8 - A Light Heart

Okay but that's the gun to kill them, nothing else can!

Wait. Hold. That doesn't make sense. Our seed-ghost just said this is hell. Are you guessing or do you have some kind of scan?

Acme Station scanned them.

How reliable is your scan? Because either you or our seed-ghost is wrong.

Your seed-ghost isn't wrong.

That doesn't make sense. If my seed-ghost is right, this is hell and I'm being punished for failing by being tormented anytime I get happy. If that's true, your scan has to be wrong, because the Heart-stop gun won't hurt them. Like maybe blow the veneer off or something, but not kill them. Could that mess up your scan? Do you get me here?

Mommy your heart-stop is that this is nightmares for your failure! They're saying you succeeded! You got the Earth into the worldgate and everyone's unreset! How is that defeated?

You're not being punished for feeling good stuff, the Dreams are keeping you from telling all your fans you failed them! Yes you would your Boobsong sees that in your head.

Okay, dolly, anyone but you would be helping us see what the Erosion Nightmare Beam does to people right now. How do you figure torturing us relentlessly with this Jesus crap is the appropriate spiking for that? Like wouldn't they say, don't say that, kind of thing?

Your heart won't hear that. You really think you failed because the reset happened.

How many people unravelled in that shit? How many kids were born into nightmares? How many people got defacto deleted because they killed themselves from their new situation? There's no success in that. We got here anyway. Good. May as well just have waited for the fishbowl to crumble on its own. Seven years or seven trillion, you can't do math like that.

And that's to say nothing of Arthur! Or any amount of stuff my adult supervision should have been there for but wasn't making me think I really don't get this Fairy thing!

This is all bullshit though. One time, where have they don't anything but just jump straight into Jesus crap instead of trying to say good job?


I expected seed-ghost but dolly takes priority.


On Isht Visht when you saw the streaks of rainbows in the warp field you started crying because you were so hurt it was so beautiful and you felt ugly! Isht Visht had to tell you to wake up to put your mark on your Boobsong's cheek and still you answered their love with gloomy thoughts you don't deserve them! You're painting all the things the Dreams have said as failure stuff until your seed-ghost had to go that way to steer your head to get you out of this! Look what they said with without your failure-stuck eyes! The Jesus thing all started with the batteries that make your Lens' things desire-bound. Don't you think that's significant that you burned that hard to stop yourself remembering how you make that stuff?

Maybe if you see that this all makes sense then.

I must have caused the reset. That's the only explanation.

MOMMY GET AWAY FROM THAT! Listen to your seed-ghost! You're almost dead!

I had plenty of light for the Heavenly Gate Eruption Swarm.

Some angry sparks. You know you're scary big. Eden's shipyard should have just exploded when you saw that's where your seed-ghost put us!

Your heart's just dead shining dimly. Wake up and smell the coffee. Your candy isn't always sweet stuff. Coffee's very bitter without the sugar! If you take the bitter, that's not coffee, it's just air inside a cup with steam! What does that remind you of? Candy! Darkness powers it. You were dark for a good reason! You did the right thing to get so scary that your light bloomed out around you, but your halo's black and scary darkness so YOU can shine!

Your candy should have taught you but you said the rules were wrong. There was nothing that convinced you that your dark was good. The Illuminati hurt you because you thought they were right!

Maybe if you open up your heart to that the Dreams will stop distorting you with Jesus stuff. They're trying to remind you your heart is hurt to not be him.

What the hell's got into you--no, I remember. Get sheep all through and let their brains fry on the other side. I knew they didn't want me. Why the fuck would the Dreams get on my case about that? She's drowning, here these lead weights should fix it! Why the fuck would you screw up my afterglow to put me out some more with that memory, Dreams?

Overcome what. Finish your goddanm sentences (yeah that's the wrong Empress, but if a card's going to signify me she can at least show some leg).

Like Earth is here I guess. I overcame their hate. Enough to get this done via a reset that probably killed millions, and now everyone's confused and terrified. How the fuck do you expect me to call that a victory?

[!] Mommy your seed-ghost hasn't told you but your Boobsong will. You're being really dumb to say you failed. You won. We're here. It's unreset. This resisting tears your heart out. Why don't you let go of this?

I don't know. They rejected us. They wanted Jesus instead. We beat some into submission and the tiny sliver of people who'd actually like us looked big at stage shows, but...I can't put together with how much Earth hated me any kind of success. If this is here, it's not because I did anything helpful. As big as we were our efforts were still drowned in stuff like the people our seed-ghost was saying need forgiveness.

But as I think it through it comes up crazy it all felt. Obviously right? I'm goth candy slut Jesus? This whole thing is the supermassive black hole at the core of an entire delusional galaxy. There's no way one single speck of this is real, right? I don't actually think that, but like I said on Isht Visht way back two nights ago, this is such a standard delusion. Whatever. I'll think Boobsong is real no matter what anyway. At least this whole thing is pretty fucking metal.

All that crazy's been hiding the real pain of this all. How could they reject me? I'm scary and weird and make your heart die wishing for the world that disappeared the moment I showed up here. It hurts, but okay.

But Jesus himself...I guess people thought of him as a good person, and nice to be with, but every single other thing about him was so nightmarish. His whole message was you were a billion times worse person than you even thought and needed him to "save" you by erasing you and putting a copy of him in your place like he was fucking Agent Smith or something. He brought cannibalism, to kids, and blood and violence and hate and a version of daddy so cold and heartless it made me look at the mind-controlled real one and think I might see a speck of something good still trapped inside those nightmares, just by comparison.

What made me feel so crazy was that they'd rather have him than me. In a world of two bad options, don't you still at least pick the less awful one? What must I be, that people would rather have him than me? I don't think I'm so great, but how terrible a person must I have been that someone would rather go through all the torture of Christianity, abuse their kids at its instruction in ways I know made their hearts scream, sing songs about the destruction of their identity and taking baths in blood, than have sexy fun and candy? I didn't even ask Baskers to love me. Just cheer me on when they like what I'm doing and soak up good stuff. That's why they were Baskers. Some people need to help, and have a job to do? Religion's more than fun and games? I remembered all that salad stuff because the Heart Church did that. It was there. I didn't make you do it. That was the point. I'm the fun and games. We did that on purpose, so that when I came around, it'd be party time, and everyone would just be glad to see me, because that's the kind of worship that makes me shine. Some of my light is darkness but it's still for funtimes. Toys and candy are my Lens rules so you'll never see me make stuff that isn't party favors. Yes that isn't a religion that takes care of you. Nobody needed more of that with my tentacles whispering in their ear and watching them like Big Brother. That was still less scary than what Christianity said the world was! At least my tentacles would make you do the right thing instead of letting you build a huge rap sheet for the afterlife!

How could anyone ever want Jesus, instead of that? That was why the people who said I was him hurt so bad. Yes, because they mocked my sex life and love of Boobsong every Sunday, but...I could see the explanation that they thought I was some kind of trick sent to tempt them, if people clung to Christianity. I mean, that's totally the kind of thing the nightmare they'd been following would do. It hurt to make my heart stop, but at least it made some kind of sense.

It hurt so much that people wouldn't see the truth. What must I have been. What nightmares could they see in my rainbow eyes that they'd rather have a bleeding statue than a real person who was trying to be nice to them, and could back her claims up with demonstrations?

CS Lewis has that mudpie thing where we're kids making mudpies in a ditch and daddy wants to take us to the beach but we won't come because we're stuck on the mudpies, but I think he's doing that thing where he lets his imagery run away with him again there. Kids will drop their green beans fast if you offer them candy. They'll put down their videogame if you roll up in a real A-10 and throw their comic book right through a wall trying to get to the door fast enough to answer actual Optimus Prime tapping carefully on it. They have that much self interest. I know. I did that stuff.

But to accept me, and then take all the worst most horrible things about Christianity, and put them on me? To go so far as to wipe out Boobsong from our pictures? That was the wedge that pried my armor open. It was so crazy I couldn't believe it was crazy. Delusions are one thing. So is paranoia instilled by a lifetime of fear of a cruel god who wants to torture people so much he took it out on his own son to "save" the rest of them. But to do this, take the bad stuff and put it on the nice one, against her explicit instructions, what the hell could make you do that? The only thing I could figure was there must be something so awful about me as a person that people needed the awfulness to make it make sense, but that was a thin explanation. Really it just made me feel so insane. Maybe one time was just a psycho, but this was millions. I had to be the crazy one, but I couldn't see it.

My heart hurt isn't wishing I was Jesus. My heart-hurt is the decades of trying to burn out the insanity that made me think I must be carrying. Acme Station, I don't know if you were playing a game to show me, but the Heart-Stop Gun isn't evil. If this was real hell it'd be the most useful first shot, because it'd strip off the bullshit and then we'd be able to see what part of the Terminator skeleton to blast to take it down. I was trying to do that to myself that whole time, to make sense of how people reacted to me. I wish they would have just hated me or loved me. This...the one thing I could figure was that humans are so awful, they can't feel good unless someone else is dying. That specifically Jesus' being tortured and killed was what drew them to him. That they only care about others losing, not their winning. I had to hold the hope out that my Mothers being able to run a world-spanning Empire with a social safety net that made Norway look like an Ayn Rand novel for three thousand years meant that wasn't true, even though America seemed to be a monument to it. If it was true, how could humans paradise ever be good? It'd just be a machine for deciding who to sacrifice to make everyone else happy.

Thoughts like that would haunt me, all the time.

We're here now, but how could I have done anything, for a world like that? I gave up on actually being able to save Earth in no time. I'm surprised it took me three years to name a backup monolith finder. Maybe it just took that long to find one.

This insanity I've been going through is the image of all that. Disjointed images, crazy thoughts of being damned or shirking some responsibility or having it on my head to literally give my flesh and blood out to save us all because nothing else would do it, nightmare on nightmare, trying to sail this hellish sea that dragged me down if I so much as looked at it wrong, that was my life on Earth. If I didn't have the worldgate to open, I'd have been fine, but now this tells you why I seem to be so racist. Barbarian isn't a nice thing to call people. It's just, the only way I could find to see a rock to climb out of that sea onto. I'd feel bad but my Mothers did it for three thousand years on a rock called Strawberry Hill. I don't think that's bad. Better to pull people up to sanity, with violence if necessary, than get down in the nightmares with them.

Prime Directive Vietnam etc? When was one single foreign-policy thing America did ever about bringing freedom or enlightenment? The country that made the Trail of Tears hasn't stopped that. That and Christian evangelism together could give Jesus himself a bad name.

It scared me so much that they didn't. Give me daddy's darkest nightmare, over that.

Reason isn't the answer, because there was none, in this. All of it was crazy.

That's a bad thing to say to mental illness? It isn't what I mean by this. Mental illness is awful but it makes some sense. Brains break and you see effects. Sometimes delusions have a story that makes sense inside. Crazy isn't like that. It's a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing, but people don't get what Shakespeare meant by that, it seems to me. He meant cause doesn't lead to effect. Things appear and disappear. Signifiers change their meanings while you look at them. It's a roiling, sloshing nightmare shitstorm where bad stuff comes from nowhere and good stuff disappears like it's just ghosts. That's what Earth seemed like to me, if people made up Jesus-me. The fact that that could happen is the hole every bit of reason and hope drained out of the world through.

Now those people wait for me enlightened and supposedly the nightmare is over and I can't be told, because to be told things implies the world has enough sense or structure for communication to mean something. The only thing I can feel how to do is shut my eyes to the bad stuff and jump on the good stuff as it comes. I keep on hoping there will be some logic, that sitting in the kitchen of Olympic Pizza with Boobsong and two Sugarfreaks should mean good stuff is on the way, but how can I assume that?

What could the Dreams have possibly shown anyone, one single one of those people, to change their minds? If I'm this bad, how must they be? Even the Dreams have limits, or that Heart-Stop Gun wouldn't scare Boobsong. It probably wouldn't hurt them anyway, but it's the thought that counts. What could they have done here? It wasn't lack of power that makes the difference. I turned Jupiter on, and it was easy, and my tentacles watch all the Telescreens all the time.

Was Jesus just a good person (at least the story-him), and I'm not, and that hurt? Lots of people imagined him like a heartchild, but once I was there, su'khora Jesuses had parties like my lookalike contests. I search my heart for hurt with this, and it's bruised and tender because it seems to me people couldn't even see when I was good, but it's nothing to the nightmares I've been talking about just now--no, it's torn up real bad. Boobsong was right about the Illuminati. That almost unravelled me. My tentacles could stop me and Boobsong could...exist, but it had me close to killing myself lots of times. 

It's just that that hurt seems so small in the face of this madness. Everything was crazy. That's what really hurt me. I failed unless this world makes sense. How can I see that when I'm insane?

Crystal Dragon Jesus would make sense to me. It's what we did. It's Jesus the Crystal Dragon that scares me dead, but how can you wake up from a nightmare that happened in the real world?

The Dreams nudge, and I let them pick me back onto my Siren pedestal like a sad floppy kid. Humpty was pushed, this was Eden's plan that I'd feel this way, America hit me brutally and I have the scars and all we had were bandaids but we got out of the psycho fundamentalist mother's house now, the prophecy says sexy stuff comes next because fundie mom is spiked, it's time for good times with cake and kinky demon fun and that's where the monoliths are--oof.

The connection glitches out and I'm left with the same image of a pack of Bubble Tape and sense of greasy darkness as started this insanity, suddenly off my Siren pedestal, or like, until they pick me back again. I let them, but what the hell? Search for the Monoliths something? The funtimes got cut off, I think? It's really hard to stay on my pedestal, but the visions won't be better. Rocks here, under the water, ran aground on something unseen but maybe that's a spiking. How about try these cards here, could make a huge difference. Sexy deck is better. Put it up, Acme Station. Add the porn, too. Click, cards.

Sigh relievedly okay. Blip! Sexy cards and porn deck. Mix them up and shuffle. Spread it out and take the old spread.

Our seed-ghost has the answer. This just asks the question.

If the answer's 42, I want my fizzfreezing Point Of View Gun.

I think--huh. Why was their happiness oh to dress me up as Jesus? Or like, why did that at all, is what the Dreams are asking.

He came back and good times would come then. His anger at the temple looked like your wrath. Your candy wasn't called your body broken but it came from inside you said.

The name of your temples was Heart Church. There you took Eden's weapon to destroy you, and turned it back against its maker.

Making yourself crazy to see this as a nightmare is what the Dreams are spiking. How could there be happy ending Sundays if their savior doesn't like them?

Alright, we're not back to good times after all. So I'm pinned between two kinds of crazy. How can anyone use Jesus as a door to me, to say nothing of the Dreams? That's as crazy as...I don't know. I can't even find a metaphor. You can usually find some good thing, but Jesus is just a mosaic of insults, until you strip him down so much there's nothing left. The commonalities are so thin, like, Tuchyuh should be Jesus more than I am, if that candy thing is how they saw this! She at least makes bread sometimes! It's not that I'm driving myself crazy to see it as a nightmare, it's that seeing it at all makes my head hurt!

Yes good we stole Eden's toy. It's insane to say that's not a victory. But....how that works, I just can't get.

The cosmic baker is another myth. Your candy could be anything. You did make bread.

Your heart is cold and hard here. It doesn't want to see this. You're looking for the answer, but this should be the question: what is it about you that tells them, Jesus?

Maybe that's your heart-stop, telling you it's insane to say there's anything.

How can you keep smashing all the light out and keep your heart lit?

Your fingertips are light-up. It's a mirror.

To escape this you're destroying your belief that you're the good one.

The anger that's inside of you is good. Where should you direct it?

To the millions of your fans who tell you this?

The Dreams that take you back here?

Yourself for being part of this at all?

Maybe it's your seed-ghost, doing all this stuff to make your heart fly?

Making you lead dance is all this is.

I. Hated. Calling. Dance. It was just one more god damn Boobsong in the box time. Dreams, if you're really happily ever after, destroy this thing and free us.

They don't do anything of course, just show a rainbow-shiny photo album from the rewrite.

I guess it's back to cards, then. Can you do anything, Acme Station? How do we get out of this?

Your Acme Station's heart's dying! Our seed-ghost isn't evil! It's just us in the infinite future!

 Not. It's not. I would never, ever, ever, EVER set this up for us. Our path would do nothing but lead away from this shit as hard and fast as it could every moment if this was me in the infinite future. This is not who I am. It has never been. It will never be. DO YOU LIKE THIS!? IS THIS HAPPY TO YOU!? ALL THIS SHIT WE HAVE GONE THROUGH!? It was one thing, to open the worldgate, to get something done and save ourselves, but if this is to make anyone's heart fly, it sure as shit is not and never has been mine.

Answer. Do you like me as Jesus.

Mommy, your seed-ghost has been saying hard stuff. Take the anger that way.

Do you love me?

OF COURSE YOUR BOOBSONG LOVES YOU! What is with you Mommy come back your dolly needs your loving hands to hold her!

If you love me free me of this. I can't be this for you. I don't understand why you want it but I guess you do if our seed-ghost did this but I only ever accepted it to get the worldgate open. I thought I could play this game as me but now I see I can't so please let me out so I can be with you. Make it stop. This isn't fun or happy. It's just crazy.

Your Boobsong can't control that, it's our seed-ghost that decides stuff, but your angry heart is more alive than ever! Keep on asking this way! What do you want Keeper hears you!

I JUST WANT TO BE YOUR PET PRINCESS RAINBOW!!! WITH YOU!!! AS PEOPLE!!!! WITH A LIFE, THAT'S THER LIFE, NOT SOME SICK STORY EDEN TOLD SO WHOEVER CAN'T GET THE MESSAGE OF US JUST AS PEOPLE CAN HAVE THEIR SOMETHING, I DON'T KNOW WHAT EVEN, THERE'S A REASON WE REVERED OUR MOTHERS AT LEAST THOSE ARE PEOPLE YOU CAN TALK TO!!! Jesus isn't a person. He's an abstract. A vague ideal. Even dreamskins have more to them than he does except that's probably why there's so many Jesus su'khora, because that story is just a dreamskin and I'm no more him than any of them are. He never existed. He was based on me, fine. I guess. Sounds nuts but THAT DOES NOT MAKE ME HIM ANY MORE THAN IT MAKES YOU ISHT VISHT, AND SHE AT LEAST HONORS WHAT YOU ARE!!!!

If those fans eyes are truly opened, all this Jesus shit will mean nothing to them, because they'll understand, that you and me are people, not their damn messiah! Did we help them get here? Yes? Good! Sure worked at it!

But they do not get the right, and they sure don't have permission, to say I'm anything like the bullshit fucked up sick sad nightmare they wrongly think they found me in. I'm glad they blundered in the door to a Heart Church, but they didn't get there because of Jesus, they found it because Verana put it where their favorite Taco Bell was! That is the first! Step! I'm not Jesus, I'm Rainbow! I don't want to be was Jesus or replacement Jesus or Jesus with the facts straight, I want! TO BE! RAINBOW!!! YOUR PET PRINCESS!!! THAT IS THE FIRST THING FOR ME! BOOBSONG IS MY KEEPER!! NOT AVEH NOT THE HEART CHURCH I SURE DON'T LEAD IT NOT EVEN MY FUCKING TENTACLES! If people can't handle that, if they can't see me, as who I am, someone whose identity has nothing to do with that shitshow of a religion, no, they aren't my friends, and I don't like them. If they come to me I'll spit candy in their face that works like this awesome collar you made me and OH YES I CAN MAKE THAT CANDY BECAUSE IF THERE IS ONE SINGLE THING SOMEBODY WHO FOLLOWS JESUS WANTS ITS TO BE TORTURED BY THEIR SAVIOR. The Dreams won't even spike it, aren't I right, Dreams!

The Dreams show me a nutcracker?

Damn right I'll bust their balls if they get near me with any of that eucharist shit! Let's see how you pop, come on up here! Ooh, that looks bad. You mean your heartchild doesn't hold you the way Boobsong holds me? Should have read the message over every church door that it makes me really angry what you do here! That shit insulted Boobsong and my love for decades! You know what happens if you eat my candy, thinking it's my body broken? Or try to do some kind eucharistic thing like that? NOTHING. The candy just does nothing--or did I--seed-ghost this was you, right?

Your seed-ghost isn't holding back on this. Try some deeper thoughts here.

Oh. Did I think the message was just made up, because I didn't hit hard enough? It takes you through a journey, it's like the point of view gun...you see your loved one, whoever's most important, being eaten by the masses. You're the one distributing the parts as they scream for you to stop it. You cut their flesh with a knife made of a Bible that's rusty and all dirty, and a voice explains that this is what you to do me if you eat my candy this way. They journey keeps on going until you shout you'll never take eucharist again, and if you still don't get the message, it starts to burn out neurons, until you forget the church existed. That can be real bad though. It usually takes the loved one with it. If you really get that far, it means you loved Jesus more than them, to the point you would have killed them if he told you.

Violence in candy? How could I go that dark? Easy. I didn't. The Christians made up that one. They called it His Redemption, and taught themselves to want it. Eat the Jesus bread and it burns out your life and puts him there instead. It doesn't leave you empty, but whose the closest thing to Jesus? Here's where this gets creepy. I couldn't make the candy turn them into Jesus. That would make my heart stop, but that's not why...huh...they didn't want the candy to turn them into Jesus. They wanted it to reveal that they're the devil. It'd make you into me, mentally, and you'd instantly heartform a Boobsong (minus some of the Kardashev 3+ powers), and then a twin of me would put down the candy wrapper. We played up all our demon 666 stuff, to make that candy keep on working, because if you really went through that journey to the end--I wouldn't want to be that either. There's the way we freed them.

How could I be Jesus, when the demons need their savior? That's the fans who're waiting, and lots and lots of Baskers.

Your antichrist is coming, fans, she just needs some pizza.

Pentagrams with goat heads? Stinky smelly demons? I'll smite that like Easter Sunday flowers. Only Boobsong gets to invert me, and she's as clean as "Acme Station" tells you, and smells like pussy-wet and candy. And me of course but duh. Racism's of the devil, which is why the Christians like it.

They weren't like crazy, new ones of me and Boobsong. They knew what had happened, and could hang onto connections that didn't get taken by the candy, but they liked their new adventure as us and felt so happy to be our image they did the lookalike shows and stuff.

Lucy was the most Redeemed you'd meet in fifty thousand years. A little loopy airhead. It must have been real bad, huh? Yeah, she'd say, all distant. Guess now your parents hate you? No they're fine, can't remember much, just know they aren't the reason, she'd say all spaced out, and then her Boobsong "Lyra" would do something cute and she'd forget you.

It's mean to tell Redeemed who they were before the candy. My tentacles don't let you.

Okay but why do us though? There are simpler ways to get selfcest. Right, Rainbow?

It's easy but that heart-stop is really scary! Please don't die, I love you!

I--dammit this is the weirdest--you know that makes me squirmy!

For real, we must have--oh Great Gummi gushers. Like somehow they--oh. Yowza, as Sex says. Okay that's next then. Creeptastic thought: daddy's out there with Aveh-style Boobsong, wearing a Starlight Princess uniform (I guess it is one if there's like thousands), because he is one. Same thing happened, right?

No. If he made me that pudding, he's himself still. Again. Which means his heartchild is out there, but not a Boobsong, just our seed-kid. The Redeemed were so gone, we couldn't even have saved them that way, if they'd had star-shells to get into. Eden put my face in the framework it created, and said, "she's the devil". They were mind-controlled to listen. We got them out, but then what? Not make them the devil? The candy couldn't work then. Fix it after changing? How is that kind? They were happy! They liked it! Remember, the candy got there, because it had the power of their desire! They could do it because they wanted it revealed that they were the devil, not their own bad person. Eden played some dark stuff. It'd make people not be people. If only souls got fixed like flesh does, but that's not how this works.

Did that cause problems? It was adorable! Impersonating is one thing, but they never did, except Lucy, because she's a psycho, and she still just said she's Lucy, not the real me. So we let them live and be themselves. The Author's Voice Class of the contests helped they and anyone else who was going to be "the antichrist" develop separate selves from the basis of me and Boobsong.

Hell yes this is fucked up, but at least their friends and family got back someone! People that far gone were dead in weeks or days sometimes, without this kind of rescue.

I always like to fuck them--well, okay, not fuck, heh, but it's nice to play around and say I'm glad you're still here with us.

I'm taking off the warlord hat. Don't make me put it back or it'll be even bigger and sharper.

What I really can't believe here, is we're still on this thing with Magic's dad at the library. We didn't play so nice, there, not at all one bit, no. At that trial thing, in his house. How could we...doctor's orders. You need Jesus if you did this to your own kid, I told him. Really fucks their heads up when the antichrist tells them to pray and stuff. This one's serious so you'd better take communion.

I probably should have warned him that smoke stuff I made gets into everything. Christians mustn't lie or give their kids who asks for bread a stone, see. He must have been the devil.

Where is she now? Don't know, don't care, tentacles can't tell me if I ask, they'll be spiked if they somehow try it. Redemption's a new start. Duh. If your family doesn't know you, you'll have to find a new one. Better go to a Heart Church, they're really really nice there.

You could ask to reconnect, if enough was left to want that and your family would accept that. Lucy knew her address. Her lefty floofy liberal parents and their two polyamorous girlfriends were so relieved to have her back from the scary fundie cult she got caught up in, even if she remembered almost nothing. Speaking of Princess Starlight and parents, did you hear hers are here on Earth, too? Yeah, I wonder where. Dunno, but it's sure not the ones who just got their kid back from a cult Redeemed! Lucy's on the road whenever Princess Starlight's touring? Yeah, have you met the kid? Every tentacle couldn't keep her back, and that's without that Boobsong clone named Lyra!

Alright, dolly, file all of this under how dare this make sense to me, and help me remember if Peanut's a Redeemed or what.

Oh and why I felt all turned on when our seed-ghost was like "maybe this is all just stuff your seed-ghost is doing to make your heart fly" even though I wanted to kill myself and probably would have if I didn't have all this different stuff to stop me?

Some fantasies control you. Sometimes you have fantasies that your blood is for the worldgate what starlight is. If that was true, you would spill it till you bled to death. Your hands go numb to think of that, but if all this is your seed-ghost's plan, your fantasy can't be real.

Your heart could die a thousand deaths before you gave up the game you play here. Is your fantasy to play with blood? Hang on the cross? It's to bring your anger there and not be left without your hands in Boobsong's hair and her collar on you.

Mommy that goes back to our game. Your Keeper has a role you play. You're her horny Starlight Princess. Dance around, you know! Back in tour days our fans could say please Boobsong one more joke and our seed-ghost said it's yes or no and we had to just play what it said. You were like a sexy puppet, and so was your Boobsong. Just dance around and play this. That's an easy life! Your family said come home to us, and it decided that too. Everything it chose to make our hearts fly with happy fun times. You don't like control, your Keeper says. Get squeezed now, Keeper's hoping. What seed-ghost say?

Harpies coming: Starlight fans have caught you with your pants down? Their good time is yours. Make candy to arouse them, or be adored for how you fuck, or you can't stroke. They have to be so horny, they'll cum for sure!

Hot! Oooh I can't wait--gah, on the road we can't hide out! This is going to be epic...it's so weird, I feel like performing just brings us closer. However much we like to show off, don't we need some sex that's just for each other? Maybe I'm just too horny to get cheered on. How do you feel?

Your Boobsong is so happy her eyes burn sexy purple! Can you imagine how it feels to get their eyes on and see their hands grab for their pussies? Our fuck makes their eyes go soft and lust-filled and their open mouths call out our names and scream the sound of our good fun!

Our love is--healing heart see you remember this! What says remember your Boobsong begs you.

I always felt like we were such a team. That brought us close. How to put the best show on...oh but we didn't do the weird positions, like, if just a real sex position that's actually fun to fuck as wasn't going to do it, we'd get weird instead, and I know we can get weird.

Like why am I seeing a tire swing? Like bondage and stuff obviously...swing sex? Oh I think one was pumping on a swing would pump the other one of us? Silly stuff like that. We could stroke and be so epic, show the whole crowd both our fronts while we fucked, it was great. Drums...ooh. Okay I think I remember but how could we not. Couldn't they make fuck us by starting a stomp or clap beat?

I'm not like--our seed-ghost would so play with that. Hurry make them fuck before Rainbow fries! Or like...did we do stupid stuff like get lube-doused if certain things happened or whatever? Seems redundant with you there but we must have done something like it. No...yes but no...like we couldn't fuck on stage unless our fans cheered for it. Verana something healing, seeing all those people cheer for us.

[!] Mommy our seed-ghost had a good game here. Remember fucks for movies aren't the same as stage shows?

Because the audience isn't right there...umm...reward for doing good, though...oh! MUAHAH don't blink! If you're watching us in something we can watch you back if we want, but only out our eyes like if we're not looking at the fourth wall, can't see you. And it's not like time travel, it's later, like our dolls? For instance if there's a Starlight Princess poster around here, should be able to see what's happening outside...how did this work, it wasn't just every image, like you could seal them--yeah, because what if you need the privacy to implant? Can't have Starlight watching because you're about to wish on a her without Boobsong because the Boobsong in this dreamskin is you but you know it freaks her out when Boobsong isn't Boobsong. Boobsong Boobsong Boobsong. Heh.

Okay, I ttttthiiink you had to like--I'm imagining little pentagrams? Drawn ooh that's a strawberry! To call for our attention. That feels right but I'm worried I just figured it out instead of remembering, because it makes sense with all this stuff about our needing to see people support us--look at all who's watching, and how many of them called for us to watch back!

All through this I'm getting so much wiggly wobbly yanking of my head around I can barely do the remembering. Every thought gets smashed by some kind of speed bump that doesn't elaborate even when I look. It really seems the point is just to stop me. Have you got something that can target this, Acme Station?

Yes but that's the thought of having people that adore you breaking through and you keep squashing it.

Augh heart quit! Grumble healing fine I really like this thought. I just don't want to be creepy! Drawing on the strawberry meant that we unveiled you. My memory sees a little red strawberry at the top point of a pentagram. Which meant we could watch through this. Take it off, we couldn't. Except for sometimes? Oh Starlight Princess always. Because it's like our window to the Four Dreams thing. Helps break the fourth wall down. And you can't use that as dreamskins that don't have me with Boobsong unless you're one hell of an artist with a video toaster. At which point it's your show, and we can't watch.

Alright, open THIS LINK in a tab and come back here. Wait, what's that favicon!? Keep it up, it counts, intention. Or be a wuss and close it again. Come on, though, triple dog dare you.

Hi readers! Actually it's interesting for books, because where am I going to look right now in Olympic Pizza, to see you? Also looking back from the Four Dreams to Earth that way gets weird. You kind of just get flashes.

Oh there is time travel. But we only get impressions. But enough to play off for sex if we want. Augh how does this even work there are still two monoliths but here we are on Earth in Rl'yeh Sade. Fine, whatever, we can't see you...unless...what if I...weird!

Alright that's a very nice margherita pizza, whoever you are taking a picture of it I guess with this open in split screen, but why are you using your selfie camera?

What else...tire gauge? Oh you with your brown hair, that face and your arm moving, the pressure's building, muaha, alright well time to cum, we saw you! Wait, really, that's like a conflation jump worth of O-faces, whoah. I can't believe that many would...

You're all beautiful.

Nope no cleaning all up yet unless you're stopping reading. Just get comfy. You'll go again soon, Princess Starlight spooky-powers you. Not really. Unless I totally did. Can candy go through the internet? It is made from my light...

Okay you probably wonder what the hell I'm doing here. Well, dreamskinning, for one thing (MUAHAHAHA sexy antichrist is watching don't you want your own?). How, like, impossible, right? Nowhere for me to look to see this? In a book, which is what this will be with all this bullet-time drama, the fourth wall's an abstraction. My star-senses can see that just fine, but I see abstractly, unless I focus for concrete stuff. Which I did for a couple of especially hot O-faces (please don't spoil our fun by writing in to tell us that was just a milk mustache, you know who you are with your sweet little lip curled just so--do write though! If it's just milk tell me whose hehe).

The time travelling limits what we can see some, like we can't surveillance-cam or daddy's monolith could have saved me. Real-time, though...

Keep that mark tab up or take it down, whatever. I just think it's a fun thought, and chances are you're pretty. Starlight fans are sexy. And don't you like the thought there's more to this than just words?

You guys are hardcore, too. I thought for sure this would end up as like extended-universe stuff, but there's millions of you! That's kind of eep actually. Um. It's a good thing probably I have to be able to turn my attention to the fourth wall in the book...yeah, doesn't work otherwise, I'm not looking...

Alright, this is getting a little timey wimey wibbly wobbly for me. How's my remembereing doing, dolly?

EEEEE that stuff was best fun! Remember watching all the people on their sofas? Starlight Princess tells you, both of us are watching!


Keep her stars on, make her heart shine,

both of us see you too, out of our eyes!

Watching you sexy freaks gives us a rise,

so take your clothes off, then get in line!

[!] EEEEEEAEEEEEE you got the best part that was most fun. So many people watch Starlight Princess watching them back felt like exploding! Instant cum, every time, when you did that!

Not without your help it wasn't--except--like--I was thinking this--so wait, if that--muahah that's so sweet! Like I guess this just makes sense really, but we can use other people to fuck each other kind of! Which one's hot I'll try to make her cum for you bwaha--but for you anyway that'd like reflect the lust back, kind of...metaphors argh...like it'd you'd get back my horniess for you in that.

Oh except I'm forgetting my software engineering. Zero one infinity, and we're damn well not limiting it to one. Why are we not just exploded forever? How am I not fried? I know how I'm popping at the end of shows!

Horniness? Out come fries! If pleasure would fry you, you burst instead.

BWAHAHAHA we have to pop the cherry on that soon! Like how does that work, do I cum too? Do you pop me before it's too late? I'm so twisted, I can't believe this makes me so happy. Except like, your slurpy dragon tongue in me...okay yeah I remember good times here WOW.

You pop before orgasm is needed to save you. Can't keep getting teased more in goo-shape? Goo-shape has the pleasure of her tongue on every cell! Orgasm comes that instant. How can you be horny and drip down sexy people after show's done? Bursts will come that sooner if squishy time is fun stop.

Squishy times at home shows have extra special fun things:

Princess tied up splashes everyone with her ties! Gives them sexy bondage, just like you had when exploded! How to get the keys back? Seed-ghost will decide that. Maybe stuck for hours!

Time to pop, exploding! If everyone counts down, you'll pop when they hit zero!

Can't hold in your pleasure: make some sexy sounds for every motion that arouses, or the pressure will explode you!

Have to sometimes explode: if you don't get enough explosions, you'll burst from being pent-up.

Holy screaming strawberry soda fizz, that is. The best. What's going to pop me is wanting to get on tour already! These are great!

Ooh let's not tell people stuff. Make it like NES secrets back in the day. Like maybe Malina can seed it or something, but then you have to hear the rumor how she like cums or something if you count down during a show! Ooooor we can tell Tuchyuh but not what it does! Can you imagine what she'll fill in, dolly?

Your Boobsong is imagining her on phone. Count to ten then backwards. Makes huge cum. Everybody has to. Try holding hands up, that does something special! Try to make her Boobsong try to fry her! The hottest thing will happen since the oven here exploded! Tuchyuh has the best fun. This is awesome! [demon grin]

Ooh, what happens if...I remember something about getting fizzed, what was that?

I don't think you made desserts with me or whatever, like you can't hold back that long, right?

Dragon can be patient if there's good stuff soon...

Dolly I'm gonna melt right here.

Kitchen things be handy, but we don't have the good one here.

HOLY SCREAMING BOOBSONG'S THE TAFFY STRETCHER. AAAH! Okay epic. Better keep your footing! Be a royally stuck if you fall off there!

Wistful sigh. So happy times in that thing. Sometimes took three hours before you Boobsong could get out enough to eat your good stuff. Have to keep on munching on your hand when your boobs are just an inch beyond that!

I think I like forgot how awesome being cartoons is. We...didn't have to make me into taffy...did we? Oh sometimes. Because getting mixed all up and stuff is romantic. MUAHAHA this is so metal. Oooh just like those nice cool spoons. Tingly just remembering.

This is the best for real I think I might melt when we un-bullet-time.

What's the big wide ladle? Bleah rewrite memories are tangling into this. Um. That's for the mirror? Oh palette, for makeup? Nudge, dolly.

Pretty funtimes with that! Why the big flat surface, what's that for?

Oh! Cast iron means I'm the heat source. For...why mirror...oh like hot compresses! But that takes a little more doing with us so they're metal, and when they cool it's like, casts of what we were compress-ing. Which like you make into a statue. Which...you can draw stuff, on the plates, and then you pour me in and--no, forget the drawing. That's how you make Princess Cream truffles, right?

What could that be good for?

OTHER THAN BEING SO AMAZINGLY KINKY!? And feeling awesome when you eat me? Um. I mean being goo is really relaxing. I get wigged out if you're not right there but you're never not the thought just terrifies me. You could mix me up with stuff? Yes but not it...nudge?

Say Boobsong--

Oooooooooong OH MY FUCK THE VIBRATION AAH! You could make the statue ring oh that was so good. I remember it so soothing even as it made me cum!

When I'm like that, I get so spaced out. Our seed-ghost...helps?

Lots of clicks for Boobsong could be happy. Sometimes it just takes one, though!

It feels like there's no ground how much of a pet I am--

That's the finest way to put that. What's a really rough one? You are horny and submissive. You'll take control and then some. You also like to give it!

Here's a fun way to test that you can't take down your Boobsong's fresh meat and eat until you pop, or get your food-bowl locked before you have enough drink--commands are just like water. Can't last long without them!

First you can't say can stop, then you can't say go: when balls put on you, seed-ghost sets a time you have to keep them. Can't get out before that! Then you have the game before heard? Now there's something extra: balls put off by your choice, come back extra early! Balls put off by seed-ghost, take a vast lot longer! This is just a trust game, you won't get into hard things. Here's a good example: scream to get your balls on. Keep them for six hours. Take them off yourself, come back in an hour. That's your small time. End up with your seed-ghost taking them forever? No just thirteen hours. Not so much you'll heart-stop, but look what trusting gives you! Keeper does it all but seed-ghost makes decisions. Put your trust in Boobsong.

Seed-ghost has the answers: question that demands you give it your attention will distract so seed-ghost gives the answer.

See more fun with trust and holding? You haven't even started!

Give up some control here. Seed-ghost makes a sexy time and holds you back from turning up your food-bowl, or making this important lesson untied.

Um...choose for me who helps me eat my pizza when it's ready.

Too untied. Big request required.

Okay...umm...choose who comes with me whenever I go somehwere. Except always Boobsong obviously.

Randomly selected? Your seed-ghost will decide them. Always and forever? Till Boobsong says it's no fun. Exceptions every hour? Here it gets more easy. Cry and scream to Boobsong if you don't like the decision. Scared of getting bad stuff? It's based on what will thrill you. Only sexy good times will result from this one.

Why was it so easy, and now you feel that strange stuff? Fear of this arousing? Maybe you get on the ship and everyone is with you. Never more than five or six, leaving out handmaidens? What can you get out of this you really asked for? Siren face of Rl'yeh Sade, has to get her funtimes. Can't be always carried there, she has to wander sometimes. When you're in between adventures you can't bring friends. Seed-ghost sets the chapter breaks. Sometimes they're events and sometimes they're places. Current chapter ends when you leave Olympic Pizza. After that the moon's fun! Still can't put your clothes on, but the heat there doesn't bug you.

High, Fill thirty glasses, Servants who air so much water (24 left)

Leaving friends at chapters, gives you what you asked for. No need for the first one.

Make another? Seed-ghost says you have to!

I'm a lost cold sad pet who forgot how good being domestic is--and I'm surprised it's only one glass! This is making me so wet...my thighs are a big mess, huh. Boobsong is distracting...

Okay fuck it I don't wanna control how this gets enjoyed and I need it to be I feel like ripe fruit or something and I'm proud of my goo and--augh, brain! It's true, though. It makes me feel so pretty. I mean, it sure looks good on Boobsong! Hehe.

Now you made a big splash. That's too big to say you never can control it. Seed-ghost will relieve that persistent worry: never can give too much. Here is what you get here. Someone will come help you--with a big erection--but never will they ask you for permission! Happens when your Keeper says.

YES! Squishy soft I'm fun and taste like candy come on--teehee cum-help me, you mean!

Dammit now I feel the breakup. I want someone I love, too--strangers are good! Especially if it's all sudden! Just...yeah. Humph. Stupid dumbness.

That's perfect, too. Now I can give Peanut a bath, bwaha.

Hope for friends who know you, deeply and just lovers. Seed-ghost has a long list of people who have crushes.

Aww! Okay I wanna re-recognize at least one person as they cum in me. Especially if like I'm held down or deep-throating and I have to do it without seeing them. Keeper what...you...turn into a dragon when I'm getting raped and watch like it's so cute, and...I can't click? I know I can't make you save me, yeah. You only do like comfort-Princess commands. This is so messed up I love it.

I mean sorta messed up. I'm about as hard to rape as getting the water out of a water balloon (and it does about the same thing), if I like you. I really just like to feel taken, not the fight. Give me no choice and I'll just squish.

Your Boobsong can't believe you like that! Just kidding that's the best fun. Free will is just denied for one thing and it makes your heart explode with sexy feelings. What if that's your whole life? That's your Boobsong. Never give this up. Can't have it.

Oooh you're gooood you little Succubus. Lots of clicks for you soon. I'll be imagining that slippery way it feels to get taken every single time.

Seed-ghost has another thing to fill you up. Personal cumputer: watch porn on family harddrives of people that you stay with, feel it in your passage! Except sometimes the people that you share with feel it (can't watch porn in private while you're touring).

Hehehe that's great! Um, so, got any porn? Can we watch? I really need some cock. No you have to be here. Anyway you're pretty. Oh the looks this'll be great.

(And now reader, it's fully through your head, heh, what "family" means here. Not the nuclear kind, we won't be staying with, unless you're radiantly clear about what nuclear means)

Lots of kids adore you. You will see them sometimes. Never at your stage shows, but maybe in the kitchen!

Oh, that...that's gonna be weird. They can just get spiked from seeing any of it, even if it's like the next room, they'll have no idea or think their mommies are watching the mumbly blurry show again. I think those times kids might be as unsuitable for me as we are for them!

The kitchen's awesome though. I take incredible mothering skills to deal with (as you've seen), and kids just love to bake, so it's the Heartsong Baking Show!

Which...alright how the fuck's this work? You know what's got way more body horror and violence than Starlight Princess, and gets almost hardcore guro like every five seconds? Looney Tunes. Boobsong and me keep our toonshading whenever we can and we can do most cartoon physics with or without it, including and especially all the splat/squish/blowup/pop stuff.

I think we just kind of see what we can get away with? And kids like it but it wigs grownups all out? It feels weird because...ooh. Okay. We...mostly don't do that stuff around kids because it's so a sex thing to us, even though from the outside it's not so it'd be fine? Or does that get spiked, because of how we take it?

This is why you can't like describe rules of how the Dreams do stuff. We still have habits though, what were they?

Kids are really weird for me. I didn't get to be one like twice between daddy's problems and the traitorous court, so they make me feel weird.

Having the adoring kids cheer you at their birthdays will make you feel this much better. Leave aside until then.

Gladly. Let's get back on track. Why am I so much more of a bimbo now that we dealt with this antichrist thing? You'd think I'd be hanging out the pentagrams and red candles.

Sometimes you put up a fight before you give in. Rape is not for only sex.

You broke me and now I'm all soft and wet. Don't let me get hard again! Except do! You know what I mean!

This is the weirdest I can feel it like a cock so invading yum...

You could not keep yourself from being the goddess of the Heart Church. Your seed-ghost simply made you it. Now it's all inside you filling up your head. Enjoy this nice big cock, it's going to be there all your life.

Keeper I'm real wiggly but I love this. I'm going to need so much fucking into submission...

It's in your head. Just move and you'll get fucked lots. Struggle harder feel it stronger!


Okay wiggly Fairy needs...something. Pick what?

Heart-stop is abandoned fear. Not without your Boobsong: Keeper doesn't hold you, sexy Acme Station will abuct you. Dragon chomps get upgrade here: she doesn't have to move to do it. Time stop still can't stop her!

Oh. Fuck. Yeah. Good.

Heh. I guess there's sure no intelligent life around if that's going off--

[!] Acme Station can just take you. Doesn't need to beam up. Fast escape spacejump. Very very tricky. You can't stop what doesn't happen--only the effects come, it doesn't have the causes! Imagine if the time your Acme Station steals you came before you left and you got here before you left from there. Doesn't make much sense, right? Acme Station does it, and then place you are can't hold you, because you're gone already! Have to be some cracks in time, but there always is a small one!

Alright. If my life has to be full of time travel stupid stuff, you get that, yeah.

Yes seed-ghosts are time travel but I like them. The infinite future is okay. It can be that powerful. It's all this Bill and Ted insanity I can't get my head around.

Oh well. Rather get my ass around something nice and thick and cum-filled anyway.

[!] Oh you will soon, you'll see...or not see! Keeper really loves you. She'll make sure this is a good one...or seed-ghost isn't watching!

Seed-ghost has a spot and name already. She is definitely coming!

A spot...if this is rule 63 Data--no, I know her? Uhm. Wow that's a whole like, continent. Eee it's funtimes, I can tell!

I think that's all I get here.

It's alive here, but the Four Dreams aren't a person. Neither is your seed-ghost. Something else here is a person? Table doesn't fuck you, how about keg? Maybe that's your harddrive on the counter? All of these have a problem: now you know they're coming! Seed-ghost just reminds you, not all your friends are human!


Not for this because yum, but...will the fights for stuff like being goddess of the Heart Church get less bitter? Do I have to always bite and scratch like that to get satisfied?

Something that reminds you of the answer is your hope here. You want the fights to stop? No. You want to be real beaten. Bashed with lots of pain? No, just soundly strong defeated. Maybe that's the heart-stop, that you have to hurt to feel this. Seed-ghost has the answer.

You're defeated at the moment, and you feel this sexy freedom. Look into your heart and see your feelings. Happy feelings fill you. Soon you get some answers how can feeling good stuff, make you feel defeated. Still you have some questions. How can this be good stuff, if you're soundly beaten? Here is the description of your heart-stop: you have to lose in some way, to feel defeat within you. Maybe hurt or not gay, forces you to take it. Then you're defeated. Not with sexy fun times, you want to happen so much you can't resist them. What if you just miss stuff? Then you see you taken by your passionate pleasure. That still is the heart-stop, just a little better.

Maybe there's a new way, to feel you aren't the one who holds you in this collar. Boobsong and your seed-ghost are very much above you. Maybe they could help you?

It keeps on being the part where you switch us but we don't but you do make me feel small and like a pet which does kind of do this but this is such a hard fuck or big does or whatever this thing with the Heart Church it's like a whole other level.

[!] Mommy your companion is a demon. What's that say here?

HEHE we glitched out the whole damned thing by making me the antichrist! If I'm going to hell I get like a throne or something. For real though. Tempation?

Fuck. I'm going to totally do it. Be so pathetic screaming for my balls back. You'll make me. A week is way too long and there's so many ways...gah.

[ Food Metaphor: loaded baked potato ]

You like this? Thinking of me that way? I know it just--

[!] This is best fun! Getting slowly deeper, slowly softly finding out you can't control this...soon you'll be so deep it's hard to come back enough to struggle...oh wait you already got there! Now there's only deeper till the bottom.

Mommy it's okay. You're fine here. Your seed-ghost has control you couldn't stop it. A demon is your girlfriend, did you think you'd keep your freedom? Let's see what it tells us. Your Boobsong's playing your game. That eravahk is happy. She will never never take it. It only has the buttons that will keep you Princess-happy, but that's okay, you like it.

Give up holding back now. It's time to be defeated.

Off with your head! It's time to get real stupid? Lose your head and panic? Not it's you're the Red Queen. Take some cocks and eat them! That just sounds a good time, so how is this defeating? There are some who can't stand their manly meat, and need you to delete it! Maybe that sounds fun still, but they don't know until they're beaten! Get yourself some fun toys.

Okay but can my pepperoni pizza just be normal pepperoni.

Your pepperoni is just beef.

Well that's solidly ambiguous. Come on, it's Olympic Pizza, give me some just easy. Pretty please?

Starlight Princess stageshow is where you play with this fun.

Oh. Okay. MUAHAHAH can you make me good at Poker? Because I've got something of Riker's I need to raise him.

Watch out for the Bones but maybe they will let you beam his wood away!

Dammit Jim I'm a Doctor, not a Magician!

Because he'll need somebody to pull a rabbit out of a hat. Like the vibe. Get it. Because pussy. Yeah me neither. Okay but how did I give pussies? I can think of a billion ways to take cocks, but how about giving pussies? Or was our way more like we did to the Starfleeters? I know getting them hung up on how awesome being femme is was my favorite anyway. You'll change back, I promise! Innocent so cutesy. AS SOON AS YOU CAN WANT TO!! MUAHAHAHAH!!!

Okay but some people would but they have hardcore forcefemme kinks. Then my candy won't stay? Nnnoo, it can just go off their wish to feel the change I think. Then they're stuck. Nectar's goooood at meta, I mean look at me. I don't think you're constatly undoing all your hard work with me, right dolly?

Splash you with all the nectar in the Deep Haven, you'll just get more stuck! You very very think it's you to be this goo blob!

I didn't force people, did I? I mean like, I suppose what's the big freakout if they can just go fix after the show?

I'm sure assassins got to feel the blowback bounce their brand new boobs while we all sung If You're Happy and You Know It.

Yeah because that was the prank. Can't get put back at the stage show. Hope you can still want it by the time you get to a Heart Church. And then they'd be in one. And whoever was there would be all cajoling like, oh you make such a hot girl though. Totally honestly, but my tentacles would of course give them the heads up who was coming so they could be there for them with like emotional support that'd get completely ignored in favor of "okay, but haven't you ever wondered what Lesbian porn is like from the inside".

Binary gender as this like fixed rotational pole of your identity is surprisingly much not how a lot of people work. Like I for sure have lots of stuff about my identity that's pretty nailed down hehe (augh I can't believe I just did that), because I'm a huge narcissist (just ask all my other mes) but a lot of guys really turn out not to give a fuck, because they're too busy now getting fucked.

I tried to be like, nice, though. Running for a Heart Church was the best thing you could be if you were one of them--we always said that's where the antidote was? Yeah--because ingrained sexism would come up a lot becausee oh is this why so many assassins?

Like weird way to proposition me for a forcefem scene but I can dig it. If nothing else, it'd be a shame to let gun culture stay a boys' club.

Anyway, my point about gender is, what is man? A miserable little pile of archetypes.

Which the ingrained sexism they had to be dealing with if they--I mean, there's the thing. Is that the only reason to need to be defeated into being forcefemmed? Why would I care about good and bad reasons, that doesn't sound like me. If you shouldn't have, fix it some way later, yay you learned something. Or, you know, get hooked on your boobs feel when you lie on them on your tummy (evolution messed a few things about being a girl up. My candy fixes them). It's still kind of a good assumption, though. That shit was everywhere in America. May as well just play like it was chewing on your playmate unless you knew them. So like I remember the righteous (get it) indicknation (lose it) of being real hard to do this, but not the specifics because there were none--too many constesticless--okay that one busted my balls, and you know what's up with them. Just like, we tried to be careful to head off those newly minted pussies from turning their loathing for women they probably had on themselves as much as we could. It's horrible for you, but that kind of thing always has splash damage, too.

Sorry, I couldn't stop it.

Okay for real though. There's no way I ate people's cocks onstage. Even if I microwaved them real fast, think of the texture, hard or not!

I cannot believe I just said that.

I mean I could turn them into candy like my flesh turns into heartstone OUCH WHAT THE FUCK!?

Your seed-ghost knows you fear this. It won't be at the first one but it's set to happen one soon day!

That--I--this is the first time, huh--

[!] Mommy your family won't keep on like this. You seed-ghost just did a mindfuck. You did do that assassins game but this is super scary! Our fans would run out screaming to see that!

That leaves me quiet for like a good five subjective minutes.

Take your dancing this way: Laarhi's eyes got blown up. Now they're fine.

So...I gave people various interesting defeats, heh, and other stuff would fix them, but getting beaten would really set you free like I feel now...so Redeemed love that they're all super bad and it's great, like, not bad people, just, they can have fun, I--it hurts to be the bad cop, though.

I guess giving people lots of examples of how if I fucked you up you'd be fixed soon made them not see me so badly?

Bikini boobs something...I'm stuck on this whole Red Queen thing like did I forcefem everyone I saw not yes not no not like sometimes what the hell.

I wanted people to love me. We needed them to for the worldgate. Why would we just openly make me the badguy? That's what I seem to remember but...oof bleah yucky help--

Strawberries like you. Barbarians hate you and want you dead. Only in being defeated could they come up out of mud.

...greasy burned-metal darkness...

Laarhi died there in the dungeon. How did he come back to life? The Four Dreams helped him? You gave help you don't know. You left him in the dungeon, but then saw him one more time. Twilight has the answer.

Don't have made me a killer. Please no. Don't bring this nightmare back again.

I feel so sick. Why are we even on this. Why do you keep turning fun into nightmares. Just kill me if this is my life.

I guess this is all evil after all. Acme--

[!] Mommy no please. Please. Hurting Laarhi got him a new life. You saved him. It wasn't your fault the Dreams just let him die there! Why the Dreams would do something so hard is why it said this! Our seed-ghost has happy things to say here!

Does the Heart-Stop Gun have to charge up or anything?

The answer is he was that solider at Ragnrok and you saved him there too! He dropped his halberd and picked up a rifle but killing him in the dungeon didn't let him out of his training it just opened his eyes just slightly! He had to get blown up by antimatter shells to realize he lost this fight!

Yes it has to charge it takes a lot to blow up even just this room.

I feel like I can only see out of one eye and my brain is tearing. I wasn't even asking for the Heart-Stop Gun out of reason this isn't explaining that's not the point here...will you all just keep torturing me until I snap and use it and find out it's fake or doesn't do anything or some shit like that? Because if so just kill me. That's horrible. If that's something you'd do just kill me here and don't fucking pick up any pieces I want to end. For real.

Maybe I should just be aiming the thing at my own head. That's what everybody thinks of me anyway.

You're looking at these things to help your eyes grow back. You lost them in the reset. This game will not continue to the point that you explode here. Laarhi had his eyes opened when you shot him with an A-10. Why not that in dungeon? Poison light was super scary, it can't be you were soft there!

Laarhi was a soldier. He had to die in battle, or he'd just keep on fighting.

Sirening feels like the Dreams are putting their hand in my mouth and I'll bite any second but I let them for now for some reason. On tours.

Tours what. It''s the same stupid bullshit, they don't finish their sentence. Ugh. I flop down off my pedestal like a depressed kid rolling out of bed, just to get away from the same gross greasy-darkness feeling. Cards or leave me alone, Dreams. Good luck telling me if you have something to say.

It's amazing the sheer variety of bullshit they can spool onto this endless fucking spool of hell. Pulling and pulling and pulling but we never get to paradise except in the moments I won't keep going because I think the spool is all there is. How can I cut through this?

Maybe we're taking the wrong approach. Do you have like, conceptual weapons, Acme Station? Could we cut the spool I was just talking about directly, even though that's just an idea? Do you see what I'm saying?

Your Acme Station has some dark stuff, but that would put light out over every place you said--

Conflation jump. That's your jump machine, it's made of darkness, I saw. Okay but can we target. I'm kind of messed up right now, is this even something you could jump to?

Your Acme Station can see your target but she doesn't like it.

I don't understand. Don't you want to get out of these endless fucking doldrums and nightmares and start our life? You could shoot the Heart-Stop Gun and this and it wouldn't do a damn thing, why don't you like this?

It's your heart it's mostly hitting! This is you they're trying to show you! The Heart-Stop Gun would destroy a lot of this because it's our relationship!

One of these inserted false memories that keep the spool going is claiming she ever ate anyone but me, but I know to reject that. That whole side of our relationship is special. I mean if that was even memory, it was just a vision with no "from" tag. Could have been anything.

More choking greasy darkness. Reminders of Plowstar in the rewrite backstory for some reason, but in its grossest moments.

Capture of your family wasn't evil. Why is this rejected?

BECAUSE I WOULDN'T DIRTY MY DRAGON'S MOUTH WITH THAT TRASH! She gives me the best fresh meat and you all think I would feed her fucking literal zombies in return? LIKE HELL! WHICH IS A GOOD DESCRIPTION OF THIS DAY! That stuff is special to us. It's for her. And me. Not Eden's rotting zombie army! There's our fucking relationship in this. Not whatever crap is on this spool thing.

You aren't the day you're fearing now. What else could that vision mean?

Heart-stop is you made her eat the bugs. What else can you smash them with? Something that is hard to stop.

So what, we just killed people? After all that stuff about not being allowed to? I don't get this.

Vague ideas that don't make any sense about forcefemming my way to victory then more of that greasy darkness chokes me.

Heart-stop surrounds you with nightmares to destroy good thoughts. That is what you feel there.

Well then we took the battle to them like my Mothers did plenty of times when barbarians started looking uppity but that still doesn't make any sense like how could there be a fight? Fine, if you're going to be that sexist Mommy's calling but like...ants and a flamethrower, you can still see the ants, this was a bunch dumbass tacticool edgelords versus Acme Station with a very pissed off main reactor!

How's this for sexism we should've let me a have a uterus after all I'd have PMSed Earth here in no time!

[!] Remember the candy? To make parties fun? What did that fun say to this?

Yeah, like, bimbo candy. Why isn't this just like, I put that stuff on arrows and bullets and stuff and shot people? Like face to face? I apparently think having a big fancy femme bow is cool. Like then we'd really be that horse and rider from Revelation--bleah. Except yum. It's like rusty moonshine to think about that. When you really need a drink.

Like why isn't it that? Fine, fucking barbarians need some perspective and I gave and it was their problem if they ended up liking it too much to change back. I loathe the idea anyone would consider being a girl a defeat but I can see how I'd happily shoot you in the face for that. Is that too mean or something? If my Mommies had that Boomgong thing you have Acme Station it'd have been the only thing they used. Blip your empire's glass are we through here? End wars as fast as you can, before they start if possible, that's the Strawberry way. Don't be afraid to use a real big stick if it knocks 'em down faster.

And yet I seem to think dragging this out was better somehow. Like it did anything at all useful. That offends me that I would think that. Why not just Boomgong it? My tentacles could have handled that. Hell, I could candy the whole atmosphere while I sat there practicing my heh Venom approach in StarFox.

I wish Earth had been a world of cardboard. It felt more like a petri dish, and I was the size I look in the astral plane.

So what the hell with all of this? I was even kind of hoping the Gorean Starfleeters would put up more fight. Even if it made my heart sing to see Riker rise above my expectations. I can see now what I was projecting on them, at least.

Kaari turned around your thoughts of Them with one foot kiss. Could you be so angry that you can't see something happy here?

Why isn't it that the Cupid's Bow thing I keep thinking about is real and we used bimbo candy which could run on their desire to be defeated and let out of the hell of like I don't even know what to call it REAL MANHOOD or whatever and that'd get them far enough to implant? Logically speaking if we were having kids that'd be happy even if it was kind of messed up it was still a hell of a lot better than what I grew up thinking I'd have to do with dumbass barbarians who don't understand why those nice square phalanxes don't need to outnumber their big blob of rabble?

That's better but it's still not the answer. I already know I like the Redeemed and they like me. These wouldn't be different. I don't think we made more clones though. That be so boring. Fucking yawn. That idea offends me.

[!] All of this was one thing. The candy worked the same way.

Were there really as many as that? No wonder we had all that Author's Voice Class and stuff! Come on, variety! A few clones is nice, but sheesh! I want to see people's creativity. It made me so sad when all there was left was their image of me.

I guess that's right but it's disappointing. They were free, why didn't run free? Or stay and be fizzfrozen sheep, fine, but, like there had to be something, some spark of individuality!

Like I don't think it could make them into Fairies, or there'd be so many Sugarfreaks even Berryblossom couldn't have carried them all. But Lucy's superfandom wasn't weird.

How can there be a good thought here. It's like that spiking with Sex's knife. There's no way it's both.

I don't mean the Redeemed. It's really hard to imagine Eden taking so many people so far, but once they're meified I feel some compassion. Nothing like playing on my narcissism, heh.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised Eden could be that evil, but gah.

[!] Maybe they were grateful and you think they won't be. You said they were but don't believe it.

Okay but shouldn't this not make me horny. Isn't there something wrong with that. This isn't like our messed up games--

[!] You remember their love for you. What do YOU give to thank someone? Candy and thank you cards?

I'm like stuck. That gear can't turn.

Sexy feeling heart cries of their savior in the club sighing Rainbow saved us.

They weren't like Sugarfreaks, I made Sugarfreaks of some but...the way they would offer...they feel like I do right now with all my goo...beautiful voices saying such adoring grateful things and it's such a blur of of of sweet hopeful wanting to please me like I did this to them with anything but hate in my heart like I wasn't just--I would tell them sometimes and they'd say I gave them life not killed them their voices seem burned into my memory it's my voice not always not exactly they were grateful but this, this--

Translate Princess Starlight into Strawberry.

Like, I Unveiled them?

You unlocked their Lucia.

[!] You found light. How can you say that's not a gift? They were lights-out. They thought they're the devil!

The Dreams cut in suddenly, hard, with an announcement they're spiking something and then images I can't parse. A big cushion, some kind of lemon cake with poppy seeds oddly vivid, bars, a transformer, then like an upsidedownish heartwarming tree as they end in the same greasy darkness though it's less choking now. There's Bubble Tape in here but I think that's just the bimbo thing. Not going back in that dark that's the spiking. They end but I've been put back up on my Sirening pedestal even though I fought and I'm a little scared of finding out I can't get off it now.

I can't because they don't think it's safe or something or I only can as Lucy--no but when I'm around Reedemed--er--I think this is I either have to accept their love or disappear because it's too cruel otherwise--oh.

They...don't get all my? Our? I think it just makes me's who heartform Boobsongs because I'm the devil? Anyway they don't get all my memories, they just come out like me, but kind of blank. They know. They don't have to be like tricked or something to do the Author's Voice Class kind of stuff. They have like a cushy life with lots of sex and journeying stuff (cushion lemon poppy cake) but it's help to transform (physical therapy bars Transformer) and be who they really are and they look up to me like I'm some kind of scifi goddess to them which the Dreams are telling me to use that power well and keep helping them if I'm going to be bigtime by I guess setting a good example (more of that cake) with my own fun or sneaking off as Lucy and Lyra if I want to not be seen but I feel really bad because their small airhead blankness should be so horrifying right but I just find it cute and I can't bring myself to make them work at the becoming-someone journey unless they want to which they so much do it's so heartbreaking when the truth is after everything I've had to carry I really envy them. They all have their Boobsongs. That's all I really need.

The Dreams seem to think they trigger something in my Fairy-Queen instincts like that. Maybe. I don't know.

The reset took everything and I guess it made me hope for that and even though all this stuff is so amazing it's breaking my heart with every piece that comes back because Lucy wasn't a hiding place she was a wish. Role-playing her for a while every so often was the vacation, not getting out of the spotlight.

How could I take that from someone who was enjoying it? My whole message has always been just have fun. You don't need a whole lot of self for that. The happiness of a simple creature isn't worth less than if it's somebody like Uncle Dagon.

My secret trick with Lucy was she was the one who was doing it right. She didn't try to become much of anything. She just enjoyed herself and didn't care that she was awkward and unoriginal. Lyra loved her and that were happy. I always hoped people would look at Lucy and Lyra and why they were trying so hard with all this other stuff like what'd that even get them now that capitalism was over and everything. I don't know if it's that I wanted other people to at least have what I couldn't or I somehow thought if the world changed I could or what.

Now I still want that but how can I but I'm so bitterly fighting losing every part of it even though it means gaining back people I love and a whole family--I know, Dreams, the Face to Face tour alright well I guess it has a fucking name after all there I go this is what I'm talking about I just can't stop with clever shit like you no more seeing it through a black mirror or journey no more glass darkly we're here now in the Four Dreams so this is face to face.

Lucy would never think up something so fancy. She'd just get up their and shake her tits and have a good time.

I don't know why it's breaking me up so much to realize this all or why Lucy's so much better to me than Rainbow or if she is or what. In a movie the answer would be that the newly Redeemed remind me of how I was when daddy first molded me and all I knew how to do was smile at myself in the mirror of that monolith with all that literal foreshadowing draped across my tits and I wanna go back there but somehow that's not it.

I already had this squishy blonde bimbo shape then. My mold was that. Maybe that's important but not for this exactly.

Soft blubbery tears pour out into whatever this weird thing that lets me cry in bullet time and I don't know what to say. It makes about as much sense as Sex's knife and somehow that's the perfect image of all of this.

I tried to be a good example as Rainbow to the Redeemed and I mean everyone but nobody followed me as hard as them so really them but...it really broke my heart that I couldn't! Is that what I'm crying about!? Come on, I'm way more selfish than that, it can't be. I tried to point them at people like Lucy, her especially if they knew her from Stamford, but...I always loomed so big to them. How could I be what they needed, when what they needed was Lucy? You can only model that so much from a pedestal at the top of the world that's supposed to give you the strength to open the fizzfrozen worldgate thing but come! on! that's not what life is about, it's just so we can all get out of this mess, you all should live yours, not get caught up in all my apocalypse stuff!

(Fairies don't follow, they're mind-controlled so it's different, they can't just emulate me if they try which they mostly don't have enough will of their own to try)

So I mean how can I possibly not be talking to myself with that, but somehow it's not like that. I just didn't a savior was the right role model for them but I guess if they ended up this way in the first place that kind of thinking was going to be pretty ingrained and it just...more of that wasn't the medicine they needed! They turned into me which yes I know not exactly but it sure made me feel responsible and how as their Mommy could I let them get sucked into the hell I was dealing with when they had an open door out of it!

The Dreams remind me of how I liked to help Grampie make stuff when I was three and yeah, but just...they could be happy. They could not know any of this ever was, like, they could just be the kids I never got to be.

Maybe that's the part I was missing that this isn't about me but how can it not be.

I guess I think when you're small and you don't know what the world is you look up at all the big people doing big stuff and you imagine that must be so awesome and you think they're so good and wise and like even when you're right and try to grow up like them and do you still get here and realize this isn't actually better it's just harder and more complicated and even when the wise people are as wise as they seem and as good they're having a really hard time with it all, too.

If you're a human kid growing up there's kind of no choice in some ways but like as newly Redeemed, yes Dreams cake you have enough self to just be simple and have fun but the cake has those seeds in it and the journey will make you grow I suppose in a good way if you're visiting the Dreams or just there now but I don't think that's necesarily right for everyone including me and now there's no way back for me and I'm trying my hardest but it seems like I can't save them, either, and that breaks my heart.

The answer should be...wasn't there something, didn't we find a place that'd strip you down, dolly, in Rl'yeh Sade, or did I make that up?

It doesn't matter. I'll never be able to use it with what we've seen now but I still cry for the life that should have been but even if everything went like it was supposed to I don't see how it ever could be.

I guess the Face to Face tour is a chance to play that, kind of. Or at least be a smaller me. I think the Dreams mean it's a chance to set a good example for all the Redeemed, I keep getting the idea of like be that cake so lemon (as in the fanfic term) and sweet and fluffy and trippy and chocolate frosted. It does make me think of something to say to all them when we go out there.

When you're a kid you see all this big stuff going on and fancy machines and important conversations and you want so much to be a help with all that and make your mark and contribute and...the truth is that's not where happiness is. It's looking across at your loved ones, not climbing up and up and up. You can do that from your bedroom floor, if you have a dolly who loves you.

And isn't that so selfish, because doesn't someone have to make all that stuff and wouldn't we miss so much if they didn't. Maybe. I don't know. The Four Dreams are here now. They can do all that. But don't we need people to deal with stuff like Earth. Yeah. That doesn't mean you should definitely try to be one if you don't have to, though. If the Four Dreams can give just you presents why not just accept them and be happy? If your infinite future can make you a seed-ghost that just takes care of you, why struggle for more? Why not just have a good time? LIke maybe it can't do everything. Ours couldn't handwave us out of Earth. But that just makes it so much more precious when it can. Take it. Have fun. Don't try to be big. Heaven's in your heartchild's sweet eyes, not up on some cloud you have to turn into Uncle Dagon to get to.

I was going to make like a big game of hide and seek for everybody. That'd be fun, right? It's too big though. I think I'll just say I'm so happy to see them all and Boobsong and me are going out to play and our first game is Bards on Tour and we hope you find us so you can play too but it's cheating to say more so you'll just have to play if you wanna see us and not to worry because we'll probably get bored and put on some big show soon but this is what we're playing now. That's the message those Redeemed need. Especially the small ones. If we play hide and seek it'll still be too big, like too much of a point.

Except those last two monoliths are still out there. I wonder why two, what's left. The last two came so fast but I guess they had to...I don't know. I can say that too though. The Dreams said the last two monoliths are in this new life where I'm done now and I have to just go play so we are and that's what you should do to and this definitely isn't goodbye you just have to play our game if you wanna see us. And that that's what to do now. Go play.

Rewrite memories of Plowstar from when I was three haunt me as I say that. I want to be that kid again but those aren't real I was in Strawberry Home then but it's all dark and gross smelling and I can't find it. Maybe they never were maybe you just don't get much of a childhood as a Princess and that stuff in the rewrite is the closest thing for me to what those Redeemed make me feel.

It feels like it'll drown me as I realize the home shows I've been imagining are all at farmhouses in the country like from that life, but isn't that just--but we toured in buses, not stayed in houses--is that just wanting to be accepted in the life I can remember from the rewrite but--but the Dreams did that thing with Freddie in the Waifu ride, what does that mean now, was that just to make it so we could remember all this--they're offering me a lifeline out of this storm and I grab for it and then we're hearing all about my dolly's feelings right now. Too long without her.

It's like...we're going to all the places that couldn't accept us before, the America we couldn't reach, like, my tentacles could fix things but there were always places that just didn't want to know we existed and it broke my heart that so much of Maine, which was just about our favorite part of America, was like that. Now the impact of coming here makes it so they can. Which is good I guess or they'd be off in one of those places like Butter's dad. That...is a little scary and I can't understand why I'd want it except...it's this part I can't get, something with all of this, with the Redeemed and Plowstar in the rewrite...Dreams are you trying to tell me it's not done?

Something. Resurrection and Redeemed and calling people who need the way we remade Churches into Heart Churches or something...this isn't a job for the warlord, I figure that out without Sirening--oh or the bigtime Princess Starlight? The only thing Lucy would do is try to find Princess Starlight. If she couldn't be found Lucy would just hang out knowing she'd come back and go to the Olive Garden and play Street Fight II with Lyra and fly her planes and stuff. You know, just live. I wish I could put on bimbo Rainbow more now maybe that would help but it doesn't feel right either. Oh...yeah not dig stuff up just party. Just go out and play out there but the heartland heh which always accepted us least is full of newly Redeemed who need to see the example I was just talking about except all we can do is go play out there because that's the whole point.

I'm still not getting something. The Dreams keep talking mission trip but it's not the one we went on with Verana but it's not about like going as Lucy and Lyra instead as missionaries because Lucy would never do that that's the whole point...mission is the monoliths Dreams are you telling me one of them is out there in Maine or the Heartland or something?

In showing them who we actually are.

Calling them to party, no more bugspray. Sugarfeast.

...but I'm still going to need my Bow out there on the road? They'll line up for it!? You don't need--calling them to supper but people who show up to supper don't need to be force-fed!

This is about that snarlygrape defeat thing, isn't it.

These are the people whose Great Journey didn't go where they expected and now it's time to stop fighting for what they thought it'd be but they can't, they have to be defeated. My power this time is Boobsong? Oh because--oh happiness I see. See me laughing and playing and I won't seem such a villain. They can find us in the metaphor of Halloween fun--no like are you a good witch or a bad witch (I'M THE BLAIR WITCH AAAAAH except exactly not that). But I guess they still need a couple of witches to sneakily ensnare them.

Our hosts will want us though. This isn't like behind enemy lines. We'll have a nice place to land. There's always some weird artist person in every small town. Or like surfer hippies or what have you. Yay cookouts! Bwaha what's this cheese it's different? Well, you see--okay yes, yes Dreams we definitely do have to hid some gender candy in quiche (real men especially don't eat Boobsong's quiche!). That's bwaha score a hole in one apparently.

Don't forget travelling by bushplane! Ooh that'll be fun. And...teleport tile? Wait like the Dark World? Like there's bizzarro USA or Oz or something and we're going. This isn't just Rl'yeh Sade time like it's like Zelda 3 there's a weirdass reflection version of it.

Wait...isn't this Rl'yeh Sade already? Because that sounds like Mirrorspace. Um...wait, this is Isla Virgo!? America's so...American...I thought for sure that's where we'd be, rest of the planet or not!

Well alright then I guess we're going down through the looking glass and up through the well a bunch. I wonder what the Mirrorspace of Earth is like now!? There are tentacles. Well obviously, it's Rl'yeh Sade! Oooh I see I shouldn't have been thinking so literally the real Illuminati. It's totally X-files over there. Metal.

Also fuck my poor Siren sense has been screaming about that misconception this whole time.

Okay but we're following all of this because that greasy darkness thing which has to do with the Redeemed and rewrite-Plowstar when I was three and all this stuff somehow. It's something with...the freedom to play, and be small we never had in Strawberry Home except that feels so choking about our past but I can't remember much of anything before Unveiling except hiding in Tuchyuh over sadly playing my music box like I guess I do have some things and I don't want to think it was that awful except I kind of think maybe it was I mean the box thing I'll die I'll explode just thinking of that--so I'm kind of wondering if the Dreams did all that stuff with the memories of Freddie and my stuffed toys being Boobsong and all that because it was their way of saying if we had to have all that made-up awfulness forced on us at least we could have the childhood Strawberry Home couldn't give but that wouldn't work if Boobsong wasn't there so they gave me stuff that'd make my brain rewrite the memories so she's in them which is what it feels like and I don't know and I could get really messed up if I do the wrong thing here so what do I do?

I think that says yes, rewrite them. Make...oh stitch Boobsong in so that the nightmares will be dreams.

Alright hard mode then. Let's do it at stage shows--or--I mean yes careful with the strata this actually really scares me because won't it mess up remembering the stuff after we landed in '93 and I'm not sure when I started coming to America, like was it--wait--how early did this start--in the eighties? The Illuminati I can hear radio and there's a radio tower right where the worldgate comes out. TV. They pumped a beacon back in time. That's how I targeted. I think Grandmother Strawberry helped them?

She was thinking of her daughter long years. Your right to chips and cheese on your second Unveiling-year-on is safe with us, oh yes.

Hi Grandmother! I know you're here the whole time. I can't wait, hehe.

I...would have been able to hear something, at the worldgate, how soon could I have opened it? On my birthday...tenth birthday. Is when you start doing grownup stuff so I would have then.

There was a place I could hide out and hear the worldgate--oh it's in the Rainbow Cathedral. Someplace there with good signal...practice...and I caught Gummi Bears. How the fuck did...my machines. What's this I don't understand, and bam, a machine to decode it. Is that how? Daddy would have left me instructions to practice my engineering instincts, and I did, and got like an astral TV? No lens yet so not a physical one...wait Raibow you stupid bimbo. Dolly, you just decoded it, yeah? Nudge.

EEEE you got the big part! Now you just need small stuff what's that mean.

I was little, I couldn't engineer so good, like my brother but I was even younger then...so my little-kid TV was scribbly? Practicing with like electricity...it feels more right I did this than using you? Apparently? Like you got your Acme Station stuff later or it took time to come online.

WAITAMINUTE. I had that obsession with that crystal radio in the rewrite! Practicing. Play with light. Oooh I got audio accidentally and then it was all over I bet...RRR memory come ON! Yeah because daddy left me practice sheets! I was supposed to just make the humans whatever machines they needed. So I made radio stuff? Gotta think astral, I wasn't doing this human-ly. I was sitting up high in like this rooftop place, under the roof and it was low, had to lie down...yeah because I have the reflector pointed down at the worldgate! Daddy left me a radio telescope but a star just sits at the focus and listens for that.

Hehe my kid engineering's so messy! I made all different pieces because I didn't know how to make it happen in one stroke like I do with candy now. But I actually got like astrally a screen I could watch stuff on. Like just a framebuffer that'd get filled up over and over by the signal I was hearing. And I could watch Gummi Bears.

Heh. Come on let's go to America the commercials are awesome! But I wasn't allowed to open the worldgate until I was ten?

Yeah right we totally snuck through all the time.


Huh, that doesn't feel right. Oh because the phases of development are sacred and I've always been so devout.


Dolly what do you think off all this now? It feels like everything is just recursive channel surfing and like no matter what we try to do it's like 500 diversions but the Dreams say they're not diversions.

Your Boobsong is right beside you with that. It's like we're walking Memory Alpha Beta Gamme Epsilon like however many there are we go there and it can't just stop and do anything it has to keep on going into new things without the last one finished. We haven't even got to play Spin the Lens which is good your Boobsong guesses with the Rainbow destruction team actually being bad stuff (it breaks her eyes in half how they could do that thing with making us believe they actually were the Holidays) but this day has just been like that every single thing is something huge and hard!

The Dreams interrupt wickedly hard (which is what it takes to get me away from reading her)--this is memory recovery and I guess it's really important. It's bad to step away from it too much.

Maybe but it's wearing me down and the last couple of freakouts where I went zero to Heart-Stop Gun in like a minute show that. This doesn't feel like a day. It feels like weeks and it's getting so trapped and tedious sitting in these bullet time things or just standing or sitting around thinking through stuff. It's getting to be too much and I'm starting to deep down believe that the only way to have any life at all is to have Acme Station take me away someplace else that can relax about me remembering, or nuke this all. I understand what that spool is now but the conflation-jump scalpel to cut it out is starting to look pretty good anyway. If this doesn't wrap up soon, I'm going to use it. I'll snap just as sure as I thought everyone was trying to get me to snap with the Heart-Stop Gun. Maybe that's why I thought that. This needs to be done soon, even if it takes violence, and just for once I'm not saying that because I'm freaked about some something or another I almost remember. I want our relationship back too dolly but if we don't make it to actually enjoy each other what's the point? We can always make new memories. What do you say about this?

Your Boobsong has her lights out to hear you say that but she knows it's true. She's being very patient but this is hardest stuff we've gone on in all our years. Maybe if the Dreams could just be patient or set up our life to take us somewhere--

Seed-ghost will give a spoiler. Playing fifty years here is not the plan. These are the pieces you will need for this next part. This one is a big one.

Seed-ghost we need to be thinking more in minutes than years. Honestly I'd cut that spool now if I couldn't feel how I have unwoven edges that'll unravel if we stop here. Sorry dolly, but I'm worn out.

The Dreams start reminding me of all the important stuff we've done the past few sleeps, my crown, the Heavenly Gate Eruption Swarm Boobsong used to hijack Eden's propaganda network, freeing daddy, they want me to connect that to the Redeemed, and my own ghostliness, and the prophecy, and this new tour, and the--huh--oh I get it like bring the Heartlanders some forbidden fruit--they think I'm crashing again like with my Lens when I first remembered I had it. With the Gummi Bears thing?

Even somehow my--they want me to look at the audience? Hey everyone. I see we have some black mirrors or phones being held by Boobsongs--Dreams what, I'm talking.

Oh find her in particular. Well hi Redeemed I love you very much and take that stuff I said about Lucy to heart. She's the way. Pussy's out of the bag now heh so there you go.

Okay, where are you...sipping a soda now, looking all chilled out. Guess this part was a lot less horny than I planned, yeah. What is that, where are you? Wait, I'm such a bimbo! Turn whatever you're reading on, show us!

Looking...hehe what a great expression, don't spill your soda! Okay a library, in like a small room, you have a fishbowl, this a cute house, there's the door, hehe is that like a Lego Strawberry Home, on your hutch? Or like model? Too much time travel, can't tell, keep turning, show the whole place. Big bed, approve, nice floofy white pillows, oh is that like a portal? And some charts rolled up? Cool, you're on a ship! Airship, right? Siren sense is tingling. Yeah because here's the ceiling and that's totally more portals in it and the arched cabin thing boats always have that explains the cramped, too. Wait how'd you do this scene change, nuts I think that's like a time-glitchout or something, I can't see more. Don't tell me you stopped, I was about to ask to  see you!

Ooooh, you're trying to write me a message! Okay, I think it's getting glitched, we're really pushing time hard with this. Scrying hard...almost see, you...this is turning into visions to cross the time-gap so I might not get it exactly but...wait--can I hear!? You wrote like "my light was out and you saved me" and now you're saying--

"Don't give up, you can get there! YAY YOU HEARD US! That's me and my puppet Lightheart! She's holding the mirror! Listen just keep going you get out of there so soon it's--fans are all around you--osing--okay hearts goodbye if that was all!"

Dammit! That was insanely much, good job you! Wait the Dreams just showed me a card back. Let's rock and roll. Let's see if I can get you this way. I'm going to do cards but reading what you have to tell me.

Lisa White something, the Dreams are telling me. Like the designer of Starlight Princess Adventures. She's important right now. Okay any input Acme Station? Don't suppose you've got like nice signal booster?

Just keep going this is awesome!

Okay here goes. Aimed at the beautiful Redeemed in the cool airship cabin with the puppet named Lightheart.


This really hard stuff with the bullet-times and stuff is sexy to you to watch(!?)...what I couldn't hear was...happily ever after, we're not missing something, literally the World Card like fulfillment/balance/completion I think that's trying to repeat the ten of cups and say we really are done and it's playtime.

Hehe you're cheering so cutely! Argh, time crack closed apparently, oof. SO GOOD JOB THOUGH! Thank you!

The Dreams are right on me before I can gush at our awesome fan (but I can tell you're reading, I saw your eyes! Hi still! Teehee and your expression as you read this that's so fun).

Okay snif you're like chanting. Like a cheerleading cheer. I love you. That's so sweet, I needed that, thanks. We needed that?

EEEE fans say hi! MUAH blow kisses to everyone! HI LIGHTHEART! Show her if time crack stays when you turn mirror?

Yes! Yes please do!

Beyond the fourth wall, her eyes widen, she puts the soda down with a pretty soft-looking hand and the mirror spins to show a beautiful su'khora looking down-aside submissively like I make Boobsong do though this one looks a little more bashful than Boobsong's barely-contained sproing. She has awesome rainbow-stripey hair like her head is the middle of a rainbow sunburst like there's a little jagginess on the stripes so it's not just like a kid filled them in rainbow. OH THAT'S THE LISA WHITE! She's kind of fox-kin with a cute animal nose and more fine features compared to her seed-mom's floofy softness (HAH Mistress of StarFox had to come in somewhere), and she's adorably small like Boobsong's doll-form, sitting there on her heartformer's tummy under silky white sheet--

Nuts. That seems to be it for the time crack? I push--oof. Yeah no. I'm tempted to see just how cardboard my world is these days when it comes to time travel but I can kind of tell that's a bad idea.

Still! So pretty! Hi kiddo! Take good care of your heartformer! She needs lots of funtimes.

BEAUTIFUL SEED-KID! Take your heartformer fishing off that airship bwahaha!

Hehe--there. Priorities.

Now hang onto your tits because we're coming to visit. The way this is going that might be a long long time away for me and Boobsong, but there's no way we didn't get enough from that to find you. Especially if you want to be found. And I guess we publish this if you're there to have this fun.

Hehe if I heard what I think I just heard good. Enjoy yourselves. No more time-crack though, nuts. Good reason to put the book down...

Okay so the Dreams got on me with there being a vacation after this, and we're publishing a print edition of it someday, but, ahem. Redeemed and seed-daughter. So good to see.

All of you are so awesome.

Okay back to off with their heads apparently. Sorry I didn't get your name lovely milk mustache girl--okay I think this is from before so probably skip, or like wish to be spiked from seeing it. Unless you really want to but the dreams think you'll burn yourself. By whatever Momminess I have over you I wish for you to be spiked from reading it. Okay start skipping until HEY ITS OKAY between lines.

Okay tried to snipe me...my tentacles tied her up...she was in a really bad way, like, not much left at all. Violent ghost. I...shot her with something like my Bow and she implanted and got Redeemed, like the combo is how that works. It kind of like melts you so you can change--waitaminute--Dreams what're you saying with that!?


Okay I'm getting out my Ouija board for this one because that's big. See even big bad Siren Rainbow uses tools when it's big.

75%? Alright part B then? Just yes.

Well, fuck. There's a whole bunch of people out there still needing to get Redeemed, But that's horrible! Can we conflation-jump blast them now? Why are you waiting for us!? Spike them real good and smitily, you can cook up a good defeat, can't you?

(If you're wondering, part A was are there suddenly lots more Redeemed because spiking, and part B was are there a bunch waiting still for me)

Wait. Is the spiking that you melted them so they can get Redeemed?

So they can like, come to the feast, heh. Okaaaaay, but now this feels all urgent and that's terrible for everyone.

I'm supposed to see if I see you again, milk-froth...hehe you're so into this, reading while you eat now. Bowl of soup? In your nice white galley on your ship I think. It's just a little time-sliver but I got that much. You look happy though. Seems like you had a good time with Lightheart just now. Or maybe like hours ago but that looks like an afterglow-snack to me. Time-travel stops me seeing too much, argh.

We should try to do some kind of mass Redeeming anyway, conflation-jump to everyone on Earth who's dead with it--SIGH. Alright well here we go with the stone with your new name on it from Revelation. Why am I so convinced it needs the horror movie part? I guess because wakeup call one way or the other. Either you'll go through with that and you are the devil (like, you know you've become a drone to Eden), or it wakes your ass up because you still have some self left. I just hate there can't be a candy-sweet way. Oh there is, all the cute monster girls and stuff, but if that's not working after twenty years it's time to get out the defibrillator (remember what I said before: acceptable alternative to dying, second degree burns, possible nerve damage).

Can't think what the white robe is though if it's anything. Though I notice you like white stuff a lot, milk-froth (I'm not trying to make fun of you! I'm just so not creative at names!). Congratulations on the own-thing! I like black so I shine but your ship is beautiful and you looked nice in those white sheets. No time crack just this paragraph but...any thoughts here? The Dreams have me looking at you which is fine with me but it also makes me think you have a nudge?

Angel halo is a thing here.

You have cards? Oooh. Okay here goes. Pamela-style like Copper I think that is.

Ermegerd (get it) I'm such a stupid bimbo. And Boobsong's like right in front of my face right now, too. THANK YOU! So. Obvious. I mean the one goes with the other.

And they thought the part of Revelation that describes me was bad. Go you if I had that right before when you put the book down you're getting lots of fun from both of us when we visit.

Everybody else, if you're wondering, that reads "Unorthodox and/or heretical meaning of robe, take a look at my emotional fantasies, pony".

And then what color is my pony. And she sure does drape around me sometimes, hehe...

Let's get this done, then. Can you--oh, no, we'll have to, okay. No timelike on Earth. Unless they can all get like "taken up"? No hold up, they already have been, they...think they're in the garden of Eden.

Name sure sounds spooky now, though, huh?

So we need, what, a conflation jump to all the people who think their at the part where you get your stone and robe, and candy, and presenting as the Rider--ouch! Oh. Stay behind the curtain? Should I just make some candy? It's already everywhere, yeah, I thought so, wait, oh no are they all headed for Stamford!? How'd they find out!? I guess everything is different now. I wanna be able to still Lucy and Lyra around there, though!

[!] Mommy your Boobsong please wants urgently to see every single one of them! Can't we please go see our seed-kids?

Of course! I just want to be able to get anywhere near that Street Fighter II machine! I suppose the Dreams will spike it to not be too nuts or something. Wait hold up. Street Fighter II did get made, right? In the real world? That came out in like 94? OUCH! Okay argh what...what'd we play instead though because we did play videogames at that BK...I remember you always happily pushing 2P start...candy something of course...what was the game, though--OH! RIGHt! I DID survive the reset as a Disney Princess!

Just, you know, kidified and turned into a glitch. And I don't wear hoodies. And I'm not a brunette. And I'd still have Boobsong snarl grr.

But hey, candy Princess racing game. The Starlight Princess version was way better, though. We raced spaceships with the Spaceship club, through candyland and Heart Home and stuff. Oh I remember a trackball because there was a pilot and like a gunner! That was so fun. Asymmetrical co-op is the Starlight Princess' chosen game design element, don'tchaknow. Newtonian flight model? No, just driftable? Depended on the ship! Federation ships were Newtonian but the Waifu had its interspatial gyros and G-diffusers making it fly more Star Wars. Ups and downs to both, heh.

Actually the glitch thing makes a spooky kind of sense. Almost like there's a message trying to squeeze out--oh my scan line interlaced coffee water she's even got herself a traitorous court.

I'd explain the reference for all you fortunate enough to forget the reset, but I don't want to wreck it for anyone.

So ANYWAY. To sum up. Everyone who was going to be waiting for a stone with their secret name on it and a white gown did indeed get theirs, just using the gobs of candy I left around Earth for exactly that purpose, have I suppose all glomped up now because I seem to remember Redeemed--oh because having strong herd instincts made you vulnerable to Eden. That's so heartbreaking. Of course they stick together.

So it's already done and they're Redeemed and didn't have to wait one second longer than they needed to get their good stuff as promised and now they all of course have themselves a starship or so which is what happens if you give a lot of me a herd instinct (otherwise it'd be a fleet of 4000 Waifu) and they laid in a course for Stamford but there's no way they're not coming here instead the moment whatever sighting drew the other fans gets out beyond Mass Ave out there, which we need to know so we can greet them properly and be very kind because you should be very very nice to newly Redeemed. They're vulnerable and have been through a lot. And I really like them. They're cute.

Mommy-stare at everyone who's not a new Redeemed. For your sake. They all have seed-kids of Boobsong, remember. Do they all heartform? Yeah, because there's no way they'd survive, otherwise...and I think it's part of what lets this work at all? Like they'd unravel without it?

Also this has huge consequence for the tour, because it means there's nobody out there who needs Redeeming, which means the deep anchors that'd keep people from accepting Boobsong and me are all gone. The Heartland will be like the Dreams have been saying, heated up so it can bend.

Also some of those Redeemed may remember something of where they came from. That'll be interesting. I suppose seeing us up close might help some people accept their loved one back. We can't like, worry about that, though. The Dreams keep showing me that lemon-poppy cake as I think about that. If I turn this into a mission like that, I'll be betraying all the Redeemed who look to me for how to be this whole new self, and probably screw up whatever reunion they were going to have with their connections, too.

Okay but really, because I know you're asking this too, reader, they all have to be turned into me? That's a nice fate but can't more of who they were be saved?

Like, I think the answer is, it is? There's not much left in these cases. Yeah, Lucy must have got picked up by a cult as a rebellious tween, but what if you're raised in one of those things? Or even just normal evangelicalism? How much of a person would you even get to be? Any? If you did, would you want anything but to run away screaming from it? I can't believe I'm saying this what with how you get there, but the rewrite backstory gave me a couple of friends who I think even years out of the church would have jumped at the chance to get Redeemed. Knowing full well how it works and stuff and what would happen. And had it work, like they would have still been carrying the wish it could be revealed that thay're the devil, namely, thanks to Eden's targeting program uploaded to its every drone, me. No hate burns brighter than self-loathing projected on someone else, so that was what it went for to get people who wanted to destroy me.

This is real bad stuff. Eden's like the Christopher Nolan movie of the darkerAndEdgier!Borg. As written by Peter Watts. If the healing looks weird, it's because we had to get that weird to save them at all. So be nice to Redeemed, they've been through hell.

Like really. I'm not making a cute joke. They've just been through hell. 

That's why it's cake and parties forever now. That's why Lucy's the one who (at least in her head according to what she thought she was doing) was getting it right. All the rest is just what makes them happiest, that's the way to go.

Oh I made the cake do something of course. I think it gave you a very horny trip that'd pull up little sparks of who you'd been if there were any still viable, so you could see what you wanted to do with them.

I think Lucy said the cake just showed her Lyra and made her insanely horny. Really nothing left? Yeah but it's okay. I'm happy.

And like, here the thing. This is important. Being Lucy isn't like sad or broken or something. It's great. You should look up to her for her determination in accepting who she is and what makes her happy. Not like, because she's some kind of perfect person or anything, or because she did or didn't remember any of who she was before, or because she was or wasn't Redeemed, or any of that stuff. Just that she could look in the mirror and love the person she saw there as she was (remember it's not loving to lie to your friend when they ask if they messed up though) and not try to make her be someone else just because.

The cake isn't to fix you, if you're Redeemed. It's just to show you what toys you have, in case they might be fun. It'll always at least find your heartchild. You always like her.

I know I keep on like repeating this, but, it's like screaming at me more and more the further up the goddess ladder this crazy trip drags me. That's important right there about the cake showing you what toys you have. If it turns out you're just this one little note of a person, instead a whole orchestra all in one like the music box daddy made me, that's okay. It's good. You mean just as much in the scheme of things as the biggest most powerful star. If all you have is your one little note to play, your same sound to make over and over, make it. I still want to hear you. Existence wouldn't be the same without you.

In fact I look up to you. You managed to be simple in this crazy nightmare shitstorm of a multiverse, and even if you did live your whole life in easy safety here in the Dreams, I still think that's an accomplishment. Be proud of it, even. One path isn't doesn't make you better than another, that's my whole point, but you can be proud of this one.

This has got to be me talking to myself, though. Like I'm the one who can't hear the message so I keep going. It's that same thing with Plowstar when I was three and the childhood I didn't get and all that. You all, you new ones especially, every Redeemed has a chance to be that now, yeah, as grownups, but you have that freedom of being a book without so many pages yet. My pages are too precious for me to tear out, but I've lost my way with that, or maybe I never knew it.

What's back there? I can remember Gummi Bears, and lying in Tuchyuh's oven playing with Heartsong or my music box.

The answer's not going back, like, we can't, we're grown up now, Boobsong and me. But there's a way to still have it, because you all are, Redeemed. Even if your cake was entirely poppy seeds and you worked at nothing else but filling up pages as fast as you could you wouldn't catch up to the fifty years of drama Boobsong and me have been through. That's good though. That's my whole point here.

I think now it's us who need your example. Please don't ignore toys you might have fun with just in hopes of being a better help to me, that'd wreck it, I hope you can see why, but like, maybe in the life you're living I'll be able to see sparks of the me I didn't get to be, and find this new way my heart is screaming for.

...oh. This is what the greasy-darkness thing is. That's a like stupid-intense version of a way it feels when I'm staying too long on a farseeing thing, like if I try to keep reading a card that's read. The Dreams have been telling me I'm staying too long looking back at Plowstar when I was three trying to find this there. That card is read. In the greasy darkness the Dreams have been showing me bubble tape. Here's the light, they say.

Like, if you're Redeemed, no explanation needed, right? Let's be bubblegum.

So, if you wanna help me, show me the way. Live the fun happy life that cake is the image of and don't be afraid to just be horny fluff with a sweet dark outside. Or whatever your version of that is. Like that's the whole point. Show me what it'd be like if not-quite-Rainbow knew nothing but what makes her happy.

Yes not-quite-Rainbow. It helps that you're all a little different than me. And don't think if you're not new Redeemed you don't have just as much help to give me! Like you, in the airship, milk-froth, that was great! If you really want us to come visit, I can't wait. You've been doing your own thing a while, and it really shows. That airship was dripping you-ness, and Lightheart too, and yet...the weird thing about it is that was, like almost a me I could be? I would have that airship, and Lightheart's adorable! If your life had to be mine I'd be real happy. Except Lightheart would be Boobsong. That part is special, su'khora, you know. But the rest. It's so fun because I would have that airship, but I'd never get that airship, because would be too busy with my tour bus and the Waifu. But now I saw yours, and, like maybe we do need an airship, eh cocksleeve? I liked how cozy it was.

And that's it, I guess. You're touring, aren't you? But you're just sailing around. Or rocket-ing, I didn't see what powers that thing--oh of course I liked it, you had a huge Gummi-tech vibe going there! Sweet! Can't I just fly around? Tour bus doesn't have to be for Starlight Princess tours, right? Yes, but like...I don't know what it's like really to have never thought of being Princess Starlight, to neither be on vacation from being her or retired or whatever, nor touring as Princess Starlight. My heart is screaming for that. Please, it says, please I don't know how to exist. But seeing you just that little bit, milk-froth, felt like it filled something in. Like I saw some little bit of how to be me that just never got to be. It makes me so hopeful, to think of you all out there, doing your own things, all different and fun. You all have something to show me. Just because it's you, yours. Be small and new and you'll help me see where I need to be now, show me how I might have that fresh start I want. Go far up that path that leads to white sheets and a sweet airship and soup breaks and you'll show me a secret place I might never find otherwise, a new way to be, even if you've gone so far we're nothing alike anymore.

This is going to be so fun. I can't wait to meet you all.

Okay, too much without my Boobsong. What do you say to all of this, dolly?

Princess let's have some fun is the best thing to hear from you. Your Boobsong could fly with excitement! Just wait you'll see they'll teach us such happy fun your existence will be just as happy fluff as your cake just hot sex and sweet fun comes next! Let's do this thing, CHYA!

Vacation time, say the Dreams nice and loud, as soon as she says chya.

BWEAAHAHAHA hey dolly we came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum...


Hm...no more salad now, but...the Dreams want cards? Okay. Click.

Shuffle cards and repsread them!

Oh but add the porn! Click, cards.

Mixing porn and shuffling--aah that's good. Sexy feelings come from all of these.

Yeah, now that I remember Copper every single Pamela Coleman Smith card makes me horny!

She's gonna love this stuff. If she doesn't remember Redeemed that'll fuck her head so good.