21 - Wham Line
Yes, the powerlessness turns me on. See, everyone? Hear my voice melt?
"Goddess it says the game wanted you to feel safe enough for it to feel happy when it changes what you can move for again."
Something big shifts around in the place in my head that's starting to feel as vulnerable and hopeful as my ass or mouth, a significant reconfiguring.
"Mommy now you can only move if you're specifically doing something the game told you to do. Isn't it the most luxurious feeling, Goddess? I always get super-wet when you leave me still like this because it's so helpless."
Answering her is not something the game specifically told me to do. Neither is commenting that this is what it's like to be her, nor staging a miniature porn-show about how helplessness melts me, nor voicing the feeling that the games' promise not to separate me from Lyra is starting to feel hollow in the way I can't be the dominant partner I love being with her--
"Goddess our seed-ghost says it promises these games will only train you not make you like this forever. When the lesson is over the game will go back to just keeping you bratdommy until it's time for your next lesson. Now you can just relax though Mommy try I promise when you realize that you really can't do anything AT ALL it'll be SO COMFORTING."
Of course I can't reply. There's the question of how I'll get orders, but I decide to let that thought just slide out of my head--
An overwhelming, distracting, dizzying torrent of images of Lyra under my thumb literally and metaphorically in ways I want to cry not to have the chance to examine in detail before they flash by obliterates my train of thought to the last edge and node.
That was cool, why did that happen--more imagery.
Whatever I was thinking of it gone, and I can feel the running of my body clock saying the last few seconds are missing from my short-term memory.
Another precisely-targeted porn-wipe erases everything but the thought that this must happen if--gah--I think about something I haven't been directed to!
I actually can, at least somewhat, remember the imagery with startling clarity, and understand with some relief that the mechanism for the RAM-wipe is just to spam me with things I'll reflex-recall at a higher priority than absolutely anything I could possibly think--and that it can be targeted with great care, if I can string this thought together (it seems to be in a few pieces, and there's a vague recollection that there may have been one or more much smaller attempts to distract myself that are totally deleted).
Following this, is the decision that I'm going to tell Rada about changing an ancient broken-down Nissan into the Deliverator-mobile as part of our journey to escape Limbo.
This is not a decision I've made, and the thought isn't mine--it's clearly and obviously tagged "decision by system of games"--but it's part of my thoughts now and is like a device with no off-switch, autonomously using me to carry itself out.
The presence of this inexorable manipulation doesn't mean I get to stop being giggly and cute, though! The other rules are still in full force, and I slip wildly for a moment until I realize that just because I'm not even not making decisions anymore doesn't mean I don't have a contribution to make...so I make the only one I can make, the value I have here.
"Um...Rada...it's controlling my mind and I have to tell you about something we did in Limbo and it was so. Cool!"
And in following the order, I have complete freedom. I bounce in my seat, and grin with pride at the accomplishment I have no choice but to describe, and even for the first time in my life talk with my hands a bit, determined to pump every bit of sexiness into this that I can, just in case it's the only order I get for a while.
Rada watches me silently, an odd bemused smirk on her face. It's not part of the command to wait for her to actively give me permission to speak, so that's not going to happen. I am only able to keep talking if she's paying attention, apparently, but she is, so the words are coming out of my mouth now.
"During our escape from Limbo Lyra and I got stranded in a place called Texas, which is near the ocean, about fifty miles. Lyra can turn into a ponybatpegasus--"
Interestingly, Rada seems surprsied at either something in the story already or my big stupid grin remembering the fun of flying on her--other words override my train of thought and I go back to being a good fucktoy and saying what I'm only allowed to be saying:
"--so she tried to carry me to the shore at first but when we flew up high the perfekti were loud enough to make me faint, and I fell off and almost died so then in Texas we needed to travel on the ground to keep away from the sky-perfekti so I found us this car that reminded me just enough of a car from a book called Snowcrash and I was able to combine the text describing the car from the book with the way my--" fuck it cuteness all in all this leftover dignity is really getting in my way right now "--daddy who's an Episcopal priest reads the ritual for communion cadence right Rada is that what you call it?"
Disappointing, my orders don't include stopping to let her condescendingly explain to me what I know full well but am too hungry for her attention to use, so it's not going to happen.
"With the cadence--" (fine, I can say it like I don't know how to pronounce the word) "--to make Limbo let me rewrite the car into the one from the book and then we stole it by Lyra teaching me how to dominate the car which was kind of alive because I think I accidentally mixed in a bit of the cat-car from another book called So You Want To Be A Wizard--"
I stop talking, and just barely manage to get my hands onto my thighs so my forearms will give me some better cleavage to show her before I'm a doll again.
--My eyes close, and I take a deep, openly-horny smiling breath as the reward arrives for my enthusiasm in the form of a blast of Lyraporn that keeps going until my breasts are heaving nicely and I feel very warm and like I've had my face in her breasts. It doesn't delete the memory of my helpless obedience or exactly what I told Rada, but it does clear my spinning head a little.
Opening my eyes again is not something the game specifically told me to do, so it won't be happening.
The darkness is soothing...
"Now I have to tell you about the fight we saw between an army of perfekti and an angel at the shore in Limbo, except I guess the angel was actually my guardian somehow? We got to the shore in the Deliverator's car and it was being guarded by so many perfekti it was terrifying, and I really thought we were about to die so--"
Interpretation is not part of my orders, and my mouth just refuses to form the words. Strangely, urgency is, forcing me to rush and not flourish. So boring!
"And then the sword that went to the sheath I turned into my purse which was on the back seat of the car because we'd been using it to fight the perfekti suddenly came to life again--um, it seemed like the consecration we put on it only made fire when I was holding it--suddenly came to life again and shot up through the roof of the car I think without tearing the roof of the car any except I'm not totally sure about that because I was driving and trying not to get perfekti on the car again or get shot by my guardian which I thought was an angel which I thought would try to destroy us because Lyra's a demon and I was pretty scared of because as we turned onto the road for the beach it was clogged with perfekti and then my guardian made red laser targeting spots one for each symbol of each perfekti and shot them with something invisible and they shattered and the road was clear for us so I floored it and it scared me again by jumping in front of us onto actually"
--hooray, I can at least lisp my akshually for some nerd-girl cute--
"what was a building that would have been in our way pretty bad and blasted a bunch of perfekti behind us with um...like my guardian is an angel instead of an animal so it has a Weapon but the Weapon is abstract and I saw kind of--"
A new Order interrupts me, changing the topic.
"I'm--it's making me change the subject um" --the urgency is redoubled, I'm not even allowed a cutely unsure little pause-- "earlier before we found the car in Limbo we'd just had a really bad conflation-jump and we were lying there recovering and a baby perfekti attacked me and it got a tentacle into my head but it had no security for some reason so I deleted the Bible it was using as I guess source text and apparently when you do that perfekti explode or die or whatever."
"Now it's making me describe the computers in the Deliverator-mobile car we stole."
This seems to be even more urgent, so I pile through practically unadorned beyond what I hope is at least slightly phone-sex voice.
"They were really bleeding-edge because of course it's a car from a sci-fi novel but nothing technically impossible just really expensive. It had a stability-control system that could scan the road-surface and adjust the suspension angles to keep the car driving when it should flip or lose a wheel from an obstacle, a bunch of stuff I guess to control the electric drive motors and stuff, and Lyra that's my seedling tried to help us find our way to the shore with a navigation computer it had but the database didn't know where the shore was--"
Back to being a doll, mid-sentence: Rada is saying something.
"I want to make sure I hear what you're telling me correctly. You started your journey through Limbo with your seedling and your vehicle was your seedling because she can shapeshift into a form that would be strong enough, but perfekti chatter penetrated whatever shields you were using when she flew high enough for you to navigate to the water and you--fell off because you mindlocked due to perfekti chatter, but she was able to save you. Yes, so far?"
Warmth rushes between my legs and pounds in my chest as complete without the input I'm not able to give anyway my head nods affirmation. Kindly, I'm allowed to express the orgasmic gasp this sudden gentle violation deserves, and then there's a new, very small, Order in my mind:
"I'm going to elaborate on anything you ask me to elaborate on."
"What was the conflation-jump like?"
"I was unconscious for it but I felt really sick and like I'd fallen pretty far afterwards but I don't know if that was because I fell off Lyra or because of the jump. Cocksleeve, tell Rada about your conflation jump if she wants you to."
"Thank you but not right now. The conflation jump brought you from Stamford, Connecticut, to Texas, yeah?"
She knows our hometown?!
More involuntary nodding, a tiny little plea in the back of my mind for it to do something really interesting with possessing me soon, and the furious inner rush of realizing this can probably be used as seamlessly day-in and day-out as the clutch.
"Then you had no vehicle in Texas so you transformed a mundane vehicle into a fiction evokation from a book that was important to you, and used the fictional evokation that used high-power computers to control itself to travel to the sea-shore. Are you a computer expert?"
"I'm not formally trained yet because I haven't gone to college but I can program very well and I know how they work enough to theoretically build a bad one from basic electronic devices if I could take years to complete it."
Not being able to open my eyes is an interesting--Lyra is so hot. The image-blasts from before seem like they happened only moments ago...
"Did the machines controlling the evokated vehicle resemble the ones you're used to at all?"
My head waves side to side, and I fume that it'd be more fun for everyone to shake my whole upper body side to side instead.
"Was it hard to make abundant ammunition, or did something happen to use it all up even with your blessing?"
Guns would have been so useful.
"The only weapon we had was the sword."
"What kind of power did the sword have?"
"It kind of was flaming with this like, dark electric fire after we consecrated it, and it had a cutting edge on one side and teeth on the back side that I used to hook in the symbols of a perfekti that was attacking us and pull on it's tentacle to damage it and make it fall. The fire seemed like perfekti that touched it would kind of be infected by it, or catch fire with it, and it seemed to damage or distract them."
"Was there any shield with the sword?"
My head boring shakes side to side again, rousing frustration that seems at least to be permitted thinking: I'm a doll for making porn with or getting off using. What's the point of playing with me if you don't make it sexy?
"What kind of armor did your seedling wear when she carried you?"
Come on, let's play something interesting! Can't I at least proudly say we were naked?
"What kind of shielding did you have that it couldn't protect you from chatter in the sky?"
"Did the Deliverator have cosmic significance to you as a child? When did you first hear that legend?"
"I first read the book when I was fourteen, and it wasn't published when I was a child."
"How much of a role did his legend play in your adolescence and was another story more primary in shaping your personal mythology?"
"I guess...a moderate amount?" Elaboration is not part of the question, however much I want to fanboy--fangirl, giggle. "Many other stories were a lot more primary."
"How did you find the shore after the navigational system couldn't find it?"
"Lyra did a spell using sweat from my forehead to direct me. I was too busy driving to see it but cocksleeve you're going to tell all about it if she asks."
All embellishment is impossible now, and yes the subject is heavy but I don't think I should ever be all business, otherwise what's the point of me?
"After you fought the perfekti that attacked you physically, what did you feel like?"
"More angry than I've ever been which is um saying a lot."
"Did you get injured mentally that either you or your seedling or seed-ghost can tell?"
"Um...it made me so mad I felt kind of sick, and I was disoriented, but that was true before it attacked me too because of the conflation-jump."
There's a very short pause before Rada goes on.
"Thanks, Blu'eyes' seed-ghost. Blu'eyes' game system, are you in control of her guardian?"
There's a longer moment of weird silence.
"Thank you, Blu'eyes' game system. Can you please tell her the part of the plan you have that she's allowed to know, and her seedling the part her seedling is allowed to know, and me the part and Klapta the part, continuation?"
I still can't move or open my eyes, and there's something weird in Rada's voice, but I sit patiently--
Another Order! Maybe this will be a good one and I'll get to be helpful and sexy.
The Order is weird, though. It's just to know that Lyra knows the rest of the plan and can tell each of us everything we need to know about it--not that she can let our seed-ghost give her things to say, that she already knows. Just like she already knew the other things it's been prompting me to have her explain about this. That it's not because our seed-ghost or game system or any other source pre-briefed her to prepare her for this, not even by just creating her already having the knowledge like she seems to have been created knowing how to talk and give amazing blowjobs, either.
What, then? Hey, why am I allowed to think about this? Where's my mind-control?
I can't believe I actually miss--
Damn but Lyra is hot.
Anyway...if she already knew all about this, and nothing else told her, what's left?
I mean, logically speaking, there's one possibility, but how could that be? She'd have to have...
"Cocksleeve, you tell us the rest of what you know about this right now."
I was allowed to say that out loud? Okay. Nothing else will move though.
Something feels weird in my head...I am to know that the game will now control my thoughts so I can only hear what's being said and remember it, not even process it beyond the basics of storing memory!?
That's going to feel amazing--
"I'm your cocksleeve not trying to take any power at all not even just to make you take care of me or give me cum once an eon. Nothing about this is ever ever ever going to give me any power in our relationship and I would say no I don't want that even if you offer it to me just like how I said before you can't tell me not to be your slave I won't it's not me to be anything else at all but your obedient cocksleeve who never does anything but exactly what you tell it to. You understand now, right Goddess? How good it feels to be how I am? I know you like it so much but I like it even more for me it's everything it's what I'm for and if that was taken away from me it's not even that I would be suicidal I just would die from it like you killed that perfekti by taking away it's text. The game is making you have to be like you are right now because it's part of how to make sure you understand me and won't be scared or think I'm trying to become your dom when I tell you why it said it didn't tell me how the game works when I was explaining it to you."
"You're getting cuter all right! How far will I get this time, Klapta? Guess for me."
"Everything you tried the first time plus filling her ass with something bigger than both arms while you cane her until she bleeds, and then she'll ask to suck you off again. Then you can make--"
"I haven't even started!"
"That would keep her from hearing what I'm telling which she has to hear and even though she definitely would like the scene you imagined it's important so she has to be still and listen and not be distracted by anything even if it's a totally hot rape that you totally would get to finish and probably even keep adding to it like until she just collapsed from exhaustion."
Knowledge: Rada will enjoy my processing of what she says the game is choosing for me now. If the game made me express myself I'd weep and throw a tantrum of relief and disappointment.
"This is a really cute way of spiking me. Does she know what's going on?"
"She knows you tried to play with her and couldn't, and she hears us and will know what we said after it's finished holding her mind steady, but all she could do was feel feelings about the thing the game made her feel about which was to be scared because you're right she'd let you do everything you want this time and sad that you can't. It can't make you feel things that aren't you or think things that aren't yours Mommy but it can tell your brain to have just the activity it says you can like your clutch is for your body."
"The ideas it gives you as orders aren't yours and you know that so it's not giving you thoughts that aren't yours. It made you do them because it said your brain could only have them as things you were doing not ideas you weren't going to act on. It can always use that to make you do things but taking you with fainting and slipping and the other ways it uses to control you is fun because it's forcing you to decide to be controlled except you can't make any other decision and it feels super great to keep feeling that. I know because your seed-ghost says you like it but that's how I feel too so please please make me decide to be obedient except not actually have a choice if you me to feel how powerless I am."
The game sets her words in the focus of my consciousness, fills my mind with them. Use this if I want to make her feel her powerlessness. Take from her even the choice of not saying yes. The idea thrills me, makes my cock pound in my purse, warms my body.
"Mommy I guessed what you would want while I was studying how to get you a really good present because our seed-ghost told me it would be Christmas Eve when I found you and I said it's Christmas Eve I want to bring you a present that isn't just practical like your purse and I thought it would be narcissistic to make the present just my whole entire existence and anyway you already own me so I'm not mine to give to you that would be so disobedient for me to take your cocksleeve as a present so I said seed-ghost what can I give Master (because you were still a boy then) that he would like like the most best present I can give it can't be something you would ask for though because then it will be like you could have just wished for it and I thought and finally I was like 'seed-ghost, I thought up this idea but it doesn't make sense as something I would think up to give because Master isn't submissive like he doesn't even like porn with dominatrices how can I have this idea I guess I'm too much of a cocksleeve to even imagine creative gifts' and before I could finish seeing how it must just be showing me that in a way that will be real to me our seed-ghost interrupted and gave me a vision that showed books I should read in so I did and the first one I read said that humans can be doms and subs and switches if they have freedom to decide but when they have someone choose they have to be enslaved and I said yeah but why would you write that in a book so I kept reading because if your seed-ghost gave me a vision of this book it must be important."
"The book said what it meant was enslaving means taking power away nonconsensually until they can't fight back any more and have to follow commands which is evil if you enslave people on a planet that isn't part of the Four Dreams or something else like them because it's the only way to be totally sure they'll be happy enslaved. I was like, that still doesn't help, Master is my enslaver and the Four Dreams are helping me not be able to get free which they should because I am happier enslaved but even if they help how could I enslave you it's still just the opposite of me giving you your own slave for Christmas I can't own things so it has to be another enslaver who can that be."
"Our seed-ghost showed me a picture of a character in Secret of Mana and I was like I love that game and Master is so going to make me play it with him when he gets here but what's that have to do with my question? Then I realized I couldn't remember which one it showed me which means it just was abstractly a character in Secret of Mana because I always remember perfectly so it had to be abstract, and I was like what the spikes doesn't that mean and our seed-ghost showed me a vision of you in church with your eyes down which obviously you must be praying and then I was like wait that's how I stand waiting to be used but that just means church is how you stand and wait to be used by Master and then I was like OOOH and I put down that book and went back to the one about Earth I'd been reading because I stopped because I didn't think it would matter if you had Christianity enslaving you how that book said."
"We were leaving Earth anyway but if you wanted an enslaver for Christmas not want exactly because the whole point of enslaving is you don't want it you just like it after you're powerless so I thought it didn't matter but it did it said that Christianity is how Eden used to be able to make people be its brain cells and then it got broken when you hit it with the sword your guardian which is just you actually used to keep perfekti from making you stay in Earth and the God Christianity worships used to be part of Eden and Eden isn't personal it just wears a personal face for people who can't be enslaved by an abstract system which is usually evil but I was in the Library and the Four Dreams wouldn't let me make you a system to enslave you unless it would make you happy and you were still enslaved by Eden which isn't just wrong for you if Eden figured out how to use your guardian it would be impossible for anyone to save people like I'm saving you right now because your guardian would stop them from leaving it would be the angel that guards the Garden of Eden just like in the Bible and so I was like okay seed-ghost I need to make sure what I make can beat Eden forever and keep Master from ever being enslaved by anything but it ever."
"Computer create an opponent capable of defeating Data!"
"You're still just a cutesy little Virgin who's sad to not be raped by me. You just have an interesting backstory."
"Then our seed-ghost showed me a Sherlock Holmes hat which yes sister means this will be like Geordi wishing Data could experience being conquered in Elementary My Dear Data are you sure and I said yes I'm spiking sure I want Master to be happy and have the enslaver I gave him and Eden can't have his guardian that would be horrible. It said okay-symbol and gave me a vision of the eighteen thousand six hundred and thirty-two books books I would need to know how to make this for you and it gave me super-intelligence and reading comprehension temporarily so I could make it right there in the Library where I was reading because it's entirely made out of abstract ontological engineering so I only needed my soul not tool or physical things it's made of my mind saying here's how I can make Master happy and my heart saying I love you make it real. and it only only includes what your seed-ghost promised me you would like there's nothing else extra it's only just completely a present I made to make you happy that's it that's all it is and I can't control it now that you're enslaved by it so it's not something you can make me take off you or even beg me to. It had to be impossible for me to help you escape or even be able to make it possible for somebody else to help you out of it so I made it never able to be broken or even changed you're stuck and it's permanent and you never have to worry about being able to escape."
"I really want to ask you something but I won't until the game finishes helping you process this without having a panic attack. Our seed-ghost said you will so it's going to control you through understanding all of this which is the next part so it's doing that now."
The first thing to hear and understand is that this is made of her love for me. It only exists to make me happy and give me the pleasure of the powerlessness I exist under permanently. I can never be free of this, so thinking about how to escape from it or worrying I might be giving in too easily is not worth spending brain-energy on. I'm only able to think about that in order to tell me I can't control what's happening and should expect to be kept from dwelling on it after this. I am able to be myself and think what I want to think if I have the ability to think at all, so I'm a cute Virgin like I want to be, not just a puppet. Knowledge arrives: "Virgin" is something it will make me ask Rada about. What does it mean. I'm curious, so it's choosing to fulfill my curiosity. I did not make this choice. I will not make any choices until we finish explaining to me how I'm enslaved by this.
The next thing to think about is the fact that she want me to enjoy this. It's design, as I've been feeling, to never make me an unaware participant: I can always feel and enjoy what it's doing to me.
Now it's time to feel how terrifying and wonderful that idea is and how excited I am to be enslaved like this and how the slightest possibility of consent or escape would utterly ruin it, and empathize with Lyra about her need to feel even more strongly enslaved than I do.
Now I'm going to understand that my feelings can't be changed by this, and that what I feel as I process this is entirely my own response. The game is able to pick and choose among things my heart feels to experience, but not create false ones. If I feel glad of this, that's my own response. Lyra loves me and needs me to be myself or just as I would be crushed to be without her she would be crushed to be without me and would never make a system that would keep me from being myself even by suppressing me. I was able to feel disappointed that Rada got spiked in the beginning of this because of that--she designed the game to be sensitive to, and make sure I express, my emotions and thoughts and creativity, and to be able to control me completely through that if it decides it's the most fun way to drive me, like in this moment.
I agree with this, and feel happy about it, and excited to find out what it's like to be driven in this way.
The next thing to experience is how incredibly turned on this is making me. The slightest motion could easily give me an orgasm, so the game is withholding the ability to move and is breathing for me.
It leaves me lingering in that for pleasantly long, just until it feels like my brain will start to burn out from it.
The next part is important but less interesting and fun. I am some kind of angel or being that was able to literally strike Atlantis the concept with the abstract Weapon I manifested at the shore of Limbo in our hour of need, but I am to believe that this is not something evil or which changes my basic understanding of myself as a cutesy little Virgin and not concern myself with it until the game makes me ask about it which is promised to happen during the conversation that follows this. Logically, if I deleted the concept of Atlantis, the idea is known of on Earth now either because my strike was less than true, which is impossible, or the idea remained beyond the sphere from which I deleted it, which is a detail the game is going to make me ask about when we discuss this.
I guess that this information is being processed now as coolant to keep my level of arousal from harming me.
Knowledge arrives: The game will allow me to seek a higher limit at the cost of higher brain functions whose neurotransmitters would be disrupted by the resultant hormone poisoning--I can't be modified to survive it without equally changing my consciousness. Lyra will be happy with a mistress like this but will ask to be modified similarly.