68 - Behold a Pale Horse

Mama and Isht Visht are in the middle of the room doing something with a portable rack of Earthling AV equipment--okay that stuff is definitely from the future. The gear in the rack all has huge LCDs, some of them in color, all of them with insane viewing angles that make them visible from where Lyra and I stand. They have concert speakers on tripods up already to give the couch good stereo, and some piece of gear on the floor with two big lenses on top that they seem to be futzing over.

I lead Lyra over with hands on her shoulders (crown sticking up comically from one shoulder, eravahk out from the other) to steer her, and as we approach a test pattern snaps into being taking up most of the middle of the room and then Mama walks out of it--open-air holograms can't be opaque of course but that's not stopping this projector--and comes up and puts her arm around me and I pull Lyra close so she can see too and Mama unfolds something in a shiny foil box the size of an NES game to show us a row of discs like CDs (but with "DVD" where the "Compact Disc" logo would be) with--

What?! How is that possible? I've never seen this yet!

Agh blush! Wait, what the hell? Leaving aside my body and how psyched I was to learn it actually gets wet inside like a girl when I feel wet because I got impressed like a girl, I'm holding a sparkly crown in one hand, am taking to names like boobsqueeze like I need them like oxygen, was just crying pathetically because I was afraid no-one would give me a makeover, have just learned I'm the Strawberry Princess and kind of can't wait to put this crown on, and now I have the AAH DON'T GO IN THE BARBIE AISLE blushing because Mama wants to watch My Little Pony with me?

No doubt that's why we're starting here after I panicked, but...huh?

Wait, those are the ponies from the wrapping paper, and--Lyra's pony form!?

Acausal form retrieval loop closed.

Right. Of course our seed-ghost wouldn't let things not being invented yet get in its way.

"They're so pretty!"

My emotions are still complicated but the ponies on the discs are heartwrenchingly cute in the way Lyra is and it just blurts out. I find myself thinking of the day I was at the mall with Grammie and had to choose between the (eighties) My Little Pony movie and Transformers again--yes brain, I understand what was actually going on there. Why are we back there?

"Well then let's watch some, come on! Klapta is the projector aligned?"

"Almost, Captain. I just have to get this...got you!"

"Boobsqueeze, take out the first disc there and give it to my klapta. I'm getting us pretty things!"

Shifting hands to have Lyra by the waist, I pop the leftmost disc out of its holder and look at it, holding it carefully like a CD. The sheen of the backside is very CD-like, and the 2010 copyright date is very scifi-like. Mama squeezes me and walks off, so I head for where I last saw Isht Visht.

Aaah Mommy they just said being separated is horrible for them! Why is Rada leaving her!? Mommy hurry she needs us!

Unconscious bucket list item #237: glitch a hologram by walking through it.

Actually it seems not to be disturbed by our walking through it at all. On the far side, Isht Visht is squatting to fiddle with the rack of future-tech--

"Hey, are you okay? Mama's like, leaving!"

"I went with her, I can shapeshift and manifest more than one part, remember? Right now we're having a very intimate conversation if you know what I mean. No seriously, I'm Captain's tongue stud as well as here."

In a sudden trance, I hold the disc down to Isht Visht.

"Cocksleeve, are you like your sister with shapeshifting and mass? Like could you be bouncyball Unicron if I wanted?"

"Hehe that would be so--Mommy we have to try it you have holes EVERYWHERE!"

Isht Visht laughs a real-sounding but weird laugh, and Mama's more silvery-teehee laughter comes muffled from the other room.

"We are going to have so much fun with this. You can do it the same as your sister, right?"

"I have to be shiny silvery hard horn or soft cocksleeve heartstone or goo but that can be as much or as little or as simple or complicated you want me to be. Mommy what if you made me be bouncy CASTLE Unicron! You could live inside me like Rada if you wanted!"

More housewide laughter.

"Okay I seem to really like you just being my dolly like now but...cocksleeve what if what the Strawberry Dynasty's been missing all this time, the deep dark lost secret...is that their castle was a bouncy castle?"

"Bwhaha Mommy that makes so much sense though! Why else would they be so horny?"

Isht Visht finally takes the disc but just holds it. Her face says it's a very intimate conversation.

I grin at her and lead Lyra to the couch. It's made of the same silky Starfleet bedding as the cockpit of the Arwing, but has the melodramatic-Victorian flair of Isht Visht's kiteship-mode furnishings, with big round poofy arms and a swooping back profile.

...Victorian isn't quite right, like another planet came up with the idea of expensive princess furniture independently.

Oh hey, comfortable seating! Ready to get fucked, cocksleeve?

Mommy I'm ready every moment I'm your cocksleeve!

"Don't sit there, boobsqueeze, everyone needs to be able to access every side of you! Let's move this chest and make you a cushion where it was. Klapta, get that disc loaded and help me move this, it's HEAVY!"

My eyes snap to Lyra--

Look at you back Mommy what can be so heavy Rada can't move it!?

It was always too heavy for my seven-year-old strength to do anything but push like Link struggling to move a block one tile, but I've felt Mama's strength--maybe. I think she's scared to hurt me. We'll have to talk about that or something. But that just makes it even more curious!

Cocksleeve, we're so finding out later.

Isht Visht loads the disc into a tray sticking out of the equipment rack and bounds over, and she and Mama pick the toychest up and onto their shoulders, then swing it ninety degrees and out of the path of the 'screen'.

The video starts as they work, glitches past a couple of piracy warning screens in a very detect-and-skip way, and then starts--a menu screen? So is this like a CD game of some kind? No, there's an item for episodes, but the whole UI is one huge video--oh my god squee they're even cuter in motion!

Mama and Isht Visht set the chest down and come back to place it was in and foomph a very poofy Starfleet quilt out of nowhere, spread it on the green-and-black low-pile carpet that's nubbly-silky underfoot but will still be way less comfortable than that.

"Boobsqueeze, come sit down in the middle of this. Just on your knees-or cross-legs so we can reach the top of you. I'm giving you a makeover, Pussywillow!"

My heart feels rushy-weak and my fingers tingle. The sweetness of her voice cuts through ice so deep inside me and hearing the name one more time finally reveals the memory of Grammie calling me Pussywillow when I was little enough to have watched this show and the way that part of me just froze when she stopped and the simple warmth of Mama's smile melts the emotions so I can feel how crushed I was I loved that name! My only setting now is weepy drama queen but the tears that well up and roll down my face as I stand there feel different, and everything feels so--how how how is this what's hard after everything I even did it already I went to see the My Little Pony movie with Grammie yes I had to use an excuse to do it but--

Everything seems so cold and still for a moment, that frozen landscape I thought Mama had set burning with one little moment of having her kind of fun in front of me jumping over the table like that seems to be all around me again, I...I didn't dare enjoy it with my Grammie! I was busy full of those desperate rushing grandiose thoughts the whole time trying to be too cool for it, why, to what end, it's not like there was even anyone to see except my Grammie who I think was just as sad to stop calling me Pussywillow as I was that she stopped, and now here that same feeling is again! The ponies are cute just on the menu screen, and I can't make this stop--

"Lucy, girl, I'm grabbing your arm. Just take one step."

Isht Visht comes up in front of me and takes my left arm and jammed gears inside of me scream straining against each other as she starts to pull and something that seems to be made of me I guess and yet is no more in my control than anything the game does just sits as frozen and lifeless as the old rusted steel it feels like and Isht Visht's grip and pushing are as unstoppable as if she were still Galaxy-class at the moment but that isn't doing it I can't move--

EERRAAAH JUMP You said jump when you can't use me and should be! Rush around in front of you grab Mommy by the face PULL Mommy you can do it see me MOMMY LOOK now take your hands super firmly and walk back onto the quilt go hard no you aren't stopping me that way wake up and give me orders or I'll just keep pulling you!

Her eyes glow so they seem to leak purple plasma and her face is fierce to make the way she looked from the fire she held as I shredded Earth was nothing but a cup of hot chocolate and her thoughts seethe with actually-demonic rage move move move move MOVE NOW YOU SAID NEVER AGAIN SELF my crown glitters in my hand, the jewels clenched achingly into my palm by her crushing grip PRINCESS LUCY WOULD MOVE!

Fine if I have to I can carry you shapeshifting this is an emergency RRAAAH PONYFORM slide right under you and grow up under your legs and turn into batpegasuspony shape GRRRRAAAAAAAAAH YES I'M DOING IT AAAAH stand up from kneeling is there space in here yes there is now carry Mommy to where she should be clip. clop. clop. clop. There. Kneel down, out from under you--no fuck that I'm staying here shapeshifting just one more time then we're done with this BECOME STRAWBERRY PILLOW UNDER YOU why can't I change I DID IT THE FIRST TIME--

"You stay Pony-shaped and right there so I can--can watch--can enjoy My Little Pony with my little pony and don't you get in their way. Got that, cocksleeve?"

MOMMY!? YES MOMMY I'M HERE WITH YOU I'LL STAY yOU WOKE UP I DID IT!!!!!!!

You should get mountains of praise and a sea of cum but all I can do is sit here clutching your mane like Meg with Gaudior in Swiftly Tilting Planet or whichever but oh my fuck cocksleeve you sure do make me more happy.

My crown shines brighter than ever, and Lyra at this size is a sea of gleaming silver joy under me like riding the moon. My fingers are shaking-tight wound in her mane and I sure do need her like oxygen.

Gaudior is Greek for more joyful, notes whatever clockwork part of me it is that comes up with stuff like this even in moments like this, but that's the same root word as for gaudy. Shinier is happier.

If the world I came from made either of those a synonym for uncool, continues the clockwork equation solver, maybe it's because it was FUCKING WRONG.

The force of that conclusion out of what's usually such a coldly detached part of me is shocking.

Are you watching, my little pony? You're you're you're you're on guard duty. If they try to do anything that isn't bombastic enough for the Strawberry Princess, you give them an idea that ups the ante until it is. Got that?

YES MOMMY! Watchful vengeful I WANT MY MOMMY BACK EARTH!

You make sure that's exactly what you get. That's an order.

"Holy spoons wound around the tub of an oversize butter churn! Sis did you just pull like an Eva Unit-01 move without power thing!?"

"I don't know what Unit-01 is but Mommy said when she gets stuck or can't call to me I should jump on her and she was stuck really bad that time and maybe I'm being overconfident but I can't sit by when my Mommy needs me even without orders I think I would have anyway I can't shapeshift usually without Mommy telling me but now I'm in pony form and that was my idea to save her."

"Alright, after this we're watching the first episode of Evangelion. I bet you figure out the entire secret backstory of the mecha in that very first fight. After we give Lucy a makeover anyway. It's probably better if we don't interrupt this. Are you staying there, sis?"

"That's what Mommy's orders are but you couldn't make me leave no-one can. Mommy needs me to be here for this and I'm staying here."

"It's okay Sis, I understand! Does she mind if I climb on you? I want to sit on your neck and do makeup. Lucy if you can hear me may I? I can reach from the ground but this way is easier."

"Yes becaue she said to make sure I get my Mommy back and you giving her makeup is what she needs to come back to me you have to leave her hands where they are though she's staying awake by holding my mane so tight. Just slink up between her arms I think she would like that she's into you just make sure she can see my head and the TV screen!"

"I want Mama to do some too!"

"Boobsqueeze, if I'm doing your makeup also, who will be left to make your hair pretty? I have the same question as my Klapta. May I sit on your rump Lyra to play with Boobsqueeze's hair when I need to be close to it?"

"Yes and don't worry about squishing me I'm strong I can take it."

Isht Visht slides under my arms and into the space in between them and my cleavage. She looks fishy and moves like water surrounds her always, but her body feels soft and alien-smooth just like her sister, and the smell of her nectar refreshes me with lilies and water under her sea-breeze overtone, so that it complements Lyra's candy explosion like taffy at the seaside.

She opens the makeup compact she's holding, and then cloaks like a Romulan Warbird! Now I can see Lyra and My Little Pony perfectly, but I can definitely feel what she's doing!

Her fingers trace along my cheekbones, feeling how my face is shaped--no, this is something like 'cleaning tongue' as Lyra calls it. I feel makeup lifting off my skin--I'm half disappointed, I thought the game had tattooed me!

I claw into Lyra's mane hard to keep myself there with the things that are happening. This is where I want to be, everything I care about is under me in front of me or sitting carefully on Lyra's a--rump to start playing with my hair very gently, yet my mind wants to soar out of my head in an Arwing named something less girly than Waifu. What the fuck kind of man would want to escape being squished between Isht Visht and Mama with the sexiest one of them between his legs, to say nothing of a lesbian girl like me? Sure Lyra's in pony form, but she's the sexiest pony I've ever seen, and I can make her look human enough if I want to just by thinking it! Do I think Mama is going to let me stay in my room writing about boys--alright girls I guess same thing--in my diary even if I want to? How long will it take Isht Visht to demand a real dogfight with the Waifu? Anything badass I liked as a boy will be right here waiting after my makeover like the Technic Car Chassis on the other side of the hologram, so what can I possibly be worried about?

Oh, and let's not forget that my hot makeup artist would be violating the Treaty of Algerion if she tried to join Starfleet, and my hair stylist seems to pretty much be a ninja as well as a sexy pirate, and my mount's other form so far is a dragon bigger than this house which is only possible because she's literally a demon! It's a wonder heavy metal CDs don't just condense from the air around us!

Is my problem just that I'm the least badass one of us? Lucy is right, if we were the Pevensies, that's who I'd be! Cute and helpless and always needing rescuing--

Mommy Edmund gets rescued not Lucy and you incinerated a ringworld and stabbed Earth to tiny pieces I think that makes you badass!

"Are we ready to start the video?"

"I'm good, Captain. Sis you're running this one. Is she ready?"

"Ready sis. Keep the remote handy please I might have to give you ideas I'm supposed to make sure you go hard enough with the makeover. Wait sis can I please BE the remote? Point it at my tail and press all the buttons for controlling pause and fast forward and rewind."

"Oh, yeah, good idea! Hey Captain what do we say when a virgin says harder?"

"Watch out, here it comes! Klapta, bring out the sphere of ideas. Lyra, hold your tail up for me and I'll give you remote service."

Tail up. No language too small who cares I can just go through all of them and see what each one does.

Isht Visht has moved on to my lips now, sensually patting off the lipstick with fingertips as small and quick as Lyra's are soft and sexy. In moments, she's finished, and takes a black sphere out of her thin-air compartment, and traces it around the shape of my figure like drawing an outline to describe me to the guys gals in her locker-room, then holds it up where it starts turning and glowing quite impendingly.

Cocksleeve, this is important. All the way through Chronicles of Narnia, is Lucy ever the damsel in distress? You remember every word of them, right?

Reading find it...Silver Chair maybe she gets lost with Aslan but they would die because lost if she stays...never in any other books...she saves the Dufflepuds but it gets her in trouble in the book room...Mommy Aslan keeps saving her but it's always because she's innocent and he wants her to keep being it's not how I see you imagining where she keeps getting kidnapped and stuff.

Then why did I think I remembered that?

Mommy look it's Elionwy's bauble!

All over the space in front of me ideas for makeup and hairstyles float in space, already shown on me in particular in the illusion. The ball Isht Visht touched me with is golden like I am, and shining with light like the sunshine I created (though not quite so deadly). It floats in the space above Lyra's silver horns and mane, out of the way of the ponies--hey come on let's watch ponies!

Okay remote clicks what happens. Up cursor....nope, nope, aha screen says play now!

Something like tapestry fills the screen, and a narrator as sweetly kind as the Waifu's stupid bimbo mode computer starts explaining the history of "Equestria". The princess of daytime entrances me instantly. When I found myself waking up to a succubus made of candy and moonlight I believed I was destined to become a kinky fun warlock in dark heavy robes secretly playing at wicked things under the light of planets never seen from Earth. The corset the game gave me in the cabin that first time waking up made me see my own light, the light that's within me with which I cast shadows on the surface of the sun--I must have done literally, to vaporize half a ringworld! Celestia has my colorscheme, gold and white sunshine. What can I learn from her? Her appearance makes her seem grown up, and that's not who I am, so I turn to her sister. Does she seem like Lyra? Nothing about her seems the same as my fucktoy's sweet nature. There is one thing about them, that might make all of this worth it for the one realization: Lyra's my moon and I'm the star that she's orbiting!

That doesn't seem right, not exactly. What is she really, my Dyson sphere? She can soak all my light up, and then some, and she does go around me like a ringworld, but those aren't the metaphors either.

What holds a star the way Lyra held onto me while I was falling and shining with light that could have burned Earth's whole spacetime to cinders?

The answer is darkness, the void, empty space, but Lyra though her hunger for me seems unlimited shines bright with reflections of my radiance rather than drinking up every photon. Even now my hair looks like a fireplace burning in the shine of her horns and silky-soft mane.

Isht Visht is Mama's ship and companion. Lyra is my friend and companions from childhood...and something about that leaves a piece out--heh, of all the circuit-glitched, diode-blowing--what did Kup say when Hot Rod found him in pieces at the bottom of the ocean on Quintessa?

Fix me. Pathetically broken, he could barely command his junior officer, but that didn't make Hot Rod respect him less. 

Every step of this journey has been Lyra fixing me, putting my heart back together like the story I begged my Earth mom to read over and over about the girl with teddy bear in need of mending, and the kind repair shop owner who sewed its arm back on and learned you can fix broken hearts after all, and had to update the sign in his window that said he fixed everything but them. Once again I have the protagonist mixed up in this story I'm in. I've thought of that story and felt like the girl with the broken companion, heart broken to think I'd lost Lyra, but I'm the bear with it's arm torn off, and she's so carefully sewing it back on me I didn't realize what was happening until she was halfway finished.

So what's that make Lyra? My doctor?

These metaphors don't fit her as easily as Captain with her ship and first mate fit Mama and Isht Visht. Does that mean it just isn't like that for her and me? I don't seem to think that, but what can I be missing that would give us our metaphor?

Mommy I know what the answer is. You're my star and I'm Acme Station with gravity things and supernova-stopping forcefields. I can take whatever heat you put out and stop you from exploding and make you shine instead of destroying yourself and the people around you. I don't fit these metaphors because nothing can hold a star right up close without burning, that's why ringworlds have to have such big sizes you can't even make them from carbon nanotubes. I can make you be just the right size to burn bright and happy just by making you want to keep having fun with me and I did make a game for you yes to help you have fun too that's it it saves you like Aslan saved Lucy from Narnia to help you stay innocent because isn't everything more fun with innocence?

Tears fill my eyes all over again as I realize what might have happened in the exploding room if Lyra hadn't had her arms around me the whole way down from the stairway. I almost did it one time in Limbo to save her. I was going to do it for real, to avenge us for everything Earth did to us. That light was everything inside of me, poured out to destroy a whole universe. I might have been like that star in the Time Quartet that became hungry darkness by pouring itself out like I did, with rage and destruction, but instead, Lyra's hands on my body in the moment nothing could touch me gave me the desire to get back to our house here and play like we are now and supernova turned into ignition--and liftoff! My mind fills the words in involuntarily, but look how I flew on my wings without blue encasing them so I could barely control them! It was so easily I almost forgot I was doing it!

It comes to my mind as I think this, in Transformers when Kup was fixed he faked Hot Rod out by saying he left a piece out, and Hot Rod just seemed glad Kup had the strength to yell at him! I thought it was a mean thing for Kup to do when I saw it the first time, but now I can see he was showing his soldier he had strength for both strictness, and silliness!

Okay, then. More waffles, cocksleeve! Wonder happens in front of me: the hand clutching my eravahk will actually move to take it and whack her on the flank as if we're all going to ride into kitchen for a new batch of breakfast food.

Going Mommy but--

Not really, stay put, I'm just having fun with you. All things considered though, you've done an amazing job. You even got rid of a nasty burr on my rotator--and then I laugh--silently because the game is holding my face still for Isht Visht to keep sensually cleaning of makeup--as I realize with my wings that's exactly what happened, and she has definitely been doing field repairs at least some of the way with how Limbo was!

OH MY GOD DID THEY KNOW WHAT THEY WERE WRITING. On Quintessa you get fed to the Sharkticons for being judged Innocent and it's not supposed to make sense there aren't even charges it's supposed to be this ultimate mockery of justice but on Earth it's everything that happened to me to make this healing necessary.

This isn't even all things considered, cocksleeve. Gods of healing should fall down and beg you for your secrets on hands and knees.

The ponies have finished--oh no I missed the backstory, and half the intro! The song was so cute I--ran from it, didn't I. Dammit. I thought I was better because I could move.

Rewind come on it must be one cursor back oh it's chapter screens back to zero and play again.

"This theme song is awesome let's sing it! You guys know the words right sis and Rada?"

Mommy I'll tell you them like how your game does watch I know you that deeply. Here comes Mommy listen!

Knowledge: This knowledge is Lyra's. The words to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic's theme song are My Little Pony / My Little Pony / [ musical break ] / I used to wonder what use friendship could be...big adventure, tons of / [ stopped and rewound there so Lyra only knows that far but singing and making mistakes is part of bringing me back to her so she says I should try it ]

That is intimate! It feels like it smells of her deep inner goo.

This time I'll stay with this. I twist my hands deep in her mane and squeeze my knees onto her and feel Isht Visth and Mama and watch.

Everything feels like a bundle of wires with the insulation stripped off inside of me, especially when the theme song starts and my voice echoes out with the family the very first My Little Pony that sounds so silly and childish there's no avoiding the fact that this is a kids' show especially now that I'm watching and have to admit that it's really enjoyable to watch Twilight Sparkle kick Spike around and make him take messages.

Isht Visht seems to have finished taking makeup off me, because her fingers stop touching my face, but Mama keeps brushing my hair and Isht Visht just sits there, invisibly snuggling the two of us. Why aren't they using the bauble, or starting to paint me?

"Sis can you pause please?"

Aaahh which one is pause--YUS first try.

"Twilight Sparkle is your avatar character, like the one you relate to more than the other ones, right Lucy? Or maybe Celestia because you guys share a stylist?"

Isht Visht's voice out of nowhere right in front of me is sexy, surprising me with its volume and passion after the ponies' cute voices.

"It's still too hard for her to answer you but yes Twilight is a wizard and it makes her think about how programming is like wizardry."

"Alright Lucy I know you're here I can taste your tasty boobs all full of your wanting to fuck me. Listen, girl. I want you to try something. I want you to try to hear what they say in this next scene from the perspective of the pony who met her and freaked out. Like, seriously, not making fun of her. I'm spoiling this because you need to hear it ASAP and it'll take half the season before the show gets there. She's actually smarter than they paint her, like actually later you'll see she's totally this like good mastermind almost with files on everyone and what kind of cake they like and stuff like that so she can throw awesome parties for them--and that's her whole reason for doing it! She looks so stupid in this scene, but this isn't a retcon, like they didn't make her smart later actually she always was. Figure out why she's doing what she does and try to lean into that your way like your life depends on it because Lucy I think it basically makes the difference between you being 069-J and the real 069. Now usually I'd talk about how I'd have your ass for killing yourself but now that I've seen sis' limit break the only thing I'm worried is if the Four Dreams can handle what she'll do if you really start to get serious. I don't mean these games that's just her average everyday Lyra-ing I mean oh my god I thought her face would fry lightning before she carried you over here. I'm not saying become a party mastermind that's just something they show to make sure kids understand she acts like she does because it's important and not just stupidity. I think for you this is the important thing from this episode anyway maybe there's more stuff just try Lucy see and if you can't get it sis you have orders to get your Mommy back that includes pausing to make sure she gets this right?"

"If you think it will help her sis I can do it I trust you with this."

"Alright you can press play then but Lucy try and see it through her eyes."

Play. OH NO IT'S NIGHTMARE MOON! TO BE CONTINUED!? Okay fuck that sis why did you tell me to pause right before the end of the episode?

Right cursor where are you hah gives chapter screen skip intro PLAY.

The pony she's talking about poings around undisturbedly when the villain explains how she's kidnapped Princess Celestia, trying to play the 'guessing game' Nightmare Moon seems to be setting them. I half get it. I can see all the other Ponies are paralyzed with fear while Pinkie Pie keeps moving like nothing is happening, but...what does that feel like from the inside? How can she do that? For me it's impossible to imagine even acting it while being terrified inside.

Pause!

"She's stuck, sis. She gets Pinkie Pie can keep doing stuff while everyone else is too scared to move but she can't see how Pinkie Pie's doing it."

"Why'd you skip the intro? You know I can remember as well as you where the episode ends for as many of these as I watch for eternity."

"This is important, and it's a cliffhanger! Why wouldn't I skip the intro? I wanted to see what you're trying to show us and I didn't know it would be the end of the episode!"

"Lucy you guys were so attracted to Princess Lucy and Melody in like one paragraph. Don't have to answer me just listen. Lucy was just like you want to be Lucy, right? And Melody for you sis? Lucy said you guys had new role models. Don't you wanna play pranks and see fun stuff around every corner and make up stuff like that game with changing coronation to be sexy enough for Lucy the Strawberry Regent? That party we saw in the intro scene, do you think we were going there to have cocktails and whisper gossip to people who pretend not to hear us? Actually that could be kind of hot you know what I'm getting at. Every party has trouble and we're the trouble, guys! Captain and me are pirates, yeah that's right I'm invoking Steve Jobs it's better to be a pirate than join the navy I bet everybody in this family thinks that. Hey sis, you know why I look like this? I'm a water sprite! Captain was into the Strawberry Dynasty way before she implanted me--I'm Luxhi'khora yeah but Captain's not fae remember--and water sprites allegedly had control of all the waterways in the Strawberry Empire and we were a HUGE pain in the ass about it! Mischief and tricks and bad sailiing if we thought you were boring, everything people blame Fairies for in Earth mythology which I can't help noticing we have one of right here, actually look at this family. We have a pirate Captain who just kidnapped a Princess, the water sprite she hangs out with constantly, a Fairy Princess which is like trouble twice over without the fact that she's possessed by a luxhi'khora demon yeah but that's not my point a demon with the fangs and horns and wings and literally tail with a barb on the end and huge bouncy tits because she's a succubus! Alright here I am monologuing my point is don't be so focused, sis, you'll skip past the fun stuff! Go back a chapter and restart the intro. Don't you guys wanna sing the fun song again? Let's see how loud we can get!"

"I'm starting the video. Everyone get ready! I bet with Lucy using that big voice we can make the light shades on the porch rattle! Klapta, shout it with me! Hailing frequencies open, cocksleeves!"

Laughter bursts out from inside of me when Mama's Star Trek reference reminds me she's as much fun and games as the rest of us, and I clench my hands into Lyra's mane even more tightly and still feel like springs and bare wires inside when the music starts yet somehow I manage to hit the peak of intensity that triggers my voice into the megapone megaphone-scream that squeaks like the talk show host from the Fifth Element and the light shades in the kitchen at least rattle perceptibly as we sing out loud if not musically every word of the theme song.

Everyone's laughing by the start of the episode--ooooh. Pinkie Pie carries this energy all the time, maybe she has superpowers like Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash but hers is just that this wells up constantly inside of her instead of having to be sparked by screaming the theme song to a kids' show with your family just to see how loud you can make it--or maybe she's good at sparking the energy constantly, I don't understand yet.

I just know I can see the world maybe just slightly like Pinkie does. Her friends are in trouble, Nightmare Moon is a big mean sourpuss and Celestia's been kidnapped! She still has the energy I feel, though, and all Nightmare Moon's scenery-chewing gives her so much to work with! Nightmare Moon is a villain from My Little Pony, she's going to be cartoonish, but even seen that way, her voice and her monologue are stiff and while insulting her directly might not work, these jokes would be funny if the situation were different, and they're funny here too, and Pinkie does more in that scene to undermine Nightmare's power than the other five characters the whole rest of the episode, except maybe once they get the Elements of Harmony to break her serious eggshell--it's supposed to be armor, but it sure looks like eggshell after the Elements smash it!

She doesn't get less serious, that's not who she is, but it breaks off the stilted stiff edgelord. I could learn a thing or two from that.

We start doing makeup after the scene where Pinkie Pie makes fun of Nightmare and Mama gets moving on my hairstyle and I can't help remembering the sex machine fucking my ass and Mama's cock down my throat so deep I thought they might meet in the middle with the way they have either side of me. Isht Visht is tenderly dabbing eyelashes onto my eyes as the game keeps my face from moving which I need because though she's ever so gentle my brain just keeps seeing THING IN MY EYE NOW until she puts down whatever--no I remember that's Elora silver mascara that's my brand from when I was a teenager in the alternate timeline how'd she get that wait I have memories have we been friends longer than meeting them on that raft so much life if not time ago? That's confusingwhat the fuck happened? It would explain why I feel so in love with them but the story I have that brought me here matters! I think it's cool to have met and been hooked up by a game Lyra made and prophecy we sent ourselves from the future!

Isht Visht is doing my eyeshadow. The game makes my eyes close when they need to, and she puts it on with her fingertips, blends colors gently and dusts off the excess with a neat puff of air from her lips (I can smell her nectar just a bit in each puff) and she apparently has heard Lyra say 'hard please' because she's painting half my face with this!

Next comes the eyeliner pencil--no it's a brush thank goodness. I never could make either of them do what I wanted, and Lyra could help, but I never did keep my head still! Even my own seedling couldn't get eyeliner onto me properly until I was close to sixteen. Isht Visht is skillful and I can't even look up and down (because it would move my eyelids) until her gentle attack is finished.

Everything feels deliciously wonderful. Even the brush is so supplely soft I can take it up to my eyelashes without watering--

"Gah Isht Visht what are you doing don't put it inside!"

"It's nectar-paint, chill! They feel fine, see? I borrowed the puddle from Lyra you guys left on the table. You're drippy, sis! There."

You can make paint out of nect--wait I remember mixing Lyra's what was that? I can see the compact like sexy black watercolors. Am I painting Lyra? There's like a messed up old pencil...

Next we come to the part in the episode I've been waiting for without knowing--that's the sea-serpent Mama's game showed me. Mama what happened how did you lose your fabulous mustache!? That doesn't seem right, Mama looks beautiful! Does she miss having clothes now that I haven't had space to look through her wardrobe let alone pick anything out of it--if she has a wardrobe? She might just go naked, that would fit in this family.

What Rarity gives the sea serpent is her tail--Mama needs mischief! What else can that be? She's the most orderly pirate I've ever heard of, and if there's a symbol of mischief it's got to be a devil tail like my purple companion has. What kind of havoc did she cause with Isht Visht before they were activists and school teachers?

Maybe we can find out, let's get them to tell stories! Help me out when the time's right, cocksleeve, you might see an opportunity I'll miss!

Yes Mommy! You're awake this is awesome!

That still isn't right. Idea, cocksleeve!

Yes Mommy what if it means she had to give up something a very long time ago like your game said because she's been waiting a long time and won't be hurt by several more hours and now that you've seen this that's part of why she has that icon but not everything? Maybe you saw it while she was sailing sis to say it has something to do with her pirate captain time which had to be back before schoolteaching or TRAIN because you said she seems orderly Mommy Captain Pirate is order and chaos Rada has order but she lost her chaos! One side of the mustache is a pony tail that's silly fun chaos!

Yeah you totally didn't un-superintelligence yourself.

You're right though, we're missing part of the story. Okay this is weird, it's got something to do with Colleen, you see this memory-impression I just drowned in?

The shingled scufty storm-plasticed porch of the girl who babysat me when we lived on Plowstar feels everywhere suddenly.

Mommy that's Colleen's brother's house remember they lived separately? That's where you saw the technic auto chassis the first time Mommy! She took you there one time while she was babysitting and you said this is the coolest and I said yes I agree so much. I remember that clearly but why are you feeling it while you get a makeover and think about Rada?

Mommy you felt like your Earth mom needed you to take care of her because she was sick that's why you were babysat! Your game says you can't take care of Mama, just be her little, maybe you feel this because you feel like you have to take care of Rada because she needs her pirate captain back and we can give it to her by being encouraging?

That's so confusing! No, wait, it's not AAH I don't want adventure right now I should but this is already SO SCARY I know that's the dumbest thing ever it's My Little Pony and a really sexy makeover but I just want to be safe at home with you and my family and maybe go ride you around this asteroid as a pony I barely feel ready to try out my wings yet and I just can't help thinking won't Mama be so bored with me and cocksleeve while we're at it you know I hate that you have to keep taking care of me you kick ass every time but you should get to just be a cocksleeve and not have to take care of your Mommy.

Mommy I'm not your little though I'm Acme Station super high tech to help you with everything. I'm made to serve and be pleasing and helpful and I do make you be Big at me some to help understand how I need you but I'm not a little like you are I know what you need when you're stuck like that and I know how to do it and I can do it exactly as much as I need to and get right back to being your cocksleeve because everytime you wake up and grab me and say big scary no cute dragon or stay here in pony form and watch with me and make sure they give a makeover hard enough.

Knowledge: my job isn't to take care of Rada, even by making a reason to take us adventuring. Her home life is what got taken away from her by circumstances suddenly. That is a secret her game is telling me to help fix what happened, but my only part to play is to be cuddly and sweet as her little--family makes home, after all!

She grew up in playworld, what could possibly happen!?

My makeup seems finished, because Isht Visht is settling into my cleavage like she's planning to sleep there, without uncloaking. Her face in my breasts looks funny, pushing my flesh in to make a stamp of her eyes and chin between them.

Mama keeps styling my hair, though. Is she putting curlers in now? It's already wavy, what will these do!?

I still feel the porch slightly. It seems very hard to stop thinking I have to take care of Mama. What will it take this time, I hope the drama doesn't vaporize something bigger than a universe!

Knowledge: I need to experience knowing my place enough to feel Mama's wellbeing isn't my choice to help with. Her game will take care of her, and Isht Visht is just as fierce as Lyra towards her heartformer, and she can take care of herself. Even with her game taking her clothes off, she's still a twenty-seven thousand year old pirate captain. Knowing my place as her child means remembering I am to her what I just imagined Lyra must be to me. Right now I have my role and Lyra's reversed because I'm projecting what I would want onto each of them. If I flip them everyone will be happier, especially me.

Well, fuck. I definitely do want to always be taken care of and never have to do caretaking except the holding my helpful cocksleeve needs, but have her change into a scary hellpony guardian when I'm in trouble.

Unless the glowing-eyes succubus would work better, which is most of the time.

But she can figure that out in those times, as she's proven. My mind understands this, and my heart sings to feel it, but this little part of me can't help thinking won't they both be sad now even though I know it can't be right.

Okay I'm running from ponies again, but this is a battle scene, it's fun and exciting! The Friendship is Magic theme is playing as background and Nightmare gets turned into Luna in a big epic fight that ends with the ponies getting cool collars of their cutie marks (which must be the icons on them; okay but aren't those just +5 wands of Care Bear Stare offers the clockwork equation solver). There aren't many things about getting a makeover I'm used to, but a big epic fight scene should be some kind of comfort, shouldn't it? I know how that goes! Except boy cartoons just let the badguy escape or be imprisoned in a weaksauce asylum, not redeem and give hugs to them!

I guess that's what I was running from, so my tears say.

I feel like the badguy, but it's not because a demon came to abduct me and I said yes without thinking.

The game picks my thoughts up and places them on the time in first grade I went on a field trip with the rest of my school, big kids and young ones, to Plymouth Plantation, and they lost me at--holy shit that was Plymouth rock in the memory we saw fixing Freddie. I feel like the badguy, because in the story of Christianity, I always have been, regardless of Lyra or anything. My country was built on it, that's what the Puritans came to America to establish without anyone to help them be balanced. Luna's redemption was as simple as breaking her shell off, nothing fancy or complicated with ritual and dark magic like the church does. Christianity was all about putting other things into yourself--words, Eucharist--to dilute the evil inside you, or maybe purify and destroy it. Healing might come in replacement, but never redemption of feelings like I have for Mama, or the way Lyra's service makes my heart sing, and those are the deepest parts of me. Jesus said pluck your eye out, cut your hand off, if they offend you. It occurs to me now he was being sarcastic, but two thousand years of tradition disagree with me. What are you supposed to do if it's your heart that offends? Cut it out and receive a new one, and send a robot to heaven in your place?

I'm a Fairy. I could burn out my reason, and still be a person, and still be recognizable to the people who love me.

I doubt I could do the same with my heart, even if Lyra didn't live inside it.

I feel like the badguy, because Christianity plays at redemption, without understanding it. You can't be how I am, and 'redeem' yourself--or be redeemed by someone outside of you--without being erased from existence, at least by the standards it sets. There is no Lucy who loves a man (or one woman) and keeps her hands busy with sewing and housework to keep them from wandering, and you can't make there be one. You can make someone else and pretend you've redeemed me to the shape of what Christianity says a human should be, but then your name is Frankenstein, not Jesus.

That leaves me wondering, what's inside Mama that having a home life will redeem for her? I want your darkness, Monster behind me!

"Boobsqueeze hold your head up like you're seeing a rainbow, I'm putting curlers in front of you now!"