34 - Break the Cutie
"How do you like it? Pretty cool, right? If you call me like this I can talk to you, but I'd much rather sneak up behind you and watch your ass move."
I jump a little as--
--her voice switches from coming out of the communicator with the show's exact subtle tinniness to being live, right behind me. I twist to see her...fine and let her see me.
"I can do that any place the Bones allow me, which includes that house you'll be building if your game lets me in."
Guinan comes around behind Lyra and sits at the table with me.
"Now we should probably talk about why that game of yours was so hot for you to be able to call me. Do you have a guess why?"
The nakedness the game is forcing on me must be starting to change me:
"Because it's so cool! You're Guinan!"
"That's sweet, honey, but it's not the reason. I'm kind of the reason you're still in my bar right now. Look out the window there. See Rl'yeh Sade all around us? Looks pretty great, but where are you going? You don't know yourself well enough to decide, honey, and your game seems to think I can help you. It told me if I keep letting you call for me--well, ask it yourself, why don't you?"
"What'd you tell Guinan, game?"
The game holds my mind still again--
Knowledge: The game asked Guinan to help me so I can experience needing a mentor-type guide like she is. It's teaching me that I can need people to help me without losing freedom or safety. The game can help me anytime I need help, but relying on input from Guinan gives me something it can't do directly, which is her having ego and feelings--the game's not sentient, and can't be to be what it needs to be, so it's going to make me use the commbadge to call out to Guinan when I feel very vulnerable and see how she helps me even as I'm a toy for her.
My face feels a little hot when it's done, but like all the game's other inescapable stripping-down it warms my clit, too.
Guinan stands up, velvety robe billowing, and comes around to hug me, and I realize I'm curled in on myself, arms folded across my chest. It's a kind hug, and she's warm and soft, but I feel like a forest creature that's been picked up and chosen freeze over fight, all motionless tension. I try to fidget, but I'm a doll, my clutch spinning free.
"I'm not going to bite if you need help from me, honey. Come on now, give auntie Guinan a hug."
That's what my clutch allows. I think. If I can even try it.
What the fuck, game--
Top, Tell Guinan how scared you are, Tenderly opening heartstone ring
A huge immovable sense of something like that unshakable knowledge that Cobra can take all the shots they want without one single Joe getting hit gently touches my soul, and the Bones show me that everything is okay with a green checkmark.
It doesn't seem to change anything, and I keep sitting there, stuck in the empty intersection of what the game will allow me to do and what I'll allow myself to do, just feeling frozen. If she hadn't revealed her interest in me, maybe, but now...
"I can't, game," I whisper.
Knowledge: the game has told Guinan I might take some time with this. It's okay if I take a while, but it won't let me do anything other than open my arms and tell Guinan my feelings.
I shouldn't even be scared. Lyra made this. I feel her love in everything it does.
Yes I put love into everything I made for it Mommy including making it so you can't escape from it because enslavement is scary even for me Mommy and I'm your seedling! I know you like it Mommy but that doesn't mean you shouldn't get to fight and be scared of it!
It really scares you? You make it look so easy and so sexy.
Mommy you feel how awesome it is to not have choices and I like it when you don't give me any but it means I can't not make it look easy because I know I can only be good and being good means doing whatever you tell me all sexy without being disobedient or making you fight me.
Then why won't it just make me? It's just letting me sit here, you can see.
Mommy it's like the scene with my bikini. You told me to fight and it made me feel so taken to find out I couldn't. It made me realize that you had me already because even when you told me to fight I just let you take me. If you can't even tell me to fight that's it I'm yours and you have control forever because how can I ever do anything but be yours if I can't even fight back when you tell me?
But that was your clutch keeping you from--oh.
Just like me now.
I actually had to do something, though--
Knowledge: the game can just keep me like this for eternity. I won't get too tired to sit up, Lyra can take out my clit and be fed by it, and Guinan can come back when it tells her I'm ready to talk to her. The game is showing how it can make me do what it says without moving my lips or choosing my thoughts. Right now the game is only controlling me. It's been making me think things and moving my body but inside I still have my silently fighting will waiting to take any power the game gives me. That will is fighting to keep me safe by not letting my fear out to Lyra and Guinan. It's time for my will to give in and do what the game is telling me, so the game is waiting until it gives up.
I'm so afraid because I know this is the end, I think all on my own. I know after this, or however many times doing this it takes, I'll be like Lyra, and not take freedom even if I see a chance for it. The game will have me forever, and it won't even be a question of whether there's anything I can do about it (though there had better not be if the game is doing this to me because after this I'm really going to need it).
For a long time I sit, staring at the little glass-pyramid centerpiece on the table.
Nothing changes. Nothing happens. The game won't even let me move my eyes from it, or blink or breathe on my own--and suddenly, I'm desperately, heart-poundingly trying to, except the game won't even let my heart race. It doesn't need to for me to just keep sitting here.
Inside, it feels like tearing in half. Hatred boils, my heart screaming traitor traitor traitor as I realize I'm going to do it even though I didn't decide to and the game didn't puppet me or choose thoughts for me or Order me or anything but just make me sit here forever.
Stop this, Bones! HELP!
But they've already given their response at the beginning.
Dreamwork. Magic. I can make my own rules. There must be a way to tear myself apart or dream up something that'll crash my mind irretreivably. Lyra will be okay here, her sister will look to her. I'm sorry, cocksleeve, I tried, but I can't let this take me, it's not how I work, I--guardian! Guardian, if you can't set me free kill me!
My guardian slams into being in the room across the table from me, raises its Weapon, and is siezed by purple tentacles that hold it as motionless as I am.
Fine, I'll do it myself! There must be some way of turning the same power that created my eravahk to manifest a microgram of antimatter in the middle of my head or something! Even if I fuck up the yield the Bones will protect Guinan and Lyra and Isht Visht! Just imagine fucking my heart--
The game holds my focus on the table in front of me. I can't even visualize, let alone figure out how to do what the game guided me through with my eravahk.
Bzt, feature not implemented, it replies.
Game this isn't going to work I can't bend like Lyra I just break and if you don't stop it apparently break everything around me!
Knowledge: The point of this scene is to break me. I'll break if the game keeps me here long enough. There's only so much I can fight. I'm almost broken already, and I won't be here very much longer. Breaking doesn't make me a weak person. It just means the game is stronger than I am. I'll still have my strength, just be enslaved to the game fully, and never feel scared like I do right now because I can't change what it does with me anyway. After I break I'll feel very differently, but the game understands I can't see that yet. It expects me to fight, not give in, so I should keep trying not to tell Guinan how scared I am until my mouth says the words anyway. That's how I know when I've broken. The game won't take surrender, only defeat.
"Guinan I'm so fucking screwed," I wail, not even really aware I'm doing it, and something goes slack in me, I slump in the chair, turn to her and cling to her, shaking all over, clutching big handfuls of her robe. Her arms tighten around me, pulling me into her hug, and then everything goes weird. The wail of HELP ME I'd been inhaling for dies away, and I sit up again, feeling weirdly calm and turned on. I can feel the part of me that would scream HOW DARE YOU BE TURNED ON BY THIS lying silent, there but not doing anything, its quiet a relief like a hole in the world.
"Of course you're scared, honey! You'd be an idiot not to be, no matter who made the chains on your neck! Come on, let Auntie Guinan make you some hot chocolate to have with your coffee. Breast-milk or soy? I'll bring it right here to your table."
"Um," --my voice is as shaky as the rest of me-- "is there just like, cow's milk?"
"The replicator can make any kind of milk if you want it. What kind of cow would you like it from?"
"I'll work it out with her, don't worry. You like Swiss Miss best, right? Hey, I said I know all about you."
When I don't move or answer, she pulls me into a hug again, holds me tight, then sets me in on my chair and gets up, heads for the bar, watching me over her shoulder.
Knowledge: The game has just broken me, and I feel strange because I just tried to kill myself. My guardian was about to destroy me entirely. If the game hadn't stopped it, and the Bones hadn't, I would have been deleted from history. That doesn't mean Isht Visht and Rada forgetting me, but on Earth it would be like I never happened. I did what I was supposed to do by fighting with everything I could use, but the weapons I have to fight it with are very very dangerous. The game wants me to know this so I can understand how hard to defeat it is. It wants me to see how its power is real, so it's holding my guardian still for me. I can try to escape as much as I need to know the game has me securely, and nothing I do can possibly free me.
"Fuck," I whisper. My guardian is still standing there, wrapped in the tentacles. I should be curious, but instead I just tell it to stand down, and it disappears along with the tentacles.
Knowledge: Manifesting something destructive is possible, but I have to create it by hate. Sexual energy won't help me make anything intended to harm me or anyone else either. If I'd drawn on the hate I felt, and the game hadn't stopped me, I could have made any kind of weapon I felt like, as long as I could imagine the shape of it. Mechanical weapons are hard to create, but knives bombs and spikes are easy to make if I want to. It's okay to arm myself but not very useful outside of games like they play in Valhalla. The game thinks I might like to try them. It won't keep me out of the fighting-ring, or make me become non-violent.
"That's why spikes is a swear-word here," I blurt. Inside, I feel weird, like the broken pieces of me are reaching up to cling to the game to find out if its going to take care of me or leave me to die--and I feel the same soft peace about either option.
I think it's going to take care of me though. I need it to. I can't do it myself.
My clit throbs and I feel hornier when I say that. It feels good. Game you win. I need you. Please take care of me.
Saying it makes everything feel soft and silky like kissing. Are you rewarding me, game?
Knowledge: No. I'm enslaved and broken, and I like it.
Yes I do. Game you win, you win, you win.
Suddenly the game takes control of my mind and I'm squeezing the sexual energy I've just been pumping up telling the game it beat me into the shape of a flower.
Knowledge: the game is making me create a broach for my hair to remind me of its breaking me. The flower its using is a mark that means broken in the system of markings used in this part of Rl'yeh Sade, to tell everyone I'm just its toy. Maybe I'd like to make Lyra wear one she makes the same way?
Instantly my mind is full of an image, all my own, of the same flower tattooed huge across her shoulder and breast, and I have so many ideas for how to collar her it makes me dizzy. The game said it would show me, and I believed it, but fuck.
Knowledge: the game will keep being kind and take care of me. It isn't leaving me to die even if I fight it forever. Part of the needs the game will take care of is helping me take care of Lyra. If I ask it for help with her, it will help however it can. It can give me ideas, and make sure I can follow through on them using goals and control if it has to. How much it helps is partially my decision, but the game will make sure I always have time and energy to be a good Mommy and spend lots of time enjoying her.
Suddenly my arms are pulled back behind the chair by soft slippery-smooth things, and my legs grabbed the same way, and pale ghostly Lyra-purple tentacles pick up my purse, unzip it in front of my face, and one with a sort of wide end slurps my clit inside itself and starts--
When I understand what's happening I want to cry for joy it feels so good to be taken. I relax everything, make sure the tentacles can do whatever they want, loll my head back and sigh with more bliss. Nothing fucks my mouth or my ass. I want the game to use whatever it wants. My mouth and ass don't seem to be what it wants so that's okay.
The tentacle working my clit really does have a tongue, and it's licking me all along my length, slurping my clit like a piece of candy it's sucking on. My body throbs and I can feel pressure and energy build with each suck until the orgasm makes me thrash in the chair and scream out loud. Later I'll realize I didn't even think about controlling any part of it despite the game just holding me in escapable tentacles and feel blissful about it, but right now those thoughts just aren't anywhere near me.
Then, out of nowhere, mid throb, everything stops, and the tentacle holding my clit carefully stands it on the table in front of me, squeezing it out of the "mouth" drippy with something that looks like pussy-wetness but doesn't have the smell or attraction of nectar, and the tentacles holding me gently put me back in a sitting position and leave. I feel weird, not good, my orgasm really is paused and my brain and body can't take this! I need to keep cumming!
"That was hot," I blurt in a voice I've never heard myself use before, sexy and soft and defenseless. I sound awesome. Lyra talks that way...
Top, Try using clitoris as handheld dildo on seedling until you cum, Five rings of paranoid diffusion
Just the one line of the Goal List appears. Yes! Need! Too desperate to communicate, I snatch up my clit from the table in front of me and yank Lyra into my lap and spread her legs and jam my clit into her pussy.
HELL YESS MOMMY Haaaeepfuckeeepfallinghehelap legs apart so happy use me AAAAH
The instant my tip is inside her the game unpauses my orgasm and I buck with a huge reflexive thrust that almost shoots Lyra off my lap and makes my hands clap to Lyra's thighs, dropping my clit! Cocksleeve--
Mommy I see catch THRUST HAAAAAH UNF CUM!! Push in keep you inside me holding tight squeeze MMMH!
Watching her hungrily fuck my clit into her and clutch at me with her pussy for every bit of penetration I can give and every bit of pleasure she can give me is so much more vivid having experienced it myself. I can see in her the joy in being taken and hope to give everything I want to take as my orgasm squeezes me and I crush her to me trying to control my hands enough to get one on her breasts there GOT IT SQUEEZE SO SOFT!
HHaaaah yay Mommy use me--haaah yes eee another wave of cumming!
The pleasure of her breast in my hand and empathy of knowing now how happy it makes her that I'm taking it squeezes what feels like a whole second orgasm out of me, and as we buck and thrust together in the chair I wonder for a minute if we'll just keep going forever, but this one plays out, squeezes me empty, finally leaves us panting.
Knowledge: the reward the game riddled as Five Rings of Paranoid Diffusion means that now if anyone is holding my clit in their hands when I cum, they feel my orgasm too.
"OMIFUCK Mommy that's what happened! You came and I felt it and just thought it felt super good to get used this time but it wasn't I totally felt how you cum!"
--and I finally understand what you mean by that--suddenly the base of my clit where Lyra's still holding it inside herself feels hot and sensitive, and something is happening to it.
Knowledge: the game is transforming the base of my clit to have a strong and controllable by muscles suction cup that can hold it in place through anything if the surface it's on is airtight. My mound can be used that way too, in case I want it attached without using a strap-on harness to hold it.
Top, Try using clitoris as handheld dildo on seedling until you cum, Five rings of paranoid diffusion
Knowledge: the game can be blamed for everything I said and did while it was breaking me. Even me trying to kill myself is something that happened because it made me fight to the death with it. Lyra already knows this, and she did while it was happening, and knew this had to be part of its breaking me. She won't be upset that I did it, and understands I wasn't responsible for my actions then.
I explode into wracking sobs as the knowledge of what just happened finally breaks through.
"Oh Mommy! Please may I take your clit out and hug you?"
I laugh at the silliness through my sobbing, and nod.
Cccarefully slide you out and put your clit back on the table and GLOMP.
Our nakedness is a terrible blessing, as doomed to have her see all of it I twist through my tears between guilt at the attempt to abandon her and fear that I was capable of any of that and relief that the game is claiming responsibility for all of it and wondering if it's just being kind or giving us the excuse we need to have this not destroy our relationship forever--
"Mommy you can't take responsibility you have to listen to the game! It's not your fault Mommy, I remember making this part and it had to be like this I had to make it actually break you Mommy and you're strong Mommy you were right when you said you break and not bend that's part of how I can even have you be soul-walls for me as luxhi'khora but when you break to be enslaved it means you have to actually die first not literally obviously but inside like how you felt when your guardian was about to delete you. Mommy I knew you would fight to the death if anything tried to enslave you even me I knew what that meant please believe me."
"I love you. I love you. I love you. I...on the raft. I asked you if we were dead and you didn't answer. You knew this was coming. I'm not mad. How could you have possibly told me."
"Mommy I love you so much too. Yes Mommy that's why I wouldn't answer."
Knowledge: I can be certain I wasn't responsible, because the game gave only gave me the option to think as an active choice it was making. I can't make a single motion it doesn't actively allow. The Command System doesn't just hold the strings of my body like it showed me, it does the same thing with my mind as well. It could have kept me from calling for my guardian or anything else I tried too, but that wouldn't have broken me as totally. The way it all happened was precisely controlled to make sure I would experience breaking completely. The game thinks it worked and I'm broken now and is sure it has me completely.
"How'd you like some hot chocolate with that near-death experience?"
She has the mug, and it smells wonderful, but she doesn't sit down.
"Come on, let's get out of here. I want to show you something."
"Let's see if I'm allowed to stand."
The reminder of how carefully the game controls me is a warm rush. I want so badly to believe it really choreographed every moment of my breaking, but I got so...feral...
Patted, slide off hugging stand.
With a deep breath, and Lyra standing between my knees looking confident-in-me, I push myself shakily upright, cry anew as Lyra looks genuinely, nakedly just proud of me as I make it my feet and tower over her.
"Arise, Rodimus Prime!"