8 - A First Time For Everything

Ulp. Here we go...don't look away keep looking please see me please please please PLEASE see what I am....also holy fucking hell, if I can’t work with that double meaning, I’m turning in my devil horns and moving to the Garden. “I’m not human. Not built like you. I do have a heart, it’s not a human heart, but it’s yours.”

Teeter, totter. Long way down, isn’t it?

"I'm a monster, Owner. I want to be your monster. Show me I'm yours."

She fixes my eyes, something strangely provoking in her gaze, and as I look into her purple eyes and feel her warm live flesh around her absence of pulse it's like the ground falls out from under my feet.

It’s like falling.

It’s like flying.

The pieces slam home, one conclusion leading inevitably to the next with the terrible inexorable finality of a mathematical proof.

Why have I always felt wrong, bad, unlovable? I’ve called this depression, but there’s something deeper, a terrible knowledge with a three-dimensional solidity mere self-loathing lacks.

Why do I want to sleep with a monster? It’s not just that she’s here and offering. Given the choice, I would have sought her out, would have summoned her up at any risk to my soul, had I only known it to be possible.

Why did I cross one moral event horizon after another for this?

Lyra’s not human. She’s not a pretty girl with neat extras, she’s the real deal, an actual demon, inside and out. I’ve seen, I’ve felt. She’s a monster and she sought me out in what was compared to this place this heart of hell because she was looking for another monster.

Like me.

The ritual, like the car, like the terrible moment with the sword as she implored me to use her.

There is a dark river inside me, deep and black as night, bottomless and terrifying.

Let’s go swimming.

It’s a short few inches from her lack of a heart to her neck and remembering her words before the ritual I almost go for that, but a much, much better idea strikes and I seize her wrists, raising them up to eye-level so her arms are bent and there’s maybe a foot or two of space between us, enough that I can have a good look at her nakedness.

“Touch yourself for me.”

She tries to move an arm out of my grip to comply, but I hold them fast and she looks at me, lusty but confused.

“You have a tail.”

Ooh. Oh fuck, it’s still all sensitive from cumming before, this is going to be interesting with Gaze and you all close and watching and stuff...mmm...omifuck masturbation with Gaze is almost like getting fucked for real it's so intense I'm going to fall no you're catching me, melt...ooh feels so good...

She quails, apparently surprised at her own pleasure, letting out a long, low, harmonic moan, some of her weight setting into my hands as her legs fail her, and her eyes narrow and start to close in surprised pleasure.

“Make sure your clit gets lots of attention now. Especially from those nice sensitive points.”

Oh my god, points against clit it’s like they multiply or something. This is like...like...ooh...I’m going to cum again and this time my clit’s not going to be left out...

“No orgasming, now. Be a very good girl for me and I’ll let you come.”

Her closing eyes widen, and her tail stops moving.

“No stopping either, come on.”

NO! FUCK! God dammit yes I’m Hench yes not being allowed to cum makes me hot but I can still be fucking frustrated by it now, can’t I. Sort of the point but ARGH!

“I’m...try...I’m trying...Owner...”

God, I can barely talk already. Almost feels like I’ve got enough shapeshifting to do the melt-into-a-puddle thing for reals after all.

“Look at me while you play with yourself.” Her eyes fix on mine, hazy with lust and desperation.

Now we’re getting somewhere. She’s starting to tremble with the frustration, body swaying in my grip, taking gasping ragged breaths that go in and out of being voiced in her musical harmonics, too far gone to notice what her voice is doing.

“Good. Now get your barb good and wet and give me a drink.”

Oh no no no eeeeeep I think I’ll explode if you go down on my tail again. At least I can let up on my poor clit a little. Aren’t I supposed to have some kind of upper limit on how horny I can get?

Nnnn...okay so putting the tip inside myself is just as hot, dammit. Get some nectar, now get some off my outer lips...ooohkay, can I even get this to your mouth right now with how drunk your energy is making me? Soo-oh dark, yum...

EEP okay yeah that’d be your tongue guess I made it unfff...

Her nectar is hot and even more intense than before, almost as if I can literally taste her need, thick and intoxicating. It’s all I can do not to throw her to the ground and fuck her right away as she twists and turns the barb to present all of the slickness she’s loaded onto it.

Ohmigod, ohmigod, I guess there’s no cooldown time on tailgasms fucking fuck will not cum ohmigod going to explode seriously eep.

Eventually the headiness of nectar is gone and there’s just the vague sweet-and-floral taste of her skin, so I break contact.

“Good girl.”

Edge of a smile, all but lost in horniness.

“So now that you’re good and desperate, I’m going to take you niiiice and slowly.”

What? No! Rough and hard, rough and hard, isn’t that where this is headed?

“Pl...p...please...fuck me hard...”

Later I’ll look back at all this and understand what I’m doing now, all the lonely nights built up on one another, all the longing, wishing for someone in my bed with me, all the long years of desperation built up and weighing on this moment, the inevitable emotional necessity of making her desperate for me the way I’ve been desperate for her these many years before we can fuck, the need to see her need break her the way mine’s broken me so many times, but right now all I know is that I need this like I’m dying of thirst and have never tasted water until now.

“Beg me really good, and I’ll think about it.”

She takes a deep breath, steadying herself, then fixes me with a desperate, pleading expression.

God stopping touching myself is even more frustrating than doing it and not being able to cum. Must...sell this...

“Please, please, Owner, fuck me really hard. Pound me. Please. I need it so much.”

She sounds like she’s about to come, or cry, or both. Something that was before the events of tonight the main part of me recoils, horrified that this is what I wanted, but it is what I wanted and it thrills me to the core.

“Down. Hands and knees.”

Eeep I’m going oh okay you’re just having fun pushing me down. That’s yummy.

Sade’s clits you’re scary. If there was ever a doubt I’m Hench it’s gone now, the way this is turning me on.

Okay I’m on my knees but I can’t get on hands and knees if you’re holding my wrists wait eep gonna fall over oof! Yeah, I’ll be on hands and knees if you pull me over like that. Thank you for letting my wrists go in time to catch myself...oh hell yes hair grabbing.

Head down to the ground, tail up, of course. Wait, you’re behind me getting ready to fuck me, and you can reach to hold me down by my hair this easily? I knew you were big, but eeep.

Oh god, how tight am I wound right now that your hand running down my side is almost making me cum? I think you like my curves, oooh.

Do it. Please do it. Please do it...

“Now, are you going to be a good girl for me? Be mine and do as I say?”

Nod nod nod nod I’ll eat my own tail if you’ll just give me some cock.

Oh god damn I can’t move my head to nod because you’re holding it down. Can I even form words anymore? I’m gonna drool all over the raft with how much nectar my mouth is making. Swallow some, that helps, but now I have to get it together enough to form words...

“Y...es...Owner...g...” Got to swallow again, jeez. “Be a. good. girl.”


Being on her knees, bent to the ground like this, spreads her pussy open and reveals a tight little asshole, just slightly colored with her purple-black tinge. I’ve never really considered myself much into butts but in the moment it’s tempting, and would be more so if it weren’t right next to her dripping cunt.

She obediently stays put when I release her hair, her head on its side on the stone of the raft, arms splayed out in front of her as if in worship of something, fingers spread and vainly gripping at the smooth stone as if she feels some need to hold on. Even her eyes stay lowered, intimidated, being a good girl.

I want to touch everything, grow a thousand hands and run them over every curve, grab her by the hips while I run my fingers through the folds of her desperate, dripping pussy, trace the lines of her wings, probe the adorable belly-button that heaves with her breath, just above the ground. Is this what tentacle porn is actually about? I could make use of a few hundred tentacles at the moment.

I could just seize her by the hips and plunge in - it’s what we both want me to do - but I want this moment to be special and momentous. I’m just universes away from what I thought those words would mean when the time came.

Into the dark river, dive deep.

I sadly have only the two hands, but it’s okay because if I touch the glistening wetness between her thighs I’ll either plunge my fingers into her or take a drink of nectar or both and I think either one will make me come instantly so instead I just settle one hand on the crease where her thigh meets her hip and use the other to trace down her spine from between her wings where they sprout from her back to the base of her tail, and she shudders in pleasure at the attention.

“Oooh...” Oh tail, base of my tail loves you...

“Now, look at me and hold still.”

Nod nod.

You make it sound so tender and kind as you torture me.

Looking. I wish I could get both eyes on you, you look so pretty leaning over me with the stars behind you and the light of the eye making your eyes shine. Want you so much. Want to make you feel good. Happy with me.

“Nnnnn...” That’s a cock against my lips, no question...gotta hold still, gotta hold still, gotta hold still...oh god the energy the difference between this and kissing is like the difference between kissing and touching so much energy...what’s going to happen when you finally fuck me...

...gotta hold still...

So warm, so wet, so soft. It takes everything I have not to dive right in, especially the way she moans when I make contact, but I’ve promised myself for years that when this moment finally comes I’m going savor every Planck length and I’m going to.

She’s looking at me, breathing shallowly, eyes wide and pleading, lip bitten with the concentration of holding still. It’s beautiful, more beautiful to me than the lights of heaven that surround us.

“I love you.”




She has the most perfect ass in all the history of all the universes, and I caress it, bringing my hands from her waist down the milky-soft outside of her hips and over the roundness of her butt to run my thumbs along the flesh of her outer lips either side of my cock so slick and soft it feels like half-solid nectar and she sways in my grip, moaning, fighting with herself not to move onto me but desperate for the touch. Her eyes try to close with pleasure and she fights them open again, gaze fixed on me.


My left hand roams, right one steadying her hips. Her pussy, her thighs, her mound, nearly her whole lower half is wet and slick with running nectar, a glorious, sexy mess. At length, I reach around the tip of my cock where it rests against her inner lips to find her clit almost buried in the meeting point of her engorged outer and inner lips, standing as tall as it can, and stroke it, gentle.

I will not come yet. I will not. Dimly I realize I’ve clenched off the flow of energy she’s pulling from me as a part of controlling myself, the way that one’s pinky and ring fingers move together as a fact of biomechanics. No matter, she’ll get everything I’m holding back and more shortly...

Oh god oh no oooooh oh please no I can’t handle that...

I need to cum and I need to be fucked and I need you and it just gets more and more and I need energy but I just need you more...how can...

NO! Nooo don’t take away the energy! Let me drink! FUCK! No no no ow please! Need...

I...I’m Hollow Heart. Bottomless. There’s not going to be a limit on how bad I need you.


Please, you’re going to break me and I can’t talk anymore...I...

At the touch her mouth opens in a silent scream of pleasure, but her eyes blink and screw shut, pleasure and desperation and fear and frustration colliding on her face, her body trembling. A black tear rolls out of her eye to drop on the raft, dark lost in dark.

There’s a moment of some electric anticipation, a tension in her body, like the brink I saw before she came while I played with her tail, but darker, more...monstrous. I think involuntarily of the soft warm sting of my hand smacking her ass that once way back in limbo, the blow that broke me open, and I understand: now it’s her turn.

I don’t understand how, but I can feel it: to her, this is love. And it is love, because it’s not with hate or anger or even indifference that I raise my hand for the second time in my life to hit someone, but simple lust, the desire to feel the impact of her soft ass in my palm, to see her face break with surrender as I know it will when my hand connects.

I am a monster. Terrible things look beautiful to me. At the bottom of that dark river, in the heart of darkness?

dear Sade come on do it make me feel something make it hurt make me feel knock me off the edge



The sun. All suns. A star brighter than the birth of a universe.


NN oh god...yours...see, yours, take...

Peace, the peace of being loved without reservation, even to this extreme: she yelps in pain, but doesn’t shy from the blows or cower away, doesn’t close off the way you’d expect someone struck to do. She’s still craving my touch, even if it’s this. Especially if it’s this. The thought hangs before me, inexplicable but true.

I’ve always had a thing with vampire stories, doesn’t matter if it’s Buffy or True Blood, I’m fascinated, but in this moment it shatters, dissipating like a broken perfekti, as I understand: that monsters never see the day, that core of the vampire myth, is a lie. Together we have a light of our own, a brilliance inside that casts shadows on the surface of the sun.

...what’s yours, fuck me, M—


OHGOD what a rush c’mon make me feel!

There’s a shock like a static discharge in each blow, sexual energy of some kind other than that I’m holding back in service of not coming released all in a burst, hammered into her.

It’s been drilled into me for a lifetime: monsters live in darkness, and it’s a lie, because here is the light I’ve been taught can be found only in the emulation of some shining unattainable perfect ideal of humanity. Here is the light I’ve been warned and warned and warned can never possibly be found this way.

What is the speed of sound through a belief system? It doesn’t matter. This is the speed of light through a belief system.



She breaks into proper, desperate sobs at this last impact, but only for a moment--

"You're...a virgin!?"


There's no to time to question how this can even be possible. The resistence is elastic, already stretched perilously, and after all this there's no stoppping or slowing down--not that she would allow it, anyway, the way she's driving herself against me.

"...hhahaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAH--" POP!

We slide together softly the rest of the way as her cherry lets go and becomes part of the tightness of her pussy around me, and her ass presses slowly up to my hips seeming to draw them into a gentle hug and teaching me that my mound is definitely an erogenous zone...

Now you’re a good girl.”

So hard. So slow. Makes it feel like...you’ll never end going into me. So big and long, so full...oh...that’s...


Deep. So deep. Just too long. Just hurts, just a little, you’re just a little too much for me.


Now fucking fuck me already.

It’s like diving into a cool lake, it’s like slipping into a warm bath, it’s like everything I’ve hoped for and it’s like nothing I could ever imagine.

I have to grit my teeth not to come at the sound of her yelp of pleasure when her hips make contact with mine, but I manage, holding still deep inside her, drinking in the feeling of it, running my hands over her back and waist and hips, gathering myself, her pussy gripping at me powerfully as I caress her.

One hand, enjoying the curve of her hip, and the other...

I’m so delicate...wings are tough but somehow your hand all strong around the base of my good one makes me feel so small...

The angle's a little awkward with the way her wing sprouts from her shoulder, but she spreads it when I take hold, making the front edge perpendicular to her spine and giving me a good grip.

Her hip is amazing - the little crease between thigh and flank has always been my favorite part of a girl after the obvious ones, and my fingers curl around her side to nestle there now - but if I’m going to come this far with a girl who’s got a tail, there’s only one place for my hand to go. It curls around my arm when I take hold of the base, soft barb dangerously (for her, in this state) in reach of my mouth.

Well just in case I was going somewhere before I’m sure not now. Man, tail pulling’s even better than hair pulling!

Oooh ohmigod oh...how can you move so much inside me just by grinding us together? Oh, and your hips are getting all slippery from the mess I’ve made, damn...

I am still going to seriously die if I don’t get to cum soon.

...so hard...wheee!

The image fixes in my mind’s eye as we grind, and I have to try it. She’s really agile and half the density she should be, this will work, right?

Slowly, I bring the hand that’s got hold of her wing up to her head to take her by the horn instead, and then releasing her tail and placing that hand between her breasts, gingerly avoiding her injured wing, I pull her up, drawing her body against mine, back arched, her head resting against my shoulder. An arc of nectar draws itself out viscously between her mouth and the raft as she rises, leaving her lips and cheek glistening, and I reach down to kiss it away, surprised to receive a big mouthful of sweet-and-flowery lust when our lips meet. I drink it, heart pounding, cock throbbing inside her (or is it her? Can your pussy throb if you don’t have a heartbeat?).

Changed geometry pulls me largely out of her, leaving barely an inch of penetration, and the angle works hard to bend my rock-hard cock, but it’s made up for by the feeling of the slick roundness of her butt on either side of my shaft.

She follows me when I break the kiss to talk, clearly hoping for more tongue, but I hold her head in place. “I’m going to make you come like this, and when you do, I’m going to drop you back on your hands so I can pound your brains out. Understand?”

Nod nod nod nod nod hell yes I understand.

I’m already going for her clit when she assents. I’d figured she’d get this one.

As I start to circle my fingers around it, making no effort to keep the rest of my hand away from her lips, taking a moment to trace them where they encircle me: “Oh, but one thing. Once your body’s ready to come, you have to ask permission.”

What? Dammit! No! I can’t talk like this! Fuck fuck fuuuuu...oh god okay okay....

Just a little...little...more...yeah...nnn...


God, drooling all over myself. I hope you like nectar as much as every other human or you’re going to think this is totally gross.

“...please may...I...cum...”

Nnnnn...no fair delaying, I asked! Oh you’re not. Argh... “...S...ir?”


There’s a second or two of letting-go and then she explodes, letting out a scream like an entire string orchestra breaking itself in throes of passion, the sound of it setting my ears ringing and echoing off the water around us and for a moment I’m supporting her as she goes limp, back arching, hands that’ve been fondling her own breasts going slack, wings working futilely against my encircling arms to spread, tail wound crushingly tight around my thigh, and then she masters herself enough to put her knees back under her and I’m throwing her forward onto her hands so that I can get some pounding in before her throbbing, pulling, massaging pussy or the flow of nectar that runs from it make me come and pound I do, hammering at her with a desperate rhythm as I slide frictionlessly in and out of her - she’s so wet it actually helps me last longer, keeping the feeling from being too intense, but even so I manage only tens of seconds before I can feel the cum pumping up my shaft, blazing hot even in her warmth and I then I’m exploding with her, a roar that marks the first time I’ve ever voiced an orgasm.

AAaaaah oh god I need that push onto you grind onto you squeeze CUM thank you Owner Cum every drop so good push deeper I want you in me all the way.

For a moment, everything is gone, obliterated by the pleasure and the supernova of energy she draws out of me as I come, and then this new universe comes back into focus enough that I realize she’s still coming, coming with me as I pound, and then I’m together enough to seize her tail and waist and pull us together roughly, holding myself deep inside her as she wrings the last of the cum out of me, moaning her pleasure at the depth or the hotness of my cum or my iron grip at her side or all three and after a moment we’re both just gasping, shuddering with aftershocks.

I’m about to withdraw and collapse when I realize that her stars are glittering, shiny in the light of the Eye, and as I pause to take in the view, her tattered wing begins to knit itself back together before my eyes, holes closing, gashes vanishing, hanging strips of membrane pulled back into place by new skin, until it’s left whole and perfect. She shudders at the sudden healing, cooing, and then we separate - carefully, both sensitive and yelping at the feeling of my cock pulling past her tight lips - and fall to the raft, panting, cradling each other, spooning.

We're naked on a raft under the stars with no shelter or clothing anywhere in sight, but for this one perfect moment this is the most safe and comfortable place in all universes.

“I love you, Lyra.”

“I love you too, Master.”