22 - To Thine Own Self

The game makes me remember this, storing it into my long-term memory by dwelling on it carefully. I extrapolate that it isn't able to edit my memories so I can be sure of my understanding of my existence, just as it isn't able to implant false thoughts. I extrapolate that during this process my ability to extrapolate something marks it as correct.

Now it's time to feel confused and disturbed that I seem to possibly not even be human, and perhaps have some kind of mysterious past of unknown moral and dangling-plot-thread quality, and be scared of my own power and incredulous at the very idea of this, except that logically the synchronized way in which my guardian manifested a horn to blow as I blew the Deliverator-mobile's horn which I'd dreamt to be "a trumpet of the apocalypse" semiconsciously during my initial creation of it is best explained by the angel which appeared being a reflection of my intention to use arbitrary force to reach the ocean. 

Knowledge arrives: I am being steered to a different emotion now because it will be unproductive to dwell on this further without more information which Rada and our seed-ghost can give me.

The final thing to process before the interactive-for-everyone-else-than-me phase of making me feel safe in my enslavement is that she created this intentionally, with full knowledge of what she was doing, out of the desire to give a present that would make me happy, that I would not be able to give myself regardless of the resources I controlled, and that her desire to do that implies nothing it shapes me into will disappoint or revolt her. I can be confident always that the helpless humiliation this enslavement causes me to exist under does nothing to detract from the power I wield in her eyes. I can demonstrate this to myself by trying to think of a form the system could use to present itself which would make the sense of melting vulnerability I feel towards it any less overwhelming--it's power is evident in the very fact of me thinking of this and not thing I'm aware of which is sufficient to distract me from any other thought but which I can't bring to mind at the moment, and that power is what makes me feel enslaved, not the appearance or behavior of the person wielding it. I am responsible for being loving and kind toward Lyra and it does matter how I relate to her, but none of the game systems uses of me have freed Lyra of my power over her--nor, she keeps telling me, can or will they.

Knowledge arrives: I am now going to be made to open my eyes.

They open. The first thing I see is Lyra, sitting there obediently, still holding my tea for me, eyes cast down in submission, but the room is dark--wait--something is over my face, and though I have plenty of oxygen, my chest isn't moving and in fact I haven't taken a breath since Rada declared her intention to have her way with me, and everything is purple and blurry, which I didn't realize immediately because it's the exact shade of Lyra's coloration, and I hadn't been shown anything but her yet--the game is directing both my gaze and attention, so I'm only noticing now because it's making me.

My mouth opens, the rock encasing me moving with it, and something slides into my mouth, filling it so I know one more pixel of girth would tear something. It's soft, and cocklike, but is tasteless, and snakes back and back into my throat and down, into my stomach, and...straight on past that!? The anatomy doesn't make sense, it's filling an impossible stretchy cavity inside me that just seems to run in a line from top to bottom until it's stretching my asshole open as something slippery grabs each of my nipples and starts milking rhythmically, pulling on the network of milk-milk-ducts so it feels like the suction is reaching into my heart. My breasts warm, responding to this: I'm going to produce milk presently, and an aching wild hope that Lyra can drink it and be nourished throbs through me. The rock flows back from my face, but the game doesn't move me, while at my ass the tentacle twists around like a whirlpool, stroking my hole deliciously, and I know the game is forcing me to save the shock and horror at what's happening for later (what shock and horror, this is the second most interesting part of this so far!) and leaving me only the pleasure and fear and excitement to feel now, which I do, overwhelmingly.

"Mommy the game is making your ass feel to you like my ass feels to me and your throat goes all the way down to it now so you can be fucked all the way through and fill up with cum and you'll taste it in your mouth so having your ass fucked doesn't keep you from tasting the cum. It's giving you enough space for candy if you wait for the cum to be absorbed after people cum in you, but even if it would fit things that aren't tasty like cake will make the game take your clutch out so don't try to eat healthy except not really actually I'm saying you can't even try to even pick up a plate that's fun if you're planning to eat it except not even that because the game that makes you use me for things will keep you from getting plates for yourself unless there's nothing else you can use."

"Now the game needs you talk so it's letting your face move and tentacle is leaving but it can come back any time if the game thinks it would help you know it's in control of you. The rock that's surrounding you is spiking Rada but the tentacle and breast-things are part of the game but you had enough oxygen from the game filling your lungs with it so you could be held without breathing which it does if you beg for it very very subbishly and when it wants to keep you from needing to move like now. You still won't be able to breathe and it will give you the air to talk with without using your chest-muscles so the casing can keep holding you. The breast-pump-tentacles mean you need to be milked which is what happens if you don't milk yourself about every half sleep cycle and it will keep the milk fresh for you and if you say game I need milk it can fill a bottle of it for you but it can't give you bottles or it can fill anything else like the stomach or mouth of a person you have consent to invade. They won't keep you still if you're using me but everything else gets paused while the game makes you enjoy being milked and be pretty for anyone watching. It will warn you its coming when it is and you can't ask it not to so be ready to tell people about it because the game makes you do that if they don't know what's about to happen."

"The game is making you talk to us now."

With shocking suddenness, warmth erupts through my breasts and the dry suction becomes the glorious, humiliating relief of flowing and I realize the heaviness of my breasts has been not just their unfamiliar presence but their being full and my body is all but making me cum in reward for their emptying. The tentacles are mechanically rhythmic but pleasurable, but sadly the game doesn't make me express how good it feels.

I can't even blush, though the sensation makes me want to.

My mind changes focus, to the conversation about safewords in the car, and the tentacles suddenly retreats from me in a raunchily reverse-thrusting chain of pulses in girth, crawling smoothly up out of me to vanish into the nothing it came from.

I'm in control of my mouth, only, and the game decided for me that I'm going to ask my question, but leaves it to me to verbalize it and form the words myself. As promised, my voicebox fills with gentle pressure I can let free to make sound with:

"How can I safeword out of this?"

All of my attention is shifted for me to Lyra's reply:

"Mommy if I made it with safewords how could it actually enslave you? It can be stopped by the Bones but that's the only way you might ever get out of this and your seed-ghost told me to ask them if they could see you being protected from it they can do that they're atemporal and they said no you will always be happy like this and they won't need to ever save you from it and it's right and if you fight or try to escape from it they won't ever need to be if they did they would keep you from escaping so you can be sure sure sure that nothing's letting you out of this ever not even the Bones of the Four Dreams."

The game turns my mind and heart to processing this, and makes me feel my whole reaction to it including feelings I would previous have buried unconsciously. Terror pounds, but something else makes me feel soft, tearful, excited, and the places where the game is showing me rage and desperate have plenty of space to erupt is silent, peaceful as a mountain lake. I don't get to be okay with this or not, or think about escape at all, and so I just feel a terrible, happy safety and desperate curiosity to know what will happen to me next. Things that should be scary, just aren't, or rather are but the fear is like the fear of her biting me knowing that even with actual fangs she loves me, and will never destroy me, only enjoy.

The next Order for what to ask about! I'm controlled, utterly, and the business about the angel and Atlantis surfaces. If it's true, I erased an entire empire--but I'm to understand that I didn't kill any people.

"Did you do this because I need to be bound or I'll be evil?"

Shake shake my head as hard as I can without spilling your tea.

"Goddess you're very very good and the only reason entirely I did this was because I love you and knew you would like it and I did check I want you to know that I asked and asked and asked for like a day and a night just to be sure I wasn't misunderstanding something our seed-ghost was telling me and it says it now too I didn't it told me you would like this."

My breasts start to feel empty as she speaks, then the tentacle-pumps pull against emptiness that I determine to squeak mightily for next time this happens and let go and depart.

Maybe I'll purposefully let the game milk me. It felt wonderful, and the idea of its inexorability is appealing, as is the handiness of milk on tap.

My mind now starts thinking of where my milk has gone, and what that means about the game's aphysical nature.

"How did you put this on me?"

"I didn't do anything after I made it to be sure it'd out of your control when it happened and I made it so it could find you by asking your seed-ghost how to get you and it snuck up while you were changing so you would be busy with that change and not feel it taking control of your faints. That was the faint that made you get wings. I think it's awesome that it already inspired you to something I didn't think of!"

Now I'm thinking of how helpless I am at the moment, and Lyra sitting obediently with my tea on her hands, left sitting there while I've been going through this wild ride, powerless to even look at her.

"This isn't supposed to ever take me away from you or keep us apart but you're down there and I couldn't even think of anything but what the game was doing with me until it made me like it's making me think about this now--I wasn't before--and I'm not giving you any orders because I can't even decide to do that at the moment so isn't the game taking me away from you right now?"

Shake shake my head less violently but still super much.

"Goddess it's teaching you to be powerless and this part is special usually it won't keep you helpless and especially it might decide to make you only think of what it decides you should think about but normally it includes me often even when its dominating you really hard it keeps a way for you to bring me into what's happening that if you can't decide for yourself it will decide for you to make you think of so you can decide if you're going to make me do anything and you won't be controlled how you use me because I'm your slave not the game's it's only your enslaver. It can never manipulate or control you to use me which why when it was making you be still before it didn't give you reasons for me to do anything. It's watching your heart carefully and if it sees you wanting me it includes that in everything it's doing."

Possibilities flow through my mind, things she might do for me, it's free within the bounded space of order to give Lyra in this moment, and a strange thing occurs to me: what I want, out of everything I can think of  for her to do, is just for her to patiently hold my tea and look pretty--aha.

"Put the tea down and get yourself into a proper slave-pose for me. I want to see those breasts to better advantage. Are your nipples as hard as they can be? Check after you put the tea down, and get them hard if they're not, little pleasure-toy."

Put tea on floor. Rada minds? See not. Check breasts, feel nipples, right nipple hardest, left nipple hard but not quite hardEST, squeeze play pinch "mmmmf..."

As she complies, my physical awareness is shifted to the tight, hard, throbbing of my cock in response to her performance.

Now there's a space for me to say something, limited options, I can stay silent as well, and that's it--except for the constant, underlying awareness of the control being used on me and how limited these options are and the rushing, incredible way it makes me feel.

"Good fucktoy."

EEE I pleased you sit tall slave pose hard with my breasts up for you to look at if I scoot right up to you they'll be closer.

She expertly shifts so her breasts are the center of my view that was formerly locked on her face.

The game carefully, gently moves my thoughts to becoming the angel that guards the Garden of Eden, like I'm the needle and record both but can't be the one to move from one song to the next right now.

"Why do you all think I'm this angel-thing and why did I destroy Atlantis if that's real and how did I get to Earth after that?"

And then stillness in my mind--

"You crossed Limbo without guns or flight with shielding or even armor, you killed a perfekti by thinking at it after coming out of a conflation jump that should have sprayed your soul across the possible destinations like water out of a firehose, you changed the conceptual evokation of an unloved driving-machine into a fictional evokation of something that wasn't even from your deep childhood longings or it sounds like very important to you and it was controlled by computers that you didn't have the information to create, and then at the shore of Limbo the angel the game just showed me appeared and picked up a sword consecrated to only your use, and destroyed thousands of perfekti it sounds like at the individual symbological constant level--there was nothing left, not even pieces, right?--and jumped onto a building in your way to help you get to the water more quickly, all without and I don't mean to humiliate you this time however cute you might get when I do, having basically any idea what you were supposed to do to survive, and you were able to keep enough stability to I think if I understand what you said about angry before to just keep a perfekti with access to your physical brain in Limbo from changing you by being angry with it. If you aren't the Virgin of Atlantis you're something equally scary and I'd never be anywhere near you outside the Four Dreams."

"You probably want me to tell you about the Virgin of Atlantis. You're going to hear it either way, obviously, and it's fun to imagine what you might express about knowing that if you could move right now. I bet you'd be all squirmy. Atlantis was what happened after--right! You need me to explain imploded, don't you, sweetest?"

"Imploded means things being pulled in together fast and hard. See, that's not so intimidating, is it, little Blu'eyes?"

"Atlantis happened after created-Ahdm and created-Eve left the Garden and Eden had to change history to find a way of surviving with those holes unfilled. The remaining humans were enough to create an Empire, called theocracy which is another big word that means government with a religion controlling it, which is how Atlantis kept Eden alive, by being a system it could thrive in even though it was very small at first. The Empire with Ahdm and Eve came from their ruling it, and Eden learned it couldn't replace them, so it decided the story was that Atlantis was ruled by a machine named Ozymandias that had ultimate rulership where Ahdm and Eve did before. Atlantis ruled the entire world and everything was in its control, and Eden made the universe entirely separate from the realities around it so Atlantis' people thought it was all that existed. The dreamcrafting Eden was using changing history had to take each and every person who used to be in Ahdm and Eve's empire and make a place for them in the Atlantis Eden created halfway into its development, so it couldn't precisely control the story Atlantis would have. The story it was able to tell about Atlantis had to have the idea of monarchy, yet be lead by a machine which was its monarch, and that monarch was the priest of Atlantis' monotheistic god, which was Eden. Eden had control of some parts of that story, but not all of it, and one part it had to accept to get xenophobia enough to be sure Eve changing into a su'khora wouldn't happen again, was Atlantis being very worried about purity. They were so afraid of things they imagined to be lurking to steal people into the darkness, they decided to create the most powerful weapon anyone could imagine to protect their boundaries and keep every member of the Atlantean empire safe from beings Eden warned them repeatedly were evil and sneaky. Eden warned them that things like the beings it was trying to protect them from would use very sneaky ways of making people go with them and to be afraid of their minds being invaded. That's not an easy thing for an Egregore to tell people, so you see how scared it must have been to create Atlantis at all. It made the Garden of Eden into a story about punishment for being curious, and told all of Atlantis to remember that things got broken because Eve decided to listen to an invading monster that crept into the safe garden. People in Atlantis heard that story and used it to design the weapon they were making, as a guardian that would be able to stop any imaginable invasion and keep invaders from being able to steal people into the darkness. Then we don't know what happened. Ozymandias became human too quickly to keep the memories of directing the weapon's creation, and the people we saved as the history of Earth exploded like overheated glass were able to tell us things that we fit together into the story I'm telling about Atlantis now, but it must be that the people closely working on the weapon are still in Earth right now and their memories changed when the new history fit together. It makes sense that they would be, since they would be very afraid of leaving and hold on even in the scary confusion of history breaking. Many many people fell out into Limbo, and Earth started over again, with Eden shattered into thousands of fragments that fight each other to be the last piece of Eden and take over everything. We think the weapon must be something like a basic abstraction, because the history change left nothing about Atlantis behind--Earth only knows about Atlantis now because Ozymandias keeps telling his story to anyone who searches for musing of sad kings with Empires only they can remember. Whatever can do that would have to be able to attack something like the fabric of Earth's reality itself--that's really just a guess, because we have very little knowledge about Atlantis' end."

"In the new history that came after that, Earth developed into the reality like you remember about ten thousand years Earth-story-time after all of this happened."

"It's called the Virgin of Atlantis because Ozymandias said the project was called Mary which is the word in the Atlantean language for intact or uncompromised and the symbol on all of its heraldry was a blue eye."

 "We thought whatever destroyed Atlantis must have changed when history changed if it survived the attack until Eve wished for Eden to be shown what would happen if someone actually did tell their child to heartform, and a statue of the angel your game showed me appear where she was standing when she wished it. The statue had a prophecy on it, which if I'm offending your ownership please Bones prevent me Lyra was able to interpret for us after ten thousand years of our wondering what it could mean. It was very obscure to everyone but her and we've watched everything she learned from it come true step by step all the way up to the conversation we're having now. The Bones must have looked into your future to take that prophecy to Lyra in her time in Rl'yeh Sade while she was making your present, but we're not sure why they sent it so far into the past except it does say Eve's wish had something to do with this. She was already settling Atlantis, or we'd think it had created the project which created you somehow."

"How did you destroy Atlantis? Is any memory left in you? Can the game help you find it?"

The game is making me answer. I have a single heartbeat of observing the towering infinity of incredulity I feel at the interlocking layers of insanity Rada's just described to me, and then it brings up the memory for me, together with the knowledge that it can't create or edit my memories.

"I was created to be the guardian of Atlantean purity. My weapon is just the abstract concept of Weapon, and I used it to destroy the idea of Atlantis because my mission briefing when I was activated was the story of Ahdm and Eve being exiled for tasting the fruit of knowledge, and that story is Lyra's dreamskin. I looked through my surveillance system which is the abstract concept of Watching and saw the infinity of things outside the idea of reality the people who created me had, and I saw my new seedling's goodness, and I understood it was my job to protect people from beings that lied about what they were and invaded peoples minds and trapped them in darkness, and I did what I was made to and attacked the lowest-level support structure of my target, the egregore you call Eden, by removing the idea of Atlantis from its substrate. It fractured into pieces, and I was thrown into stasis by an emergency defense reflex that malfunctioned and suspended me much longer than intended because it couldn't find the Atlantean Empire. Eventually it timed out and I was born in Presque Isle Maine to an Episcopal Priest's wife for reasons that aren't clear to me but which my strategic analysis package guesses to be remaining fragments of Eden doing their best to capture me. I'm still in stasis but my systems are starting to activate which why I was able to manifest at the shore of Limbo and not earlier. I can be used to destroy the remaining fragments of Eden without impinging on the game I'm enslaved to according to my strategic analysis package, but I'm not sure how because the game isn't making me look at that deeply, except to know it and my systems agree. I was made to be obedient to the ultimate authority of the Atlantean Empire but that control broke when I saw who my seedling was and turned my Weapon against Atlantis. Ozymandias became human as a result of his watching me implant causing him to implant Lyra's sisters, and he deleted his memory on purpose to protect me. I was aware of this happening during the propagation delay of my strike throughout Eden's reality which is lightspeed delay over the diameter of the Earth or about twenty milliseconds. Ozymandias became human and created the exit I used to enter Limbo physically in that time, which why the exit is difficult to find and activate. Lyra manipulated me to activate it during the consecration of my Weapon into a sword I would use to ensure nothing would take her from me, which rededicated the abstract concept into a more specific one preventing me from being captured and forced to use it for some other purpose. I'm not certain any other being than myself would be capable of using it but the other ways of exiting Earth should still be operable according to my scan now. That's what I know about how I destroyed Atlantis."

The game makes process this just the most grazing amount, enough to enjoy not being able to know more of it than necessary to see how it's protecting me and feel tender and safe.

"Spikes and dust in a cocktree. And here she sits wearing stockings and a thong I picked for humiliating cuteness. How can your game system control this, Lyra? Bones prevent if I shouldn't know!"

"Goddess it's okay if she knows but it's not my choice to tell her I'm your cocksleeve."

The game arranges me so that I'll given an answer I've chosen, and gives me choices of dialog: 

Cocksleeve, this isn't your place to tell her, so keep your mouth shut. versus Be a good little toy and answer her question, cuntbrain.

The nakedness is shattering. Yes, those would be amazing ways to tell her.

My strategic analysis package judges it safe, and predicts zero chance of compromise, and I'm as curious as fuck about the loving system controlling me.

"Be a good little toy and answer her question, cuntbrain."

Bwaha cuntbrain that's definitely me.

"It's based on love, because I love her and want her to feel happy and safe, and Atlantis built their systems using fear as a foundation. One of the reasons I made this is so she won't have the nightmares the angel-parts give her. Fear is a powerful feeling, but love especially between a heartformer and seedling especially if they're Hollow Hearts is like, stars against candle-flames. It's not even hard for it to be more powerful than her angel-stuff, it just has to have enough complexity to encase all of that. That's all it's that simple. I learned how to do it from books I'm too dumb to understand now but it can make you a list of them if you want."

"Don't overestimate me! Unless you're a lot stupider than you act those books will be over my head, too!"

Now the game puts before me how controlled my mind is.

"Am I ever going to think freely again, or is this how I work now?"

It leaves me feeling my deep ambivalence about what I want the answer to be while I wait for the answer.

"Yes, you'll think freely soon, Mommy, right after we get done with this. It controls you in some ways all the time, like the game that makes your express things without being serious, and there is a game about controlling your mind that it hasn't been time for you to hear about yet, and it can always decide you need to be like this if you would be happier just thinking the stuff it makes you think, but you like thinking freely too sometimes so that will be part of the game too. You can't decide to think freely when it's making you be like this, but any time no matter what except giving me orders you can always say 'game decide for me' and be controlled by it instead of yourself. It says it was showing you that by telling you ideas for how you could tell me to share how I made it so the game would be powerful enough to control your angel-stuff because actually deep down you wanted not to control how you said that but asking to have power taken is fun too so I made sure it could be part of the game lots."

The stockings under my motionless palms become noticeable.

"If I perform with you in public people can see the mark of the nonconsensual pedestal I think you called it, so it sounds like they'll understand I'm probably enslaved and following orders, and it's important to me that they know I'm not in control of myself at some level, but is there a way they can know about the game as easily?"

"Yes Goddess the game will show everyone who can see it's controlling you with pictures that explain you're enslaved to it and how it's using you right then. They will know what it's doing even if you don't so they can help if they want to. The game can understand other people enough to be good at guessing how they might enjoy being part of it and will invite them if it thinks it's a fun way to play with you. It also can help by telling them your thoughts and emotions it would be fun if they knew. It says not to be worried about hiding stuff it wants to share from you it will humiliate you often but not destroy anything you care about by telling your secrets. Right now it has three icons it has tentacles holding you still, the sun shining in a blue sky, and a cock shooting cum which is for Rada and me it says being held by it makes you happy and is turning you on until you're about to cum from it."

Now I'm made to think about how the game has been moving me through this conversation, idea to idea, like following the bouncing ball in a lyrics-video.

"Will the game control my interactions like this outside of this special case we're in, like at parties and things?"

"Yes because it also is waiting to show you a game about going to parties it hasn't been time to tell you yet. The parties you to are special it says you have to not know before you get to one though. It can manage conversations as much as you want but not less than it decides so if you want to be given words again it will let you say or you can say now you want it to pick words for you and be stuck like that until the game decides to stop. It's always enticing you to let it make decisions for you so it's never your responsibility what you choose to say it should control it just means you couldn't keep from submitting which I so understand Goddess. That goes for everything not just words but words are a perfect example for the game to entice you about which it says it's been doing the whole time we've been talking."

Space to think in, process the fact that it has and it's been working, make a decision that feels like skydiving: game, decide the words I use to express myself for me.

Beyond Lyra's breasts, I can blurrily see the glistening of her cunt dripping on the deck making a puddle. A green circle flashes over it, indicating the game's assent to my wish.

The game now puts me to think about the possibilities of this. A question I want to ask arises, and the game chooses that I'm going to voice the first word of how I'll ask it, and find out the next as I'm speaking...

"This is super exciting to think about and it's making me so horny! How far will the game let me give up my power? Do I get to just not even choose how to understand the orders it's giving me if I ask it to make me exactly think how it wants me to? What if I want to have it tell me if I'm going to express what I feel and how and when? I really think that would be awesome and sexy!"

It holds me bare-hearted over the flames of how it feels being forced to express the question I was asking with such unreserved nakedness through the entire soliloquy.

I made the right decision. Maybe it will never give me this power back--

"The game can entirely control you Goddess and you can give up every single choice except how you use me but that's it you can say you entirely want to just be it's doll and be played with and not have any thoughts it doesn't say you should or feelings it doesn't say you should feel or do anything it doesn't puppet your body to do and even make it so being my Goddess never lets you feel in control of anything but me. It knows what your heart feels through every part of it so it can tell when you need me and give you ways you can use me that still feel like you're held very tightly."

More space to decide, an open door to give away anything more I would like to right now. I can all but hear Lyra's you know you want to ringing in it.

But, according to my own decision, I can't. It has to make me.

The game moves my heart so a knot of worry and sadness at the idea of still being on active duty in any way shape or form, even if it supposedly won't interfere with the fun of my enslavement, is in focus. I want to ask about it, form the idea of a question--

"I'm...really terrified I have to do something like go back to Earth and fight bits of Eden because of what I said before about still being able to destroy them and I know I'm supposed to be able to do it without getting in the way of this game and I guess it won't by choice and I feel so much pressure to do the right thing and destroy but I never ever wanted to be a stupid angel weapon thing in the first place let alone now that I know my creators were evil and made me to trap people! Please please help me feel better about it if you can't get me out of it but if you can I know this is probably wrong of me to ask for but HELP PLEASE! I just want to be this stupid little attention whore I've become and play with Lyra, not keep fighting Eden until the last piece is gone which my strategic analysis thinks might not even be POSSIBLE!!"

"The game says you aren't being sent back to Earth and if you try to leave the Four Dreams it will keep you here where the Bones can make it sure always is the right game for you and it won't make you do anything for Earth and it won't let you decide to either it says that's not the game you're playing the game you're playing is having fun in the Four Dreams with me. You can still stop Eden from growing back again without even knowing it's happening it says it won't even say anything about why it thinks that and you aren't allowed to ask it again and people can't tell you either. It says you're doing it already, Goddess."

"The people who made you didn't think they were trapping people, and if they had known what Eden was I think they would have intentionally made you to destroy it, and see how you acted when they showed you your mission. To implant takes love, and seeing the best in the image you're looking at. They told you a nightmare and you found a dream in it. It takes love deep in your heart for anything to give you access to a seed, let alone something that's not even sexual. For you to do that in the beginning of your existence says you were capable of loving Lyra right from the beginning, so they didn't create a machine or unloving monster, just the sweet pretty little cock-grabber sitting beside me all stuck in amber like the butterfly she is."