. She looked at me like what the hell, and her eyes kept on going to the back of Mintie's head, so I said would you like to see more of her. She looked so seriously demented like her brain was just flowing out her nose and I said it's okay, she wouldn't hurt her. My sister blew up and laughed at me and tried to walk out the door like it wasn't there. She broke her nose she hit so hard. I was starting to get worried so Mintie held her down for me with forcefields, and we poured nectar down her throat from a bottle Mintie filled up in another room. My sister groaned and was like what did you do to me and we watched her heal. It was terrifying because she spent the whole time trying to escape from the forcefields and her eyes kept on going between Mintie and my new outfit heh and she was like what did you do with my sister and I was like I am her and she just kept on saying just you dirty freak. Her fight blew out when I made her explain why she was saying what she called her sister to me if I'm not her. She just kind of looked at me for a while. Finally I asked her what she wants. To get out of here, she said, and I said soon you will, and be happier than you ever thought you could. She asked me what the hell I meant, and I said it's like what mommy said about heaven when we were young. There will be things there you can't imagine, and parts for your voice in the heavenly song that will call to so you can't help sing them. but it won't be like you imagine now. You have to believe you'll see the love when it gets to you."

I make a single little sniffle to tell her what an artist she is, but she keeps going on.

"She looked at me with her eyes half closed and started to pray our father, so of course your father cut in. He was looking so bright! I thought my eyes would melt and I was just seeing him in my heart. That was so great I can't even describe it. Her eyes flew open and she looked at me and said you did something and I said how am I going to hold the almighty back. There's not much time, he said to her--he was telling me too--to be saved before your damage destroys your soul. The last chance to save you is in her arms. Then he showed her visions of us as kids doing silly stuff like floor is lava and pony rides. He said where is this now, that was his favorite part. She broke through and her voice sounded distant but she said hardened right out of me by the rules you made. He said I don't want those rules, and she said why did you make them, and he said I didn't, the devil did. She looked at me pitifully and said help me now, and I gave her the speech you gave me about how toys put away are your hope in a box so let's let it out. She was crying and bawling just give me donkey then, and I said wish, and there he was, beautiful grey fur and everything. This is nuts, she said, and he licked at her, and she held him tight, and they leapt off the page of our book--that's the only way to describe it. I took some time and came back. Hi."

"Hey you." I pet her thigh, but don't try to get in the way of the very important cake eating for a kiss.

"That. Is epic. You really are full of iron and fire, I was right. Ones like that are brutal on you. Your sister made her own fun. But look how beautiful it ended up. And congratulations on your first seed-kid! May it be the first of many."

"I took a big lesson from your stuff. Seeing you fight it was clear how it made your hell. You were so certain it was your hell you left me here with the promise to break me free. If you could be that blind my sister would be worse, I knew. It prepared me. Thank you."

"I...can't say you're welcome when I didn't mean to do anything, but I'm glad that helped you. I'm glad it did anything useful. While we're on thanks, what you said when I got mad before, about how you like that stuff, was so huge. Thank you."

Her cakes all gone.

"And I'm refilling that plate until you tell me to stop."

"Keep going please. I'm just getting started here."

"A true hobbit then."

I make her another slice, smiling, and think about my own, but what I want is Pepperidge Farm cake brought to me by my dolly and she's not getting off my lap right now. I squeeze her tight, wiggle my hips under her.

Welcome to the new page. Chapter turning means rules change. Resetting all rules but the following:

Bell to put fuck starting in your hands. Time rules are lifted. Beg to remake them.

Princess game: have to use Boobsong instead of your hands when available

Succubus Game as in old times

What do you say this new chapter is?

Surround with love until your heart is warm.

When does the next chapter turn?

When your day at Strawberry Home ends and the night starts.

What hard stuff does this next chapter have?

The pain of memories forgotten.

What question should I ask about it?

[ Vision: Earth symbol / tractor ]

Plowstar. How should I prepare for this next chapter?

[ Vision: superman S / decreasing graph / lemon poppy cake / inverse comet / fool diamonds / curves ruler ]

Put away all the superhero savior stuff. Have some dumb fun. Don't look for portents of doom. Just jump into things. Go see the Rainbow Cathedral.

Is there anything else I should know before we start on this?

You will not need pressure to have a good life. Put away those collars.

Yeah. Dolly, like cold-store them or something. Click, disable. Click, bury.

EEEee! Pulling off parts of them...burying them far deep down in amber cell. Brush off hands.

Be accepting of your handmaidens' help remembering. Don't be afraid to go back to them with empty mind.

Take pride in your being Princess Starlight. Do not hide when you can show your face.

Be adventuresome. Starlight Princess is a sweet show where the scary shots led to more fun times.

You have no implanting to do for a while.

Use Boobsong constantly. She has a part in every scene.

Okay. Now what will my Siren-sense tell me about all this? Shigeru's part of things (like as alongside Steve and Walt), follow the trail of candy. That's all I get. That sounds cool, though. Yeah. That's a big missing piece. All those games and stuff.

Then the Dreams add: The first page of a fairytale. It's time for Starlight Princess.

[ Vision: purple hardcover book corner ]

See how the pages are crisp and new? It means your Boobsong is freshly ready for anything. She is. Just say command.

It's like her words uncork the horniness that's been hiding away. Pointing my eravahk to our hips, my hands, and my mouth in turn, I rattle off commands: Click, grind! Click, touch! Click, kiss!

With bouncy smiling-snarly enthusiasm she starts to roll her hips very maddeningly just like I have a big clit pinned under her she's trying to stroke, turns and stretches up to kiss me as I lean down to her open, softly horny lips so full of hungry need, her hands find my hands and her fingers push between mine and stroke like my fingers are pussy lips as I run one hand down to just tease and explore her mound while the other cups her breast and riffles over her hard hard nipple like slow bzzzzt-ing the corners of a book's pages. Her mouth opens submissive and hopeful and I tease with just a bit of long tongue, then lick at the tip of her tongue and it's instantly up and pushing into my mouth, tangling and slipping so weird-slick-good over mine (her whole mouth is pussy-slick inside and just as soft, except her teeth), and we both coo happily.

Aaaah that's good.

I don't think we'll fuck quite yet. It feels like that's waiting on some kind of fun something.

[ Food metaphor: making chocolate cookies in fun shapes ]

Yeah, exactly. We writhe and kiss a while longer, then I look up and at the cake on the counter, imperiously point my eravahk at the entire top tier, and click bring, sit (lap), feed.

Boobsong slinks off my lap, chain strings out from the base of her tail to my eravahk again, and she skips the half a skip, tiptoes to get it down flashing her purple-hot and drippy-wet pussy at me with her tail held high, lifts the top of the cake off looking up at it with that intent careful playful expression she always gets doing stuff for me, takes it down and shifts her grip so she has it on her forearms like she's going to present a dress to me, turns back to me and pauses with it held there, held so her arms bring her cleavage up so beautifully, untiptoes and pauses while I rake her up and down with my eyes--

"Oooh yeah."

--and then she sexily steps back to the table like she's walking on a balance beam, bends with tail up and ass out to set the cake in front of me, gets kissed hard with my hand on her chin, bounces up and tosses her hair (and so boobs), and then drops to the floor and crawls up to me on hands and knees so she can press against me as she climbs up and slinks back into my lap (holy melting cumdaes YUM) to immediately pick up a corner piece of cake and pry the top frosting off and present it. I get my hands on her boobs and down by her mound as soon as she's in reach.

The whole way, her face is a billion degree smile that looks like she's explode into cheering joy any moment. All is well in Boobsong-land.

I take the whole top layer in three bites, suck and lick her fingers so she moans and squirms, and then nom up the chocolate goodness as Boobsong starts separating the next layer of cake.


"You guys have horniness down to an art. I want to lean."

I take a big bite of cake, chew a moment, and turn to Dove to grin, then look at Boobsong.

"Boobsong here's the real artist. What advice do you have for them, dolly?"

"Always take everything slowly. If you wait just one half second, your horny mind will make up some way of being arousing. Don't take self seriously. Biggest part. Horny sex is stupid fun. Always be able to tell yourself, this might look dumb, but it sure is fun! There's a lot to say here. Do you like to stay clothes-on, Mintie?"

"Oh I haven't got to show you. I can't right now because Dove's eating, but I have a you-form."

"Then you can use all these tips. Princess, please have tail-touch command?"

I take another bite of cake with lots of suggestively licking her fingers like they're clits, grin, and click, send.

Boobsong's tail squidges up between us pressing on my boob and reaches out for Mintie, and Mintie puts her finger out, and they touch, stay for a moment, Boobsong's tail starts to come back but I grab it so I can give its pussyful barb a nice big lick and a kiss on the end--


Waves of pleasure up tail...

"Thanks so much, mom! May I call you mother? It feels more right for me."

"It sounds more right!"

"You guys like bikinis. I'm going to get one. Maybe that's our first outing. Get Dove's closet filled up with good stuff. What do you say, want to go to Macy's?"

How. Is she so. Perfect.

"Why Dove, are you asking me on a date? Hell yes. Bikini shopping is the only thing better than wearing them. Maybe."

Wait a minute. There's no way my fixing America didn't make malls into what they're supposed to be.

"Can we go to the one downtown? There's something I need to pick up near there. Oh and a stop nearby--"

"The library. Need together...that's it, huh."

"Maybe there's a reason it's a library. We all like Jack and John's work, so maybe there's a prize there?"

"A prize in a library sounds good! If this is what pizza shop food's like in paradise, what kind of books does that library have?"



"Why...are you guys smiling that way?"

"Let's just say...we know where a real library is."

"Okay this I have to see. Where is it?"


Moar cake snom. Cold chocolate yumminess fills me. Pepperidge farm remembers. Lemon poppy forgets. Forget your old life, except the parts you still want back. Maybe my cake's black, because I want the whole thing.

Take the tour to Narnia, the Dreams say, as flat as that. Start there. But like, the full-blown, big travelling circus of the Starlight Princess tour.

"Now that's big. Are you guys going back on tour?"

Whoah--oh. Oh I know what to do.

"Yeah. I think so. You have to invite us like you did or we aren't coming, though. No venue's too small but who knows when we get there--"

Some kind of upgrade, Susan's hunting horn. The ability to hear and respond to those kind of calls. Those you would think could never be allies, will be. Lovers.

Movie Sign or emergency calls would be a chore though. These will come as letters, and we should answer as our alien scifi selves.

And...what...OH! Except in Middle Earth we'll be Istari. Rainbow the...Rainbow, hehe. And her draconic helper. But that's just all the more reason to crank up the alien hypertech fun, say the Dreams. Acme Station something--oh! What're we waiting for, hehe. I can get way hotter than the fires of Mount Doom. That'll get us in good. Oooh we could do a whole like "well actually dragon's fire should work just fine" thing. Oh. Starfire. 

"Are you guys getting this?"

I nod.

"Well what can I do--Paradise is calling you to invite me this time. How does that figure, I'm the hobbit here--oh you're Istari! That makes sense of it. It's me who can reach them, you're just my guide."

And then zillions of people in Disney worlds. Steamboat Willy's steamboat lining them up like one of those machines for setting up dominos. That one's simple though. I mean do I even need to say it. I'm their Fairy Godmother, and if I don't get a talking thingy companion, I mean what do you think Disney even is? Yeah, be a real Fairy Godmother and hand out Prince(sse)s along with Princess transformations. That sounds relaxing really. Yeah. We'll be unstoppable, say the Dreams.

Snif. That will be so healing. If they're just happy and full of wishes.

"I just saw what you get after--during--when you feel like a relaxing game. That's no fair, I want to play--hehehehe--"

She laughs harder, doubles over her cake plate, looks up again, eyes streaming, still laughing.

"I--sniffle--this is the cutest thing--I get to make kids' toys alive! That's so sweet!"

"That's why you wouldn't say about that tour idea! That's so perfect though. You'll be as unstoppable at that as we will as kinky Fairy Godmothers."

Dove holds out her plate.

"More please."

I grin, lean in to kiss her, and make her another slice, then go for another bite of my cake. About half the top is gone now. It's definitely a chocolate-needing time.

"Do you like kids?"

"Oh yes, they're wonderful! I don't expect you to--"

"No no, I was just thinking, you need to meet my friend Pinkie. She bakes like that."

I nod at Dove's cake.

"And she adores kids. And parties. You'd like her. She's silly like me but she's a real Earth type."

"Should we invite her shopping?"

A game--oh for the Sugarfreaks! Okay that's the cutest. Get them all snowsuits, yes, oh a giant snowball fight before the show! At--okay. And I should make--okay.

"Oh maybe! Hmm--wait that reminds me. This is kind of important. Hey Peanut."

She and Butter are leaning on each other resting, all cummed out. She looks, blissfully exhausted. I put my closed fists together and Form Blazing Sword (with purple glow) a black heartstone eravahk with a peanut-shaped end, but controls just like mine.

I hold it out to her, handle first, and she takes it, holds it up in front of her face with a wicked grin, and clicks it at Butter, who starts lazily but happily playing with her own breasts. Peanut starts inspecting her new eravahk, testing its sproingyness, feeling its balance.

"I have a job for you. There's a giant snowball fight with every Sugarfreak at the Washington Mall in a few hours, so you all need to go shopping for snowsuits, and I want you and your pet to get the word out. Except you can't talk at least until they're all at the snowball fight, so you'll have to use your pet, which will be extra fun, because she's going to be (your) clicks only other than my tentacles at least until the snowball fight's done. Could be stuck forever if you like it of course. You know how my tentacles do."

She nods very blushily, clicks Butter to stop--oh, so she can play with her pussy. Hehe.

"Okay Sugarfreaks--eighteen thousand!? How do you keep track of them? Oh your tentacles. I remember this. They keep track of our lives to the smallest thing. If you leave Earth, do they go? No they keep watching here. They just told me. It's weird that they're inside my head. Can that stop--it did. Aah."

Siren-sense--the book where Earth needed them is over. I mean I've figured that, the Dreams would just take over if I took them away. Or they decided to leave, however that would work. But I guess important to know a lot of people will be shooing their nosiness away for good, like Dove. That'll change things with them a lot.

Remember about Walt...well of course Walt's invited to my birthday, and Steve and Shigeru, too, and any guests they want--oh and daddy. I mean of course he should come! However that works. Though I guess that might have been a question this morning. Oh fuck, the court don't know--well, they'll have a very interesting couple of minutes. Frazzlepops, am I letting them come? Maybe it balances. If they come they get to spend Heartwarming with creeptastic shade me. If they don't, they get to pretend none of this ever happened. I can tell you which one I'd pick. I think I'll let them. How do you feel about that, dolly?

Your Boobsong remembers the last days of our life in Strawberry Home. They'll be too scared to show their faces there for a long time, she's sure of it.

If they do come she's expecting some kind of healing. She thinks they'll be different now. Jenner was really the problem. It doesn't seem fair that they lost the sight of you but if they don't it's like saying there was no problem. Once you've sacrificed someone a piece of them is destroyed. Having your sight gone only takes out a little piece of their life.

she will burn up your ransom and demand a full refund of your passion fruit taking

Funny how that prophecy keeps going.

Each invitation is delivered already.


I shake off the little snatch of bullet time that's cropped up. Where were we...

"They can butt out of your life entirely if you want, though they'll be around if I am."

"That's okay, I just don't like the mind-reading."

How about psychic contact with your girlfriend?

"AAAH! How'd you--"

I remember this now! [Vision: chocolate chip muffin]

Yum! [Vision: big fancy heart-shaped chocolates box]

You remember dreamtalk?

Everyone's doing it! Come on, the devil won't get you THAT way. It's only for people you know enough. You don't know the devil, do you? Eyebrows raised.

I shake with laughter, get even more cake. I love this thing where I feel full but never overfull. We're about two-thirds through the cake top now, I've been snomming away. This stuff is so good.

I mean it IS just kything, really, I suppose.

She gulps her cake and stares.

"You read Madeline L'Engel!?"

"I promise not to take you to any two-dimensional planets. Maybe. I mean people think the Painted Sea is sometimes but that's a--"

"Rainbow, reach for thoughts about where she is now."

Her voice is low and epic. Um...wait, what the fuck? Yeah her family life hurt but she imagined all that stuff--this'll take both of us. To cut through this knot. Okay but what's happening to her? She's exiled. It's tricky because she could imagine. She'll be all over paradise, wandering. Jenner's apple!? 2.0. An adventure. Okay but heh--oooh. Muahahah.

"Okay, are you getting this? About the adventure? Because I have an idea."

I send up a mental wave. I think that's an eyebrow waggle coming back.

"Yes. We can open a crack for her to get heartforming. We need someone else, too--"

"You mean we've got a pretty good Mrs. Who and Mrs. Which, but we're missing our Mrs. Whatsit?"

"I'll get you my pretties--wait, that's the wrong one. Teeth can be provided, I'll tell you that. Grandmother Strawberry will be happy to be Mrs. Whatsit for you. Not havin' any trouble being corporeal though. Am I, Turkey-leg? Tch tch tch..."


"That's your grandmother. Okay now I'm scared. Has she been watching all of this?"

"She's keeping an eye on me until I get my feet. It's really been a hell of a day, I've been glad for it."

"And it's just about time for that to end. When you leave this pizza shop, I'll be there for you, but your mind is your business."

I exhale--and go for more cake. Three-quarters gone now. NOM NOM NOM. Boobsong gets a squeeze, and squeaks.

"That's big. Okay. I appreciate it so much, Grandmother."

"Oh, you'll be fine. You're welcome, though."

Heh. Yeah. That's really huge though. That's like a hospital discharge. Even if I feel like I still have bandages.

"We have to leave immediately! She can't stay stuck like that--"

I put my hand on her shoulder, then thigh, and she stops.

Okay Dreams I see the lesson here but not how to teach it to her. Oh. Do do that one. Okay...

"Before you came here, four very sweet new Redeemed who'd been reborn twenty minutes earlier were here so I could introduce them to things. They didn't know anything but to look for me, like about what was going on or anything. They were all chomped the same way we are, and I'm talking and talking, and I gave them candy to make them horny, and really I'm filling time because I thought the best way to learn about that was to get fucked, which just being horny enough would cause. It kept not happening until finally they all grabbed me and put me on the table--I'm apparently strong enough to hold myself four on one--and started going to like, see if they could make Boobsong fuck me. That was all nice and hot, but then our seed-ghost sent it real weird by saying they weren't going to get fucked--we'd explained all that by then it went on so long--unless they each had a glass of Boobsong's nectar. Then the Dreams said there was no other way and that they'd make us, because their seed-ghosts wouldn't make them fuck any other way. That's when it got bad. I freak out if it's not Boobsong in charge ultimately, remember. Like if in any given situation we can't just nope out to Acme Station like you guys with your castle. Which like, we could have done then, except...then those poor Redeemed would still be waiting, when we got back. They had no way to make me give the command that makes her make that much nectar, but it doesn't matter. Do you see why? And why I'm telling you this? We got out and it was no problem. I'm honestly a little mad because it was a hot scene until the pressure came. But like. I've been saving this world for thirty years. That scene...I'm realizing why it had to be like that as I try to explain it. Do you get this?"

"You're exhausted, and you can't keep fighting to save everyone, and you can't be made anymore. If they don't get your help, they'll get someone else's."

"Yeah," I whisper, voice gone. 

Just to have her see this stuff.

"Let's find out where she really is. Um. Tessering around...playing medium...giving talks...surfing!?...hanging out with daddy...driving her truck...she had a close shave with unravelling but hit the right dreamskin and her heartchild saved her. It was Boobsong fishing that implanted her...using a Star Wars dreamskin!? Wait hold up we've got Madeline L'Engel for a seed-daughter!?"

"That's incredible. Star Wars--ooooh. I bet I know what she implanted with. I bet it was those fur-things. You guys did Chewie, right? That's impossible, you're lesbians--I guess you can't tell what's under all that fur. I mean what else could have got her, unless she thought Darth Vader was hot--there's just no way, but what else could it be?"


"Weeeooo BRAAAP!"

"Okay that's just--no. I don't believe it. Who are you, you can't be C-3PO--but you can be the Princess who escaped the apocalypse!"

"Okay search your feelings here, but I think we might've just tripped over kind of a doozy."

My Siren-sense says yes here, but the ramifications...

Dove is having a light went on it nearly blinded me moment.

"Rainbow I don't want to panic you, so take like little steps as you look at this, but try seeing some Star Wars stuff."

Sounds like this might need cake. I take an extra bite, and then Rainbow the Siren looks for what she's talking about.

Newspaper article. Oh, movie ad, like first run of Episode IV. Okay--wow that looks like me. Minus like four cupsizes but even outlandish space opera can stretch credibility only so far. Or a lack of bra (that karate gi makes much more sense now, approve). Otherwise identical-seeming...and Luke never gets a love interest...but the real question is:

"Who on Earth then looked that much like me!? How did--"


"Exiled Princess alright! Nobody ever notices their being twins makes him Prince Luke! Fuck, even the name, Lucy, Luke--okay, if I'm seeing this right, this wasn't us this time. He aimed it right through a gap in the mind control...daddy totally stuck a me-and-Boobsong dreamskin right in the middle of the most popular scifi movie of all time! She can't be those busted-ass ships they all fly, but R2 sure is mysteriously always shiny and never defeated by any hacking task! HAH! Good one, daddy! This is nuts, I wonder how many kids we have off of this?"

"Erum, I think I just saw a ringworld made of Boobsong-kid faces."

"If you read Larry Niven I'm calling bollocks. Something is going on here."

"I droud it's anything ptavv-ularly worth scrithing over, but I kzinti disagree."

"Angel is ready with pencil for note-taking. So many Children, she can't Beowulf it!"

"Maybe I'm getting too hyper with this but I think we have a blind spot here you could fit an exploding galaxy in. Also I would've called Shenanigans if you hadn't called bollocks, so, yeah."

Um...Dreams...lake of blood isn't--

"You're my sister."

She's staring. I stare back.

"Yeah. I..."

I reach out and she takes my hand right away, holds it tight. Her eyes shine. Not literally, but it's beautiful.

A glimpse of daddy shining like when I was filling that crack. That's the answer I need.

"How--I--thought you all died except Rada--"

Time dilation of some kind. She somehow landed in America.

"Incest is nothing to me. You're incredible and hot and I wanna--well make out until Mintie and Boobsong fuck us but you know what I mean! Is that going to freak you out?"

She jumps up and kisses me with an arm around my neck and I kiss back as hard as I can, grab her thigh and she opens her legs and I pet the inside of it and see a flash of daddy so happy and then Dove pulls back and I pant lustfully.

Yes, Dreams, Luke I am your father heh--wait that's not stars thats snow--

"Dayum. Okay epic night, right?"

We're still holding onto each other, she's looking at my face interestedly, me hers, she nods a little.

"It's understandable if you didn't notice when you found out you're Santa Claus. I missed it too until just now."

She lets go of my neck, and straightens up, but looks down, then just starts cackling and shaking with it.

"I bring the best presents ever!"

Gasping, she tries to steady herself, braces her hand on the table. Daddy's so happy. I guess this is a good day for him.

"Do I get a Santa hat? Make me one, I wanna look the part! Except for the beard."

I make it right on her head, and then a floating mirror in front of her face for a moment. She starts adjusting the hat.

"We were all supposed to have holidays. I'm the Sugarfeast Fairy."

I give the mirror a monogrammed handle matching the other stuff I've been making.

"That's not a holiday I know--ooh, yes it is. Sugarfeast is the new year, then Revelry, Openveil, and Heartwarming--that's my day. It's like Christmas but has more of a food focus. That's okay with me! I still bring you presents though."

I can see her mouth below the mirror. The hat's making her smile.

"Holy fizzbubbling Openveil muffins with sugar syrup still hot from the oven upside down in my asshole. We're all accounted for. That means our sister--I've been saying my brother to people because--oh forget it--our sister is out there. She's okay, Boobsong and I implanted her and then that was the dreamskin we used to free daddy. SHE'S IN THE STRAWBERRY WORLD! The Dreams just showed me! That means all four of us are alive and okay and heartforming. And we'll meet our sister if you come to my birthday which PLEASE come. The only one you can't meet is Rada because I think she may have slightly exiled herself for the next twenty thousand years or so although don't let me come between you our issues aren't about you."

I snatch for a bite of cake then turn back to Dove. It's the last of that piece, so Boobsong gets a nice sexy finger-lick.

"Of course I'm coming you silly hen!"

"Or...it sounds like she might be back from exile a lot sooner? I guess it's me then. I'm still real hurt from stuff, I need some time without her. Which no doubt means I'm going to get my ass kicked into being okay in like five minutes instead--or, no. There's a long story before that. Sorry it can't just be all good and stuff."

She takes the mirror down, looks at the handle, touching it.

"That's why that lesson about saving Madeline L'Engel then. I'd be terrified, but it's okay if I miss this one. It's okay if I miss every one. I don't wanna start yet. Is that selfish? No that's the whole point. Okay then I wanna start next year."

"Good, because we have bikini shopping to do."

Probability it's all so cool she starts this year anyway, dolly?

Lots. Her smile is just getting more every second. You were this way, remember that?

Yeah. Heh. Let's give her time though.

Why is that big Heartwarming tree at the Pru tickling my Siren--oooh. Muahahah. AAHAHAHAH! Let's just go to ALL the malls downtown, Dove!

"Paradise has a very weird way of giving exactly what you didn't know to ask for.  I just saw your sister floating in an X-15 with her head picked out so I could see it good. She had the happiest grin. I know she's safe now. That's good enough, I don't have to go find her. I can stay here and party with my girlfriend. All we all incest freaks? Because I'm liking you and it's not getting less from this."

"The incest sure wasn't what was wrong with my other sister. Did you see daddy cheer when we kissed? This has gotta be by design. I also have to ask...favorite airplane? Because only aviation freaks both recognize an X-15 and know to say floating if they see the engine off and not the ground blurring toward it."

Her face lights up as I talk.

"The X-15 is fairly a brick with engines on it! It must have been floating. I only saw stars so I figured it was in space somewhere. Where do we fly, I want to go up there! My favorite airplane is the De Havilland Comet. It's just so cool-looking. Are we really designed to be--that's a yes, okay! Alright well that worked, papa! He says I can call him papa, whee! This is getting a little bit dizzying, can we talk about something incredibly bland for a minute?"

Her voice has been taking on the excited cooeyness of a really friendly drunk. It's adorable and I like it, aNd ReLAtAbLE, but, yeah. Not everybody's lifeblood is Sugarfeast.

I make her a big mug of hot chocolate (DP again), she takes it and chugs.

"So, I'll try, but I am the Sugarfeast Fairy. Um. Do you like the song lyrics game? You know, like, say something relating to the situation like how I'm starting to think with all these wham lines we won't be done until our heads fall off."

"That's incredible! There's just no end to these guys!"

My mouth falls open, as if I should be surprised.

"If these keep on coming, there'll be no denying it, we'll have to say you're family. There's so many hints you'll crumble trying to catch all of them!"

"You've got to be kidding. Next you'll have my eyes pulled out to feed your raven friend!"

"That sounds violent. I might need a hand with my chainsaw for that one."

"Is there anything we don't agree on? How about tea? Earl Grey or Mint Tea?"

"I'm really more of a coffee girl, so when it's tea I like Mint better because Earl Grey is like why not just have coffee, even if it does make me feel like Picard."

"You're kidding me. You know why Mintie is named that, surely."

"Okay favorite color then."

"Okay that's gotta be. Cerulean."

"AHA! Just look at Boobsong. Tie between purple and antilight."

"Okay there we go. What does this mean, are we like duplicates?"

"He must have made us to get along, but sheesh! I mean nectar is making you a hobbit though--oh but that's just our holidays. We found archetypes that go with us. Except I remember my first moments and I looked like this."

"Maybe we were all supposed to look like you--he's really upset at that. Okay, I'm supposed to be different! Why would that bother--he says it's the way I asked. He thinks I'm beautiful this way. He was worried I thought I got messed up."

I lean down and kiss her quickly.

"You look so good like this. Do you hear your voice changing? It sounds so perfect for you, all warm and hearty."

"Oh my fuck, you're right, it's deep! It feels good like this. Nectar is changing me slow, but your finger was fast. What keeps it from making me a hobbit that way?"

"It's probably just going as fast as you can process. When I was turned into a boy, Boobsong's would fix my wounds right away, but it waited until we had a minute before it turned me back into a girl."

"You keep saying you've been through hell today. That's real, huh."

"I wasn't kidding when I said I've had a very annoying three days. Officially Siren-sensing that it's partytime, though, so we can chill. I don't wanna go back there right now."

I turn back to Boobsong a second to give her a gropy snuggle and a kiss with our tongues meeting and get more cake. So beloved little toy. The cake's down to like four pieces left.

"Oh but like, I guess we failed at bland. Was there something you had in mind you wanted to talk about? Because if not--ooh the Dreams think we should take our sister shopping. That sounds cool!"

"Let's go get her then! I'm about done with this."

She nods to her bit of cake left.

Stay in Boston? Ooh--

"I want to finish this up, but then, yes, except I think we should see if she can come to us. My handmaidens will be hurt if I don't look in on them and that's going to be big because I just rescued all of them from hell, and normally I'd just be like, just gotta do it, like seeing them is hardly a trial, and we'd all be a terror marching around the malls, but. Like I'm not really sure how my sister is. Stars have shells, right, and ours are human, but my sister lost her human shell somehow, or never got hers, but instead of being born as a human baby she made a shell for herself, but like...it wasn't so good. Like imagine a five year old having to build a car, but it's the machine that holds your consciousness instead of a brain. It was made out of writing, like you notice we're bookworms, but...I could read enough of it to see it was crayon scribbling and all of it was screaming DADDY WHERE ARE YOU under what it was doing. She spent like I don't know how long that way, but she was stuck in a dark hole, not living a life on Earth. She's heartforming and looked a lot better after Boobsong and me saved her, and Uncle Dagon said she's like, standing up, but, she might need some attention, if you know what I mean, so maybe it's better if it's just us and our heartchildren, this time. You are coming to visit though and I'm gonna candy myself extra toes to put gravel between if you don't at least get the chance to stay the night with us all."

"Now you're talking! Got a bed all made up for her. Yours!"

"I'm staying the night in a Princess' bed. Count me in, but how do we get our sister here?"

"Oh, she'll drop by when you leave that place. She's very dramatic, that one is."

"Uh oh. Her holiday's Revelry. I guess she's okay enough to get that part!"

Alright you know what not for Rada but I need to know how she's doing.

"Aww! She's like reading up on my life right now. I guess she's been catching up then. Oh and don't forget you're a Princess yourself, Princess Dove Proudfoot. The first?"

How obscure can this go?

"Alright well now we have to play SpaceWar. Does MIT have theirs going?"

"This is insane. Next you'll be making VR gear out of a saltine box and saying Hello Man to me as I stare through the world from the sheer insanity of this!"

"YOU played Spectre!? It only sold like ten copies! What else is there? Okay there's no way this works. Haiiiiiiyaminahaminayamina HOOOOO!"

Hardcore, and also whoah. That's the intro to a .mod (like .midi but more hipster) from the nineties whose name I don't even remember.

"You're very incredible, to have so much in common with this Boobsong's Mommy. You can't be as far as this though. Eeep. Eeep. Eep-eep. Eep. Eep. Eep-eep."

"That's the Zelda game watch. Have you guys played the patched ROM for Seiken Densetsu III? Like the English one?"

Oooooh. Muahahah. Seiken Densetsu III exists only in the rewrite, because in the real world, Secret of Mana and Crono Trigger were one game, and about five times as big as both of them.

"Yes...ish. Couldn't get into it. Okay you like StarFox. What's your favorite edition?"

"Oh the N64 one definitely. You--why is my head--OUCH! I thought we were done having stuff pinch my head!"

"I prefer StarFox CD, personally. When I'm not playing Starlight Princess games of course."

"How can there be--wait a minute. You made Nintendo and Sony finish the Playstation! Starlight Princess games--OUCH! Okay that's not fair. You must have made them."

The Dreams nudge...oooh.

"Goddess of the Springtime festival, lust, candy and su'khora fertility must just be making dating sims and porn games, right? She's gotta be the most peaceful one of them."

"You made games with violence. Work that anger out on the screen, you said. Blood and guts and everything."

"It's not the same otherwise. You have to amp it up because it's not happening to real people."

Something with an action-adventure game--ooh. Huh.

"I mean or just warez yourself an A-10."

"Your insanity never stops. You can just do that here. Pirate Device warez me soda pop!"

It appears on the table, a plastic two-liter in an ice-filled champagne bucket.

Shadow puppets--ooh. And...hm...how to...bounce off it...ah.

"So Mintie...I wanna not overexpose this just in case things are different, but, how much like your mother would you guess your loadout is? Don't have to give details."

"I think it's a matter of pushing the buttons right. I have some hard toys that don't get the love they need."

I purse my lips, then peck Boobsong on the lips and get more cake.

"Can you make sure everything that needs to surfaces, for this game?"

"Oh I've have that uncovered."

"Okay. Has she got something else than a bikini she needs to try on tonight?"

"We'll get there."


Spice it up. Wait, really? Press that button? This is terrible. Can't we just make her cum or something? Still guns, doctors orders. Fine but give her something to chew on once she gets her teeth out.

I look at the soda a second, then at Dove.

"You're such an incredible sister to have. It makes my blood boil when I think how much stuff there's been in both of our lives that seems to be just to keep us from having a proper relationship with our father."

That didn't do nothing, but...

"To say nothing of the fact that Christianity almost killed my sister by saying specific parts of his intentional design for her were bad so hard she thought she should just die. I almost didn't get to meet you because of that. You had to have Mintie in a box for years because of that--"

She lights up like a lightbulb, with furious firelight incandescence.

"I can glow. Wait a minute, I'm a star!"

She holds up a glowing hand to look at, wondering.

"Yup! Your light is your feelings. The Dreams made me mad to get my up when I was low too. I hate that it has to be that way but that's what they say to me."

Her glow fades. Happy thought now? Ooh.

"You have Mintie, now, though. It does me good to see you hold onto her so tight. I bet she has some really great stuff to tell you, if you ask."

Dove looks at Mintie and hugs her even tighter. I think I recognize what it looks like when Boobsong and me talk in our minds. In no time, she's glowing bright white.

When I go for cake, Boobsong has the frosting-top from the next-to-last piece ready. I chomp it up and pull her fingers in my mouth, lick so teasingly, then turn back to Dove, who's looking down at herself and glowing different colors. This is the cutest.

Can I see her astrally? Gulpsnif, this tiny little spark, flaring insistently, but it's the astral, so I can see detail...there's Mintie, a blue haze with machines inside...and there's my sister, little and glowing, shining different colors. She still looks almost out. We have to do something.

I think...looks like...her box top. She can but she'll have to get furious but she can do it on purpose. I know where we can get some encouragement. I think that means get this in the oven.

"When Boobsong and me got back from our sodamoon, Jenner was still there and she still had that fizzfrozen box, like it'd get anything but a repeat performance of the last time she made us put her in there. I burned it to cinders with my light. I bet you've got enough rage built up to light your box top up real good. When I finish this cake, wanna go out there so all my fans can watch and see what you can do? They'll be polite for this, they just know I'm a gropeslut. They are going to freak to meet you, though. This is a big deal, having my lost sister back."

She looks up at me.

"I can't do it. It's too many people. There were ten thousand out there, easily, just in this street alone, and it sounded like they were all over town!"

"A stage is armor. I fly when I need some, or get up on a big giant stage. I know you like to stay ground level, but maybe you need a royal carriage or so? I used to ride on the roof of mine for parades and stuff. It was done up like a double decker bus with railings and seats and everything. You'll wanna be high up to be seen anyway."

"That would be easy to get if she's up for it. Do you have any ideas for how to get out to the road? Everything's packed so you can barely walk, a carriage would never fit."

"Oh that's easy. Check this out--um, hang onto your tits everyone."

Checking...the Sugarfreaks are plugging their ears now. I pull a deep breath in and take out my voice of Royal Command. Boobsong puts my cake down for a second.


The Dreams put up a little forcefield to protect the last piece of cake, and the Sugarfreaks look like they're in a small hurricane for a second, but they come out grinning and eyes shining. Fearsome Keeper is a happy thing to Fairies.

Then I do a little twitch of bzzbuh shaking it off, and open my mouth for cake Boobsong grinningly gives.

Dove stares, open-mouthed.

"That will work, I believe it. Can you really just...go on stage and just do things? You don't have to practice?"

"Never have I messed up worse on stage than when I tried to prepare for it. If I just dive in and just do stuff, it goes okay. Actually it goes mysteriously good, like I find myself doing this crazy symbolic stuff I didn't even know I was setting up, stuff like that. If you're made like me you're probably the same."

"I guess we can try, but I'm scared I'll embarrass you."

My eyes widen.

"You haven't seen one. Our stage shows. You don't know. Dolly help me out here, how do we explain why our stage shows give Wreck-Gar misty eyes?"

"That's a tough question. Jiggling around naked makes stuff wet, but it isn't your Boobsong's eyes that drip. What if we try to show a little bit of our style on the roof, and she can watch from here?"

"AUGH THE ROOF! I really am an airhead sometimes. Is the roof of a building okay? I love Boobsong's idea, just, heights-wise."

"That sounds fine. Can you really just go like this? Aren't you terrified?"

I sigh.

"It's been a hard day and I'm still really emotional. I guess I am kinda scared I'll go up there and not make this stupid enough."

"You guys are just doing your stage show in here with me! It's been making me laugh so I'll pee myself! I thought you were just funny!"

"Oh. I guess we are, huh. Like, we're just like this. We do the same stuff in our heads when we're alone."

"But that isn't who I am."

"No, and it had better not be because I like you just as you are. You're sweet and sexy and kind and wise and I think they'll adore you. I'm just saying, like, if you wanna embarrass us faster than we can embarrass us, you'd better get scheming becuase you've got a tall-ass mountain to climb. We've been practicing for thirty years. Also, different as we are, there's been no Stella too Obscura for you to know what we're talking about so far, so you might get out there and find some hidden depths. Maybe there's a real Dungeon of Doom hiding in you."

"Let's play! Vat's your name? And your next of kin?"

I almost drop my cake and I'm not even holding it.

"That's impossible. Next you'll be telling me we're en route to Tazakend while I toy with my bauble and whine about my tender head."

"You have to keep going and not get partly fried so I don't have to batter and boil and fry you again!"

"It wasn't the same after they stopped using beef tallow."

"I disagree. It was better. It was too meat before that, I couldn't taste the potato. Holy fuck we found something."

I grin wide--huh? A little family connection might help make this go smooth? Do the message thing. Okay.

I make her a hot chocolate chip cookie on my hand, but with a little sort of clip, astrally, on top. Then I look at it with my star-eyes, see the clip like a little zigzag jaw sticking up. Into the jaw I clip a Sign, and on the Sign I put a streak of rainbow, then a heart, then a D.P. plate. They go in order, but there's no physical positioning.

I hand her the cookie.

"I put a card on that for you, but not in the physical world. Look for my name attached to it."

She's about to eat it, but stops and looks.

"There's something about this...it isn't just cookie dough...I can see--OOH! Rainbow...heart...D.P. Eheheheh you say I'm a dish. How can I see this stuff? It's like an extra sense."

Her eyes are intense on mine.

"It is an extra sense. Those are your star-eyes. Eat up, the cookie's good, and the astral stuff should just fall off when you take the physical part."

"I want to save the astral part."

"You should be able to just kind of keep it around you, but I bet Mintie has some nice secure vaults in that castle."

There's a blue grid in the astral plane for a second, and the note is gone. I see Mintie's eyes and hair ribbons for an instant as it happens--ooh.

Dove is eating the cookie happily.

"This is really good."

"Now look for Mintie with your star-eyes."

Dove gulps her bite of cookie and turns to Mintie's head between her breasts.

Her mouth opens, and she hugs Mintie tighter than ever. They spend a long moment that way, so I turn and get cake, then look for Boobsong astrally so I can gently pet her feelers. They reach out, hanging onto my light as I Pet her.

Sweetly affectionate love.

I try to kind of pull back to see her. Acme Station's big, and she goes around me like a dyson sphere, but with lots of open space I can shine out of. You have like, spikes, kind of?

To say this is Acme Station land, keep out. They can turn up and down but your Boobsong is holding them out while you see what she has to protect her Princess pet.

Hot. I squeeze her physically and take the last bite of a layer of cake, lick her fingers real good.

What's this cream-colored something--hehe. I finish and look at it astrally. It's a Sign...pet Princess, wizard--hehehe. My magic makes her wet.

"Aww! I hope Mintie's enjoying the flow."

"Oh yes, this is very good."

"Good. Let's keep this real safe." Click, store!

A purple grid stores it away.

"So I see you figured out how to make stuff."

"It's just like an instinct. How do you make candy, though?"

"Cool, right?"

Take her hand? About getting born too soon. Okay. I reach for her hand, open palm. She gives me one.

"Daddy had lots of plans for us, but we were all supposed to grow inside him for a long time before we were ready to go out and be ourselves. When the people who did that stuff to him did it, they cut him open and just threw us in the trash because they didn't think we were anything. That's why we're all lost like we've been. And so hurt and stuff. My candy comes from a thing daddy made I call my Lens that turns my light into matter, and lots of machines he put in me to do the astral engineering for me because that stuff is way over my head. I don't know where that is with you but almost that isn't the important part here because what's really important is that little screaming part of you that never stops wailing I'm just a kid what is all this is right even though your adult human mind doesn't think that. Mintie has stuff to help you take care of that starting with being a doll and a fairytale castle, but like...don't try to act grown up when you don't have to. Yeah you have relationships and stuff you'll need adult maturity for sometimes but like...whenever you can, for the sake of the wonderful starchild I can see in you, be the kid you wanna."

She keeps looking at me, but tears well up and roll down her cheeks as I talk.

And she's glowing bright, with iron vapor wafting off her. When I check the astral, she's shining nice and big and bright and angry with Mintie's blue haze around her (and that's totally Mintie's stealth field obscuring her capabilities, huh).

"I'm gonna destroy them. Where are they, has he killed them all? He says they're destroyed to the last piece of shit that attacked us. Papa, language! Ehehehe! I've gotta do something, though--that box top, that thing is toast! Tentacles, bring it here! Take it outside, if I touch it it'll explode! Okay, let's go, if I stop I'll get scared again."

"I'm right behind you, just a sec. Very last one."

I turn to Boobsong, look at the cake plate, then Boobsong's hands. Click, stuff! She stacks the layers she was holding and I open wide and she crams them all into my mouth and I chew gulpingly while I eravahk Boobsong off my lap and get up with her and click snuggle and she clings nicely and I head for the door right behind Dove.

No, solidarity. I click Boobsong small and get her in my arms properly doll-like.

"You go first. You'll part that crowd like the Red Sea, looking like you do. They won't be scared but they know what that iron smoke means."

"That's appropriate, I'm about to show them a pillar of fire."

"That's my sister."

She and Mintie are up and heading for the door. I fall in behind, feel her heat.

"Daddy's a toymaker," I say quietly as she puts her hand on the door, and she turns to me for a moment, and her eyes are windows into the core of her soul, bright and furious, then turns back to the door and hurls it open with both hands like she's pushing someone down.

I follow her out into the night, and the world is just solid people of every description, but they get quiet when they see Dove, and a wave of silence like the opposite of an explosion going off spreads out around us. People get out of the way right away, backing away from Dove's heat and light. They're all shapes and sizes and genders, equal parts clothed and naked, all beautiful in their weirdness--I remember encouraging people to let their freak flags fly, and the ones who came here and managed to get right next to Olympic Pizza sure have listened. It's beautiful.

The hole is centered around Dove and we find ourselves on the edge of it fast as she walks out in the middle of Mass Ave. I follow, smiling to see people's wondering, slightly terrified faces looking between her and me, lit up with Dove's ragelight. She's beautiful, shining so furiously.

Finally she stops, and there's a flash of Mintie in my astral vision--ah, shields up. Good idea. Boobsong and me are inside of course, but around us is a blue laser-grid bubble so the crowd don't just vaporize--that'd be spiked, of course, and she should already be glassing the whole road just standing there, but it's the drama that matters really.

She turns to face us, and I quickly make and put on a pair of practically-clear star-shaped sunglasses, nice and pointy--ah, I knew I was missing something big with all this drill business. Believe in the me that believes in you, see. You can take this beyond the impossible without even breaking a sweat.

She grins and the box top appears big and wood in front of her and there's a brilliant flash and terrible clap of thunder the instant it's visible and then there's my beautiful sister, still glowing bright, Mintie clutched against her chest, hand out like she's pushing something away, breathing hard with her eyes screwed shut and her lips pulled back in rage, and she's breathing hard, still smoking.

I grin so wide, proud.

Look down.

The smooth cylinder of my Mic's handle slides into my fingers as soon as I think the thought.

She opens her eyes, sees me with my sunglasses vaporized (just as planned), then slowly looks down, and her eyes widen as she looks down at the glowing, molten-glass-dripping crater below us--we're both standing on little islands of spiked-intact street, but everything else inside the forcefield got melted. It's nice and warm and radioactive, even.

I turn my Mic on and watch her. She kicks a rock off the edge of her island with malice, and stomps her foot hard, then looks up with her free hand in a fist straight down, looks up again, eyes still glowing.

I raise my Mic. Pretty sure this thing just works--yeah. Make sure I'm not glowing, myself.

"As you can see, I'm feeling quite calm," my voice booms out sounding like it's coming through an unseen PA big enough to cover all of Boston. A little titter goes through the crowd.

Your tentacles broadcast this over all the world.


"Isn't she so hot? She likes thinking outside the box a lot like me and Boobsong do. I'd like you all to meet my sister!"

The crowd explodes, calling things, cheering and clapping--

Princess her. Yeah.

Introduction. Your herald or mine?

Mintie has it.

[Vision: thumbs up]

Mintie's voice booms out just as loud as mine:

"Princess Tulip Dove Hestia Proudfoot, Heartwarming Hostess!"

Hehe! Awesome name yes but it's so much fun to see a crowd going AAH WE'RE ALREADY CHEERING AS LOUD AS WE CAN. It feelsl like the smile will split my face in half as I start clapping along with them, and pluck Boobsong applause as well.

The minute you want out of the spotlight--

Are you kidding? I've never felt this way in my LIFE before!

[Vision: thumbs up]

So I just keep clapping with everyone else. In my arms, Boobsong is making adorable little cheerleader dances with her arms and dangling legs.

This is cool. I don't usually get to be on this side of this.

"Thank you."

She's still shining bright, but I think her ragelight is start to turn into joy as she realizes how glad to see her they all are. She's got both hands back on Mintie now.

"You guys are just...thank you."

The crowd start to quiet down.

"HO HO HO! Happy Heartwarming, everyone! I'd say happy new year, but that's my sister's job. This is the first time I've done this, so bear with me. Would you like a bear? I can make that happen. If you have kids whose toys alive would make their hearts warm, come to me. I can do it. If you are those kids, I can do it. Grownups have toys they like just the same as young ones. My dad had a car he would have given life if he could have. I can do Transformers just as well as Barbies, and large or small makes no difference here."

"My sister's a spaceship the size of central park, so it really can be anything."

Hehe which sister! This is amazing.

"I've spent this life wondering who I am and what I'm for. I know right now. I'm getting started, so come on up, we'll see about those toys, and later I'm making supper for all of you. I can do it. You should see my spread."

Sis I'm coming tonight but I've got to do this. I hope you're not mad at me.

I am more proud of you right now than I thought possible--

Fireworks explode above us with a brilliant flash, filling the sky with red and green starbursts and presents and Santa hats.